Fic: Hello
Sweet Charity fic #3.
This one was written for invisibleshrew. I am sorry that I'm so incredibly overdue on this.
The fic is a gen Wash caper thing. Complete with Badger and Fanty and Mingo as your bad guys who hijack the ship and try to steal the girl. Simon, River and Kaylee also have fun. Rated PG-ish and more humour-ish than anything.
Translation are in mouseover.
Tons of thanks to sarahetc for the fabulous beta and comments.
Hello
*
Persephone really is starting to be a second home. It's bright, friendly, the people at the market even recognize him by now and know his name. He kind of likes being one of the regulars. He likes that they know what he wants and they can't screw him over on the prices. If they have to make land port for a week then he can't really think of anywhere better to do it than here.
If Mal ever even lets them off the ship. Not while there's a job in the works, though. Never knew when they were gonna need a get away driver waiting in the front seat. Wash takes a bit of condolence in the fact that none of the others are allowed off ship, either. Mal doesn't want to be chasing down stray crew. They've all had a few too many experiences in things going wrong. Enough that Mal is starting to take notice and put a few precautions in place.
Mal and Zoe and Jayne are off on a job. The core team of thieves. Inara is off with a client. Wash saw her off the moment they hit atmo and she has no plans of coming back, no matter what sort of trouble Mal gets himself into. She finds herself starting to severely lack in funds and reliability with Mal's constant interruptions and getting himself in trouble. Book is revisiting the South Down Abby. Mal trusts him, apparently.
That leaves Wash in charge of the ship and the others. In charge is probably the loose term for it, though. He really doubts any of them would listen to him. He wonders if he should tell Simon to scrub down the floors just to see if the doctor would.
Sighing, he takes up the dinosaurs, but really, he's just staring out the windscreen. Wanting out, to wander along the streets he knows by now and maybe buy something pretty for Zoe with the money he's been saving up. Or something skimpy. Or slinky.
He travels down that line of thought, eyes slipping closed, wondering if he's going to end up down in their bunk again for the duration of the stay. Until there's giggling next to him and his eyes snap open.
He looks across from him, expecting to find her in the co-pilot's seat but she's not there. There's that giggle again and he looks down, finding River sitting with her legs crossed on the floor beside him. He smiles.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” She giggles at him again.
“What's funny?”
Again, she laughs. Wash feels obscurely like laughing along with her. “You.”
That makes him grin. “Right. It's not the shirt, is it? People say it's the shirt.”
Wash should have known that River on his bridge pretty soon meant Simon on his bridge. The doctor is there before River can answer, though Wash gets the feeling it would have been laughing at him again anyway, and it picks his spirits up to see her in such good ones. It's not something he seems to see often. On the crazy side or not, it's always good to hear someone laugh.
“River-”
“She's in a good mood today,” Wash interrupts before Simon can start hauling her off the bridge. The company is nice, stops his mind wandering and boredom setting in. He's gets surprisingly few visitors on the bridge throughout the day. He doesn't mind this break from monotony.
Simon sighs a little and, at Wash's gesture, sits in the co-pilot's seat, swiveling it to gaze down at his sister, fond smile in place. “She woke up like this. I'm not sure what triggered it.”
Wash shrugs. “People wake up in a good mood some days. Oughta take advantage of it, do something fun.”
“I hope you don't mean off ship fun.”
“On ship fun works, too. Gather round here and I'll tell you both a story.”
Simon gives him a bemused look but the doctor's smiling. And eager looking, he actually leans forward a bit. Wash grins. They should have Kaylee up here as well and he radios her over the comm to come and join them.
Wash definitely loves having visitors.
*
He's never been one for visitors. Specially not the unexpected sort, that come in and interrupt business. Don't even bother to make appointments first and don't care if they're interrupting important meetings with prospective clients. Reflects badly on him.
Badger presses his hands flat over his desk and tries to hide his irritation. “Cousins. In a bit of a meeting right now. 'Case you hadn't noticed.”
