Fic: Our Lives Have Begun (Sam/Castiel)
Title: Our Lives Have Begun
Author: thunder_nari
Fandom/Genre: AU
Pairing(s): Sam/Castiel, some Sam/Jessica
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~10 000
Warnings: Human AU, sort of character death (but none of the main ones), mentions of drug use and past abuse
Artist: chaosraven
Art link: Masterpost
Summary: Sam is a student at Stanford, Dean is a cop with the Lawrence Police Department, Castiel is his partner with a past that catches up to all of them.
Thanks to slartibartfast for the awesome beta.
Our Lives Have Begun
**
Sam
*
Sam meets Castiel the first time visiting Dean over Christmas break. The first break he's had in his new life as a university student and he'd been kind of hoping for some one on one time with his brother. Some time to kick back with stupid movies and worse jokes and deep talks that they just can't have with anyone else. So Sam's not really all that impressed when he walks into Dean’s old house in Lawrence and Dean greets him and standing beside him there's this other guy.
At Sam's questioning look, Dean gives a half-smile and a shrug. What can you do? Dean asks without words and then introduces Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Stiff who doesn't even smile Sam's way.
“This is Castiel. I told you I was getting a new partner, right?” Sam nods kind of dumbly and Dean grins between them. “Cas, this is my brother Sammy.”
“Dean,” Sam kind of whines which probably doesn't do a lot to dispel the 'Sammy' vibe. Castiel doesn't seem to notice or care but he does take Sam's hand after Sam glares at his brother and extends his arm in a friendly gesture. Sam goes with a generic, “It's good to meet you.”
“And you,” Castiel replies and Sam is a little shocked at how rough his voice is. “Dean’s mentioned you.”
“All terrible, of course,” Dean cuts in and then drags them all towards the kitchen.
Sam leaves the pair for a moment to put his things away; he's been here enough times to know which room is his and he's just turning the handle when he hears Dean snap out from the kitchen. “Oh shit, Sam, wait,” but it's too late, Sam's opening the door and there's a menacing growl before something is launching at him. Sam barely has time to raise his arms to ward off the beast before Castiel barks out;
“Cedo!”
And the big German Shepherd stops making a bid for Sam’s throat and settles on the floor, looking over Sam’s shoulder to Castiel who’s now standing right behind him. Sam tries not to jump out of his skin for a second time but that doesn’t stop his heart pounding.
“Dude, why is there a dog-“
Dean is a little ways behind Castiel, looking contrite which doesn’t buy him any points in Sam’s book. So far the entire visit isn’t going the way it should considering he and Dean haven’t seen each other since school started. “I forgot, man, I’m sorry. That’s uh. That’s Jimmy, he’s Castiel’s dog. Sort of in training police dog, you know?” Sam really doesn’t. “Anyway, you’re gonna have to take the couch. Just for a few days,” Dean hurries to reassure.
“What the hell, Dean.”
Castiel breaks in, rough voice quiet and Sam thinks he might hear a touch of embarrassment. “I apologize. I should…let you two talk. Jimmy. Sequi.” The dog bounds to its feet and follows Castiel back down the hall as he retreats to the kitchen.
“Dean?” Sam demands and knows he looks pissy and sounds pissy but this is not the way Christmas was supposed to go.
They'd been doing this for years. Since mom died in the fire and since dad had been shot on the job, in the line of duty. Since Sam had been sixteen and it had just been the two of them, even after Dean had gone into the police academy following their father and after Sam had thrown all his focus into school. They made time to meet up a few times a year, just the two of them. Christmas and spring break and for a couple weeks in the summer when Dean would cash in all his vacation time and use it on Sam.
“I know,” Dean stresses, hands raised. “But he's been going through this hard time and he's my partner, I can't just tell him to fend for himself.”
Sam kind of wants to ask what sort of hard times but he thinks that it's none of his business and sighs. He knows Dean can't turn someone away that needs help, certainly not someone he works with. Neither can Sam. “A few days?”
“Cross my heart,” Dean teases and grins.
“Alright.” Sam gives in - of course he does - and they go back to the kitchen, where they find Castiel has drawn out some beers for them and is now sitting at the table with Jimmy's head on his lap. “He's not gonna bite me again, right?” Sam asks but it's with a smile and Castiel gives a single shake of his head.
Castiel says “Ludo” and Jimmy gives in to excited tail wagging and then, like a real dog, bounds amongst the three of them demanding attention. “I’m sorry I’m causing trouble. I can take the sofa.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Cas, you’re already set up in the room. It’s no trouble. Sam’s just always prissy after being in a plane for a few hours.” Sam rolls his eyes, mutters something along the lines of not being the drama queen in the family when it comes to flying and from there, the rest of the evening passes with a minimal amount of awkwardness.
Castiel excuses himself early, taking Jimmy along with him, and Sam doesn’t see him much over the next few days. Apartment hunting, Dean says and Sam wants to ask why, what happened? What sort of trouble did Castiel get in to? But Sam isn’t one to pry, he met the guy once for an hour and it’s not his business. If it affected Dean in any way then Dean would tell Sam about it. Besides, Dean seems to like the guy so Sam probably shouldn’t worry.
As first impressions go, it’s not much of one. Not the best and not the worst and when Sam gets back to Stanford, he doesn’t really think about it much. Except the times that he does. Dean talks about Castiel occasionally, his name usually comes up at least once every conversation. Usually just a brief, ‘Cas made the most amazing quiche this - yeah, quiche, shut up.’ Or sometimes he’ll mention the dog, ‘Jimmy’s training is really coming along, you should see the shit this dog can do.’ Or one notable time, “Cas is the sexiest mofo with a badge, Sam, I mean it.’
And Sam has to ignore the way his stomach kind of drops. “You can’t hit on your co-worker, Dean.”
“No…” Dean heaves a sigh out across the line. “But I can look.”
“You're actually getting along with this one then?”
They haven't talked about it too much in the couple months since Sam found out about Dean's new partner. Sam's not going to say it but he's been waiting for the usually inevitable phone call saying his partner is a total dick and Dean's getting reassigned again. Or that they asked to be reassigned from Dean. He's not the easiest guy to get along with. He's hard-headed and loud and obnoxious. He won’t let anyone else drive the car and his way is the only way. Partners just never last that long with Dean and he always claims he prefers it solo anyway. Castiel seems to be different.
“Sure. I mean...he's a good guy, he knows what he's doing.”
“He called you out on your bullshit, didn't he?”
“And he's totally cool with me driving us everywhere.”
Sam laughs. “It's almost like you have a BFF going there.”
There's a pause and Sam rolls his eyes in advance. “I don't...know what that- Whatever. You need to pull yourself off the internet occasionally, Sammy.”
“I do plenty, thanks.”
“Yeah and how's Jessica doing? She still whooping your ass at surfing?”
“Funny. I'm thinking about signing up for this competition actually. Just a small one over the summer.”
“I'm still weirded out over a lawyer who surfs.”
“As opposed to a cop who's afraid to fly? You're coming to me this year, Dean; you'll have to get over it.”
Dean grumbles enough for Sam to know he'll do it. Brave the death trap that is a plane to fly over to California. They say goodbyes not long after and Sam thinks about the summer and the paper he's got coming due, and inexplicably, he thinks about Castiel a bit. At least until Jessica stops by to drag his ass out the door for an evening to relax.
**
It's spring break when Sam heads down to Lawrence again and this time, he brings Jessica along with him. They've been officially together six months now. They met at Stanford when Sam had been hopelessly lost and just a little bit terrified. She'd asked him out for coffee and Sam had rethought every negative feeling he'd ever had towards love at first sight. Dean just called him a girl.
Dean might be a little annoyed at him right now, a little surly. The same way Sam had been over Christmas when he'd walked into Dean's house and found their time interrupted. So Sam gets it but they're both going to have to learn to live with it. Things are changing, they're living on different sides of the country, and they’re both meeting people. Dean's his brother but he thinks he's a little in love with Jessica.
A couple hours after they arrive on Dean's front step, Jessica manages to win Dean over as well and any sulking stops in its tracks.
There's no mostly black German Shepherd to greet Sam this time as he shows Jessica their room and takes her on a quick tour of Dean's house. The place isn't that big, a single floor, two bedrooms, one bath. In typical Dean fashion, there's a dismantled gun laid out across the coffee table in the living room. Sam's used to it. Dean had been working his way to up in the Lawrence Police Department for years and now he's an investigator and it seems to be as far as he wants to go. Desk work makes him want to tear his hair out. Sam is the exact opposite.
They settle in and have dinner, a few beers and a lot of stories. Dean is still working so he turns in early and the following day, Sam takes Jessica on a tour of the city he grew up in. He almost has a heart attack when they're walking along a street and a ghost cop car rolls up behind them, waiting until the last second to blare its siren. Sam spins, taking in the expected sight of Dean's standard issue ghost car with the red flashing light set on its dashboard. Dean is still trying to get the department to let him drive his Impala.
Dean pulls up next to them, window rolled down and Dean half-hangs out of it, grinning up at them. “Hey, Sammy.”
“Dean. Hey Castiel,” Sam directs to Castiel in the passenger seat and Castiel gives him a curt nod in return. Jimmy is laid calmly in the backseat.
“Hey, you guys gotta come with us and watch this. We’re taking Jimmy out to the training center. Come on, get in.”
Jessica and Sam both share the same dubious look aimed at the dog until Castiel speaks up. “I’ll take the back.” And before they can protest, he’s out of the car, giving Jimmy a command so the dog slips down to the floor of the spacious backseat. Castiel takes the vacated spot and since everything is seemingly decided for them, Jessica takes Castiel’s spot in the front and Sam sits opposite Castiel in the back. While the front of the car is lively with conversation on the short drive, the back feels awkward by comparison.
The training compound is empty when they all get out of the car and walk onto the grounds and Sam takes in the stretch of lawn. The various obstacles from A-frames to balance beams to tunnels laid out. Sam wonders if Castiel feels nervous or annoyed to have an audience but if he is, he doesn't show it. He wonders if Jimmy is.
Not that Jimmy shows it either. Castiel steps forward and a sharp whistle has Jimmy moving. A different whistle for a different command and Jimmy responds to them all. Short and sharp or long and high. A combination of both. They send Jimmy forward to tackle whatever is in his path or drop him to the ground or stop him in his tracks. But it’s Castiel Sam watches. Castiel’s concentration is entirely on the dog and shaping the whistles on his lips and tongue. The stiffness he seems to carry with him falls away and though he hardly moves, Sam can see him throw himself into the exercise as much as Jimmy.
“Might wanna close your mouth, Sammy,” Dean leans over to nudge him and Sam snaps his gaze to the dog like he’s been watching the animal the entire time. When he feels eyes on him, he looks to the side to see Jessica studying him a little.
“That was amazing,” Sam comments once Jimmy is back at Castiel's side, panting happily with a tennis ball in his mouth. Castiel turns and regards him with a slight smile that Sam hasn't seen before. As if he has seen Castiel very much at all. He only inclines his head to accept the compliment.
“Hey, Cas, how about you come over for dinner tonight, huh?” Dean asks.
“I don't want to impose.”
“I asked so you're not. Come on,” Dean pressures and Sam watches the hesitation in Castiel's eyes before he gives in with a quiet “Alright”.
That evening, Castiel leaves Jimmy at home and shows up on Dean's doorstep bearing a bottle of wine. He's ushered in and told to make himself at home which seems to mostly involve standing or sitting a little uncomfortably, watching them all with a scrutinizing intensity. Sam feels compelled to go talk to him, remembering the awkwardness in the car and the awkwardness the first time they met. What must Castiel be like on his own for Dean to like him so much?
The only thing Sam can think of to bring up when he approaches Castiel with a glass of his wine in offering is the dog. “So...why whistling? And those other commands, those are...Latin, right?”
Castiel accepts the glass and the questions. “Yes. To prevent him from accidentally obeying someone else in the field.”
“That must have taken a lot of work.”
