What Horse The Band Wants Me To Do.
This is Sad Sad the Dolphin. The Kangarooster is still missing. We
are going to file a police report one day soon. You are effed we have
your IP Address. When you think about it, it wasn't even really funny.
Not in terms of long lasting funniness, but even to your close friends.
Probably they laughed when it happened but it was just a conditioned
social response. Is it humorous to have the Kangarooster in your
possession rather than HORSE the band? OH sorry I forgot to laugh because
it's not. All your friends are fake pieces of shit who say they care
about you but you only met them through chance and unless they have low
self-esteem would pick themselves over you in the most trivial situations
any day of the week. They only laugh at you because you say things in
your joke-tone-of-voice and they know that's what's supposed to happen
next. Most of them are even a little fat. But when you're in a coffin
1000 years from now, and not even your physical body remains, when all
the girls you've had sex with are dead and became ugly way before that,
when everything you ever did in your life became a laughing stock and
then a novelty and then cool and then forgotten, when even if someone
tried to find out something about you they couldn't because all record
has been wiped away by time, then will it be funny that you stole the
Kangarooster? To me, at that point, yes, I will think it is very, very
funny. The very essence, if you will, of the cosmic joke that us
"jesters" live out on a daily basis. I, Sad Sad the dolphin, will find this
very entertaining, to view the glorious full spectrum punchline of the
joke that is your mine our lives and I will blow a 600 mile per hour
dolphin load into where your skull's eye socket used to be you has been
never will be never was anything pile of garbage.
With that sad, HORSE the band will be playing one last show before
ultimately holing deep down in the trenches of their practice space to
produce the next garbage attempt at art you mediocre thinkers will buy
according to prevailing trends which will be forgotten in a heartbeat.
Why? I really don't know why anyone does anything. Writing songs in the
first place is a waste of time, but is it more of a waste of time than
driving six hours into Utah to see Erik's girlfriend and "play a show"?
Who can say?
Saturday, Feb. 5th
CURL UP AND DIE
H THE MOTHER EFFING B
and I SCREAM YOU SCREAM
@ Sharks' Arcade
1028 E. Tabernacle Street, St. George, UT 84770
$7
I think it would be a good idea for all you Vegas kids to come out to
this one to see Curl Up and Die in case you didn't want to see them with
Planes Mistaken for Shit and High on Fire Shit Dildo. Just kidding
those bands!
Now the new album is being recorded in May, from what I have heard of
the songs I can say confidently it is utter shit and I wish Sarah would
have never bought me in that charity shop in England. But I appreciate
the joke life played on me when I was separated from my family and
watched them die in a net before my eyes.
One other thing, this is the SECRET.
H the B is going to be playing an exclusive concert where only 10
people can come. Information is highly confidential but this is completely
serious. The show is in LA, on February 10th at around 7:30 pm. There
are requirements for coming and they are serious. First, we pick you
up in a minivan and drive you to the location blindfolded. So, you must
live somewhere near LA so we can get you. The second thing is you have
to agree to watch the show NAKED. BUT since we know you are such
pussies concerned with your image (let me tell you in 2000 years that
definitely won't matter plus you could be being forced to rape your own mom
in Africa right now cause of some stupid tribal disagreement so lighten
up) we recognize that definitely not 10 people will agree to be naked.
So, you can wear underwear, but only if it is fabulous and peacock
like.
If you want to fly in for this we will pick you up from LAX. The show
is free and we will buy you pizza. Also there will be a world class
selection of drinks on hand for you to partake of no matter what your
age. The benefits to going to the show is you will get to hear 5 brand
new songs in their entirety that no one has ever heard before, and also a
couple of old favorites. The decoration at the space will be fabulous.
ABSOLUTELY GAUDY.
That is all I can say, and even I am excited at the thought of this
wonderful slap in the face we will be giving the Universe. If you are
serious about coming to the show, clear your schedule and reply to this
message. Your reply must contain your address and a pledge that you will
either be naked or in fabulous underwear. Boys and girls are welcome.
Remember you are going to be blindfolded in the back of a van so be
open to that. We won't hurt you though. It will only make it more
fabulous for you.
The first 10 only will make it into the show.