They had and they exchange grins. Looks and money and standing, they got it all. While Badger gets this pissant little town with meager little pickings. Even worse, they know he's jealous of them and there's no one better than Fanty and Mingo for rubbing things in.
“Is that any way to greet relatives come to say hi?”
If only he could get the gunman disguised typist to shoot them but mum would have a few words to say about that. He sighs and waves a hand for them to sit.
“Keep your traps shut then.”
“We wouldn't dream of interrupting.” Fanty grins and they both sit, opposite sides of Badger's desk.
“More than we already have.” Mingo straightens out his jacket as he sits, brushes off a bit of dirt. Badger has to resist the urge to pull at his own tie, pathetic in comparison to the glamor that sits either side of him now.
Holding onto his composure by a thread, he turns back to the glower he's being faced with by his clients.
“Sorry about that 'gents. Lets get back to business, shall we?”
*
There's been far too many drinks around the table and just as many stories to go with them. It's good to have a night off and Badger's forgotten his irritation. Course the drinks have helped with that and Fanty and Mingo burst into laughter as Badger tells them about his latest exploit with Malcolm Reynolds. And the girl.
“Ah, the girl. Most beautiful thing I've ever seen.” Just the way she'd talked to him, he likes a woman with a bit of fight. He's trailed off into a wistful sigh and Fanty and Mingo are giving each other significant looks. They share the same matching grin when they look back to Badger but he's lost off in his own fantasies.
“Should have asked for a name, 'suppose.”
“It's not too late, cousin.” Fanty's hands clasp over his shoulders, having gotten up at some point that Badger can't quite remember. Had enough to drink, maybe, it's turning him into a sentimental dāi zi.
“Too late for what?” Badger only looks confused and gets twin looks of irritation.
“Look, you said 'Firefly', right?” Badger nods. Fanty goes on. “So we saw a Firefly docking about the same time we were. We could go, snatch your little birdie up, and be on our merry way.”
Badger snorts and figures he really is the brains of the family. “And their gun hands will just let us waltz on in, then, is that it?”
There's those matching grins again. “We'll just have to give them an excuse to leave. Just for long enough to give your girl a 'Hello'.”
*
Zoe and the others aren't due back for another few hours when the heavy knocking rings through the ship. Even if it is home sweet home Persephone, they can't leave the cargo bay sitting wide open anymore. Not with two fugitives on board.
Wash hefts himself up to his feet and heads on down to the bay. His first set of visitors left some time ago, even River trailing off after her brother. This new visitor, then, is perfectly timed to the boredom which had started to encroach on Wash once more.
“Identify yourself,” he calls out before actually looking through the small window into the airlock. “Badger.” He laughs. “I think I remember the last time we opened the door for you, you held us all hostage.”
“Don't tell me your captain's left you all alone again?”
They both have to raise their voices to be heard through the metal.
“With very specific order's to not open the door to any posers.” Wash crosses his arms.
“You never told us they hated you.”
Wash lifts his challenging glare from Badger to look over the man's shoulder, giving a hopefully imperceptible jump at the two men that he swears weren't there a second ago. Men that he's sure he recognizes as a couple of Mal's contacts, someone they've done business with a time or two. Someone Wash has always considered a little too shady but that Mal might get pissed about if Wash somehow ruined their good name with.
“Fanty. Mingo,” he greets. In the wrong order, apparently, because they trade looks and one of them, damned if Wash can tell the difference, rolls his eyes.
Badger gives all three of them incredulous looks. “You know him?” Fanty or Mingo or whoever, shrugs. Badger goes on looking put out. “Failed to mention that bit.”
“Great. So we're all uninformed. Lets keep it that way.” Wash turns from them to walk away.
“Hey! Now is that any way to treat business partners?” Badger is calling after him and Wash swears there's a bit of a slur to his voice.
“You're Mal's business partner's, not mine. And Mal isn't here. I'll be sure to let him know you stopped by.”
“You wouldn't want us to tell Mal we were treated in such a fashion. Might be enough to lose us our...arrangement.” Fanty is grinning. Shadily.
“Definitely wouldn't want that.” So is Mingo. Unless that was the other way around.