“Few dogs are equipped with the skills Jimmy has,” Castiel says and Sam is certain he can hear the pride in his voice. The fondness. “I've only had him for a few months; I didn’t do most of his training. He's five now.”
It doesn't take long before Castiel warms to the conversation, before he becomes something close to animated as they talk about Jimmy and then about Latin and languages. A side love of Sam's and he finds out Castiel is fluent in several. So he discovers that Castiel is an intelligent pet lover. Sam still has no idea why Dean likes him so much.
Sam doesn't see Castiel again through the week except in passing and Dean gives Sam the most manly goodbye hug possible before Sam and Jessica board the plane for California.
**
The next few months are spent with school, Jessica and his side sport of surfing. Which Dean still teases him about relentlessly but Sam kind of suspects Dean wants to give it a shot, no matter how much he denies it.
Two weeks after finals and the end of the school year and a month before Dean is supposed to get his ass on a plane and come visit, Dean gives him a call and asks if Castiel can tag along.
“Seriously, you can't hit on your co-worker,” Sam insists, more amused than anything and Dean's eye roll can be heard clear across the line.
“Don't be a smartass. He's going through-”
“Hard times?” Sam cuts in, sounding a little annoyed but truthfully he's not at all this time. He'll have Jessica around, why shouldn't Dean bring someone? Maybe he's a small bit annoyed but that might just be because of the way his heart trips a little or his stomach turns in something like excited nerves.
“I swear,” Dean says and brings Sam's attention back to the conversation. “All he does every night is sit alone with that dog.” Dean sighs and the sound rushes into Sam's ear. “Look he's... The guy’s got no friends and no family. It's just...'s not right.”
“It's fine. Bring him.”
“You sure? With Cas comes a big dog.”
Sam laughs lightly. “Yeah. Admit it, Dean, you just want someone to hold your hand on the big scary plane.”
“Bite me,” are Dean's parting words.
**
Three weeks later and Sam is enjoying a few late afternoon waves out along his current favourite stretch of beach near Santa Cruz, an hour from Stanford and his apartment. Jessica is out with a few friends and other than avoiding the other surfers on the water, there's nothing to worry about. The sun is perfect, the waves are perfect. He's picking up his brother and Castiel - and Jimmy - from the airport in three days.
There are a couple other guys here who Sam has struck up a sort of friendship with, though they only ever see each other out on the water, going separate ways afterwards. They're better than he is, been at it longer, and are happy to hand out a few pointers on what to do, a few more on how not to piss off the locals. Though Sam is pretty much one of them now, he's recognized and greeted and he knows whose way to stay well out of.
Andy is the smaller of the ones Sam hangs out with and Sam is sure he smokes too much. Andy waves his arm to grab Sam's drifting attention and then gestures out towards the beach. “I think someone's calling for you.”
Frowning, Sam looks over and there on the beach, that's Dean with his hands cupped over his mouth and hollering at Sam for all he's worth. And Castiel next to him with Jimmy at his side, as always. Sam has a moment to wonder if he forgot to pick Dean up but no, he's sure Dean's not due here for three days and how did Dean even find him here?
He paddles in, catching a wave half-way, and tries not to fall off his board with how self-conscious he feels because his brother is watching him. And Castiel. He manages to keep upright and Dean meets him a little up the beach, shit eating grin well in place. Castiel politely inclines his head in greeting and Sam spares him a “Hey, Castiel,” before rounding on his brother.
“What are you- Oh my god, Dean! You drove here, you fucking baby.” He doesn't know why he tosses an apologetic glance at Castiel, no doubt Dean curses constantly around him and Sam doubts Castiel cares.
“Hey, Jimmy doesn't like flying either. Good to see you too, Sammy.” Dean slaps him on the shoulder, knocking Sam forward a step and he's tempted to give Dean a sopping wet welcome to California hug - or just toss him into the ocean - but holds back.
“Did you guys just get here? You spoke to Jessica?”
“We've been here a few hours. When you wouldn't answer your phone, I called Jessica and she told us you'd be out here.”
“Alright. Let me get my stuff stowed in the truck and then we'll head back to the apartment.” Sam makes eye-contact with Castiel as he hefts his long board up under his arm. “Jimmy can ride in the back of my truck if he wants. Probably like it better there than the Impala, which I'm sure Dean's subjected you to for days on end now.”
Castiel lets out a rueful smile, both of them ignoring Dean's snort of indignation. “He'd like that. As much as I appreciate your car, Dean, it's not very good for a long drive. We'll ride with Sam, if he doesn't mind.”
Sam waves off the concern and Dean bitches to himself the entire walk up the beach and to Sam's parking spot. Jimmy jumps into the back after Sam has stowed his board and changed from the wetsuit to a dry pair of long shorts and t-shirt. Dean parts ways from them there, saying he can find his way back to Stanford; he made it down here after all, right? And Castiel joins Sam in the truck. Sam waits until they get out onto the highway to attempt conversation, drawing Castiel's attention from watching the scenery.
“It's good to see you could make it,” he offers with a smile, hoping to break the awkward air that always seems to linger between them.
“Dean is very persuasive. He insisted I needed to ah...get a tan and get the stick out of my ass, I believe.”
Sam chuckles on Castiel's wry almost smile. “Yeah, that sounds like him. I should probably apologize for that.”
Castiel waves it away. “I'm used to it. And like him despite it. I don't want to say he's professional at his job but he's good at it. He told me you were working on becoming a lawyer.”
“Just got the first year over with.”
“Successfully, I trust.”
Sam can't help but beam at Castiel a bit and Castiel takes that track and runs with it. He asks more about school and being a lawyer. Sam would feel bad about talking about himself for the hour drive but Castiel looks so attentive and interested that he doesn't. The drive from the Santa Cruz beaches back to Stanford has never felt so fast before.
**
Jessica is there to greet them at the two bedroom apartment that Sam keeps. Officially, they haven't exactly moved in together but she has the spare key and Sam feels comfortable letting her come and go whenever she pleases. Really, he may as well ask her and he's not sure what's holding him back. Maybe he'll bring it up for the upcoming year.
There are two bedrooms, which puts Castiel and Jimmy in one and Dean out on the couch. Castiel doesn't argue it so Sam bets it's a conversation already had and settled. They catch an early dinner, and then sit around with a beer each and the television before a somewhat early night. In the morning, Sam slips away from Jessica, donning light clothes and sneaking through the house. He jogs every morning, well before Jessica is ready to roll out of the bed and the apartment is still quiet.
He tiptoes past Dean, searching for his iPod which he's sure he left on the coffee table but maybe it's in the kitchen, and there he runs straight into Jimmy, who scoots forward when Sam nearly treads on his tail and bumps into Castiel. Sam kind of can't help it and it's not even a big deal, but every time he's seen Castiel before, he's been dressed heavily. Winter and Spring are not warm in Lawrence and he'd been under a uniform, under a jacket or a trench coat. Or under jeans and hoody inside Dean's house. He may as well be naked now, wearing shorts that cling to lean thighs and legs and a baggy t-shirt. And runners. Sam blushes when he realizes he completely just gave Castiel a once over.
“Um. Morning. Sorry, I didn't think anyone else would be up...”
“I have to take Jimmy for a run.”
Sam perks up a bit. “Cool. Mind if I tag along?”
“Not at all. You know the best paths after all.” Castiel is smiling at him again, not quite free and easy but as close as Sam has seen him come.
They head out into the dewy morning air and Sam turns them down the street, Castiel and Jimmy keeping an easy pace at his side as they jog. They go mostly in silence but Sam finds he doesn’t mind the lack of conversation or the lack of his iPod. Castiel puffs steady breaths beside him and Jimmy’s claws click along the pavement before they reach a dirt jogging path that leads into a park near Sam’s apartment complex.
Sam runs further than he usually does, until the sun his getting higher and powerful, sending sweat down his back and he’s starting to gasp a little on his breaths. He looks across to Castiel who looks like he could keep going for another fifty miles. Sam has to give in, admit defeat, shuffling to a stop and pressing his hands down above his knees as he pants.
“Jesus, do you even need to breathe?”
Castiel laughs then and Sam is a little gratified to hear it sound a bit breathless. Not to mention kind of prideful that he made Castiel laugh at all. “We can take a break,” he says and glances around the park path until he spots some benches up head, gesturing before going there.
They sit and Castiel gives Sam a few moments to calm his heart and lungs down. They talk there for awhile, about anything that crosses their minds and Sam watches as Castiel's shoulders relax from their usual tension. Sam gets him to laugh again and in the end, they walk at a casual pace back to the apartment.
They meet up the next day and the next and the next. On the fourth, Castiel says while they sit on their now designated bench, “I wanted to thank you again for putting up with my presence.”
Sam snorts. “I’m hardly ‘putting up’ with anything, Cas. You’re not so bad to be around," he jokes, nudging his shoulder up against Castiel’s. It’s not flirting, it’s casual. And it makes Castiel duck his head a little, lapsing them in to silence before Sam’s curiosity and his desire to just know make him ask, “Dean said…you were going through some things. You don’t have to talk about it, I was just…” Sam goes on quickly when there’s no immediate response, shrugging to dismiss it and internally telling himself how stupid his mouth is.
But Castiel sighs and he doesn’t seem insulted or annoyed. “Things I’ve been dealing with for years. Family mostly and…past mistakes.”
“I’m sorry,” Sam offers.
Castiel stares for a long moment down at Jimmy, who rests at their feet and looks back, as if he can sense his owner’s sudden unease and attention. Sam stays silent, watching as Castiel comes to some decision, lines around his eyes hardening in resolve. And spits out words Sam probably never wanted to know. “I’m an ex-drug addict with an abusive cult as a family.”
Sam’s eyes widen in shock before he can stop the reaction. “Oh. Oh…I…uh.” Does Dean know? He wants to ask but manages to keep his mouth shut.
Castiel waits a second before getting to his feet, Jimmy drawing up with him. “Jimmy and I are going to continue on. You should go back.” Castiel jogs off while Sam is still trying to formulate an answer.
**
“Did you know?” Sam asks Dean the moment he gets back to the apartment and finds Dean sitting alone in the kitchen nursing a cup of coffee. Castiel and Jimmy aren’t back yet.
Dean blinks at him. “…Huh?”
“About Castiel. His…family and the…the other… Did you know?”
Dean stares at him for long enough that Sam knows whatever he says isn’t going to be a lie and lets out a harsh breath. “Fuck. He’s not supposed to talk about this shit. Yeah, I knew. And you’re better off not knowing. But he must really like you.”
That shouldn’t warm Sam at all yet it does and he softens. “I just wanna know what’s going on.”
“It’s complicated and really not my place to tell.”
They’re both distracted when Castiel walks into the kitchen, hair stuck down to his forehead and he actually looks like he exerted himself this time. He had to have jogged all the way back to catch up with Sam so quickly. His eyes cut between the two of them and Sam glances at Dean to see his brother giving Castiel a pointed ‘what the fuck did you do?’ glare. Castiel meets it with his own narrow eyes before muttering out a “Morning, Dean,” and moving through the kitchen to get to his room.
Dean goes back to his coffee and the conversation is closed, for now at least. Sam lets it go, moving to his room to clean up.
Sam isn’t usually given to eavesdropping. He knows better, he hates it. He also can’t help himself. He wanted to know about Castiel before and now his curiosity is doubly piqued. Dean never keeps things from him, barring work confidentialities but he doubts Castiel’s family life has anything to do with that. So when Castiel steps from his room to slip into the bathroom and Dean catches him, Sam stands listening with his door ajar in the next room down.
“Castiel.”
“I know, Dean,” Castiel snaps in reply to Dean’s soft voice stopping him. Sam can’t see them but he’s surprised at the animosity in Castiel’s tone.
“You can’t do shit like this.”
“I know.” But all the anger drains out just as quickly and Sam is left feeling uncomfortable for the resignation in his voice. He shouldn’t be listening to this. “I had thought… I’m tired of this.”
