Trip down Memory Lane
I cancelled work (at the last minute) to go to Gwen's graduation ceremony tonight. I would have liked to have known earlier so I didn't have to cancel at the last minute, but oh well. It was a...well, nostalgic time. Especially since I barely remember graduating from Dunman High, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't quite so...'we are family'-ish.
I do have to go dig out the DHS yearbooks though. And possibly contact a few people. Though I was never as close to my class as Gwen is to hers, partly because they're half the size of my class and partly because I was definitely not one of the more popular kids in class. And also because I never did connect very well with anyone there...common topics of conversation were pretty much limited to classes and pop music, and that was with my close friends. I do owe them for teaching me about social interaction and friendship, but I don't really know what to say to them anymore. And it doesn't help that I don't really know how to face them, they who have always passed their classes and are definitely not failing their way through life. Not that my current friends are doing any worse, but at least I have something other than classes and/or work to talk about with them.
Was supposed to be at the Esplanade tonight for the Da:ns Festival thing, but oh well. That was even easier to skip than work. I might end up at the marathon tomorrow night, or I might not; I might end up at Harry's tomorrow night, or I might not. It doesn't really matter, I guess. Mum's having dinner with her work friends for her birthday, which was last Sunday, and afterwards they might end up at Harry's. I'll have dinner with the rest of my family, and then we'll see.
Though I find it somewhat amusing that people greeted me with 'see you tomorrow/Saturday' as they left Swing Fling last night, assuming I'd be there. And I normally would be, back in Madison I made every dance-related event I could, but for some reason I don't do that here. Partly because I live at home, partly because their events are so late, and so expensive, partly because...I don't know, I just don't really fit in, even though I now know people here and have something of a recognised presence. Maybe because I don't really want to be here, and my dancing is still not fitting in. Whatever.
I feel like I'm in limbo. One thing the graduation ceremony did do was poke me in several highly uncomfortable places, since it was all about the dawning of a new future and being successful in the world beyond Secondary School and such. (I especially liked Gwen's speech though, as it was the only one that didn't follow the formula of 'after 4 years that have passed so quickly, we have now graduated and are FREE, thank you teachers for all you've done, and we must all keep in contact ok?' It was more a free verse, stream of consciousness poem on the things she'll miss, than a real speech, and didn't make any mention at all of the 'yay we're getting out of here' side of graduation at all.) But yeah. I don't like this sitting around and waiting. I want to be doing something and getting somewhere. But at the same time...I don't know. I don't know what I should do. I don't know what's right, I don't know how to make what I think is right merge with what I think I want and what I think I should do and what I think I can do. Especially since I'm not even overly clear what each of those are.
Mm. I'm going to sleep.
I do have to go dig out the DHS yearbooks though. And possibly contact a few people. Though I was never as close to my class as Gwen is to hers, partly because they're half the size of my class and partly because I was definitely not one of the more popular kids in class. And also because I never did connect very well with anyone there...common topics of conversation were pretty much limited to classes and pop music, and that was with my close friends. I do owe them for teaching me about social interaction and friendship, but I don't really know what to say to them anymore. And it doesn't help that I don't really know how to face them, they who have always passed their classes and are definitely not failing their way through life. Not that my current friends are doing any worse, but at least I have something other than classes and/or work to talk about with them.
Was supposed to be at the Esplanade tonight for the Da:ns Festival thing, but oh well. That was even easier to skip than work. I might end up at the marathon tomorrow night, or I might not; I might end up at Harry's tomorrow night, or I might not. It doesn't really matter, I guess. Mum's having dinner with her work friends for her birthday, which was last Sunday, and afterwards they might end up at Harry's. I'll have dinner with the rest of my family, and then we'll see.
Though I find it somewhat amusing that people greeted me with 'see you tomorrow/Saturday' as they left Swing Fling last night, assuming I'd be there. And I normally would be, back in Madison I made every dance-related event I could, but for some reason I don't do that here. Partly because I live at home, partly because their events are so late, and so expensive, partly because...I don't know, I just don't really fit in, even though I now know people here and have something of a recognised presence. Maybe because I don't really want to be here, and my dancing is still not fitting in. Whatever.
I feel like I'm in limbo. One thing the graduation ceremony did do was poke me in several highly uncomfortable places, since it was all about the dawning of a new future and being successful in the world beyond Secondary School and such. (I especially liked Gwen's speech though, as it was the only one that didn't follow the formula of 'after 4 years that have passed so quickly, we have now graduated and are FREE, thank you teachers for all you've done, and we must all keep in contact ok?' It was more a free verse, stream of consciousness poem on the things she'll miss, than a real speech, and didn't make any mention at all of the 'yay we're getting out of here' side of graduation at all.) But yeah. I don't like this sitting around and waiting. I want to be doing something and getting somewhere. But at the same time...I don't know. I don't know what I should do. I don't know what's right, I don't know how to make what I think is right merge with what I think I want and what I think I should do and what I think I can do. Especially since I'm not even overly clear what each of those are.
Mm. I'm going to sleep.