It's a weird world no matter how you roll it (It's a weird world, don't you know it?)
I think it's a surprise for everyone, no? For both my "old" friends and the ones who added me between the time my last entry was posted and now. I confess: I could be way more active on livejournal but I truly struggle when it comes to writing about myself. I don't exactly know if this entry is synonym of a comeback on lj but let's see how it goes, I guess? c:
To the lovely persons who added me recently and are reading this, welcome! ♡ I have an intro post here (which may be a bit outdated) and a contact post here. Feel free to add me everywhere! (I'm mostly active on Twitter (and Tumblr somewhat) + Line/Kakaotalk/Whatsapp if you message me).
This entry is probably going to be really messy because I have so many things I want to say and at the same time, I don't really know where to start. Maybe with happy things? c:
The annual study trip organized by my university happened to be in Lisboa/Lisbon this year (March 24th-28th). While the weather wasn't the best, I had such a great time with my girl friends, the city is really pretty (but ugh, you have to literally hike your way to visit because it's on seven hills and man) and happened to meet one of my online friend, Catarina ♡ Our common interest was One Direction and while I have gotten back into kpop and drifted off from that fandom, we managed to stay in contact and she was probably the best (and one of the few) friendship I made in 2012 (but then again, I was a total depressed, stressed and angsty mess that year, way worse than now).
(Hate my face on that picture, never managed to tame my hair once during my stay. I'm on the right side if you've never seen my stupid face before! Here is my hair during a better hair day to compare n__n)
I have signed up for Infinite minibang but it's going nowhere, unfortunately. It's laziness and writer's block rolled into one and nothing is working. It just doesn't flow together and ugh. I'm not thinking of dropping yet but it's so frustrating and I'm so disappointed with myself. I haven't forgotten the requests left here (so grateful to people who left some, feel free to do the same *w*;;) either but I'm struggling putting everything I have on my mind into words. I hope to be more inspired/productive soon (during the next three weeks would be ideal because after that, I'm going to be so busy with end of year projects, study and finals).
I especially need to concentrate on my finals and projects if I only want to redo my internships (+ my "thesis" which is more of a mini thesis than anything else, really but still annoying to do) next year. I really wish to get a 12/20 minimum on all my exams so I don't have to attend classes again. I don't know if I will be able to pull if off, my midterms results aren't bad at all and it's a good head start but...
I just truly hope I won't have to attend (many) classes next year because just knowing the fact that my friends won't be there makes me feel angsty + I don't feel that comfortable with the to-be-seniors. To be honest, I try to occult the fact that my friends will graduate and move on while I will be stuck in the same place, alone. I truly to avoid thinking about it because it makes my depressed thoughts kick in. I have been doing so well recently - making new friends and spazzing on Twitter (you don't know how grateful I am every time someone mentions me/replies back) and keeping myself busy that I don't want to go through that depressed spiral again. Sure, every day is a battle but I have been winning recently and I don't want it to change.
My equilibrium is fragile and could snap at any moment, I just hope it's going to be later rather than sooner. I don't want to be the mess I once was. Not again. I think my depression is not going away before a long time (because I despise myself so, so, so much and I'm ruining my life and you get the hang of it) but if I can avoid making it worse, I will.
I believe there's hope for me.