“I know… I’m sorry. You just need to hold out a little while longer. Okay?”
“Yes, Dean.”
Sam retreats further into his bedroom to change.
**
The following morning, Sam makes sure to meet Castiel in the kitchen and Castiel can’t refuse the offer of a jogging partner. They run the same park path as always and Castiel slows his pace to allow Sam to keep his breath easier. The silence is there around them again but it feels less companionable this time, more expectant and tense.
Apparently even Castiel can’t take the thick air between them. “Aren’t you surfing today?”
Sam almost trips over his own feet. “Oh my god! I forgot about the competition.” He can’t believe he’s been that focused on Castiel and he’s immediately stopping them. “I’ve gotta go back.”
They both do an about turn and half-way home, Sam's phone starts vibrating in his hip pocket, a message from Jessica reminding him how he has two hours to get ready and be at the beach. Thank God for Jessica, he thinks. And sort of thank God for Castiel. They double time it back to the apartment, where they can shower and change and where Sam shakes Dean off the couch.
Jessica cooks them breakfast, there early to give Sam support and he suddenly feels like he needs it. He’s nervous and excited, promptly forgetting about any mystery surrounding Castiel. They eat quickly, Sam ignores how amused Dean looks as he watches Sam scamper around, and then Sam pesters them into their vehicles. He and Jessica take the truck and the dog, Dean and Castiel follow in the Impala.
The drive to Steamers Lane takes a fraction of the time it should and Sam just knows that Dean’s been racing him. Sam kind of wants to rat the cop out just to wipe off the smug grin Dean carries when they get out of their vehicles. They part ways there, Dean and Castiel and Jimmy joining the milling crowd of spectators while Jessica takes Sam to sign in.
They’re allowed on to the water for some warm up and practice runs and everyone is pleased to see the waves are good. It’s only a small competition, local run for the beginners, but its summer and the tourists still crowd to watch. Out on the water, waiting for a wave, Sam has a hard time spotting the others, until his eyes catch on the black German Shepherd and there’s Castiel and there’s Jessica next to him. Dean’s probably off tracking down food. At the sight of the other two, though, Sam’s heart thuds a little harder.
**
Sam isn’t entirely sure when he loses track of Castiel or how long after that before sirens sound only a block down. Or how long after that before the competition is closing, police cruisers rolling in, and Sam can’t say what happens between all that and Jessica telling him “Your brother was shot.”
**
Castiel
*
Castiel isn’t sure what possesses him to do a lot of things. The first slide of a needle beneath his skin. The first time he kisses a boy in full view of his father. And there are times he knows exactly what he’s doing, down to every last cold detail. Like squeeze the trigger on a pistol until the entire clip of bullets is loaded into his own brother’s chest. Like run for his life and straight into the waiting arms of the police.
Or to let his guard down for even a moment to tell some near stranger about his life. He isn’t sure what had possessed him to do that.
He watches Sam through his run in the surf and for someone brought up to be suspicious and distant, he should be more so of Sam but it's hard. Sam makes it hard, Castiel wonders if it's his eyes. The acceptance in them doesn't speak of a terribly hard life though he knows parts of it through Dean. Like the death of their mother and the subsequent closing off of their father until his death. Sam had Dean, though, and Castiel wishes he had found them earlier. Maybe then this mess wouldn't be what it is. Maybe he'd be out on the water as well and able to grin for more than a second.
Instead he's on the sidelines, and something tugs at his mind that says Dean has been gone too long. Sam's run is over and Dean has missed it. It doesn't strike Castiel as right and like usual, he doesn't know exactly what possesses him to take Jimmy and leave the safety of the crowd. Nothing could happen here, he reasons, Dean is only stuck in a line at some concession.
It's quiet here, away from the beach and the crowd of onlookers.
At his side, Jimmy hesitates and Castiel places his hand over the dog's head to calm him. To calm them both.
He turns a corner, still casting around for Dean and bumps straight into a homeless guy. Except Jimmy growls, a gun is being pulled, Dean is coming out of nowhere. The world spins about, red clouds his vision. His family. His family found him. Two gunshots and feet pounding away, police sirens screaming onto the scene and Castiel is curled on the ground around a motionless dog.
**
There's a while where Castiel sits in the waiting room of the hospital with blood all over his shirt and beneath his fingernails though he's tried to wash them clean. There's an empty leash curled in his hand because he apparently wouldn't let go of it. Two cops sit across the room from him, there for protection, as if that has done any good so far. He isn't sure how long he waits there for Sam to show up.
He's not at all surprised when Sam's arrival comes with hard hands fisted into his shirt, hauling him to his feet, and sharp words yelled into his face.
“What did you do to my brother?!”
Castiel looks to the side, past Sam's shoulder and gives a subtle shake of his head to the cops who are already on their feet, set to come to his rescue. Castiel has had enough of being rescued today.
“I'm sorry, Sam.”
“Sam,” Jessica's softer voice cuts in. Louder than Castiel's and quieter than Sam's and Sam backs off quickly, leaving Castiel to sink back down into his chair.
Castiel stares down at the leash in his hand and a minute drags by painfully before Sam crouches down and forces Castiel to catch his eye. “What happened?”
Before Castiel can find the words or even his voice, they're interrupted by a doctor walking in and asking for Sam. Sam immediately turns from Castiel, anxious and impatient. Castiel listens in but he already knew all of this, he saw it happen, all in a spray of blood.
Sam's brother is fine. A clean shot through the shoulder, he'll be released and back on his feet in the morning. He's even awake now and they're welcome to go in and see him briefly. Castiel doubts he'll be included in this and looks down at the leash again, until Sam's big hand falls on his shoulder and when Castiel looks up, Sam raises his eyebrows pointedly.
They walk down the hall together, Castiel hangs back a bit, but Dean's eyes find him immediately, brightening at the sight of Castiel alive and on his feet. “Hey, man,” Dean greets brightly before grinning at them all. Castiel has lived with Dean long enough to know he's bluffing to keep them from worrying. All the same, they circle Dean's bed, Sam and Jessica on one side, Castiel on the other. “Good to see you made it,” Dean says and then his sight catches on the empty leash and his expression falls. “I'm sorry about Jimmy.”
Castiel says nothing and looks away.
“Dean,” Sam demands attention. “Please tell me what's going on. You got shot.”
Dean waves him off with his good hand. “All in the line of duty.”
“You're not working right now.”
They meet head on in a stare that says more than words could before Dean gives in. “Fine. Jessica...”
“I'll meet you outside, Sam,” she says without argument. She kisses Sam, squeezes her hand over Dean's good shoulder and shares a sympathetic look with Castiel. She closes the door after her, leaving the room in silence.
“Cas isn't my partner. He's...under government protection. Or something.”
Sam crosses his arms tightly. “Why?”
“Because his family are whack job religious cultists. Okay. Cas?” Dean glances at him and Castiel nods only a little hesitantly. Castiel just got Sam's brother shot, he deserves to know why.
“My family...are very strict,” Castiel starts and Dean snorts. “And very steadfast in their beliefs to purify the world. They've committed many atrocities but if, as family, you didn't fall into line they would punish you. I grew tired of it and when my brother...when I could not...” Castiel shakes his head and pushes on, the skin of his back itching from remembered strikes of a whip wrought both by his own hand and his brothers. “I shot him. An entire clip of bullets into his chest and then I ran but the police caught me. I was held in a prison for some time but when they learned what my family had done to me and I had agreed to assist in helping track them down, they released me into the care of Dean. I suppose you could call it witness protection and house arrest in one.”
“Cas has been living with me for months now,” Dean says. “Whenever you came over, Sammy, he'd go to the captain's. You remember Bobby.” Dean had claimed it to be because Sam would whine about the lack of brother on brother time but Castiel knows Dean feels the same.
“That's...wow... What happens now?”
Castiel shrugs. “I leave with the officers in the waiting room and they'll place me somewhere else, I suppose.” He can't help the misery in his voice. He had liked Dean, he had loved Jimmy. He had enjoyed Sam and he would miss the first group of people he had ever been allowed to feel comfortable with. But Dean can read him very well these days.
“That's bullshit, Cas, I'll tell them you don't have to go anywhere.”
“My family knows where I am and I cannot stay. It's dangerous.”
“Damn right it’s dangerous and who are you gonna be more safe with? Some jackass cop who plays everything by the rules? Face it, Cas, I’m the one they sent you to for a reason and that’s because no one else was willing to take in a crack addicted murderer-“
“Dean,” Sam cuts in sharply and Dean sneers at them.
“I like you, Dean. And you, Sam. But if my family knows who I’m with, they will not pause to make any distinctions in order to get to me.” Dean doesn’t answer, only glares at him stonily and Castiel wonders if they have really gotten so close and realizes that indeed they have. He takes Dean’s silence as his only moment to leave with some grace and something other than harsh parting words. He rests his hand on Dean’s arm, squeezes and leans over. “You have become more of a brother to me than any of them ever were. So I know you understand why I would agree to leave to protect you.” He kisses Dean’s forehead and waits for no answer before leaving.
He makes it to the waiting room, where the cops wait for him and tells them he’s ready to go before Sam catches up with him.
“Cas, wait.” Castiel turns to him in surprise, a little wary as Sam approaches. “Your things are at my house. Come on, I’ll take you back. That’s not a question,” Sam goes on when Castiel makes to protest and he gives in. Like his brother, Sam is stubborn and arguing will get him exactly nowhere.
They go out to the parking lot and Jessica meets them there, looking confused and worried. But she doesn’t ask and Castiel realizes that where he’s become family in a short amount of time, Jessica hasn’t. He feels badly for her but she seems to understand.
“Is everything okay?” is all she asks to which Sam shrugs.
“I dunno. Look…Jessica, I’m sorry but I’ve really gotta talk to Cas alone.”
Jessica smiles a small smile, looking between them before nodding. “I’ll see you around, okay?”
Sam says okay and Castiel wonders if he’s just witnessed and perpetrated the first step of their parting. He isn’t sure how to feel about that on top of everything else. But Jessica walks from them, speaking into her cell phone and Castiel can hear her asking for a ride, and then she’s lost while he and Sam get into the truck. Castiel glances into the back and realizes what’s missing.
“Your board…”
Sam looks back, pauses for a moment as if only just realizing it’s gone as well, and shrugs. “I left it on the beach. I’ll look for it tomorrow or a get new one. It doesn’t matter right now.”
But Castiel thinks it does. He thinks of the lost board and the empty leash still clutched in his grip and thinks that it must matter. “I’m sorry.”
A cop car pulls up near them and waits for them to lead the way, Castiel’s escorts who have agreed to tail them. Sam pulls out and they begin what feels like a long drive back to Stanford. It’s a while before Sam says anything.
“You were gonna tell me all this in the park.”
Castiel nods. “Dean was angry at me for mentioning it.”
“Why? I mean…why did you want to tell me?”
Castiel thinks on that one, what made him open up to Sam. Or even to Dean. To anyone. “I’ve known very few people in my life who are good. I’ve known many who believe they are but that’s different. You said you wanted to be a lawyer to help the smaller man once. And your brother accepted me despite what I’ve done, where I came from. He gave me a chance. I suppose I would have liked to be a part of that but it’s hardly possible.”
“We can figure something out.”
Castiel shakes his head and that’s it for the rest of the drive, while Castiel stares blankly out the window and Sam turns over their words.
The pair of cops follows them to Sam’s apartment and wait out front while Castiel showers Jimmy’s blood from him and changes. Gathers his things to leave and wonders where he’ll wind up this time. He expects back in a cell and ends up just sitting on the edge of the bed, unwilling to move, until Sam comes in to check on him. The bed dips beside him under Sam’s weight and Sam’s arm settles across his shoulders. Castiel feels despair bubble up in his throat though he pushes it away.
“You don’t have to leave yet. Dean said you can stay here tonight, those cops will keep a stakeout on the apartment and Dean will be back in the morning. He said he’ll figure something out.”
“Remaining here places you in danger.”