Wash sighs and goes back to the door, studying the three through the window. “Captain will be back in a couple hours. Try then.”
“Come on, now, we're just here for a chat while we wait.”
What else can Wash do?
*
Simon and River are tucked safely out of the way before Wash ever opens the door to the trio on the other side. It was a rule easily agreed upon when Mal told Simon to get himself and River hidden at the first sign of company, whoever it was. Wash has no doubt that Simon has done exactly that from the first knock. It's one thing he thinks he doesn't need to worry about.
He calls out to Kaylee as he heads through to the galley. “Kaylee! Hey, we have guests.”
It takes a minute and Fanty and Mingo have already made themselves comfortable at the table, before Kaylee is poking her head in.
She's grinning as she asks, “Guests?”
“Hey, sweetheart,” Fanty greets.
Kaylee gives one of her free-spirited grins back, only to have it falter when she spots Badger, standing still, with his arms crossed. With the smile gone, she turns a wide-eyed look on Wash.
“What's going on?”
Badger shrugs and answers for Wash. Wash thinks Badger might have swayed to the side for a second. “We got bored.”
Wash's eyebrows raise, he's stepped closer to Badger and yeah, definite smell of Sake there. “And drunk. What happened to wanting to talk to Mal?”
“Man can't just stop by for a social call?”
“Not generally speaking, no.”
Something isn't right and Wash returns the glare that Badger is giving him. The man seems nervous, almost shifting his weight - though that could just be him swaying - and there! A quick glance away, to his side. Nervously.
“What exactly are you here for?”
Badger doesn't look too keen on answering. A look at the twins says Fanty is too busy eying up Kaylee who's still standing at the opposite side of the room. Wash finally settles his gaze on Mingo with his eyebrow raised.
“We're here to say hello. To a girl.”
Wash can feel his heart skip a beat. “Great. Kaylee's the only girl here. Unless you're talking about my wife, in which case, good luck.”
“A passenger,” Badger finally speaks up to clarify. “She was here last time.”
Wash stares at Badger. Who's looking uncomfortable and kind of sweaty. Could even be that Badger is starting to blush. “Weren't here to look for a date were you?” The pale blush flares up bright red. “You were? I...” A grin cracks out over Wash's face. “You came all the way over here...” He's going to fold over in laughter in another moment.
He doesn't realize the pissed off look that's crossing Badger's face until there's a hard fist smacking into his nose and then an even harder floor smacking him in the head.
*
“Just...relax.”
He thinks he's only caught the tail end of the sentence when he opens his eyes. It can't have been more than a second that he's been on the ground but somehow that's been more than enough time for Badger to switch spots with Simon.
Wash stares at the doctor for a long minute before slowly uncurling his fingers from around Simon's wrist. They've left white indents in Simon's skin.
“What's... Huh?” He blinks around him, past Simon to Kaylee, looking worried at his side. Further behind her is one of the twins. Standing on the opposite side of the galley, there's the other one, along with a still ticked looking Badger. Wash lets out a noise of indignation. “He hit me! What the hell is he still doing on the ship?”
Simon pushes a hand to Wash's chest when he tries to bolt upright too fast. “You let him in. For some reason that's entirely beyond me.” And honestly, it's beyond Wash, too. “You also hit your head pretty hard on the table, you might not want to move around too fast.”
Wash settles back on his elbows at Simon's stern chastisement, a warning that came too late as his head is already spinning from the sharp movement. “Think someone could explain? Without hitting me?”
Badger just looks stubborn but Simon raises to his feet by Wash's side, arms crossed over his chest. Wash thinks that this is Simon in full doctor mode. “I wouldn't mind hearing an explanation for this as well.”
Mingo is the one that answers, instead, from Badger's side. “There was a girl here. Cute little thing, or so I'm told. A passenger.”
Simon raises an eyebrow but Wash doesn't miss the tensing of the muscles along Simon's forearms. “It's a shame passengers have a habit of getting off. Which is exactly what you should be doing now. I'm sorry you came all this way for nothing.” Wash loves how Simon's apology sounds a whole lot more like a 'fuck off'.
