(no subject)
I was truly depressed for the first time, in a long time, at school today. It was the first time I couldn't knock myself out of it.
I like staying after between drama and jazz choir. That's my favorite. Me, Tina, and Shannon just hung out in the catwalk. They are offically the only people I like right now. And shannon didn't just tell me the brian thing was stupid today, she actually felt bad because I don't beleive I'm being stupid on this one... I really like him. And I'm more sad then anything, about how things are going. He said he''d give me an answer by sunday. It's wedensday my dear.
I want to just beg him not to do this to me again. I can't deal with this again. It's been done too many times before. And every time I want to get really mad at him, I just end up feeling so sad about it. I was supposed to go to tina's before, I couldn't. I just came home and went up stairs, coat and all still on and just called him. I was fully ready to blow. And we just ended up talking about drama and such.
I keep thinking that maybe I'm the problem. Maybe I haev to stop worrying about this dating thing so much and just have fun hanging out with him. Becuase if you worry about this stuff allt he time, you aren't gonna have time for all the stuff that made you like him in the first place.
But then again, it's annoying. I can't help always, always being terribly jealous of shannon and steve. And the fact that he just says things and every time he does I just want to smack him across the face. We both get pride in each other's jealousy. It's sick. We talk about other guys/girls just to see if we can get a rise out of one another. Then we point out the other one is jealous. Then him, more then me, says, 'don't worry, you have no cometition' I obviously do! WTF is the problem them. Stop making promises and not keeping them. Stop saying things to me just to get me to shut up, or clear your conscience.
Here is what I plan to say, eventually if this doesn't stop soon.
'Ok, brian, here's the deal. Crap like this has happened to me way too many times before.This whole situation is giving me way too much stress if in the end, it really isn't ever going to go somewhere. I'm not up to playing games this time. Yes or no. If its no, i will never bring this topic up again. We can get along fine still be friends, etc. If its yes, then get on with it. I'm not sitting around to wait for yout o figure out what you want, because by the looks of it, you don't want me, or you clearly would of done something by now.'
ha, i'll never say that.
I want to not care so badly. But I can't help it.
scummy scummy boys!
I like staying after between drama and jazz choir. That's my favorite. Me, Tina, and Shannon just hung out in the catwalk. They are offically the only people I like right now. And shannon didn't just tell me the brian thing was stupid today, she actually felt bad because I don't beleive I'm being stupid on this one... I really like him. And I'm more sad then anything, about how things are going. He said he''d give me an answer by sunday. It's wedensday my dear.
I want to just beg him not to do this to me again. I can't deal with this again. It's been done too many times before. And every time I want to get really mad at him, I just end up feeling so sad about it. I was supposed to go to tina's before, I couldn't. I just came home and went up stairs, coat and all still on and just called him. I was fully ready to blow. And we just ended up talking about drama and such.
I keep thinking that maybe I'm the problem. Maybe I haev to stop worrying about this dating thing so much and just have fun hanging out with him. Becuase if you worry about this stuff allt he time, you aren't gonna have time for all the stuff that made you like him in the first place.
But then again, it's annoying. I can't help always, always being terribly jealous of shannon and steve. And the fact that he just says things and every time he does I just want to smack him across the face. We both get pride in each other's jealousy. It's sick. We talk about other guys/girls just to see if we can get a rise out of one another. Then we point out the other one is jealous. Then him, more then me, says, 'don't worry, you have no cometition' I obviously do! WTF is the problem them. Stop making promises and not keeping them. Stop saying things to me just to get me to shut up, or clear your conscience.
Here is what I plan to say, eventually if this doesn't stop soon.
'Ok, brian, here's the deal. Crap like this has happened to me way too many times before.This whole situation is giving me way too much stress if in the end, it really isn't ever going to go somewhere. I'm not up to playing games this time. Yes or no. If its no, i will never bring this topic up again. We can get along fine still be friends, etc. If its yes, then get on with it. I'm not sitting around to wait for yout o figure out what you want, because by the looks of it, you don't want me, or you clearly would of done something by now.'
ha, i'll never say that.
I want to not care so badly. But I can't help it.
scummy scummy boys!