“You called Dean family, that pretty much means you’ll never get rid of him or me, so you may as well give up trying now.”
Sam’s arm tightens around him and Castiel fights the tug of a smile.
**
Dean is home the following morning. Castiel is forced to stay at the apartment while Sam goes to pick him up and he walks in with his shoulder and arm bound up in a sling. He looks fine though and grins over at Castiel.
“So,” Dean starts once they’re all sitting down around the kitchen table with coffee. “I spent most of my ‘recovery time’ making calls and sticking my nose in everything I could. We’re gonna have to relocate but it’s not like anyone else is jumping up to take your case so you can stick with me.”
“Dean…”
“Not up for debate, buddy.”
Castiel fights the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose and ignores Sam’s smirk. “Relocate where?”
Dean coughs. “Canada. Maybe.” Now Sam and Castiel are both staring at him. “It’s not forever. Just until they bring these guys in and then Cas can testify and then that’s it. We’re free. It’ll happen. Things are…y’know, things are in motion now thanks to all the info Cas gave the FBI and it’ll happen.”
“Things have been in motion for a year now, Dean. Over that.”
“That doesn’t count. You were in a hospital and rehab and a jail cell. No, things have been ‘in fucking motion’ for a few months and in a few more, that’ll be the end of it. Those fuckers will be behind bars, you’ll be a free man and then if you still want to, you can walk away from this. Us.”
“I do not want to walk away from anything,” Castiel assures.
**
They hole up in a small town in Nova Scotia, which is gorgeous through the summer and a little terrifying through the winter. For Dean, at any rate, who stamps about the cold and the snow and the ice. Castiel kind of likes it and he spends a lot of days out walking, bundled with thick jacket and long scarf. He thinks Jimmy would have liked it. The exhilaration of the chill in the air. It’s hard, but he manages to talk Dean into joining him sometimes and Dean can’t find an excuse not to. Neither of them work and their days are wiled away.
Sam calls every week to talk to Dean and then to talk to Castiel because, as Sam insists when Castiel tries to tell him he doesn't have to, Castiel is family now. Sam wants to know how Castiel is doing so Castiel tells him. How he has a difficult time without Jimmy but he very much likes the town they're in. Sam tells him that he and Jessica have parted and Castiel doesn't feel as bad as he should for that. When Sam decides to take up Russian as a language requirement at the university, Castiel helps him and their phone time doubles.
Dean only keeps silent about this for so long.
“So…” Dean starts. It’s December and the words puff from him in white clouds as they walk along a lonely path along a frozen beach. Castiel is always surprised the handful of times when he's looked and spotted a surfer. He wonders if Sam were here, would he go out onto the freezing water? “You and Sam, huh?”
Castiel eyes Dean suspiciously. “He is a good friend.”
Dean laughs, sharp and disbelieving. “You two are both so fucking oblivious.”
Castiel turns this over and he’s not entirely obtuse. He’s known Sam’s eyes on him for a long time, the hesitant interest, and the underlying tone to every one of their phone conversations. Sam is intelligent and thoughtful and sometimes Castiel wants to cross the border and find Sam only to embrace him. Because though Dean is closer in many ways, that’s something Dean isn’t quite willing to lend him. But... “My family are still out there.”
“Not for long,” Dean insists, the way he always does.
**
Sam visits them for Christmas, a year after their first meeting, when Castiel had been new, had known even Dean for mere weeks. When he had wanted to be alone and thought the world hopeless, hiding from Dean and Sam at Captain Singer’s house. A man who has also become a sort of gruff family member over the last year.
They greet Sam at the airport, a hug for Dean and then Castiel is surprised to receive one himself. Walking across the car park to Dean’s Impala, Sam stamps through the cold worse than Dean does and Castiel thinks the man goes absolutely white. They turn the heater on high for the drive home and still Sam can’t stop shivering. It takes a bit of coaxing to get Sam out of the car - “Never thought I’d see the day you wanted to stay in this thing, Sammy,” Dean teases - and into their small house.
Castiel makes them all hot chocolate which is his and Dean’s new addiction. That and the wood fireplace and Castiel thinks Dean secretly enjoys chopping wood for it. It’s already lit and roaring when they get back, the house warm and inviting.
They stay up too late, Dean and Sam talking and insulting each other, while Castiel stays back quietly. He studies Sam’s profile through the flickering of firelight across the room. The way he laughs, the way he sulks, the way he turns thoughtful. And he thinks that Sam doesn’t know anything about him, that even Dean does not know the extent of Castiel’s life, but Sam is here and Dean is here and neither of them look at him with anything but open camaraderie. Castiel allows himself for perhaps the first time to feel blessed.
The next day, Castiel is unceremoniously blindfolded and forced into the car, where’s he’s told to be patient and neither will answer his questions on where they’re going. He doesn’t feel even a spark of fear, only amusement. After they’ve driven a good hour, Sam guides him from the car and Dean’s voice beckons from ahead. He gets an idea of what they’re doing only when he hears the excitable barks of dogs from ahead and he slows to a stop, pressing back against Sam’s hands on his shoulders.
“Sam…”
“It’s Christmas,” Sam replies and tugs the blindfold free from Castiel’s eyes.
Castiel knows where this is, that those are German Shepherds in the runs past the high chain link fence. He’s thought about this, gone back and forth and nearly given in and spoken to Dean about it when he keeps finding himself reaching for a dog at his side that isn’t there. But he never said anything and he hadn’t thought he was so obvious.
“These dogs are too expensive. You can’t-“
“Will you quit whining and get up here?” Dean calls down, standing further ahead, at the gateway to the fence with the breeder. Castiel gives in and goes, Sam's hand stays on his back and Castiel is thankful for it while he's lead over to a corner pen. And Castiel already knows, as he sets his gaze to the puppies that eagerly clamber over each other to greet the strangers. He takes one into his arms, nearly black with ears that flop over, and he holds her close and she bites his nose.
They stay there all afternoon and return plus one. Castiel isn't sure how he'll ever repay them and it takes him well into the evening to realize he doesn't have to.
He and Sam sit on the living room floor, rolling a ball back and forth and watching the puppy scuttle after it. Dean calls it an early night, ruffling all their hair before he goes, leaving Sam and Castiel on their own. For awhile, they only continue rolling the ball but Castiel watches Sam, the easy smile and still thinks that Sam doesn't understand half of what he's getting into. Sam looks up and catches Castiel watching.
“What are you gonna name her?”
Castiel looks at the puppy, who has caught and is happily gnawing on the ball. “I don't know. This was your idea, wasn't it?”
Sam shrugs, looking both arrogant and shy at once and Castiel's chest tightens a little before the words press out of him. “Dean believes...that you have...interest. In me.”
“Dean's also got a big mouth.”
“Sam...” Castiel tries but Sam holds up a hand to stop him.
“How long have we known each other now, Cas?”
“A year. But you do not know very much really.”
“Like what?” Sam scoffs but Castiel could list a million things. Sam gets there first. “I know you're smart, that you worry too much and care more than you want to admit. You got my brother to admit you into the 'family' and that is no small thing, trust me. You're great with dogs. You're kind of quiet and weird.”
“I carry a lot of baggage.”
“You and the rest of us.”
“But mine wants to kill me.”
“Not for long,” Sam shoots back without missing a beat.
“You're very stubborn.”
Sam grins. “You like it.”
Castiel can't argue that one and has to relent with a nod. “I may.” Castiel watches wary as Sam shifts, starts to make his cautious approach towards Castiel in a crawl. Like he isn't entirely sure Castiel won't back away and even Castiel is surprised when he stays put until Sam is before him and they're breathing the same air before Sam is kissing him. The weight of Sam presses at him and Castiel relaxes, lets Sam ease him onto his back where Sam's warmth blankets him and Castiel feels surprisingly safe. He does still need to protest, useless as it's going to be. “I am at least ten years older than you.”
“Now you're just reaching,” Sam scolds and Castiel smiles.
He raises his hand to Sam's chest, feels the steady heartbeat. “When my family are dealt with.” And it's the first time he says 'when' and not 'if'.
“Okay. But then you're coming back to California and I'm gonna show you a few things. Right?”
“Right,” Castiel agrees. The puppy does as well, demanding attention as she tries to squirm her way between them.
**
It takes another three months before the information Castiel provided finally tips the favour into the hands of the FBI. It takes two more months of trials and politics and Castiel repeating again and again his story, for irrefutable evidence to be presented, before it's over.
Dean is there at his side for it all, there to make his own claims. Sam is there in the background. Both to give their support and keep him standing through it.
In the end, he can't quite believe that it is the end. And suddenly he has the entire rest of his life to look forward to and part of him isn't sure he can do it. Now the rug has been pulled from beneath his feet. He had never truly expected to have a free life and to combat this, he locks himself in his room at their house in Nova Scotia and refuses to come out.
“Come on, Cas! Someone's gotta walk this damn dog and it's not me,” Dean tries to coax him out multiple times and Castiel feels guilty, he does. But the world out there is so very overwhelming and he can't make himself do it.
This goes on for days, with Dean trying several times to get him out, and sometimes Castiel can hear the scrape of the dogs claws at the door as well or a snuffle of a nose, the deep whine of her asking please. The only times he comes out is when his body demands it and then it's not for long. After a week the last thing Castiel is expecting is to hear Sam's voice on the other side.
“Cas?”
It surprises him enough that Castiel gets to his feet and opens the door.
“Oh so for him you'll come out!” Dean grouses from down the hall before turning and leaving them. Castiel doesn't care, he's busy watching Sam.
“What are you doing here?”
“We had a deal,” Sam says and Castiel frowns. “Once all the bullshit was dealt with, you were supposed to come to California. Since you wouldn't do that, I had to come here. I'd have been here sooner but I had an exam to finish. Now I have the summer, I'm here, and you're coming with me. No arguing.”
Castiel barely has the chance to say a word, only a confused “Sam, what-” as Sam grabs him by the arm and hauls him out of the room, across the hall and pushes him into the bathroom.
“Have a shower, get dressed.”
Not knowing what else to do, Castiel does. He finds Sam waiting by the front door, arms crossed, when he comes back out. Dean and the dog are nowhere to be seen. Sam marches him down to an unfamiliar car and ushers him into the front seat. A rental and Castiel realizes that Sam really does plan on sticking around for the entire summer because Castiel wouldn't hold up on his end of the bargain.
They drive quietly for a few minutes before Castiel glances to the man at his side. “I'm sorry I didn't come. I was...”
“Scared?” Sam supplies and Castiel nods. “We'll work on that. Together, though. Not with you locked away.”
“Okay.”
Sam grins and Castiel goes back to watching the road, frowning as he realizes they're approaching the beach. One he is well familiar with, as Dean and he have walked here often and Castiel has taken the dog here many times now. “Did you know you have a great surfing beach pretty much at your backdoor?”
“I was...not aware, no.” He lies because he's watched the surfing here many times.
Sam parks the car and from here, Castiel can see the stretch of the beach and the tourists and locals crowding it. With swimmers and surfers alike in the cold water, Castiel gives Sam a dubious look.
“Don't worry,” Sam waves him off, getting out of the car while Castiel follows slowly. The day is a little chilly and Castiel knows the hot weather won't hit for another few weeks. He knows the ocean water will be cold at best. Sam pops the trunk of the car and Castiel finds a pair of swim trunks being shoved into his hands. “I had to guess at your size. Let’s change and then we'll go down to the shop.”
“The shop...”
Sam leads him along, first to change and then to a rental shop. Where he is greeted by name and where wetsuits and surfboards are ready for them.
“Sam...” Castiel can feel himself smiling despite the warning in his voice and when Sam turns to him all he can do is smile and allow himself to be lead, first into the wetsuit and then down to the water with the unfamiliar length of a surfboard under his arm. They link hands and the water laps at their feet and by the end of the summer, Castiel's not even half bad at losing himself to the feel of the waves and eventually, losing himself in Sam.
