Fic: "An Unexpected Road" (T) Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Title: An Unexpected Road
Author: Tiamat’s Child
Fandom: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Word Count: 1000
Rating: T
Characters/Pairing: Ahsoka Tano/Kalifa
Summary: On the way back to Coruscant, Kalifa lets Ahsoka take care of her.
Warnings: References to torture, disassociative thinking.
Notes: A "Kalifa Lives!" fixit au.
An Unexpected Road
It wasn't the pain that woke Kalifa, but pain was the first thing she became aware of. Her leg and hip were like a cold white star of pain, so intense that it hid all other sensory input from her for a long, long moment.
“Kriff, sorry,” a voice said just over head, and the pain receded enough that Kalifa could realize she wasn't alone with it. Ahsoka's presence in the Force was looped about her own, a supportive net that had bolstered Kalifa's healing trance while she'd still been in it, and that was now carefully shunting and rechannelling physical sensation, confusing Kalifa's nervous system into thinking there was less wrong with her than there was. Dangerous thing to do, if Kalifa'd been able to move.
“You woke me up,” Kalifa said.
“Yeah,” Ahsoka said. “Painkillers were wearing off and it's not really safe to give you more when you're unconscious.”
“Where're O-Mer and Jinx?” Kalifa asked. She could have opened her eyes to look for them, but she was pretty sure if she did she'd just feel overwhelmingly nauseous again. Most heavy duty painkillers took her that way.
“Asleep,” Ahsoka said. “Finally. I thought Jinx was going to bounce off the walls all the way to Coruscant.”
Kalifa nodded. That was good. That was Kalifa's duty to Jinx and O-Mer discharged for the moment. If O-Mer and Jinx were asleep, they were safe, and would stay safe, and Kalifa didn't have to worry about them. She worried about them a lot. They were her responsibility, even though no one had ever given her authority over them. No one had ever needed to: they were younger than she was, less experienced, had been on the island no where near as long, knew less about it and less about themselves. She wouldn't have been any person she recognized as Kalifa if she hadn't taken up the work of trying to keep them alive for as long as she could.
She exhaled slowly, long and smooth, too controlled to be a sigh - a steady release of emotion, instead. “I'll take that painkiller now,” she said.
Ahsoka held a water bottle for her - Kalifa's right hand was her dominant hand, and when she'd been captured two days ago, the clan leader had stomped on it. She probably had broken bones, but even if she hadn't, the bruising made her clumsy. She swallowed, and swallowed again, first for the meds and second purely for the water, which was blessedly clean, which she hadn't had to boil. It had been over nine months since she'd had that luxury.
When Kalifa was done and the medkit was set aside again, the water bottle empty, Ahsoka said, “We should get to Coruscant before you need another dose.”
“Good,” Kalifa said. She might have said more, but she couldn't make herself think about Coruscant, about the Temple with its thousands of half forgotten byways - the little staircases you couldn't find unless you knew the signs of a hidden door, the mossy nooks, the fountains, the ceilings that looked like forests, the long and ancient tables in the refectory, and the people, so many people, every one of them beloved to her, whether she knew them or not. She'd given it up. She'd given herself up. Thinking of returning, of being nearly there, made her feel like nothing was real, like she had died as Ahsoka held her in the crook of that branch, and she was only a lost ghost, too foolish to know it was dead, trying to go home. Never arriving.
“I could help you into your trance again, if you wanted,” Ahsoka said. “Whenever you want.”
“At least everyone's sleeping,” Kalifa said, letting the edge of a grumble into her voice. “I wouldn't want to miss anything.”
“Sorry,” Ahsoka said, and Kalifa could hear the smile in her voice, a note of mischief Kalifa hadn't encountered from her before, “but I'm not promising to pull you out if something interesting happens.”
“I'd probably bite your hand off if you did,” Kalifa conceded.
“Naw,” said Ahsoka. “You'd just gnaw on me a bit.”
“Whatever you say,” Kalifa said. She took a breath and composed her mind, relaxed into the current state of her body as best she could. The painkillers would help with that, when they kicked back in. It was theoretically possible to maintain a healing trance in the face of almost any degree of pain, but it was a lot easier and a lot more productive if your pain was controlled by someone or something other than yourself. “All right,” she said. “All right. I'm ready for you.”
Ahsoka touched Kalifa's forehead, brushing back Kalifa's bangs so she could settle her open palm around the curve of Kalifa's skull. For a moment Kalifa was keenly aware of how cool Ahsoka's hand was, of the catch of Ahsoka's calluses against Kalifa's skin and the way they moved the fine hairs at Kalifa's brow, of Ahsoka's smallest finger following the curve of Kalifa's eyebrow, a tiny, senseless little stroke that made Kalifa shiver. Kalifa hadn't expected that - she'd expected Ahsoka's touch, but not her own response, and it could have shocked her if she'd had time or room for shock. But she'd already been moving to a meditative state, and Ahsoka joined with her, nudged her to trance with a mental touch as gentle and authoritative as her hands had been, back on the island, urging Kalifa to lay back against the trunk of the tree, steadying her when she couldn't steady herself.
She went down into herself, sinking into her body, into the task of mending herself, with Ahsoka's hand touching her, Ahsoka's mind holding a path for her, Ahsoka's presence in the Force resonating with her own. It was good, not to be alone. She had been so alone.
When she woke next, she thought with her last moment of conscious, divided thought, she would be on Coruscant again.
This entry was originally posted at http://tiamatschild.dreamwidth.org/134544.html. Please feel free to comment there using OpenID. Or here! It'll be read either way, is what I'm saying.