Cordially,
Sad Sad the Dolphin
are going to file a police report one day soon. You are effed we have
your IP Address. When you think about it, it wasn't even really funny.
Not in terms of long lasting funniness, but even to your close friends.
Probably they laughed when it happened but it was just a conditioned
social response. Is it humorous to have the Kangarooster in your
possession rather than HORSE the band? OH sorry I forgot to laugh because
it's not. All your friends are fake pieces of shit who say they care
about you but you only met them through chance and unless they have low
self-esteem would pick themselves over you in the most trivial situations
any day of the week. They only laugh at you because you say things in
your joke-tone-of-voice and they know that's what's supposed to happen
next. Most of them are even a little fat. But when you're in a coffin
1000 years from now, and not even your physical body remains, when all
the girls you've had sex with are dead and became ugly way before that,
when everything you ever did in your life became a laughing stock and
then a novelty and then cool and then forgotten, when even if someone
tried to find out something about you they couldn't because all record
has been wiped away by time, then will it be funny that you stole the
Kangarooster? To me, at that point, yes, I will think it is very, very
funny. The very essence, if you will, of the cosmic joke that us
"jesters" live out on a daily basis. I, Sad Sad the dolphin, will find this
very entertaining, to view the glorious full spectrum punchline of the
joke that is your mine our lives and I will blow a 600 mile per hour
dolphin load into where your skull's eye socket used to be you has been
never will be never was anything pile of garbage.
With that sad, HORSE the band will be playing one last show before
ultimately holing deep down in the trenches of their practice space to
produce the next garbage attempt at art you mediocre thinkers will buy
according to prevailing trends which will be forgotten in a heartbeat.
Why? I really don't know why anyone does anything. Writing songs in the
first place is a waste of time, but is it more of a waste of time than
driving six hours into Utah to see Erik's girlfriend and "play a show"?
Who can say?
Saturday, Feb. 5th
CURL UP AND DIE
H THE MOTHER EFFING B
and I SCREAM YOU SCREAM
@ Sharks' Arcade
1028 E. Tabernacle Street, St. George, UT 84770
$7
I think it would be a good idea for all you Vegas kids to come out to
this one to see Curl Up and Die in case you didn't want to see them with
Planes Mistaken for Shit and High on Fire Shit Dildo. Just kidding
those bands!
Now the new album is being recorded in May, from what I have heard of
the songs I can say confidently it is utter shit and I wish Sarah would
have never bought me in that charity shop in England. But I appreciate
the joke life played on me when I was separated from my family and
watched them die in a net before my eyes.
One other thing, this is the SECRET.
H the B is going to be playing an exclusive concert where only 10
people can come. Information is highly confidential but this is completely
serious. The show is in LA, on February 10th at around 7:30 pm. There
are requirements for coming and they are serious. First, we pick you
up in a minivan and drive you to the location blindfolded. So, you must
live somewhere near LA so we can get you. The second thing is you have
to agree to watch the show NAKED. BUT since we know you are such
pussies concerned with your image (let me tell you in 2000 years that
definitely won't matter plus you could be being forced to rape your own mom
in Africa right now cause of some stupid tribal disagreement so lighten
up) we recognize that definitely not 10 people will agree to be naked.
So, you can wear underwear, but only if it is fabulous and peacock
like.
If you want to fly in for this we will pick you up from LAX. The show
is free and we will buy you pizza. Also there will be a world class
selection of drinks on hand for you to partake of no matter what your
age. The benefits to going to the show is you will get to hear 5 brand
new songs in their entirety that no one has ever heard before, and also a
couple of old favorites. The decoration at the space will be fabulous.
ABSOLUTELY GAUDY.
That is all I can say, and even I am excited at the thought of this
wonderful slap in the face we will be giving the Universe. If you are
serious about coming to the show, clear your schedule and reply to this
message. Your reply must contain your address and a pledge that you will
either be naked or in fabulous underwear. Boys and girls are welcome.
Remember you are going to be blindfolded in the back of a van so be
open to that. We won't hurt you though. It will only make it more
fabulous for you.
The first 10 only will make it into the show.
Cordially,
Sad Sad the Dolphin