After all, Castiel needs someone to lead him into this new life and Sam needs someone to share it with.
Author: thunder_nari
Fandom/Genre: AU
Pairing(s): Sam/Castiel, some Sam/Jessica
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~10 000
Warnings: Human AU, sort of character death (but none of the main ones), mentions of drug use and past abuse
Artist: chaosraven
Art link: Masterpost
Summary: Sam is a student at Stanford, Dean is a cop with the Lawrence Police Department, Castiel is his partner with a past that catches up to all of them.
Thanks to slartibartfast for the awesome beta.
Our Lives Have Begun
**
Sam
*
Sam meets Castiel the first time visiting Dean over Christmas break. The first break he's had in his new life as a university student and he'd been kind of hoping for some one on one time with his brother. Some time to kick back with stupid movies and worse jokes and deep talks that they just can't have with anyone else. So Sam's not really all that impressed when he walks into Dean’s old house in Lawrence and Dean greets him and standing beside him there's this other guy.
At Sam's questioning look, Dean gives a half-smile and a shrug. What can you do? Dean asks without words and then introduces Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Stiff who doesn't even smile Sam's way.
“This is Castiel. I told you I was getting a new partner, right?” Sam nods kind of dumbly and Dean grins between them. “Cas, this is my brother Sammy.”
“Dean,” Sam kind of whines which probably doesn't do a lot to dispel the 'Sammy' vibe. Castiel doesn't seem to notice or care but he does take Sam's hand after Sam glares at his brother and extends his arm in a friendly gesture. Sam goes with a generic, “It's good to meet you.”
“And you,” Castiel replies and Sam is a little shocked at how rough his voice is. “Dean’s mentioned you.”
“All terrible, of course,” Dean cuts in and then drags them all towards the kitchen.
Sam leaves the pair for a moment to put his things away; he's been here enough times to know which room is his and he's just turning the handle when he hears Dean snap out from the kitchen. “Oh shit, Sam, wait,” but it's too late, Sam's opening the door and there's a menacing growl before something is launching at him. Sam barely has time to raise his arms to ward off the beast before Castiel barks out;
“Cedo!”
And the big German Shepherd stops making a bid for Sam’s throat and settles on the floor, looking over Sam’s shoulder to Castiel who’s now standing right behind him. Sam tries not to jump out of his skin for a second time but that doesn’t stop his heart pounding.
“Dude, why is there a dog-“
Dean is a little ways behind Castiel, looking contrite which doesn’t buy him any points in Sam’s book. So far the entire visit isn’t going the way it should considering he and Dean haven’t seen each other since school started. “I forgot, man, I’m sorry. That’s uh. That’s Jimmy, he’s Castiel’s dog. Sort of in training police dog, you know?” Sam really doesn’t. “Anyway, you’re gonna have to take the couch. Just for a few days,” Dean hurries to reassure.
“What the hell, Dean.”
Castiel breaks in, rough voice quiet and Sam thinks he might hear a touch of embarrassment. “I apologize. I should…let you two talk. Jimmy. Sequi.” The dog bounds to its feet and follows Castiel back down the hall as he retreats to the kitchen.
“Dean?” Sam demands and knows he looks pissy and sounds pissy but this is not the way Christmas was supposed to go.
They'd been doing this for years. Since mom died in the fire and since dad had been shot on the job, in the line of duty. Since Sam had been sixteen and it had just been the two of them, even after Dean had gone into the police academy following their father and after Sam had thrown all his focus into school. They made time to meet up a few times a year, just the two of them. Christmas and spring break and for a couple weeks in the summer when Dean would cash in all his vacation time and use it on Sam.
“I know,” Dean stresses, hands raised. “But he's been going through this hard time and he's my partner, I can't just tell him to fend for himself.”
Sam kind of wants to ask what sort of hard times but he thinks that it's none of his business and sighs. He knows Dean can't turn someone away that needs help, certainly not someone he works with. Neither can Sam. “A few days?”
“Cross my heart,” Dean teases and grins.
“Alright.” Sam gives in - of course he does - and they go back to the kitchen, where they find Castiel has drawn out some beers for them and is now sitting at the table with Jimmy's head on his lap. “He's not gonna bite me again, right?” Sam asks but it's with a smile and Castiel gives a single shake of his head.
Castiel says “Ludo” and Jimmy gives in to excited tail wagging and then, like a real dog, bounds amongst the three of them demanding attention. “I’m sorry I’m causing trouble. I can take the sofa.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Cas, you’re already set up in the room. It’s no trouble. Sam’s just always prissy after being in a plane for a few hours.” Sam rolls his eyes, mutters something along the lines of not being the drama queen in the family when it comes to flying and from there, the rest of the evening passes with a minimal amount of awkwardness.
Castiel excuses himself early, taking Jimmy along with him, and Sam doesn’t see him much over the next few days. Apartment hunting, Dean says and Sam wants to ask why, what happened? What sort of trouble did Castiel get in to? But Sam isn’t one to pry, he met the guy once for an hour and it’s not his business. If it affected Dean in any way then Dean would tell Sam about it. Besides, Dean seems to like the guy so Sam probably shouldn’t worry.
As first impressions go, it’s not much of one. Not the best and not the worst and when Sam gets back to Stanford, he doesn’t really think about it much. Except the times that he does. Dean talks about Castiel occasionally, his name usually comes up at least once every conversation. Usually just a brief, ‘Cas made the most amazing quiche this - yeah, quiche, shut up.’ Or sometimes he’ll mention the dog, ‘Jimmy’s training is really coming along, you should see the shit this dog can do.’ Or one notable time, “Cas is the sexiest mofo with a badge, Sam, I mean it.’
And Sam has to ignore the way his stomach kind of drops. “You can’t hit on your co-worker, Dean.”
“No…” Dean heaves a sigh out across the line. “But I can look.”
“You're actually getting along with this one then?”
They haven't talked about it too much in the couple months since Sam found out about Dean's new partner. Sam's not going to say it but he's been waiting for the usually inevitable phone call saying his partner is a total dick and Dean's getting reassigned again. Or that they asked to be reassigned from Dean. He's not the easiest guy to get along with. He's hard-headed and loud and obnoxious. He won’t let anyone else drive the car and his way is the only way. Partners just never last that long with Dean and he always claims he prefers it solo anyway. Castiel seems to be different.
“Sure. I mean...he's a good guy, he knows what he's doing.”
“He called you out on your bullshit, didn't he?”
“And he's totally cool with me driving us everywhere.”
Sam laughs. “It's almost like you have a BFF going there.”
There's a pause and Sam rolls his eyes in advance. “I don't...know what that- Whatever. You need to pull yourself off the internet occasionally, Sammy.”
“I do plenty, thanks.”
“Yeah and how's Jessica doing? She still whooping your ass at surfing?”
“Funny. I'm thinking about signing up for this competition actually. Just a small one over the summer.”
“I'm still weirded out over a lawyer who surfs.”
“As opposed to a cop who's afraid to fly? You're coming to me this year, Dean; you'll have to get over it.”
Dean grumbles enough for Sam to know he'll do it. Brave the death trap that is a plane to fly over to California. They say goodbyes not long after and Sam thinks about the summer and the paper he's got coming due, and inexplicably, he thinks about Castiel a bit. At least until Jessica stops by to drag his ass out the door for an evening to relax.
**
It's spring break when Sam heads down to Lawrence again and this time, he brings Jessica along with him. They've been officially together six months now. They met at Stanford when Sam had been hopelessly lost and just a little bit terrified. She'd asked him out for coffee and Sam had rethought every negative feeling he'd ever had towards love at first sight. Dean just called him a girl.
Dean might be a little annoyed at him right now, a little surly. The same way Sam had been over Christmas when he'd walked into Dean's house and found their time interrupted. So Sam gets it but they're both going to have to learn to live with it. Things are changing, they're living on different sides of the country, and they’re both meeting people. Dean's his brother but he thinks he's a little in love with Jessica.
A couple hours after they arrive on Dean's front step, Jessica manages to win Dean over as well and any sulking stops in its tracks.
There's no mostly black German Shepherd to greet Sam this time as he shows Jessica their room and takes her on a quick tour of Dean's house. The place isn't that big, a single floor, two bedrooms, one bath. In typical Dean fashion, there's a dismantled gun laid out across the coffee table in the living room. Sam's used to it. Dean had been working his way to up in the Lawrence Police Department for years and now he's an investigator and it seems to be as far as he wants to go. Desk work makes him want to tear his hair out. Sam is the exact opposite.
They settle in and have dinner, a few beers and a lot of stories. Dean is still working so he turns in early and the following day, Sam takes Jessica on a tour of the city he grew up in. He almost has a heart attack when they're walking along a street and a ghost cop car rolls up behind them, waiting until the last second to blare its siren. Sam spins, taking in the expected sight of Dean's standard issue ghost car with the red flashing light set on its dashboard. Dean is still trying to get the department to let him drive his Impala.
Dean pulls up next to them, window rolled down and Dean half-hangs out of it, grinning up at them. “Hey, Sammy.”
“Dean. Hey Castiel,” Sam directs to Castiel in the passenger seat and Castiel gives him a curt nod in return. Jimmy is laid calmly in the backseat.
“Hey, you guys gotta come with us and watch this. We’re taking Jimmy out to the training center. Come on, get in.”
Jessica and Sam both share the same dubious look aimed at the dog until Castiel speaks up. “I’ll take the back.” And before they can protest, he’s out of the car, giving Jimmy a command so the dog slips down to the floor of the spacious backseat. Castiel takes the vacated spot and since everything is seemingly decided for them, Jessica takes Castiel’s spot in the front and Sam sits opposite Castiel in the back. While the front of the car is lively with conversation on the short drive, the back feels awkward by comparison.
The training compound is empty when they all get out of the car and walk onto the grounds and Sam takes in the stretch of lawn. The various obstacles from A-frames to balance beams to tunnels laid out. Sam wonders if Castiel feels nervous or annoyed to have an audience but if he is, he doesn't show it. He wonders if Jimmy is.
Not that Jimmy shows it either. Castiel steps forward and a sharp whistle has Jimmy moving. A different whistle for a different command and Jimmy responds to them all. Short and sharp or long and high. A combination of both. They send Jimmy forward to tackle whatever is in his path or drop him to the ground or stop him in his tracks. But it’s Castiel Sam watches. Castiel’s concentration is entirely on the dog and shaping the whistles on his lips and tongue. The stiffness he seems to carry with him falls away and though he hardly moves, Sam can see him throw himself into the exercise as much as Jimmy.
“Might wanna close your mouth, Sammy,” Dean leans over to nudge him and Sam snaps his gaze to the dog like he’s been watching the animal the entire time. When he feels eyes on him, he looks to the side to see Jessica studying him a little.
“That was amazing,” Sam comments once Jimmy is back at Castiel's side, panting happily with a tennis ball in his mouth. Castiel turns and regards him with a slight smile that Sam hasn't seen before. As if he has seen Castiel very much at all. He only inclines his head to accept the compliment.
“Hey, Cas, how about you come over for dinner tonight, huh?” Dean asks.
“I don't want to impose.”
“I asked so you're not. Come on,” Dean pressures and Sam watches the hesitation in Castiel's eyes before he gives in with a quiet “Alright”.
That evening, Castiel leaves Jimmy at home and shows up on Dean's doorstep bearing a bottle of wine. He's ushered in and told to make himself at home which seems to mostly involve standing or sitting a little uncomfortably, watching them all with a scrutinizing intensity. Sam feels compelled to go talk to him, remembering the awkwardness in the car and the awkwardness the first time they met. What must Castiel be like on his own for Dean to like him so much?
The only thing Sam can think of to bring up when he approaches Castiel with a glass of his wine in offering is the dog. “So...why whistling? And those other commands, those are...Latin, right?”
Castiel accepts the glass and the questions. “Yes. To prevent him from accidentally obeying someone else in the field.”
“That must have taken a lot of work.”