Badger almost looks so crestfallen that Wash feels a moments pity for him. It lasts about as long as it takes Wash to try and get to his feet, head spinning when he gains them.
“Time to push off, Weasel. We'll tell Mal you said hi.”
Whatever witty retort Badger might have been trying to stir up is lost when the object of his misdirected affections walks up behind him. Simon opens his mouth, ready to call to her before he thinks better of it and ends up taking only a half-step forward. Probably best not to shout out River's name.
She giggles by Badger's shoulder and he jumps, finally taking his glare from Simon and Wash to stare at her.
“Well this is new.” River smiles at him. “Delusions of love now, as well?” She clucks her tongue disapprovingly against the roof of her mouth, talking with that accent. Wash sort of can't help but be amused with the way she makes Badger go red in embarrassment.
Badger stammers over a reply but Fanty gets there first, talking to Simon and Wash but eyes fastened on River. “You lied to us. Why is that?”
His voice is calculating and has Wash's blood running cold. Simon's too, apparently, because the doctor is taking two strides forward to grab hold of River's arm and pull her away from Badger. “I told you to stay in your room,” he hisses to her but she isn't moved and pouts at him.
“You never let me out.”
“She doesn't look like anything worth hiding...” Fanty goes on, considering gaze on Simon and River now. River gives him a haughty look.
Wash can see the second it clicks over in Fanty's mind. There's a gun hidden just a pace away from him, over in the galley cupboard. He doesn't even get half the distance before Mingo shouts out.
“Stop!” And Wash looks and he stops because he hadn't been paying attention to Mingo and now Mingo has Kaylee by the throat, gun at her head. “Looks like we've stumbled onto more of a treasure than imagined.”
Badger trades his confused look around the room. “What the hell are you doin'?”
“We're takin' this pair.” Fanty gestures to Simon and River with the gun he's pulled before aiming it at Wash. “And this ship. Time to get flying, pilot.”
*
Fanty pulls Badger aside while Mingo safely stows the others. Simon and River get shoved into the spare shuttle, which is locked securely from the outside. Kaylee gets to stick around for hostage purposes. That pilot isn't going to pull any fast moves with her under threat.
Badger gets that explained to him but he still doesn't know what the hell is going on, other than they've hijacked Mal Reynolds ship and he can feel the turbulence shake it as they break through atmo.
“What the hell are you doing? I've got to do business with these people!”
Fanty just gives him that insufferable smirk and Badger hopes his idiotic cousin is the one he gets the chance to hit next. “Relax. Soon no one will be doing business with this lot and we'll all be rich. Even you. You get a cut if you help out. Should probably get one anyway, since it was you that led us here.” Fanty nudges at him good-naturedly but Badger steps away.
“I didn't lead you here to steal the gorramn ship.”
“No, of course not. You led us here to get the girl and that's exactly what we're doing.”
Badger runs his hands over his face in despair. He looks up when Fanty loops an arm around Badger's shoulders and draws him into the galley. There's a bottle of wine there and Fanty starts pouring him a glass with his free hand.
“Badger Badger Badger... Don't you know who we've got here? That's Simon and River Tam, stuck in that shuttle.”
Badger frowns, he's heard the names before, a month ago, a bulletin over the Cortex that he'd never paid much attention to. He wasn't in the business of bringing in Alliance fugitives. “The fugitives?” he asks just to make sure he's on the right track.
“You bet your arse, friend. And we're going to turn them in, along with this ship and the crew.”
Turn in River Tam to the Alliance. The reward money for her alone would be more than his business took in over the course of a year. Tack on her brother and then the crew that had been harboring her...
“I can't believe Mal was hiding fugitives. Man's more of a stupid git than I gave him credit for.”
He grins at Fanty.
This is better than wanting a girl he could never have a hope with. Right?
*
Mingo is sitting in the co-pilot's seat, entertaining himself by flipping his gun between his hands or around his finger. Wash has to admit that the guy has some pretty fancy moves. He still entertains visions of it going off target and whapping Mingo in the head.
