more amalgamations
Quote of the night:
"Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion,"
"Because I'm pretty?"
"Because you're pretty."
I think I died. :D
Yes, I finally got around to watching the last three episodes of Firefly. And I can now join the masses in screaming about the indignity and unfairness of ending the series like that. *mutters*
I'm kind of curious about...well, about a lot of things, but the biggest thing that stuck out to me was Inara planning to leave. Which usually means the actress has given notice...so why would she walk out halfway through the first season? It just doesn't seem to make sense, even more so if they knew before that episode that the show was being cancelled. The other possibility is that they never meant her to leave, it was just part of the script and at the last minute they planned to have her stay. And after tossing out the little hints about her past in Heart of Gold - which title amused me muchly - they plan for her to leave?!
I was impressed that they managed to kill off Mandy, though. Yeah, she's not a main character - she only has a first name :D - but even so, she played a pretty significant role in the episode. As did Tracy, but we liked Mandy, and she didn't have to die. Tracy...had to. The episode wouldn't have resolved well any other way. Though of course, part of that was because the episode was directed that way - a few minor changes and we'd probably have a very different storyline and a completely different feeling about Tracy. And Objects in Space - just what the hell was all that about? I missed far too much of River's declamation, between the late hour and the echo effect, but I don't think I really missed that much.
And also with that episode, the unwilling finale to the series - I know the bounty hunter wasn't a main character, but even so, you can't let the episode - and the series - end with a guy drifting in the middle of space! Not to mention more of River's cryptic statements! Though Kaylee and River playing jacks was too cute. But hell, the entire episode was about River and her psychosis - you can't leave us like that!!!
I have to say, though, I was having a good time with Moya and Heart of Gold flashbacks...well, I just realised the latter was because of a fic, actually, a crossover with HHGTTG - Zaphod's ship was sentient and materialised in the form of a young girl to interact with the people on board.
I need to borrow/rent Serenity and see what their idea of a finale was.
And having run my friendslist through the gamut of random scifi references, I shall take my leave of this topic.
~*~
Meeting up with trilled and deadspeaker tomorrow to welcome trilled home and to go see the painting portion of the Dali exhibition in Singapore. I have to go see the sculptures sometime too. Not tomorrow because they're scattered all over the place and I have to work late tomorrow afternoon - oh darn, I'll have to buy the assessment books for the students and show up a bit early too. GAH. I'm getting real sick and tired of this job - I guess I should be glad I have it and that students keep being added, because that's good for my very small paycheck, but I really don't think I'm that good at it, and having to interact with so many people so often is very very tiring, especially when they're of dramatically differing ages and temperaments and willingness to be in class and responsiveness.
I'm not a people person at all, being sociable takes up way too much energy, and having to juggle being sociable - at least, talking and being nice - with teaching, and adjusting teaching methods to the students and their ability level, and answering questions on the spot, and coming up with ideas to make things interesting and relevant to the particular student's needs, and keeping in mind what is actually expected of me...just talking for 3 hours or 1 1/2 hours straight would drain me, and when you include everything else, I'm just...tired.
If I ever needed more proof that I'm not naturally an extroverted or even a reasonably sociably adept person, here it is. I like teaching, in the one on one, one or two students, mostly friends situations I've done it in before, and I'm pretty sure it's not the actual rigours of the job that're taking me down. It's having to interact with the students that's really killing me.
I used to do this thing where I'd vanish from all contact for a couple of weeks when I felt that people were crowding in on me, I'd been interacting too much and I was just...raw, I couldn't handle talking to one more person, and so I'd disappear from the world for a while. I'm getting to that point really fast, but I can't disappear now, I have students taking exams soon whom I have a responsibility to. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do.
