pre-christmas (un-a)musings
Tonight was the ward Christmas party, and I ended up walking home by myself after about half an hour. Not that it's far at all; the church is only about six houses down, which is weird in itself. And it's a nice night, much warmer than it should be for this time of year. It refuses to snow here, which annoys me. But I'm sidetracking myself.
I just couldn't stand to sit there anymore, listening to music that should never have been written as I watch everyone else eat and have a great time chatting with all the people they know so well. At least, they pretend to. I don't seem to be any good at pretending anymore.
Christmas, somehow, just isn't working out for me this year. Of course, I've picked out pretty much all my presents, as usual, and was even present for their purchase, as usual. I got gifts for everyone in London, and had my shopping done before anyone else. The twelve-foot tree is still glowing by the fireplace in the family room, and Mom's poinsettia tree in the front window, and candles on all the windowsills, and decorations everywhere. Cookies and gifts and goodies appear on the doorstep daily. Everything's as it should be.
Except me.
I realized tonight, as I was thinking about how Christmas just doesn't feel right this year, that there's nothing wrong with Christmas. Christmas isn't what's changed.
...
*pleure*
I just couldn't stand to sit there anymore, listening to music that should never have been written as I watch everyone else eat and have a great time chatting with all the people they know so well. At least, they pretend to. I don't seem to be any good at pretending anymore.
Christmas, somehow, just isn't working out for me this year. Of course, I've picked out pretty much all my presents, as usual, and was even present for their purchase, as usual. I got gifts for everyone in London, and had my shopping done before anyone else. The twelve-foot tree is still glowing by the fireplace in the family room, and Mom's poinsettia tree in the front window, and candles on all the windowsills, and decorations everywhere. Cookies and gifts and goodies appear on the doorstep daily. Everything's as it should be.
Except me.
I realized tonight, as I was thinking about how Christmas just doesn't feel right this year, that there's nothing wrong with Christmas. Christmas isn't what's changed.
...
*pleure*