Kaylee is standing awkwardly between them, arms wrapped around herself. Scared and pissed at the same time and Wash can relate. If they manage to get away from this, he almost pities the guys that dared to try and take Serenity from her. Almost.
“So, where we headed, boss?” Wash's tone drips with sarcasm but Mingo doesn't seem to notice or care.
“That's 'Captain' to you, pilot.” Mingo looks outside to the stars and Wash wonders what his odds would be if he tried to jump the man. “Plot a course for the nearest Alliance cruiser.”
“You're out of your rutting mind if you think I'm gonna-”
The unmistakable sound of a gun cocking silences Wash's outburst. Mingo is aiming it at Kaylee again. “I think you're going to do exactly what I tell you to. Or the little birdie here goes bye bye and you'll be next. Dong ma?”
Wash's glare has about as much effect as his sarcasm. “Sir, yes, sir.”
*
Even getting hijacked leads to them sitting around. Simon can feel the ship break atmo, sitting on the very edge of the metal bench at the back of the shuttle. His fingers curl around the edge and hang on until his knuckles are white. River is sitting next to him, humming and swinging her legs.
“River...” Simon starts and River gives him a dazzling grin.
“What is it, Simon?” She's still speaking in the accent.
The look Simon returns is baffled. They've just been hijacked and... He's never going to understand her. “We need to find a way out of here.” He wishes he could predict what she was going to do, wishes he'd locked the door. They're hijacked now and River is still grinning.
She waves off his worry and jumps nimbly to her feet. “Oh don't worry. I've already got it all sorted out.” She giggles, the accent getting thicker. “We're too clever for them, ain't we?”
Considering they just managed to snatch the snip and half the crew out from under the captain's nose, Simon isn't so sure about that.
He watches with increasing worry as River saunters her way into the cock pit. A glance at the shuttle door, locked from the outside, he knows, and he's following behind her.
*
Wash's hands have stayed tense on the stick, keeping them on course, no switching to auto-pilot as per Mingo's instructions. Kaylee has folded cross-legged onto the floor between the pilot's and co-pilot's chairs. Wash thinks she might be falling asleep, her head tipping forward. Mingo is already there, gun held loosely in his lap, head tilted back on the chair.
“...Kaylee,” Wash whispers, making Kaylee give a little start. He nods with his head towards Mingo. Their would be captor has fallen asleep and aren't they going to be embarrassed when they have to admit that, yes, this is the group of bad guys that caught them. It's almost enough to make Wash think twice about escaping.
He nods his head towards the slumped form of Mingo. “Can you get his gun?”
Kaylee looks from Wash to Mingo with wide eyes. She's biting at her lip but hesitantly moving forward, fingers stretching out and Wash holds his breath as they slide over the barrel of the gun and Mingo still doesn't wake. The slightest slide of a finger along the hilt though... Wash looks up to find Mingo looking back at him.
“I just dare you to keep going.”
*
There's not a lot doing on this ship. They're on course to making a lot of money, being filthy rich and then he'll see about what anyone has to say on 'delusions of standing'. He'll have standing. Buy his gorramn way to the top. With the money that pretty little thing is going to get him.
Gorgeous little thing, really.
He's rifling his way through the ship, in what looks to be the common room. A lot of junk, with a home like this it's a wonder that Reynolds didn't come crawling back to him more often. If Badger had really taken the time to see this place before, he might have been a bit more moved towards pity for the man and offered him something better. Probably not. Something about Reynolds always rubbed him the wrong way. Man like that just couldn't understand what his place was in this world.
She really is nice.
He's made his way into the cargo bay, onto the catwalks. There isn't much cargo here but there are a few crates that might be worth picking through. 'Course Reynolds had enough sense to hide anything really worth something. Hadn't done a good enough job of hiding the girl, unfortunately.
What harm can a little chat do? Before he'll never have the chance to see her again.
Badger wanders over to the second shuttle. She's already looking back at him through the small rectangular window in the door.
