Would you hear my voice come through the music, would you hold it near as if it were your own?
I'd forgotten. Or lost. Or repressed it. My voice. But I found it today. Clear and stronger then ever there is was. It started with a walk, Sarita and I taking an after dinner stroll to share sentiments of the pathetic. But instead we found ourselves climbing Simon's Rock and intentionally getting lost in the woods, aimlessly wondering our way back to campus, not discussing our various failures in the way most of our conversations turn to. Eventually, when we came in sight of the gazebo we stood on a fallen tree and sang as we watched the sun set over the mountains. It was beautiful. And I actually SANG. Not just awkward, timid singing, but pure uninhibited song! I just let my voice soar. And it was strong and clear! I'd forgotten I could actually sing. When describing myself I was always awkward, and that bled into everything and anything I did. But in this blissful joy something changed. Some barrier was broken and I found myself free from the self conscience constraints that have been there since middle school. And this feeling extended further than merely singing love songs at the top of my voice, I could speak. I was able to articulate words and ideas. Clarity and movement. I'm used to sitting around awkwardly when I'm around people I'm not entirely comfortable with, knowing that if I try to speak the words will catch in my throat and come out a fumbling mess. So I just sit there, blend in with the scenery, become a wallflower. But not tonight. I acquired animation, confidence. I could speak with people. I like this feeling, this happiness, this fullness. I just hope I don't wake up tomorrow morning to find it gone. But I can control that, right?