my ode to Lauren
Dearest Lauren,
There are few people that are really there for you. No, I don't just mean that they are just willing to answer the phone when you call at crazy hours just so you can bitch about life. No, I really mean people who make a for real fucking difference in your life. For me, you're that person Lauren.
There have been times when I was actually grappling with reality. Times when I felt lost, and dare I say... emo! Even in the deepest and darkest of times of my life you were there to pull me out of the depths of depression. You may very well have saved me from the emotional instability and clinical depression that too often plagues my family. I want to make it clear that I really do love you. It's a bitch when people water down meaningful phrases, but I only mean it more with each time I say it.
For real though, you
-Don't judge me
-Care
-Are patient with me even when I do stupid shit
-Smell good, mostly
-Laugh even at my EXTREMELY corny jokes
-Listen
-Talk
-Have opinions (and really good ones at that)
-Understand my ever changing moods, and how to deal with them
-You're bohemian... and not in that fake Bardstown Rd. way
You know how I have a tendency to go REALLY fast in whatever car (God bless the Intrepid's soul) I'm driving when you're in the car? I just want to let you know that I just think it's the funniest thing in the world to see how your face scrunches up in complete and total fear. Oh, and that I would never actually do anything that I felt was truly dangerous, purely out of concern for YOUR health.
Looking back, isn't it funny that whenever we get in a car, it happens. At first it starts off with a few sideways glances at one another. Then the windows start to slide down. After flipping through whatever CDs we have at the time... we find it. The most ridiculous "why the Hell do people listen to this shit" music... and gently let it slide into the car stereo. After listening to the music at a moderate volume... we slowly start an awkward chorus of humming/singing softly. Minutes later we're cruising down the highway blasting songs such as "Only" by NIN or "The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth" by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. After awhile who knows what limbs are hanging out of the car, or what inappropriate comments are tossed out of the window; tossed out right along with every worry we may have at the time. I have my insecurities, but when you're with me, they all seem to disappear. Nobody makes me feel at home as well as you do... nobody.
Who else could talk about family problems, then, out of fucking nowhere get into a heated discussion about the pros and cons of Mexicans and then discuss their favorite dish from Qdoba in 8 mins? We can. When you're around I can think more clearly. Honestly, I couldn't begin to guess just how many times I've felt an actual need for you to be there when it came time for me to make a decision "on my own."
I'll close with a short story:
One night, actually I think it might have been the 4th of July, we had been messing around with sparklers and a strangely scented candle.... After we had used what had to have been a hundred of the sparklers, we laid down on the pavement. We looked up at whatever stars there were to see, and watched the occasional burst of a neighbor's illegal firework. After awhile the smoke from all the fireworks floated over us and my lungs were filled with haze. A few warm trickles soon started to flow down my cheeks. It wasn't the smoke, and it wasn't the annoying mosquitos trying to get at my eyes... It was really the first time I found that I had everything I needed. Without ever even having to go out and look for it, I found happiness. I finally realized that I had a good friend, the best one could have really... and that's exactly what I had been waiting for my whole life.
I love you,
Morris