She gives him a haughty smile that can't help but go straight to his head. Her lips move, she's speaking but he can't hear her through the door. She presses her hand to the small window, staring at him intently with a look of either hope or irritation, he honestly can't tell. She's a mystery. Something he finds he desperately wants to suss out. She tilts her head like she understands and her smile grows softer. She beckons him with a finger.
He's not sure how he got all wrapped around it.
He gets the heavy door unlatched and opened a crack before someone - can't be the girl - is shoving it open as hard as possible. A fist hits him square in the head and is it just him or does that echo through the entire cargo bay? He doesn't hit the floor because someone is catching him. The girl, he couldn't be more pleased with that and stares up at her. He doesn't put up any struggle as she drags him into the shuttle and her brother shoves the hatch closed after them.
Right. He'd forgotten the brother.
He comes around not to a pleasant face staring down at him, either in delight or scorn. Simon glares a little more as Badger's face falls, sneer forming but that hurts. He remembers someone hitting him in the head.
“Where's the girl?” Is the first thing out of his mouth.
Simon rolls his eyes. “You have no idea how disturbing that is.” The boy rolls his shoulders as he gets to his feet from his position crouching over Badger.
Badger might be insulted. If his standing wasn't so high. “Might not want to go speaking like that to your captor, lad.”
Light laughter reaches his ears and almost curls his toes, makes him shiver. He turns his head to find the girl is there, sitting in the cockpit of the shuttle, her hands working with talented grace over the controls. The look she gives him is a wicked grin.
“We're the masters of this shuttle.”
Simon chimes in, more cheerful than he should be for someone who's been kidnapped. “And you're going to help us.”
*
There really is going to be blood to pay when they get back to Mal. If they get back. Wash isn't that naïve. Optimistically hopeful, maybe. If he could just get a second to himself, just long enough to flip a few switches. But Mingo isn't taking his gaze away and Wash can't find his opportunity.
Even when there is a distraction, it inevitably distracts Wash as well. This time in the form of Badger, making his first appearance in awhile. Wash doesn't want to think on the grubby little man picking through their things. Seeing the man brings up the ache in his jaw and Wash raises a hand to rub at it while shooting daggers Badger's way. The innocent movement of his hand has Mingo looking to him. Guay.
“Find anything of interest?” Fanty asks, taking his eyes from Kaylee who looks relieved to have his attention off her.
“Not so much.” Badger eyes each of them in turn. “Thought I might relieve you here for a bit. Gorramn boring on this boat.”
Mingo stretches. “Never were the space faring type.”
Badger's eyes darken into a glare at the teasing note to Mingo's tone. At this, Mingo raises his hands, warding Badger's look off while he gets to his feet. He tosses the gun across the small space to Badger and Wash has to resist the urge to try and snatch the thing out of the air. He needs to remind himself that he's not, in fact, a ninja. He'd only end up tripping and then getting shot by Fanty.
Maybe not, though. Fanty is busy stepping forward to Kaylee, leaning over to speak to her. “Don't suppose a lady would want to come along?”
Wash bristles while Kaylee leans away from the man. Hell with not being a ninja, no one is going to get away with speaking to Kaylee like that. He's half-way to his feet before Badger beats him.
The little man rolls his eyes. “Give it a rest, Fanty. Can't you see you're scaring the poor girl? Can't blame her, looks like those now, can we?”
“How do you think I've felt having to sit here with them the last hour?” Wash shudders and enjoys the scowl that comes over Fanty and Mingo's faces.
“Leave it,” Mingo instructs. “Sick of sitting up here.”
Even with Fanty and Mingo off the bridge, the tension level doesn't dissipate. Badger fidgets and Wash wonders if now is the time to make his move. Whatever that move might be. There's still that gun at Badger's hip as the man starts pacing. Could he grab it? Wash could overpower Badger, surely. Could he flip those few switches before Badger shot him? He's pretty sure he doesn't want to find out. Which leaves lunging and knocking Badger out. Eye for an eye.
He catches Kaylee's gaze but she shakes her head when she must be able to see his intent in his eyes.