I haven't been there in quite a while, actually - long enough that I was starting to forget that I'm not naturally friendly and chatty. But the truth will out, and truth is, I really don't do human interaction too well. More and more I'm realising that science is quite definitely the place for me, if for no other reason than that I can disappear behind my test tubes and not talk to anyone in significant amounts for days at a time. Either that or being an author, which is one of those things that's 50% skill, 25% luck and 25% publicity and highly uncertain in any case. I would love to be a reclusive author...I think, even after all these years and career path changes, that's still what I would like most. I don't have to ever leave my room, but I still have an income. Perfect. xD
~*~
Uhh...getting back to the original topic that got hijacked by my job, deadspeaker, trilled and I are wandering downtown for lunch and the Dali exhibition tomorrow. Later today. It should be interesting, if nothing else - I'm not completely sure why I've been invited, but not knocking it. It does say something that our idea of a lunch meetup is the Dali exhibition, though I'm not quite sure what.
~*
Speaking of deadspeaker, she took her first Lindy class Thursday night, and she apparently had fun. Which is good. Lindy is just one of those Good Things in Life. :D I would be more coherent, but...I'm not. Heh.
I have to resent the comment on her journal that Salsa is hotter, though. It's more slinky, but it's also more boring, and the scene tends to be sleazier. In my very biased opinion, anyway. :D
~*~
Monday I have lunch with Rachel, who's going to France for grad school; Thursday I share a DJ set with a guy who's going back to UK to finish his undergrad.
I'm so green, I could audition for the role of Elphaba in Wicked.
~*~
deadspeaker tossed House and Supernatural, the first seasons thereof, at me 'in retaliation' for my dragging her into Lindy Hop. So I guess I'll be occupied watching those for a bit. Might help with the agoraphobia problem, since for however many hours I'll have a perfectly legitimate reason to not be talking to anyone. I sincerely hope I don't get sucked in though, because I really don't need new time wasters. I'm perfectly good at wasting my time with what I already have.
~*~
The guy in charge of the language centre branch I work at called me over after work today, and while I was initially quaking in my sandals, it turned out my sleep problems had come to their attention, and he had a couple packets of tea he said helped his insomnia - and a recommendation, that I go to church. Spent 45 minutes listening to one of the more amazing conversion stories I've ever heard, and realised how much I missed going to church all over again. Since it's work that keeps me from going to church Sundays, I got his approval - his recommendation, really - to reschedule that student. These people are surprisingly nice, really. They've never said anything about the couple of times I got in late, though I thought today was going to be it, and I like his attitude on a lot of things from what he said today, and the lady is really nice too, she's the one I deal with more.
There's a touch of serendipity in the way I got that job, really. I apparently wandered into the newly opened branch looking for a job just as they were talking about needing to hire teachers. I'd climbed up there on a whim, I'm still not sure why I decided to do it right then. But yeah...I'm once again being surrounded by Christians and nudged, none too subtly, in the direction of the many churches on this island. I don't mind going, I just need to work things out so I can. And I would very much like to not work on the weekends, Sunday in particular.
~*~
Dad asked me why, in 10 words or less, I didn't stay with Rob. I replied, because, sappy as it sounds, I didn't love him. And while that is and was true, and I know what I did wasn't fair or completely right, I have to say that I probably was really stupid to not stay with someone who wanted me. Because, truth be told, the likelihood of someone with any brains and sense wanting me is so low that it isn't really likely to happen again anytime in the near future. And by the time the next idiot comes along, I'll probably be so far beyond lonely that I'd make the exact same mistakes all over again.
How is it that Wantin can get attached, to a great guy I might add, within a month of coming home, having broken up with Nils 2 months ago, whereas I go years between relationships, and I never get to date people I'm actually interested in? I really don't understand this whole relationship thing - what, exactly, am I doing wrong? Do I think I'm doing something wrong, anyway? I don't even know which I would prefer it to be, which is probably a large part of the problem.
I'm tired. I'm not even going to start on the classes/university mess, and the driving lessons mess. Not to mention the phone bill and rent mess.
[Edit: I just realised (not being completely exhausted and/or writing at 2 am), that as far as most people know, I've only ever had one boyfriend, Rob. Ehheheh. I do count that as my one 'real' relationship, in a way, but I guess the fact that I thought of myself as having had two when I was too tired to think clearly says that I do consider the other...something, if not real. Don't ask me what, I don't know. Besides 'a mistake', that is. xD In the interest of TMI, since I'm already spilling my guts, there were a good 5 years between them.]
[Edit 2: Apologies to Wantin. *wry grin*]
~...take this heart, and make it break...~
"Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion,"
"Because I'm pretty?"
