Twilight fanfic: Vampire Heart (1/1)
Title: Vampire Heart
Author: Thyboz
Characters: Edward/Bella (Twilight series)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer and co, so please don't sue, she's the one making the money.
Summary: Bella can't help but ask something to Edward.
Spoilers: Set sometime during Twilight-Eclipse. No real spoilers, although I guess it depends on how much you've read, but anything after New Moon should be safe ;-)
AN: First Twilight fic, first book based fic, I hope I didn't totally miss the point. The title is taken from a beautiful song by Tom McRae. Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated!
AN2: So I still don't really have an Internet connection, but I figured that if I didn't post this now, I probably never would...
"What does it feel like?"
My voice seemed to echo in the silence of my room, even though I knew I had barely whispered. The stillness remained, only interrupted by Charlie's distant snoring, proving that my words had gone unnoticed in the night from all but the one person they were meant for.
"What do you mean?" He whispered back, his arms wrapped around me, holding me to him on my bed, the blanket between us keeping me warm. I didn't need to look at him to know he had a slight frown on his face, drawn from the curiosity I often caused him to have, being the only one he couldn't automatically get answers from. That knowledge somehow made me want to smile. I knew him better than I knew myself, and I couldn't decide whether that was scary or comforting.
I slid my hand over his hard statue like chest until it rested over his silent heart.
"To not feel it beat," I said softly, my fingertips tracing small circles over his chest, where I should be feeling his heart, telling him what I was talking about. "What is it like?"
He seemed to think about it for a minute, and I knew it wasn't just the answer he was considering. I had been asking many questions lately on my future form, and as discreet as I had tried to be, I wondered if he had started to notice.
"It feels useless," he finally said, and I could tell from the tone of his voice that my ability to be discreet needed some working on. The slight edge and harshness gave away his suspicion. "It's there but I don't need it, a fragment of what I was in another life. It doesn't beat, doesn't live and doesn't love." I caught my breath as he said the word, suddenly wondering where his love came from. His soul?
"So as said," he finished, "useless, that's how it feels."
I nodded slowly as I let his words sink in, my hand now still over his heart, the coldness of his chest reaching my skin through his shirt. I couldn't see his face, my eyes lingering on something across the room I couldn't really see, my mind wondering how it would be like to not have my heart betray my emotions to him anymore.
His voice flowed in my ear just as silence had taken place again, and I realized he had been expecting an explanation for my question.
"You have been asking a lot of questions lately about what it's like to be..."I heard the hesitation in his voice as he tried to find a more gallant way to say the word vampire. "Like me," he finally settled for.
I bit my lip, once again caught red-handed. I really needed to learn how to get better at this; he always seemed to get inside my head even though he couldn't literally do it like for everyone else.
"Bella?" He asked softly, the slight frustration in his tone not escaping me. I must have been thinking for the right answer a little longer than I meant to, something that always drove him crazy.
"I'd just like to know how things are for you I guess," I tried to say casually, but as I heard my voice, I knew that he wouldn't fall for that anymore than I did. I really needed to get better at this.
"Bella," he said again, only this time he pulled back slightly and turned my face to his, making me meet his golden eyes, his disapproving look confirming my doubt. He wasn't going to let me get away with this one. And the more I looked into his eyes, the less I wanted to, and he knew it. Keeping anything from him was torture, especially when he wanted to be persuasive.
"Fine," I finally said after a few seconds of vain resistance, "I just want to..." I bit my lip and looked down, searching for the right word, but his hand immediately came to my chin and made me look back at him again, knowing it was the only way he'd be sure I was telling the truth.
"I just want to prepare myself...for after, after I've changed..." I blurred out, immediately regretting the words as I felt his body stiffen against mine.
A small growl of frustration escaped his chest, and I ran my hand over it soothingly, trying to calm the anger I knew I had brought up. He no longer looked at me, his eyes seeing something that I couldn't, and I wondered if it was the vision Alice had had of me as a vampire.
"Don't be like that," I said, suddenly feeling frustrated myself as I tried to meet his gaze. "We'll have to talk about it at some point."
"I'd rather wish we didn't." His voice was cold, distant, and I once again realized the pain such a thought caused him, no matter that it were my decision. He would always feel responsible for what I wanted for my future.