“Few dogs are equipped with the skills Jimmy has,” Castiel says and Sam is certain he can hear the pride in his voice. The fondness. “I've only had him for a few months; I didn’t do most of his training. He's five now.”
It doesn't take long before Castiel warms to the conversation, before he becomes something close to animated as they talk about Jimmy and then about Latin and languages. A side love of Sam's and he finds out Castiel is fluent in several. So he discovers that Castiel is an intelligent pet lover. Sam still has no idea why Dean likes him so much.
Sam doesn't see Castiel again through the week except in passing and Dean gives Sam the most manly goodbye hug possible before Sam and Jessica board the plane for California.
**
The next few months are spent with school, Jessica and his side sport of surfing. Which Dean still teases him about relentlessly but Sam kind of suspects Dean wants to give it a shot, no matter how much he denies it.
Two weeks after finals and the end of the school year and a month before Dean is supposed to get his ass on a plane and come visit, Dean gives him a call and asks if Castiel can tag along.
“Seriously, you can't hit on your co-worker,” Sam insists, more amused than anything and Dean's eye roll can be heard clear across the line.
“Don't be a smartass. He's going through-”
“Hard times?” Sam cuts in, sounding a little annoyed but truthfully he's not at all this time. He'll have Jessica around, why shouldn't Dean bring someone? Maybe he's a small bit annoyed but that might just be because of the way his heart trips a little or his stomach turns in something like excited nerves.
“I swear,” Dean says and brings Sam's attention back to the conversation. “All he does every night is sit alone with that dog.” Dean sighs and the sound rushes into Sam's ear. “Look he's... The guy’s got no friends and no family. It's just...'s not right.”
“It's fine. Bring him.”
“You sure? With Cas comes a big dog.”
Sam laughs lightly. “Yeah. Admit it, Dean, you just want someone to hold your hand on the big scary plane.”
“Bite me,” are Dean's parting words.
**
Three weeks later and Sam is enjoying a few late afternoon waves out along his current favourite stretch of beach near Santa Cruz, an hour from Stanford and his apartment. Jessica is out with a few friends and other than avoiding the other surfers on the water, there's nothing to worry about. The sun is perfect, the waves are perfect. He's picking up his brother and Castiel - and Jimmy - from the airport in three days.
There are a couple other guys here who Sam has struck up a sort of friendship with, though they only ever see each other out on the water, going separate ways afterwards. They're better than he is, been at it longer, and are happy to hand out a few pointers on what to do, a few more on how not to piss off the locals. Though Sam is pretty much one of them now, he's recognized and greeted and he knows whose way to stay well out of.
Andy is the smaller of the ones Sam hangs out with and Sam is sure he smokes too much. Andy waves his arm to grab Sam's drifting attention and then gestures out towards the beach. “I think someone's calling for you.”
Frowning, Sam looks over and there on the beach, that's Dean with his hands cupped over his mouth and hollering at Sam for all he's worth. And Castiel next to him with Jimmy at his side, as always. Sam has a moment to wonder if he forgot to pick Dean up but no, he's sure Dean's not due here for three days and how did Dean even find him here?
He paddles in, catching a wave half-way, and tries not to fall off his board with how self-conscious he feels because his brother is watching him. And Castiel. He manages to keep upright and Dean meets him a little up the beach, shit eating grin well in place. Castiel politely inclines his head in greeting and Sam spares him a “Hey, Castiel,” before rounding on his brother.
“What are you- Oh my god, Dean! You drove here, you fucking baby.” He doesn't know why he tosses an apologetic glance at Castiel, no doubt Dean curses constantly around him and Sam doubts Castiel cares.
“Hey, Jimmy doesn't like flying either. Good to see you too, Sammy.” Dean slaps him on the shoulder, knocking Sam forward a step and he's tempted to give Dean a sopping wet welcome to California hug - or just toss him into the ocean - but holds back.
“Did you guys just get here? You spoke to Jessica?”
“We've been here a few hours. When you wouldn't answer your phone, I called Jessica and she told us you'd be out here.”
“Alright. Let me get my stuff stowed in the truck and then we'll head back to the apartment.” Sam makes eye-contact with Castiel as he hefts his long board up under his arm. “Jimmy can ride in the back of my truck if he wants. Probably like it better there than the Impala, which I'm sure Dean's subjected you to for days on end now.”
Castiel lets out a rueful smile, both of them ignoring Dean's snort of indignation. “He'd like that. As much as I appreciate your car, Dean, it's not very good for a long drive. We'll ride with Sam, if he doesn't mind.”
Sam waves off the concern and Dean bitches to himself the entire walk up the beach and to Sam's parking spot. Jimmy jumps into the back after Sam has stowed his board and changed from the wetsuit to a dry pair of long shorts and t-shirt. Dean parts ways from them there, saying he can find his way back to Stanford; he made it down here after all, right? And Castiel joins Sam in the truck. Sam waits until they get out onto the highway to attempt conversation, drawing Castiel's attention from watching the scenery.
“It's good to see you could make it,” he offers with a smile, hoping to break the awkward air that always seems to linger between them.
“Dean is very persuasive. He insisted I needed to ah...get a tan and get the stick out of my ass, I believe.”
Sam chuckles on Castiel's wry almost smile. “Yeah, that sounds like him. I should probably apologize for that.”
Castiel waves it away. “I'm used to it. And like him despite it. I don't want to say he's professional at his job but he's good at it. He told me you were working on becoming a lawyer.”
“Just got the first year over with.”
“Successfully, I trust.”
Sam can't help but beam at Castiel a bit and Castiel takes that track and runs with it. He asks more about school and being a lawyer. Sam would feel bad about talking about himself for the hour drive but Castiel looks so attentive and interested that he doesn't. The drive from the Santa Cruz beaches back to Stanford has never felt so fast before.
**
Jessica is there to greet them at the two bedroom apartment that Sam keeps. Officially, they haven't exactly moved in together but she has the spare key and Sam feels comfortable letting her come and go whenever she pleases. Really, he may as well ask her and he's not sure what's holding him back. Maybe he'll bring it up for the upcoming year.
There are two bedrooms, which puts Castiel and Jimmy in one and Dean out on the couch. Castiel doesn't argue it so Sam bets it's a conversation already had and settled. They catch an early dinner, and then sit around with a beer each and the television before a somewhat early night. In the morning, Sam slips away from Jessica, donning light clothes and sneaking through the house. He jogs every morning, well before Jessica is ready to roll out of the bed and the apartment is still quiet.
He tiptoes past Dean, searching for his iPod which he's sure he left on the coffee table but maybe it's in the kitchen, and there he runs straight into Jimmy, who scoots forward when Sam nearly treads on his tail and bumps into Castiel. Sam kind of can't help it and it's not even a big deal, but every time he's seen Castiel before, he's been dressed heavily. Winter and Spring are not warm in Lawrence and he'd been under a uniform, under a jacket or a trench coat. Or under jeans and hoody inside Dean's house. He may as well be naked now, wearing shorts that cling to lean thighs and legs and a baggy t-shirt. And runners. Sam blushes when he realizes he completely just gave Castiel a once over.
“Um. Morning. Sorry, I didn't think anyone else would be up...”
“I have to take Jimmy for a run.”
Sam perks up a bit. “Cool. Mind if I tag along?”
“Not at all. You know the best paths after all.” Castiel is smiling at him again, not quite free and easy but as close as Sam has seen him come.
They head out into the dewy morning air and Sam turns them down the street, Castiel and Jimmy keeping an easy pace at his side as they jog. They go mostly in silence but Sam finds he doesn’t mind the lack of conversation or the lack of his iPod. Castiel puffs steady breaths beside him and Jimmy’s claws click along the pavement before they reach a dirt jogging path that leads into a park near Sam’s apartment complex.
Sam runs further than he usually does, until the sun his getting higher and powerful, sending sweat down his back and he’s starting to gasp a little on his breaths. He looks across to Castiel who looks like he could keep going for another fifty miles. Sam has to give in, admit defeat, shuffling to a stop and pressing his hands down above his knees as he pants.
“Jesus, do you even need to breathe?”
Castiel laughs then and Sam is a little gratified to hear it sound a bit breathless. Not to mention kind of prideful that he made Castiel laugh at all. “We can take a break,” he says and glances around the park path until he spots some benches up head, gesturing before going there.
They sit and Castiel gives Sam a few moments to calm his heart and lungs down. They talk there for awhile, about anything that crosses their minds and Sam watches as Castiel's shoulders relax from their usual tension. Sam gets him to laugh again and in the end, they walk at a casual pace back to the apartment.
They meet up the next day and the next and the next. On the fourth, Castiel says while they sit on their now designated bench, “I wanted to thank you again for putting up with my presence.”
Sam snorts. “I’m hardly ‘putting up’ with anything, Cas. You’re not so bad to be around," he jokes, nudging his shoulder up against Castiel’s. It’s not flirting, it’s casual. And it makes Castiel duck his head a little, lapsing them in to silence before Sam’s curiosity and his desire to just know make him ask, “Dean said…you were going through some things. You don’t have to talk about it, I was just…” Sam goes on quickly when there’s no immediate response, shrugging to dismiss it and internally telling himself how stupid his mouth is.
But Castiel sighs and he doesn’t seem insulted or annoyed. “Things I’ve been dealing with for years. Family mostly and…past mistakes.”
“I’m sorry,” Sam offers.
Castiel stares for a long moment down at Jimmy, who rests at their feet and looks back, as if he can sense his owner’s sudden unease and attention. Sam stays silent, watching as Castiel comes to some decision, lines around his eyes hardening in resolve. And spits out words Sam probably never wanted to know. “I’m an ex-drug addict with an abusive cult as a family.”
Sam’s eyes widen in shock before he can stop the reaction. “Oh. Oh…I…uh.” Does Dean know? He wants to ask but manages to keep his mouth shut.
Castiel waits a second before getting to his feet, Jimmy drawing up with him. “Jimmy and I are going to continue on. You should go back.” Castiel jogs off while Sam is still trying to formulate an answer.
**
“Did you know?” Sam asks Dean the moment he gets back to the apartment and finds Dean sitting alone in the kitchen nursing a cup of coffee. Castiel and Jimmy aren’t back yet.
Dean blinks at him. “…Huh?”
“About Castiel. His…family and the…the other… Did you know?”
Dean stares at him for long enough that Sam knows whatever he says isn’t going to be a lie and lets out a harsh breath. “Fuck. He’s not supposed to talk about this shit. Yeah, I knew. And you’re better off not knowing. But he must really like you.”
That shouldn’t warm Sam at all yet it does and he softens. “I just wanna know what’s going on.”
“It’s complicated and really not my place to tell.”
They’re both distracted when Castiel walks into the kitchen, hair stuck down to his forehead and he actually looks like he exerted himself this time. He had to have jogged all the way back to catch up with Sam so quickly. His eyes cut between the two of them and Sam glances at Dean to see his brother giving Castiel a pointed ‘what the fuck did you do?’ glare. Castiel meets it with his own narrow eyes before muttering out a “Morning, Dean,” and moving through the kitchen to get to his room.
Dean goes back to his coffee and the conversation is closed, for now at least. Sam lets it go, moving to his room to clean up.
Sam isn’t usually given to eavesdropping. He knows better, he hates it. He also can’t help himself. He wanted to know about Castiel before and now his curiosity is doubly piqued. Dean never keeps things from him, barring work confidentialities but he doubts Castiel’s family life has anything to do with that. So when Castiel steps from his room to slip into the bathroom and Dean catches him, Sam stands listening with his door ajar in the next room down.
“Castiel.”
“I know, Dean,” Castiel snaps in reply to Dean’s soft voice stopping him. Sam can’t see them but he’s surprised at the animosity in Castiel’s tone.
“You can’t do shit like this.”
“I know.” But all the anger drains out just as quickly and Sam is left feeling uncomfortable for the resignation in his voice. He shouldn’t be listening to this. “I had thought… I’m tired of this.”
“I know… I’m sorry. You just need to hold out a little while longer. Okay?”
