Dear Editing Classmates,

[tiamatschild]

There is no real need to call a surgery that removed an eye, eye socket, and part of a cheekbone in the course of extracting cancerous material "disfiguring" within a sentence describing what the surgery was removing. It's just redundant. I understand you have all grown up surrounded by scornful rhetoric about "being PC" but honestly here. Stating the painfully, stupidly obvious is just stating the painfully, stupidly obvious, not striking a blow for descriptive language or against extreme oversensitivity.

Besides, long and unwieldy sentences are not desirable within a context of news writing.

Nanni

Edit: P.S. It's kind of funny that in cranking about clunky sentences, I got clunky and sent my syllable count way up myself, huh?