I leaned down to where his still heart should have been beating and kissed his chest softly, letting my lips linger over his shirt, knowing he would feel their warmth even through it and onto his cold skin. A sigh escaped him and his arm tightened around me as I rested my head against his chest, waiting for him to calm down. This would never be an easy topic, and I should have known better than to ask him. Maybe from now on I would ask Emmett or Alice, it would make things easier for Edward. I only wish it could come from him, so I knew how he felt, instead of having to guess through other people's words.
His cool sweet breath washed over my hair, and a second after I felt his icy lips press a careful kiss against my forehead. I knew then that he wasn't angry anymore; his body was starting to relax against mine again.
"You're gonna get cold," he whispered after a few minutes, lifting the blanket from where it had fallen at my waist to tuck it around me. I couldn't help a soft smile; he was always so worried about me.
"I'm fine," I whispered; and I truly was, the coldness of his chest against my head not taking away the sense of comfort, security and utter peace that I felt whenever I was in his arms.
A few more minutes passed, and if he had been able to sleep at all, I would have thought that he was. His thumb slowly started rubbing my arm though, and I knew then that he was thoughtful, though I did not ask about what.
"Frustrating," he finally said, so low that if his lips had not been so close to my ear, I wouldn't have heard him. "It feels frustrating."
I knew then that he was answering my previous question, only with a little more honesty, uncovering more of himself to me at the same time.
I pulled away to look at him, and I was surprised to see the sadness in his eyes as he looked back at me. The emotion touched his lips when he smiled softly.
"Tell me..." I barely heard my voice as I brought my hand to his cheek and caressed his perfect jaw, but I knew that that was not a problem for him.
He sighed again and looked away, frustration clearly written all over his face.
"I had never given much thought about my heart before meeting you," he finally said. "It was something I didn't even remember feeling, another strange thing that had become normal in my abnormal life. Something I had just accepted, that turned to cold and stone when my body did. But then..."
I was watching him carefully now, somehow feeling the importance of what he was about to tell me, knowing he hadn't admitted this to anyone before. My eyes never left his beautiful, suddenly haunted face as he turned to me, resignation and something that looked like amazement on his face.
"Then I met you, and my stone heart was all I could feel. It reminded me of the monster that I was, and of the human I badly wanted to be for you but could never be again. I could hear your heart beat so many different ways, and I knew that was the way mine should have been beating too. But no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want it to, my heart remains as still as ever." He smiled softly then, his eyes alight with tenderness. "It's probably the only thing you haven't managed to alter about me, love."
My heart suddenly sounded too loud in my ears compared to his silent one. He brushed his fingertips along my jaw, their coolness feeling good against my suddenly heated skin. Only then was I aware that I had blushed once more as he admitted the way I made him feel. And that way was not a good one.
"Don't feel guilty, Bella," he whispered, making me wonder how he could know how I was feeling despite not being able to read my mind. "Feeling my heart, my humanity, even if only to realize that I couldn't have them back, is the best gift you could have given me, besides your love of course."
I stared at him speechlessly, the adoration in his eyes doing little to remind me to breathe normally.
"I just wish my heart could beat again...for you." He smiled sadly, his hand moving instinctively along my cheek. "That's all."
A few more seconds passed during which we stared at each other in silence, and then I reached up to him and pressed my lips against his, tasting at once the coolness of his breath and the sweetness of his lips. He kissed me back slowly, his hand tangling in my hair, and I knew then that no matter how fast he could make my heart beat, he was the one proof that love found its roots in one's soul, and that despite what he feared, his soul was more than ever still with him. How else could it be so tightly tangled with mine?
I reluctantly pulled back, slightly breathless, and found that sadness had left his face as he smiled more genuinely.
"Does that mean you are satisfied with my answer?" His voice was a little strained, and I knew that my kiss had affected him more than he wanted to show, despite his display of being casual about it.
"It means that I don't need your heart to beat to know how much you love me," I let out in a whisper, "and that I don't need it to beat in order to love you back."
I leaned against his chest again, not waiting for an answer, and rested my head into his neck, ignoring how cold he felt, willing him to see that it didn't make a difference to me. He sighed as he wrapped his arms around me once more, tenderness and peace chasing away the last of his frustration. I still couldn't believe I could make him feel that way; it only made sense that he did it to me.
"You are more than I deserve," he said matter-of-factly, and I resisted the urge to tell him he had that backwards.
Instead, I rested my hand over his heart again, not caring whether I felt it or not. When my heart would grow still too, I knew now that it would not taint my love for him, as did not his vampire heart.
