Watching Degrassi is a bit of a surreal experience for me, in that watching people get bullied and pushed around is really hard. I know I've talked about bullying before on my journal, though I can't for the life of me remember when, but after crying after an episode where an FTM (female-to-male; transgendered) character struggles between dressing and acting like a girl or a boy after being outed at school by the biggest bitch in town, I couldn't help but want to write about it again.
I can't ever imagine what it'd be like to be estranged by my peers, let alone people I have to see every single day. That'd be so horrible. By nature I'm a shy person, so it wouldn't be unnatural to shy away from people anyway, but to imagine them thinking about me and watching my every move when I slink down the hall would drive me absolutely insane. My heart hurts when I think that people have to go through, or have gone through, that nearly every day of the week.
When I was in elementary school, I was tall, but no one really picked on me. I mostly got called ridiculous names, and "Bigfoot" was likely the worst, though it didn't stick. In grade eight, I dressed goth, but people didn't treat me any differently, even when I came to school with black streaks of makeup on my face. Sometimes I'd walk into class and the boys would quietly go "woah", as though I momentarily startled them with how darkly I was dressed, but aside from all that, I slipped under the radar. Throughout my twelve years in school, I was never "popular". Maybe it paid off, because I certainly don't regret it.
People get bullied for so many reasons. So, so many reasons. And it's not even always physical, it's online as well. People kill themselves because of it. I wish we could live on a continent where it was okay to be ourselves. I mean, what the fuck? As long as it's not bothering your daily life, back the fuck off. I wish it was easy to say that, but then you have to consider how many of those bullies probably ended up in juvie or jail. It is never okay to hurt someone because they don't like the same things or think the same things as you.
But there'll always be bullying, and that's what breaks my heart the most.
I've slooowly been getting ready for school, which starts in just under two weeks. Put my calendar up on the wall finally, after the sticky tack failed and I had to use push pins. Registered for orientation on Monday, but I'm not going to actually go on the campus tour because a) I know the campus layout, and b) I won't even have classes on campus anyway. My mom and I ended up buying some stuff at Staples, but of course, as I learned upon rooting through my little drawer by the base of my comp desk, I already have correction tape. And since my sticky tack didn't work, I basically wasted $5. But it could be worse.
I feel like a total goober because I went to Staples to buy a specific notebook that I saw weeks ago. It's eco-friendly and made from sugarcane, which means no trees were cut down to make it. And the smaller version was like $4, so I figured I could put my birthday money toward something good.
Next Wednesday, I might be helping my cousin move into her new place, so I am exciteee! At least my next two weeks will be eventful. Tomorrow I probably should go hand out some resumés.
/naps on the keyboard