(no subject)
i have decided on this for a haircut.
i've been thinking since last night about my nervousness when it comes to dissapointing jeremy. i don't know why i feel that way when he does things that dissapoint me all the time and it's not like the end of the world. i am a perfectionist and i hate thinking about people viewing me as dissapointing or whatever else so i 'm trying to break out of that. i'm signing up at the gym downtown instead of the one by jeremy's so that it'll force me to spend more time alone. he extended this invitiation of "well anytime you don't feel like going all the way home after working out you can come here instead" and "My house is your house" and i just think between now and us moving in together over the summer, i should take more alone time than i do. so i'm cutting my hair, and a lot of the reason pushing me to do it is becuase he wants so badly for me to have long hair, and i'm not sure if i grow it out for me or for him. i want to do whatever i can to establish myself as a solid person who doesn't depend on his acceptance. it's like i always think i have to please him in order for him to love me and it's not even true. it's in my head. so i'm going to stop putting so much effort into pleasing him.
i feel like crap and don't want to be at work today. i feel like i'm going to be sick, and i have a headache. it's shitty.
i've been thinking since last night about my nervousness when it comes to dissapointing jeremy. i don't know why i feel that way when he does things that dissapoint me all the time and it's not like the end of the world. i am a perfectionist and i hate thinking about people viewing me as dissapointing or whatever else so i 'm trying to break out of that. i'm signing up at the gym downtown instead of the one by jeremy's so that it'll force me to spend more time alone. he extended this invitiation of "well anytime you don't feel like going all the way home after working out you can come here instead" and "My house is your house" and i just think between now and us moving in together over the summer, i should take more alone time than i do. so i'm cutting my hair, and a lot of the reason pushing me to do it is becuase he wants so badly for me to have long hair, and i'm not sure if i grow it out for me or for him. i want to do whatever i can to establish myself as a solid person who doesn't depend on his acceptance. it's like i always think i have to please him in order for him to love me and it's not even true. it's in my head. so i'm going to stop putting so much effort into pleasing him.
i feel like crap and don't want to be at work today. i feel like i'm going to be sick, and i have a headache. it's shitty.