Author: Thyboz
Characters: Edward/Bella (Twilight series)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer and co, so please don't sue, she's the one making the money.
Summary: Bella can't help but ask something to Edward.
Spoilers: Set sometime during Twilight-Eclipse. No real spoilers, although I guess it depends on how much you've read, but anything after New Moon should be safe ;-)
AN: First Twilight fic, first book based fic, I hope I didn't totally miss the point. The title is taken from a beautiful song by Tom McRae. Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated!
AN2: So I still don't really have an Internet connection, but I figured that if I didn't post this now, I probably never would...
"What does it feel like?"
My voice seemed to echo in the silence of my room, even though I knew I had barely whispered. The stillness remained, only interrupted by Charlie's distant snoring, proving that my words had gone unnoticed in the night from all but the one person they were meant for.
"What do you mean?" He whispered back, his arms wrapped around me, holding me to him on my bed, the blanket between us keeping me warm. I didn't need to look at him to know he had a slight frown on his face, drawn from the curiosity I often caused him to have, being the only one he couldn't automatically get answers from. That knowledge somehow made me want to smile. I knew him better than I knew myself, and I couldn't decide whether that was scary or comforting.
I slid my hand over his hard statue like chest until it rested over his silent heart.
"To not feel it beat," I said softly, my fingertips tracing small circles over his chest, where I should be feeling his heart, telling him what I was talking about. "What is it like?"
He seemed to think about it for a minute, and I knew it wasn't just the answer he was considering. I had been asking many questions lately on my future form, and as discreet as I had tried to be, I wondered if he had started to notice.
"It feels useless," he finally said, and I could tell from the tone of his voice that my ability to be discreet needed some working on. The slight edge and harshness gave away his suspicion. "It's there but I don't need it, a fragment of what I was in another life. It doesn't beat, doesn't live and doesn't love." I caught my breath as he said the word, suddenly wondering where his love came from. His soul?
"So as said," he finished, "useless, that's how it feels."
I nodded slowly as I let his words sink in, my hand now still over his heart, the coldness of his chest reaching my skin through his shirt. I couldn't see his face, my eyes lingering on something across the room I couldn't really see, my mind wondering how it would be like to not have my heart betray my emotions to him anymore.
His voice flowed in my ear just as silence had taken place again, and I realized he had been expecting an explanation for my question.
"You have been asking a lot of questions lately about what it's like to be..."I heard the hesitation in his voice as he tried to find a more gallant way to say the word vampire. "Like me," he finally settled for.
I bit my lip, once again caught red-handed. I really needed to learn how to get better at this; he always seemed to get inside my head even though he couldn't literally do it like for everyone else.
"Bella?" He asked softly, the slight frustration in his tone not escaping me. I must have been thinking for the right answer a little longer than I meant to, something that always drove him crazy.
"I'd just like to know how things are for you I guess," I tried to say casually, but as I heard my voice, I knew that he wouldn't fall for that anymore than I did. I really needed to get better at this.
"Bella," he said again, only this time he pulled back slightly and turned my face to his, making me meet his golden eyes, his disapproving look confirming my doubt. He wasn't going to let me get away with this one. And the more I looked into his eyes, the less I wanted to, and he knew it. Keeping anything from him was torture, especially when he wanted to be persuasive.
"Fine," I finally said after a few seconds of vain resistance, "I just want to..." I bit my lip and looked down, searching for the right word, but his hand immediately came to my chin and made me look back at him again, knowing it was the only way he'd be sure I was telling the truth.
"I just want to prepare myself...for after, after I've changed..." I blurred out, immediately regretting the words as I felt his body stiffen against mine.
A small growl of frustration escaped his chest, and I ran my hand over it soothingly, trying to calm the anger I knew I had brought up. He no longer looked at me, his eyes seeing something that I couldn't, and I wondered if it was the vision Alice had had of me as a vampire.
"Don't be like that," I said, suddenly feeling frustrated myself as I tried to meet his gaze. "We'll have to talk about it at some point."
"I'd rather wish we didn't." His voice was cold, distant, and I once again realized the pain such a thought caused him, no matter that it were my decision. He would always feel responsible for what I wanted for my future.