“Wasn't lookin' for trouble when I came here,” Badger interrupts their silent argument.
Wash looks around, incredulous. “You got a fine way of going about staying out of it.”
“'Eh! That wasn't me. Was all on those two. Just wanted to see the girl. Ain't met anyone like her before,” Badger admits. He's blushing again but this time he sounds lost to go with it and Wash doesn't have the heart to start teasing him again. Something about all this sounds awfully familiar and he thinks back on Zoe. That had been about as insane as Badger going after River.
“You keep up with this and Alliance will have her locked up so tight you'll never see her again.”
“I know. An' that's why I'm going to help you, instead. River an' her brother have a plan.”
Badger barely gets the words out before something catches Wash's eye out the windscreen. His jaw drops open.
“Tian xiao de... Can they do that?”
The shuttle was directly in front of them.
*
She's laughing. Almost hysterically. A grin on her face like Simon hasn't seen since they took that walk out in space. He'd thought his stomach might just drop out when she'd asked him to do it again. A lot like he's feeling now, gripping hard to the arms of the co-pilot's seat. Does she have to fly so close to Serenity?
River gives him a sideways look and he can almost hear the way she rolls her eyes at him. “Aren't you supposed to be doing something? The plan doesn't work without all the moving parts.” She sighs. “You have to let go of the chair to move. Dummy,” she mutters the last under her breath.
He closes his eyes and gathers his strength before reaching out to grab the comm. Which squawks to life under his palm and he almost has the...possibly third, heart attack of the day.
“Lao tian ye, what are you guys doing?”
They're close enough that if Simon squints a bit, he can make out Wash batting Badger away and possibly shouting at the man. Then the shuttle is dipping suddenly and making his stomach fly up into his throat.
He manages to grab the comm. “We're uh...” He trails off at the sound of another scuffle on the other end.
“Bloody hell, give me the ruttin' thing and listen.” Simon stays quiet as a deep sigh comes over the comm but Wash isn't arguing, not that Simon can hear. Badger is talking to Wash, Simon already knows why they're out here. What he wants to know is how they're out here and why his little sister knows how to pilot a shuttle.
“Ain't gotta worry about them out there, do we? They stay outta harms way, we get this sorted.”
“And if we don't?” Wash's disbelief is obvious.
“Then the shuttle will get us back to Persephone,” Simon answers for Badger.
“They'd be safe. Innit all that matters?” Simon might believe Badger more if he couldn't hear the grin to those words. The little man is trying to get Wash riled up. It works perfectly.
“Great plan. Yeah except for the part where we'd be dead.”
But that was just part of the plan.
”We don't deal with Fanty an' Mingo, anyone left on this ship'll be dead and tossed outside. Leave the rest of it to be sold off.”
He'd understood Badger's words fine but Simon could only come up with one answer. He wasn't sure if it was selfish or uncaring but... ”At least she'll be safe.”
There's silence and Simon wishes he could see into the cockpit again, be closer to see what Wash is really thinking when he finally says “Alright. Lets make sure we don't get killed then.”
“And when we're done,” Simon pipes in, “You're going to explain to me why my sister can fly the shuttle.”
A second later and Simon watches as Serenity goes dark.
*
“Kaylee.” Wash can't see her through the dark, only a few lights on the console still flash. “The gravity drive.” They have roughly three minutes before the emergency lighting is going to come on and bathe everything in a red glow if Kaylee doesn't get back to the engine room.
“On it.”
He reckons Kaylee has maybe a minute before Fanty and Mingo orient enough to get up from the cargo bay and cut her off. Kaylee's gone, bolting down the corridor, feet making a racket that really doesn't matter. Wash can hear Fanty and Mingo cursing from below and the clang of metal as one of them runs into something or drops something. Hopefully runs into something.
Wash turns his gaze to the outline of Badger. “You ever space walked before, Weasel?”
“How'd you like to get knocked to the floor again, pilot?” Badger is smug, Wash can picture the smile.
“That was a fluke!”