"Because you're pretty."
I think I died. :D
Yes, I finally got around to watching the last three episodes of Firefly. And I can now join the masses in screaming about the indignity and unfairness of ending the series like that. *mutters*
I'm kind of curious about...well, about a lot of things, but the biggest thing that stuck out to me was Inara planning to leave. Which usually means the actress has given notice...so why would she walk out halfway through the first season? It just doesn't seem to make sense, even more so if they knew before that episode that the show was being cancelled. The other possibility is that they never meant her to leave, it was just part of the script and at the last minute they planned to have her stay. And after tossing out the little hints about her past in Heart of Gold - which title amused me muchly - they plan for her to leave?!
I was impressed that they managed to kill off Mandy, though. Yeah, she's not a main character - she only has a first name :D - but even so, she played a pretty significant role in the episode. As did Tracy, but we liked Mandy, and she didn't have to die. Tracy...had to. The episode wouldn't have resolved well any other way. Though of course, part of that was because the episode was directed that way - a few minor changes and we'd probably have a very different storyline and a completely different feeling about Tracy. And Objects in Space - just what the hell was all that about? I missed far too much of River's declamation, between the late hour and the echo effect, but I don't think I really missed that much.
And also with that episode, the unwilling finale to the series - I know the bounty hunter wasn't a main character, but even so, you can't let the episode - and the series - end with a guy drifting in the middle of space! Not to mention more of River's cryptic statements! Though Kaylee and River playing jacks was too cute. But hell, the entire episode was about River and her psychosis - you can't leave us like that!!!
I have to say, though, I was having a good time with Moya and Heart of Gold flashbacks...well, I just realised the latter was because of a fic, actually, a crossover with HHGTTG - Zaphod's ship was sentient and materialised in the form of a young girl to interact with the people on board.
I need to borrow/rent Serenity and see what their idea of a finale was.
And having run my friendslist through the gamut of random scifi references, I shall take my leave of this topic.
~*~
Meeting up with trilled and deadspeaker tomorrow to welcome trilled home and to go see the painting portion of the Dali exhibition in Singapore. I have to go see the sculptures sometime too. Not tomorrow because they're scattered all over the place and I have to work late tomorrow afternoon - oh darn, I'll have to buy the assessment books for the students and show up a bit early too. GAH. I'm getting real sick and tired of this job - I guess I should be glad I have it and that students keep being added, because that's good for my very small paycheck, but I really don't think I'm that good at it, and having to interact with so many people so often is very very tiring, especially when they're of dramatically differing ages and temperaments and willingness to be in class and responsiveness.
I'm not a people person at all, being sociable takes up way too much energy, and having to juggle being sociable - at least, talking and being nice - with teaching, and adjusting teaching methods to the students and their ability level, and answering questions on the spot, and coming up with ideas to make things interesting and relevant to the particular student's needs, and keeping in mind what is actually expected of me...just talking for 3 hours or 1 1/2 hours straight would drain me, and when you include everything else, I'm just...tired.
If I ever needed more proof that I'm not naturally an extroverted or even a reasonably sociably adept person, here it is. I like teaching, in the one on one, one or two students, mostly friends situations I've done it in before, and I'm pretty sure it's not the actual rigours of the job that're taking me down. It's having to interact with the students that's really killing me.
I used to do this thing where I'd vanish from all contact for a couple of weeks when I felt that people were crowding in on me, I'd been interacting too much and I was just...raw, I couldn't handle talking to one more person, and so I'd disappear from the world for a while. I'm getting to that point really fast, but I can't disappear now, I have students taking exams soon whom I have a responsibility to. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do.
I haven't been there in quite a while, actually - long enough that I was starting to forget that I'm not naturally friendly and chatty. But the truth will out, and truth is, I really don't do human interaction too well. More and more I'm realising that science is quite definitely the place for me, if for no other reason than that I can disappear behind my test tubes and not talk to anyone in significant amounts for days at a time. Either that or being an author, which is one of those things that's 50% skill, 25% luck and 25% publicity and highly uncertain in any case. I would love to be a reclusive author...I think, even after all these years and career path changes, that's still what I would like most. I don't have to ever leave my room, but I still have an income. Perfect. xD
~*~
Uhh...getting back to the original topic that got hijacked by my job, deadspeaker, trilled and I are wandering downtown for lunch and the Dali exhibition tomorrow. Later today. It should be interesting, if nothing else - I'm not completely sure why I've been invited, but not knocking it. It does say something that our idea of a lunch meetup is the Dali exhibition, though I'm not quite sure what.
