day one of the switch up today
decided to go for the atkins induction phase (old school - less than 10 carbs a day).
i've been spiralling outta control with eating since christmas.
little weekend away with the in-laws went pretty well, considering. no major binging; and more importantly, no purging or laxatives.
binged like a motherfucker last night, though. that's pretty normal for me when i am about to start a new regime, so i am not being too hard on myself for it; though i did slam down probably 3500 cals over the whole course of the day and night - and i did take a mega dose of lax to clean me out today. good job i don't have any appointments or outings to get through today as i know i'll be on the loo half the day. but better to be cleaned out properly and not in the "mood" for food today, as i need to shrink my tummy a bit.
atkins induction has loads of cals in small amounts of food and, although the amount of protein and that keep you satisfied, in the beginning, it's easy to think you need more than you're eating, especially if you're prone to bingeing like me.
so, long story short, i think i'm going to do well :) and am looking forward to seeing the numbers on the scale drop again!
i'm looking forward to breaking the 9 stone mark. i have seen 8 stone 13 on the scale a couple/few times recently, but i knew it was just one of those little fluctuations because it never "stuck." Also happy the scale this morning didn't go OVER 9 stone, as it gives me just that little bit extra motivation. i had convinced myself i had gained massive amounts over the past few days. so staying put wieght wise is defo a bonus.
in other news: idiot retard husband still in prison and hasn't bothered ringing up for the past couple days. my best guess is he didn't want his parents to answer the phone and have to speak to his mother. she spent a lot of time trying to get me to see sense and leave him. telling me she'll help me move away; she'll never desert me; she doesn't know why i stay; when will enough be enough; she'll babysit so i can go back to work without trying to afford daycare for three babies on my own - the lot! his friends do the same thing from time to time. almost all of his mates who have become my friends, too, say they will stay friends with me; they are on my side; they think i should leave; they will help me whatever way they can...
in truth, if one of my friends were me, i would be going on in the same way - telling her to leave and get a life and lose the loser, etc. don't know why i stay, other than worrying about the kids and worrying what he would do if i just said i needed to shut the door on his stupidity and lies. he can get extremely ugly sometimes - i have the scars to prove it; and the police have the photos to back it up. but i'm a sucker for a sob story and i pity his PTSD (i have it, too, but not from war). I wouldn't want my lover to give up on me, so i have a helluva time convincing myself it is OK to give up on him.
here's something extra sick, as well - i think if i got shot of him and was on my own, i would have better self esteem and wouldn't be too worried about my weight. fucked up, right? and even though i know it, i also love the fact i have some extra help motivation-wise for losing weight. even though i know it's wrong to feel this way - that's the way i am.
maybe i am just addicted to having problems? maybe i can't feel normal uless there are really not normal things going on around me? that can't be healthy; especially for the kids! but until i see something happening to one of them/notice a change that worries me in one or all of them, i don't think any of that will really hit home enough for me to do something different. am i a negligent parent, or just trying to strike a balance between them and myself?
i dunno. what i DO know is i am well prepared for the worst, and well prepared to get thinner :), and super unsure what this situation with andrew will bring about ultimately.
i've been spiralling outta control with eating since christmas.
little weekend away with the in-laws went pretty well, considering. no major binging; and more importantly, no purging or laxatives.
binged like a motherfucker last night, though. that's pretty normal for me when i am about to start a new regime, so i am not being too hard on myself for it; though i did slam down probably 3500 cals over the whole course of the day and night - and i did take a mega dose of lax to clean me out today. good job i don't have any appointments or outings to get through today as i know i'll be on the loo half the day. but better to be cleaned out properly and not in the "mood" for food today, as i need to shrink my tummy a bit.
atkins induction has loads of cals in small amounts of food and, although the amount of protein and that keep you satisfied, in the beginning, it's easy to think you need more than you're eating, especially if you're prone to bingeing like me.
so, long story short, i think i'm going to do well :) and am looking forward to seeing the numbers on the scale drop again!
i'm looking forward to breaking the 9 stone mark. i have seen 8 stone 13 on the scale a couple/few times recently, but i knew it was just one of those little fluctuations because it never "stuck." Also happy the scale this morning didn't go OVER 9 stone, as it gives me just that little bit extra motivation. i had convinced myself i had gained massive amounts over the past few days. so staying put wieght wise is defo a bonus.
in other news: idiot retard husband still in prison and hasn't bothered ringing up for the past couple days. my best guess is he didn't want his parents to answer the phone and have to speak to his mother. she spent a lot of time trying to get me to see sense and leave him. telling me she'll help me move away; she'll never desert me; she doesn't know why i stay; when will enough be enough; she'll babysit so i can go back to work without trying to afford daycare for three babies on my own - the lot! his friends do the same thing from time to time. almost all of his mates who have become my friends, too, say they will stay friends with me; they are on my side; they think i should leave; they will help me whatever way they can...
in truth, if one of my friends were me, i would be going on in the same way - telling her to leave and get a life and lose the loser, etc. don't know why i stay, other than worrying about the kids and worrying what he would do if i just said i needed to shut the door on his stupidity and lies. he can get extremely ugly sometimes - i have the scars to prove it; and the police have the photos to back it up. but i'm a sucker for a sob story and i pity his PTSD (i have it, too, but not from war). I wouldn't want my lover to give up on me, so i have a helluva time convincing myself it is OK to give up on him.
here's something extra sick, as well - i think if i got shot of him and was on my own, i would have better self esteem and wouldn't be too worried about my weight. fucked up, right? and even though i know it, i also love the fact i have some extra help motivation-wise for losing weight. even though i know it's wrong to feel this way - that's the way i am.
maybe i am just addicted to having problems? maybe i can't feel normal uless there are really not normal things going on around me? that can't be healthy; especially for the kids! but until i see something happening to one of them/notice a change that worries me in one or all of them, i don't think any of that will really hit home enough for me to do something different. am i a negligent parent, or just trying to strike a balance between them and myself?
i dunno. what i DO know is i am well prepared for the worst, and well prepared to get thinner :), and super unsure what this situation with andrew will bring about ultimately.