“Yes, Dean.”
Sam retreats further into his bedroom to change.
**
The following morning, Sam makes sure to meet Castiel in the kitchen and Castiel can’t refuse the offer of a jogging partner. They run the same park path as always and Castiel slows his pace to allow Sam to keep his breath easier. The silence is there around them again but it feels less companionable this time, more expectant and tense.
Apparently even Castiel can’t take the thick air between them. “Aren’t you surfing today?”
Sam almost trips over his own feet. “Oh my god! I forgot about the competition.” He can’t believe he’s been that focused on Castiel and he’s immediately stopping them. “I’ve gotta go back.”
They both do an about turn and half-way home, Sam's phone starts vibrating in his hip pocket, a message from Jessica reminding him how he has two hours to get ready and be at the beach. Thank God for Jessica, he thinks. And sort of thank God for Castiel. They double time it back to the apartment, where they can shower and change and where Sam shakes Dean off the couch.
Jessica cooks them breakfast, there early to give Sam support and he suddenly feels like he needs it. He’s nervous and excited, promptly forgetting about any mystery surrounding Castiel. They eat quickly, Sam ignores how amused Dean looks as he watches Sam scamper around, and then Sam pesters them into their vehicles. He and Jessica take the truck and the dog, Dean and Castiel follow in the Impala.
The drive to Steamers Lane takes a fraction of the time it should and Sam just knows that Dean’s been racing him. Sam kind of wants to rat the cop out just to wipe off the smug grin Dean carries when they get out of their vehicles. They part ways there, Dean and Castiel and Jimmy joining the milling crowd of spectators while Jessica takes Sam to sign in.
They’re allowed on to the water for some warm up and practice runs and everyone is pleased to see the waves are good. It’s only a small competition, local run for the beginners, but its summer and the tourists still crowd to watch. Out on the water, waiting for a wave, Sam has a hard time spotting the others, until his eyes catch on the black German Shepherd and there’s Castiel and there’s Jessica next to him. Dean’s probably off tracking down food. At the sight of the other two, though, Sam’s heart thuds a little harder.
**
Sam isn’t entirely sure when he loses track of Castiel or how long after that before sirens sound only a block down. Or how long after that before the competition is closing, police cruisers rolling in, and Sam can’t say what happens between all that and Jessica telling him “Your brother was shot.”
**
Castiel
*
Castiel isn’t sure what possesses him to do a lot of things. The first slide of a needle beneath his skin. The first time he kisses a boy in full view of his father. And there are times he knows exactly what he’s doing, down to every last cold detail. Like squeeze the trigger on a pistol until the entire clip of bullets is loaded into his own brother’s chest. Like run for his life and straight into the waiting arms of the police.
Or to let his guard down for even a moment to tell some near stranger about his life. He isn’t sure what had possessed him to do that.
He watches Sam through his run in the surf and for someone brought up to be suspicious and distant, he should be more so of Sam but it's hard. Sam makes it hard, Castiel wonders if it's his eyes. The acceptance in them doesn't speak of a terribly hard life though he knows parts of it through Dean. Like the death of their mother and the subsequent closing off of their father until his death. Sam had Dean, though, and Castiel wishes he had found them earlier. Maybe then this mess wouldn't be what it is. Maybe he'd be out on the water as well and able to grin for more than a second.
Instead he's on the sidelines, and something tugs at his mind that says Dean has been gone too long. Sam's run is over and Dean has missed it. It doesn't strike Castiel as right and like usual, he doesn't know exactly what possesses him to take Jimmy and leave the safety of the crowd. Nothing could happen here, he reasons, Dean is only stuck in a line at some concession.
It's quiet here, away from the beach and the crowd of onlookers.
At his side, Jimmy hesitates and Castiel places his hand over the dog's head to calm him. To calm them both.
He turns a corner, still casting around for Dean and bumps straight into a homeless guy. Except Jimmy growls, a gun is being pulled, Dean is coming out of nowhere. The world spins about, red clouds his vision. His family. His family found him. Two gunshots and feet pounding away, police sirens screaming onto the scene and Castiel is curled on the ground around a motionless dog.
**
There's a while where Castiel sits in the waiting room of the hospital with blood all over his shirt and beneath his fingernails though he's tried to wash them clean. There's an empty leash curled in his hand because he apparently wouldn't let go of it. Two cops sit across the room from him, there for protection, as if that has done any good so far. He isn't sure how long he waits there for Sam to show up.
He's not at all surprised when Sam's arrival comes with hard hands fisted into his shirt, hauling him to his feet, and sharp words yelled into his face.
“What did you do to my brother?!”
Castiel looks to the side, past Sam's shoulder and gives a subtle shake of his head to the cops who are already on their feet, set to come to his rescue. Castiel has had enough of being rescued today.
“I'm sorry, Sam.”
“Sam,” Jessica's softer voice cuts in. Louder than Castiel's and quieter than Sam's and Sam backs off quickly, leaving Castiel to sink back down into his chair.
Castiel stares down at the leash in his hand and a minute drags by painfully before Sam crouches down and forces Castiel to catch his eye. “What happened?”
Before Castiel can find the words or even his voice, they're interrupted by a doctor walking in and asking for Sam. Sam immediately turns from Castiel, anxious and impatient. Castiel listens in but he already knew all of this, he saw it happen, all in a spray of blood.
Sam's brother is fine. A clean shot through the shoulder, he'll be released and back on his feet in the morning. He's even awake now and they're welcome to go in and see him briefly. Castiel doubts he'll be included in this and looks down at the leash again, until Sam's big hand falls on his shoulder and when Castiel looks up, Sam raises his eyebrows pointedly.
They walk down the hall together, Castiel hangs back a bit, but Dean's eyes find him immediately, brightening at the sight of Castiel alive and on his feet. “Hey, man,” Dean greets brightly before grinning at them all. Castiel has lived with Dean long enough to know he's bluffing to keep them from worrying. All the same, they circle Dean's bed, Sam and Jessica on one side, Castiel on the other. “Good to see you made it,” Dean says and then his sight catches on the empty leash and his expression falls. “I'm sorry about Jimmy.”
Castiel says nothing and looks away.
“Dean,” Sam demands attention. “Please tell me what's going on. You got shot.”
Dean waves him off with his good hand. “All in the line of duty.”
“You're not working right now.”
They meet head on in a stare that says more than words could before Dean gives in. “Fine. Jessica...”
“I'll meet you outside, Sam,” she says without argument. She kisses Sam, squeezes her hand over Dean's good shoulder and shares a sympathetic look with Castiel. She closes the door after her, leaving the room in silence.
“Cas isn't my partner. He's...under government protection. Or something.”
Sam crosses his arms tightly. “Why?”
“Because his family are whack job religious cultists. Okay. Cas?” Dean glances at him and Castiel nods only a little hesitantly. Castiel just got Sam's brother shot, he deserves to know why.
“My family...are very strict,” Castiel starts and Dean snorts. “And very steadfast in their beliefs to purify the world. They've committed many atrocities but if, as family, you didn't fall into line they would punish you. I grew tired of it and when my brother...when I could not...” Castiel shakes his head and pushes on, the skin of his back itching from remembered strikes of a whip wrought both by his own hand and his brothers. “I shot him. An entire clip of bullets into his chest and then I ran but the police caught me. I was held in a prison for some time but when they learned what my family had done to me and I had agreed to assist in helping track them down, they released me into the care of Dean. I suppose you could call it witness protection and house arrest in one.”
“Cas has been living with me for months now,” Dean says. “Whenever you came over, Sammy, he'd go to the captain's. You remember Bobby.” Dean had claimed it to be because Sam would whine about the lack of brother on brother time but Castiel knows Dean feels the same.
“That's...wow... What happens now?”
Castiel shrugs. “I leave with the officers in the waiting room and they'll place me somewhere else, I suppose.” He can't help the misery in his voice. He had liked Dean, he had loved Jimmy. He had enjoyed Sam and he would miss the first group of people he had ever been allowed to feel comfortable with. But Dean can read him very well these days.
“That's bullshit, Cas, I'll tell them you don't have to go anywhere.”
“My family knows where I am and I cannot stay. It's dangerous.”
“Damn right it’s dangerous and who are you gonna be more safe with? Some jackass cop who plays everything by the rules? Face it, Cas, I’m the one they sent you to for a reason and that’s because no one else was willing to take in a crack addicted murderer-“
“Dean,” Sam cuts in sharply and Dean sneers at them.
“I like you, Dean. And you, Sam. But if my family knows who I’m with, they will not pause to make any distinctions in order to get to me.” Dean doesn’t answer, only glares at him stonily and Castiel wonders if they have really gotten so close and realizes that indeed they have. He takes Dean’s silence as his only moment to leave with some grace and something other than harsh parting words. He rests his hand on Dean’s arm, squeezes and leans over. “You have become more of a brother to me than any of them ever were. So I know you understand why I would agree to leave to protect you.” He kisses Dean’s forehead and waits for no answer before leaving.
He makes it to the waiting room, where the cops wait for him and tells them he’s ready to go before Sam catches up with him.
“Cas, wait.” Castiel turns to him in surprise, a little wary as Sam approaches. “Your things are at my house. Come on, I’ll take you back. That’s not a question,” Sam goes on when Castiel makes to protest and he gives in. Like his brother, Sam is stubborn and arguing will get him exactly nowhere.
They go out to the parking lot and Jessica meets them there, looking confused and worried. But she doesn’t ask and Castiel realizes that where he’s become family in a short amount of time, Jessica hasn’t. He feels badly for her but she seems to understand.
“Is everything okay?” is all she asks to which Sam shrugs.
“I dunno. Look…Jessica, I’m sorry but I’ve really gotta talk to Cas alone.”
Jessica smiles a small smile, looking between them before nodding. “I’ll see you around, okay?”
Sam says okay and Castiel wonders if he’s just witnessed and perpetrated the first step of their parting. He isn’t sure how to feel about that on top of everything else. But Jessica walks from them, speaking into her cell phone and Castiel can hear her asking for a ride, and then she’s lost while he and Sam get into the truck. Castiel glances into the back and realizes what’s missing.
“Your board…”
Sam looks back, pauses for a moment as if only just realizing it’s gone as well, and shrugs. “I left it on the beach. I’ll look for it tomorrow or a get new one. It doesn’t matter right now.”
But Castiel thinks it does. He thinks of the lost board and the empty leash still clutched in his grip and thinks that it must matter. “I’m sorry.”
A cop car pulls up near them and waits for them to lead the way, Castiel’s escorts who have agreed to tail them. Sam pulls out and they begin what feels like a long drive back to Stanford. It’s a while before Sam says anything.
“You were gonna tell me all this in the park.”
Castiel nods. “Dean was angry at me for mentioning it.”
“Why? I mean…why did you want to tell me?”
Castiel thinks on that one, what made him open up to Sam. Or even to Dean. To anyone. “I’ve known very few people in my life who are good. I’ve known many who believe they are but that’s different. You said you wanted to be a lawyer to help the smaller man once. And your brother accepted me despite what I’ve done, where I came from. He gave me a chance. I suppose I would have liked to be a part of that but it’s hardly possible.”
“We can figure something out.”
Castiel shakes his head and that’s it for the rest of the drive, while Castiel stares blankly out the window and Sam turns over their words.
The pair of cops follows them to Sam’s apartment and wait out front while Castiel showers Jimmy’s blood from him and changes. Gathers his things to leave and wonders where he’ll wind up this time. He expects back in a cell and ends up just sitting on the edge of the bed, unwilling to move, until Sam comes in to check on him. The bed dips beside him under Sam’s weight and Sam’s arm settles across his shoulders. Castiel feels despair bubble up in his throat though he pushes it away.
“You don’t have to leave yet. Dean said you can stay here tonight, those cops will keep a stakeout on the apartment and Dean will be back in the morning. He said he’ll figure something out.”
“Remaining here places you in danger.”