~*
Speaking of deadspeaker, she took her first Lindy class Thursday night, and she apparently had fun. Which is good. Lindy is just one of those Good Things in Life. :D I would be more coherent, but...I'm not. Heh.
I have to resent the comment on her journal that Salsa is hotter, though. It's more slinky, but it's also more boring, and the scene tends to be sleazier. In my very biased opinion, anyway. :D
~*~
Monday I have lunch with Rachel, who's going to France for grad school; Thursday I share a DJ set with a guy who's going back to UK to finish his undergrad.
I'm so green, I could audition for the role of Elphaba in Wicked.
~*~
deadspeaker tossed House and Supernatural, the first seasons thereof, at me 'in retaliation' for my dragging her into Lindy Hop. So I guess I'll be occupied watching those for a bit. Might help with the agoraphobia problem, since for however many hours I'll have a perfectly legitimate reason to not be talking to anyone. I sincerely hope I don't get sucked in though, because I really don't need new time wasters. I'm perfectly good at wasting my time with what I already have.
~*~
The guy in charge of the language centre branch I work at called me over after work today, and while I was initially quaking in my sandals, it turned out my sleep problems had come to their attention, and he had a couple packets of tea he said helped his insomnia - and a recommendation, that I go to church. Spent 45 minutes listening to one of the more amazing conversion stories I've ever heard, and realised how much I missed going to church all over again. Since it's work that keeps me from going to church Sundays, I got his approval - his recommendation, really - to reschedule that student. These people are surprisingly nice, really. They've never said anything about the couple of times I got in late, though I thought today was going to be it, and I like his attitude on a lot of things from what he said today, and the lady is really nice too, she's the one I deal with more.
There's a touch of serendipity in the way I got that job, really. I apparently wandered into the newly opened branch looking for a job just as they were talking about needing to hire teachers. I'd climbed up there on a whim, I'm still not sure why I decided to do it right then. But yeah...I'm once again being surrounded by Christians and nudged, none too subtly, in the direction of the many churches on this island. I don't mind going, I just need to work things out so I can. And I would very much like to not work on the weekends, Sunday in particular.
~*~
Dad asked me why, in 10 words or less, I didn't stay with Rob. I replied, because, sappy as it sounds, I didn't love him. And while that is and was true, and I know what I did wasn't fair or completely right, I have to say that I probably was really stupid to not stay with someone who wanted me. Because, truth be told, the likelihood of someone with any brains and sense wanting me is so low that it isn't really likely to happen again anytime in the near future. And by the time the next idiot comes along, I'll probably be so far beyond lonely that I'd make the exact same mistakes all over again.
How is it that Wantin can get attached, to a great guy I might add, within a month of coming home, having broken up with Nils 2 months ago, whereas I go years between relationships, and I never get to date people I'm actually interested in? I really don't understand this whole relationship thing - what, exactly, am I doing wrong? Do I think I'm doing something wrong, anyway? I don't even know which I would prefer it to be, which is probably a large part of the problem.
I'm tired. I'm not even going to start on the classes/university mess, and the driving lessons mess. Not to mention the phone bill and rent mess.
[Edit: I just realised (not being completely exhausted and/or writing at 2 am), that as far as most people know, I've only ever had one boyfriend, Rob. Ehheheh. I do count that as my one 'real' relationship, in a way, but I guess the fact that I thought of myself as having had two when I was too tired to think clearly says that I do consider the other...something, if not real. Don't ask me what, I don't know. Besides 'a mistake', that is. xD In the interest of TMI, since I'm already spilling my guts, there were a good 5 years between them.]
[Edit 2: Apologies to Wantin. *wry grin*]
~...take this heart, and make it break...~