I leaned down to where his still heart should have been beating and kissed his chest softly, letting my lips linger over his shirt, knowing he would feel their warmth even through it and onto his cold skin. A sigh escaped him and his arm tightened around me as I rested my head against his chest, waiting for him to calm down. This would never be an easy topic, and I should have known better than to ask him. Maybe from now on I would ask Emmett or Alice, it would make things easier for Edward. I only wish it could come from him, so I knew how he felt, instead of having to guess through other people's words.
His cool sweet breath washed over my hair, and a second after I felt his icy lips press a careful kiss against my forehead. I knew then that he wasn't angry anymore; his body was starting to relax against mine again.
"You're gonna get cold," he whispered after a few minutes, lifting the blanket from where it had fallen at my waist to tuck it around me. I couldn't help a soft smile; he was always so worried about me.
"I'm fine," I whispered; and I truly was, the coldness of his chest against my head not taking away the sense of comfort, security and utter peace that I felt whenever I was in his arms.
A few more minutes passed, and if he had been able to sleep at all, I would have thought that he was. His thumb slowly started rubbing my arm though, and I knew then that he was thoughtful, though I did not ask about what.
"Frustrating," he finally said, so low that if his lips had not been so close to my ear, I wouldn't have heard him. "It feels frustrating."
I knew then that he was answering my previous question, only with a little more honesty, uncovering more of himself to me at the same time.
I pulled away to look at him, and I was surprised to see the sadness in his eyes as he looked back at me. The emotion touched his lips when he smiled softly.
"Tell me..." I barely heard my voice as I brought my hand to his cheek and caressed his perfect jaw, but I knew that that was not a problem for him.
He sighed again and looked away, frustration clearly written all over his face.
"I had never given much thought about my heart before meeting you," he finally said. "It was something I didn't even remember feeling, another strange thing that had become normal in my abnormal life. Something I had just accepted, that turned to cold and stone when my body did. But then..."
I was watching him carefully now, somehow feeling the importance of what he was about to tell me, knowing he hadn't admitted this to anyone before. My eyes never left his beautiful, suddenly haunted face as he turned to me, resignation and something that looked like amazement on his face.
"Then I met you, and my stone heart was all I could feel. It reminded me of the monster that I was, and of the human I badly wanted to be for you but could never be again. I could hear your heart beat so many different ways, and I knew that was the way mine should have been beating too. But no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I want it to, my heart remains as still as ever." He smiled softly then, his eyes alight with tenderness. "It's probably the only thing you haven't managed to alter about me, love."
My heart suddenly sounded too loud in my ears compared to his silent one. He brushed his fingertips along my jaw, their coolness feeling good against my suddenly heated skin. Only then was I aware that I had blushed once more as he admitted the way I made him feel. And that way was not a good one.
"Don't feel guilty, Bella," he whispered, making me wonder how he could know how I was feeling despite not being able to read my mind. "Feeling my heart, my humanity, even if only to realize that I couldn't have them back, is the best gift you could have given me, besides your love of course."
I stared at him speechlessly, the adoration in his eyes doing little to remind me to breathe normally.
"I just wish my heart could beat again...for you." He smiled sadly, his hand moving instinctively along my cheek. "That's all."
A few more seconds passed during which we stared at each other in silence, and then I reached up to him and pressed my lips against his, tasting at once the coolness of his breath and the sweetness of his lips. He kissed me back slowly, his hand tangling in my hair, and I knew then that no matter how fast he could make my heart beat, he was the one proof that love found its roots in one's soul, and that despite what he feared, his soul was more than ever still with him. How else could it be so tightly tangled with mine?
I reluctantly pulled back, slightly breathless, and found that sadness had left his face as he smiled more genuinely.
"Does that mean you are satisfied with my answer?" His voice was a little strained, and I knew that my kiss had affected him more than he wanted to show, despite his display of being casual about it.
"It means that I don't need your heart to beat to know how much you love me," I let out in a whisper, "and that I don't need it to beat in order to love you back."
I leaned against his chest again, not waiting for an answer, and rested my head into his neck, ignoring how cold he felt, willing him to see that it didn't make a difference to me. He sighed as he wrapped his arms around me once more, tenderness and peace chasing away the last of his frustration. I still couldn't believe I could make him feel that way; it only made sense that he did it to me.
"You are more than I deserve," he said matter-of-factly, and I resisted the urge to tell him he had that backwards.
Instead, I rested my hand over his heart again, not caring whether I felt it or not. When my heart would grow still too, I knew now that it would not taint my love for him, as did not his vampire heart.