“You called Dean family, that pretty much means you’ll never get rid of him or me, so you may as well give up trying now.”
Sam’s arm tightens around him and Castiel fights the tug of a smile.
**
Dean is home the following morning. Castiel is forced to stay at the apartment while Sam goes to pick him up and he walks in with his shoulder and arm bound up in a sling. He looks fine though and grins over at Castiel.
“So,” Dean starts once they’re all sitting down around the kitchen table with coffee. “I spent most of my ‘recovery time’ making calls and sticking my nose in everything I could. We’re gonna have to relocate but it’s not like anyone else is jumping up to take your case so you can stick with me.”
“Dean…”
“Not up for debate, buddy.”
Castiel fights the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose and ignores Sam’s smirk. “Relocate where?”
Dean coughs. “Canada. Maybe.” Now Sam and Castiel are both staring at him. “It’s not forever. Just until they bring these guys in and then Cas can testify and then that’s it. We’re free. It’ll happen. Things are…y’know, things are in motion now thanks to all the info Cas gave the FBI and it’ll happen.”
“Things have been in motion for a year now, Dean. Over that.”
“That doesn’t count. You were in a hospital and rehab and a jail cell. No, things have been ‘in fucking motion’ for a few months and in a few more, that’ll be the end of it. Those fuckers will be behind bars, you’ll be a free man and then if you still want to, you can walk away from this. Us.”
“I do not want to walk away from anything,” Castiel assures.
**
They hole up in a small town in Nova Scotia, which is gorgeous through the summer and a little terrifying through the winter. For Dean, at any rate, who stamps about the cold and the snow and the ice. Castiel kind of likes it and he spends a lot of days out walking, bundled with thick jacket and long scarf. He thinks Jimmy would have liked it. The exhilaration of the chill in the air. It’s hard, but he manages to talk Dean into joining him sometimes and Dean can’t find an excuse not to. Neither of them work and their days are wiled away.
Sam calls every week to talk to Dean and then to talk to Castiel because, as Sam insists when Castiel tries to tell him he doesn't have to, Castiel is family now. Sam wants to know how Castiel is doing so Castiel tells him. How he has a difficult time without Jimmy but he very much likes the town they're in. Sam tells him that he and Jessica have parted and Castiel doesn't feel as bad as he should for that. When Sam decides to take up Russian as a language requirement at the university, Castiel helps him and their phone time doubles.
Dean only keeps silent about this for so long.
“So…” Dean starts. It’s December and the words puff from him in white clouds as they walk along a lonely path along a frozen beach. Castiel is always surprised the handful of times when he's looked and spotted a surfer. He wonders if Sam were here, would he go out onto the freezing water? “You and Sam, huh?”
Castiel eyes Dean suspiciously. “He is a good friend.”
Dean laughs, sharp and disbelieving. “You two are both so fucking oblivious.”
Castiel turns this over and he’s not entirely obtuse. He’s known Sam’s eyes on him for a long time, the hesitant interest, and the underlying tone to every one of their phone conversations. Sam is intelligent and thoughtful and sometimes Castiel wants to cross the border and find Sam only to embrace him. Because though Dean is closer in many ways, that’s something Dean isn’t quite willing to lend him. But... “My family are still out there.”
“Not for long,” Dean insists, the way he always does.
**
Sam visits them for Christmas, a year after their first meeting, when Castiel had been new, had known even Dean for mere weeks. When he had wanted to be alone and thought the world hopeless, hiding from Dean and Sam at Captain Singer’s house. A man who has also become a sort of gruff family member over the last year.
They greet Sam at the airport, a hug for Dean and then Castiel is surprised to receive one himself. Walking across the car park to Dean’s Impala, Sam stamps through the cold worse than Dean does and Castiel thinks the man goes absolutely white. They turn the heater on high for the drive home and still Sam can’t stop shivering. It takes a bit of coaxing to get Sam out of the car - “Never thought I’d see the day you wanted to stay in this thing, Sammy,” Dean teases - and into their small house.
Castiel makes them all hot chocolate which is his and Dean’s new addiction. That and the wood fireplace and Castiel thinks Dean secretly enjoys chopping wood for it. It’s already lit and roaring when they get back, the house warm and inviting.
They stay up too late, Dean and Sam talking and insulting each other, while Castiel stays back quietly. He studies Sam’s profile through the flickering of firelight across the room. The way he laughs, the way he sulks, the way he turns thoughtful. And he thinks that Sam doesn’t know anything about him, that even Dean does not know the extent of Castiel’s life, but Sam is here and Dean is here and neither of them look at him with anything but open camaraderie. Castiel allows himself for perhaps the first time to feel blessed.
The next day, Castiel is unceremoniously blindfolded and forced into the car, where’s he’s told to be patient and neither will answer his questions on where they’re going. He doesn’t feel even a spark of fear, only amusement. After they’ve driven a good hour, Sam guides him from the car and Dean’s voice beckons from ahead. He gets an idea of what they’re doing only when he hears the excitable barks of dogs from ahead and he slows to a stop, pressing back against Sam’s hands on his shoulders.
“Sam…”
“It’s Christmas,” Sam replies and tugs the blindfold free from Castiel’s eyes.
Castiel knows where this is, that those are German Shepherds in the runs past the high chain link fence. He’s thought about this, gone back and forth and nearly given in and spoken to Dean about it when he keeps finding himself reaching for a dog at his side that isn’t there. But he never said anything and he hadn’t thought he was so obvious.
“These dogs are too expensive. You can’t-“
“Will you quit whining and get up here?” Dean calls down, standing further ahead, at the gateway to the fence with the breeder. Castiel gives in and goes, Sam's hand stays on his back and Castiel is thankful for it while he's lead over to a corner pen. And Castiel already knows, as he sets his gaze to the puppies that eagerly clamber over each other to greet the strangers. He takes one into his arms, nearly black with ears that flop over, and he holds her close and she bites his nose.
They stay there all afternoon and return plus one. Castiel isn't sure how he'll ever repay them and it takes him well into the evening to realize he doesn't have to.
He and Sam sit on the living room floor, rolling a ball back and forth and watching the puppy scuttle after it. Dean calls it an early night, ruffling all their hair before he goes, leaving Sam and Castiel on their own. For awhile, they only continue rolling the ball but Castiel watches Sam, the easy smile and still thinks that Sam doesn't understand half of what he's getting into. Sam looks up and catches Castiel watching.
“What are you gonna name her?”
Castiel looks at the puppy, who has caught and is happily gnawing on the ball. “I don't know. This was your idea, wasn't it?”
Sam shrugs, looking both arrogant and shy at once and Castiel's chest tightens a little before the words press out of him. “Dean believes...that you have...interest. In me.”
“Dean's also got a big mouth.”
“Sam...” Castiel tries but Sam holds up a hand to stop him.
“How long have we known each other now, Cas?”
“A year. But you do not know very much really.”
“Like what?” Sam scoffs but Castiel could list a million things. Sam gets there first. “I know you're smart, that you worry too much and care more than you want to admit. You got my brother to admit you into the 'family' and that is no small thing, trust me. You're great with dogs. You're kind of quiet and weird.”
“I carry a lot of baggage.”
“You and the rest of us.”
“But mine wants to kill me.”
“Not for long,” Sam shoots back without missing a beat.
“You're very stubborn.”
Sam grins. “You like it.”
Castiel can't argue that one and has to relent with a nod. “I may.” Castiel watches wary as Sam shifts, starts to make his cautious approach towards Castiel in a crawl. Like he isn't entirely sure Castiel won't back away and even Castiel is surprised when he stays put until Sam is before him and they're breathing the same air before Sam is kissing him. The weight of Sam presses at him and Castiel relaxes, lets Sam ease him onto his back where Sam's warmth blankets him and Castiel feels surprisingly safe. He does still need to protest, useless as it's going to be. “I am at least ten years older than you.”
“Now you're just reaching,” Sam scolds and Castiel smiles.
He raises his hand to Sam's chest, feels the steady heartbeat. “When my family are dealt with.” And it's the first time he says 'when' and not 'if'.
“Okay. But then you're coming back to California and I'm gonna show you a few things. Right?”
“Right,” Castiel agrees. The puppy does as well, demanding attention as she tries to squirm her way between them.
**
It takes another three months before the information Castiel provided finally tips the favour into the hands of the FBI. It takes two more months of trials and politics and Castiel repeating again and again his story, for irrefutable evidence to be presented, before it's over.
Dean is there at his side for it all, there to make his own claims. Sam is there in the background. Both to give their support and keep him standing through it.
In the end, he can't quite believe that it is the end. And suddenly he has the entire rest of his life to look forward to and part of him isn't sure he can do it. Now the rug has been pulled from beneath his feet. He had never truly expected to have a free life and to combat this, he locks himself in his room at their house in Nova Scotia and refuses to come out.
“Come on, Cas! Someone's gotta walk this damn dog and it's not me,” Dean tries to coax him out multiple times and Castiel feels guilty, he does. But the world out there is so very overwhelming and he can't make himself do it.
This goes on for days, with Dean trying several times to get him out, and sometimes Castiel can hear the scrape of the dogs claws at the door as well or a snuffle of a nose, the deep whine of her asking please. The only times he comes out is when his body demands it and then it's not for long. After a week the last thing Castiel is expecting is to hear Sam's voice on the other side.
“Cas?”
It surprises him enough that Castiel gets to his feet and opens the door.
“Oh so for him you'll come out!” Dean grouses from down the hall before turning and leaving them. Castiel doesn't care, he's busy watching Sam.
“What are you doing here?”
“We had a deal,” Sam says and Castiel frowns. “Once all the bullshit was dealt with, you were supposed to come to California. Since you wouldn't do that, I had to come here. I'd have been here sooner but I had an exam to finish. Now I have the summer, I'm here, and you're coming with me. No arguing.”
Castiel barely has the chance to say a word, only a confused “Sam, what-” as Sam grabs him by the arm and hauls him out of the room, across the hall and pushes him into the bathroom.
“Have a shower, get dressed.”
Not knowing what else to do, Castiel does. He finds Sam waiting by the front door, arms crossed, when he comes back out. Dean and the dog are nowhere to be seen. Sam marches him down to an unfamiliar car and ushers him into the front seat. A rental and Castiel realizes that Sam really does plan on sticking around for the entire summer because Castiel wouldn't hold up on his end of the bargain.
They drive quietly for a few minutes before Castiel glances to the man at his side. “I'm sorry I didn't come. I was...”
“Scared?” Sam supplies and Castiel nods. “We'll work on that. Together, though. Not with you locked away.”
“Okay.”
Sam grins and Castiel goes back to watching the road, frowning as he realizes they're approaching the beach. One he is well familiar with, as Dean and he have walked here often and Castiel has taken the dog here many times now. “Did you know you have a great surfing beach pretty much at your backdoor?”
“I was...not aware, no.” He lies because he's watched the surfing here many times.
Sam parks the car and from here, Castiel can see the stretch of the beach and the tourists and locals crowding it. With swimmers and surfers alike in the cold water, Castiel gives Sam a dubious look.
“Don't worry,” Sam waves him off, getting out of the car while Castiel follows slowly. The day is a little chilly and Castiel knows the hot weather won't hit for another few weeks. He knows the ocean water will be cold at best. Sam pops the trunk of the car and Castiel finds a pair of swim trunks being shoved into his hands. “I had to guess at your size. Let’s change and then we'll go down to the shop.”
“The shop...”
Sam leads him along, first to change and then to a rental shop. Where he is greeted by name and where wetsuits and surfboards are ready for them.
“Sam...” Castiel can feel himself smiling despite the warning in his voice and when Sam turns to him all he can do is smile and allow himself to be lead, first into the wetsuit and then down to the water with the unfamiliar length of a surfboard under his arm. They link hands and the water laps at their feet and by the end of the summer, Castiel's not even half bad at losing himself to the feel of the waves and eventually, losing himself in Sam.
After all, Castiel needs someone to lead him into this new life and Sam needs someone to share it with.