Author: Tiamat’s Child
Fandom: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Word Count: 1000
Rating: T
Characters/Pairing: Ahsoka Tano/Kalifa
Summary: On the way back to Coruscant, Kalifa lets Ahsoka take care of her.
Warnings: References to torture, disassociative thinking.
Notes: A "Kalifa Lives!" fixit au.
An Unexpected Road
It wasn't the pain that woke Kalifa, but pain was the first thing she became aware of. Her leg and hip were like a cold white star of pain, so intense that it hid all other sensory input from her for a long, long moment.
“Kriff, sorry,” a voice said just over head, and the pain receded enough that Kalifa could realize she wasn't alone with it. Ahsoka's presence in the Force was looped about her own, a supportive net that had bolstered Kalifa's healing trance while she'd still been in it, and that was now carefully shunting and rechannelling physical sensation, confusing Kalifa's nervous system into thinking there was less wrong with her than there was. Dangerous thing to do, if Kalifa'd been able to move.
“You woke me up,” Kalifa said.
“Yeah,” Ahsoka said. “Painkillers were wearing off and it's not really safe to give you more when you're unconscious.”
“Where're O-Mer and Jinx?” Kalifa asked. She could have opened her eyes to look for them, but she was pretty sure if she did she'd just feel overwhelmingly nauseous again. Most heavy duty painkillers took her that way.
“Asleep,” Ahsoka said. “Finally. I thought Jinx was going to bounce off the walls all the way to Coruscant.”
Kalifa nodded. That was good. That was Kalifa's duty to Jinx and O-Mer discharged for the moment. If O-Mer and Jinx were asleep, they were safe, and would stay safe, and Kalifa didn't have to worry about them. She worried about them a lot. They were her responsibility, even though no one had ever given her authority over them. No one had ever needed to: they were younger than she was, less experienced, had been on the island no where near as long, knew less about it and less about themselves. She wouldn't have been any person she recognized as Kalifa if she hadn't taken up the work of trying to keep them alive for as long as she could.
She exhaled slowly, long and smooth, too controlled to be a sigh - a steady release of emotion, instead. “I'll take that painkiller now,” she said.
Ahsoka held a water bottle for her - Kalifa's right hand was her dominant hand, and when she'd been captured two days ago, the clan leader had stomped on it. She probably had broken bones, but even if she hadn't, the bruising made her clumsy. She swallowed, and swallowed again, first for the meds and second purely for the water, which was blessedly clean, which she hadn't had to boil. It had been over nine months since she'd had that luxury.
When Kalifa was done and the medkit was set aside again, the water bottle empty, Ahsoka said, “We should get to Coruscant before you need another dose.”
“Good,” Kalifa said. She might have said more, but she couldn't make herself think about Coruscant, about the Temple with its thousands of half forgotten byways - the little staircases you couldn't find unless you knew the signs of a hidden door, the mossy nooks, the fountains, the ceilings that looked like forests, the long and ancient tables in the refectory, and the people, so many people, every one of them beloved to her, whether she knew them or not. She'd given it up. She'd given herself up. Thinking of returning, of being nearly there, made her feel like nothing was real, like she had died as Ahsoka held her in the crook of that branch, and she was only a lost ghost, too foolish to know it was dead, trying to go home. Never arriving.
“I could help you into your trance again, if you wanted,” Ahsoka said. “Whenever you want.”
“At least everyone's sleeping,” Kalifa said, letting the edge of a grumble into her voice. “I wouldn't want to miss anything.”
“Sorry,” Ahsoka said, and Kalifa could hear the smile in her voice, a note of mischief Kalifa hadn't encountered from her before, “but I'm not promising to pull you out if something interesting happens.”
“I'd probably bite your hand off if you did,” Kalifa conceded.
“Naw,” said Ahsoka. “You'd just gnaw on me a bit.”
“Whatever you say,” Kalifa said. She took a breath and composed her mind, relaxed into the current state of her body as best she could. The painkillers would help with that, when they kicked back in. It was theoretically possible to maintain a healing trance in the face of almost any degree of pain, but it was a lot easier and a lot more productive if your pain was controlled by someone or something other than yourself. “All right,” she said. “All right. I'm ready for you.”
Ahsoka touched Kalifa's forehead, brushing back Kalifa's bangs so she could settle her open palm around the curve of Kalifa's skull. For a moment Kalifa was keenly aware of how cool Ahsoka's hand was, of the catch of Ahsoka's calluses against Kalifa's skin and the way they moved the fine hairs at Kalifa's brow, of Ahsoka's smallest finger following the curve of Kalifa's eyebrow, a tiny, senseless little stroke that made Kalifa shiver. Kalifa hadn't expected that - she'd expected Ahsoka's touch, but not her own response, and it could have shocked her if she'd had time or room for shock. But she'd already been moving to a meditative state, and Ahsoka joined with her, nudged her to trance with a mental touch as gentle and authoritative as her hands had been, back on the island, urging Kalifa to lay back against the trunk of the tree, steadying her when she couldn't steady herself.
She went down into herself, sinking into her body, into the task of mending herself, with Ahsoka's hand touching her, Ahsoka's mind holding a path for her, Ahsoka's presence in the Force resonating with her own. It was good, not to be alone. She had been so alone.
When she woke next, she thought with her last moment of conscious, divided thought, she would be on Coruscant again.
This entry was originally posted at http://tiamatschild.dreamwidth.org/134544.html. Please feel free to comment there using OpenID. Or here! It'll be read either way, is what I'm saying.