Dear Universe,
You know what is not okay? Telling people pointing out an injustice that they are too angry, and that they must 'moderate their tone' to be taken seriously. This is not okay. You only ever do it to people lacking relative power in a situation - a customer reaming out a clerk because the store doesn't have the specific book he wanted is never told he must moderate his tone to be taken seriously. And so, when you do it to people pointing out an injustice, you are indicating pretty clearly that you uncomfortable with even the small display of power involved in naming and articulating an injustice.
It doesn't actually matter what the tone is. People who are in oppressive situations have a right to anger, but even if what they write/say isn't actually all that angry, many people hearing it will perceive it as such. And then they will tell the person speaking to moderate their tone. By which they mean Shut Up, even if they don't mean that consciously.
You learn a lot more if you listen even through that uncomfortable feeling.
So please, please, please, can we stop taking issue with people's 'tone' every bloody time someone points out a problem? It will not kill you to listen! It will not kill you to feel uncomfortable and defensive! You know that defensive feeling? It might be a good cue to examine your own behavior instead of instantly deciding it's the minority member’s fault. If, after you've examined your own behavior, your conscience is clear, and you still feel huffy about the post/article/essay/whatever, then it's probably time to examine why you feel huffy. It's fine to disagree with people, but 'I take issue with your tone' is never a good way to open up a productive conversation.
Ugh. I don't even know if I'm saying what I want to say, and I don't know why the heck I'm saying it, since I'm not sure I'm up to anything, much less articulating this further, but.
Love anyway, mostly, in general,
Me
P.S. 'You' is general 'you' and is not directed towards anyone in specific. But seriously, you don't need to read much to find plenty of general to direct it towards.
Edit: Took out second P.P.S. It did not fit without considerably more nuance than I can muster at the moment.
Also, I know why this. It's this or the four page long thing in one of my sketchbooks that made me shake writing it up the first time. God, anger and our understanding of it!
It doesn't actually matter what the tone is. People who are in oppressive situations have a right to anger, but even if what they write/say isn't actually all that angry, many people hearing it will perceive it as such. And then they will tell the person speaking to moderate their tone. By which they mean Shut Up, even if they don't mean that consciously.
You learn a lot more if you listen even through that uncomfortable feeling.
So please, please, please, can we stop taking issue with people's 'tone' every bloody time someone points out a problem? It will not kill you to listen! It will not kill you to feel uncomfortable and defensive! You know that defensive feeling? It might be a good cue to examine your own behavior instead of instantly deciding it's the minority member’s fault. If, after you've examined your own behavior, your conscience is clear, and you still feel huffy about the post/article/essay/whatever, then it's probably time to examine why you feel huffy. It's fine to disagree with people, but 'I take issue with your tone' is never a good way to open up a productive conversation.
Ugh. I don't even know if I'm saying what I want to say, and I don't know why the heck I'm saying it, since I'm not sure I'm up to anything, much less articulating this further, but.
Love anyway, mostly, in general,
Me
P.S. 'You' is general 'you' and is not directed towards anyone in specific. But seriously, you don't need to read much to find plenty of general to direct it towards.
Edit: Took out second P.P.S. It did not fit without considerably more nuance than I can muster at the moment.
Also, I know why this. It's this or the four page long thing in one of my sketchbooks that made me shake writing it up the first time. God, anger and our understanding of it!