Wash is out of his seat just in time for Fanty and Mingo to make it to the bridge, guns drawn. The emergency lights go on for long enough that Wash thinks his blood freezes at the looks and gun barrels pointed his way. Badger has a gun turned on him as well. All for a good second that lasts too long before something back at the ship knocks, the lights go out and Wash finds his feet off the ground.
Badger is the only one that doesn't cry out in shock.
Wash has a minute after that to get his feet on the console and shove himself through the air, ignoring the feeling of his stomach rising along with the rest of him. He can push it back. Getting the guns off the bad guys is more important.
And something he really doesn't need to worry about.
Neither Fanty or Mingo have ever dealt with zero gravity. It's bad enough that their minds don't know how to react to it, their bodies can't even begin. One shot is fired and Wash can feel it whip on past his head. He might have lost a few hairs but what's that? Ten minutes later and he's got the twins disarmed while Fanty turns in a slow circle and Mingo grips onto the lockers.
“Kaylee?”
“Already?” Her voice calls back in an echo along the ship, surprised and pleased.
“Yeah, they're not exactly...I dunno, the most talented of-”
“Hey!”
“-criminals. Got further than anyone else with the ship stealing, though.”
Wash's feet hit the ground as Kaylee turns over the gravity drive. She's over riding his own command from the bridge to turn all the lights back on as well. Wash turns Fanty and Mingo's guns on them when he can see again, grinning at the scowling looks he gets that haven't changed much since the lights went out. Maybe a little more petulant now. Wash likes that.
“Hey, Badger, you wanna grab some...” he turns to Badger and pauses, “...rope? Ai ya.”
Badger's collapsed over the console, hand pressing to the bullet hole over his shoulder.
*
He's doesn't know who the hell is making all that bloody racket. Chattering away right by his ear in the most grating of possible voices, one that sounds like it's echoing. Through the chill air and he shivers. A small hand presses over his chest and rubs. A lot clearer than he ought to be able to feel it.
His eyes snap open but the hand on his chest keeps him pressed down. He's shirtless and he hurts. A pain that has him moaning and closing his eyes.
There's a 'tutting' noise next to him. “No moving. Silly old man doesn't know when he's hurt.” She tuts again.
That's the voice that had been grating on him just a moment ago. He grimaces. “'Eh, love. Where's the accent gone?” Why that seems like the most important thing, he can't say.
“What, you mean this one?” There it is. Far more soothing and he nods. “You always did like lies,” she purrs.
“River!”
They both jump at the sharp voice. River turns to her brother with a falsely innocent smile and rises to her feet from the chair she's been sitting on by Badger's side. She goes to the arm Simon holds out for her and Badger watches with a painstakingly lifted head as he whispers. Something that makes her giggle and she's giving Badger a once over before leaving.
The doctor looks a lot less friendly when she's gone.
“What happened?”
“You got shot. By the same people you helped to steal this ship.”
“Poetic justice, innit?” Badger rolls his eyes.
“I was thinking something like that. But thank you,” the words look hard for Simon to say, “For helping.”
“Can't loose a good business contact.” Badger blows it off. Like they both don't know he was helping for the girl.
And that look she gave him? He thinks he might just have a chance now.
*
They land Serenity at the Eavesdown docks without another hitch. A call through to Badger's people have them coming and whisking the man off to the safety and care of his headquarters, or whatever Badger calls them. Fanty and Mingo are escorted off with some discreet gun prodding on Wash's part. Wash is off put by the fact that they don't seem bothered at all, trading smiles.
“We'll have to do this again some time.”
“All pretty nice for a hello.”
Wash cocks the gun he's holding. “Get the hell off my ship.”
They both raise disarming hands and back away into the crowd. They're just disappearing when Mal walks up, taking note of the gun Wash is holstering.
“There a problem here?”
Wash grins and shares a look with Kaylee who's come up by his side, looking smug and happy. “No, sir. Can't think of a thing.” The same time Kaylee says; “Alls shiny, Captain. We set to go?”
Before Mal can start drilling him - he's got that look in his eyes - Wash is trading hugs with Zoe and the captain is effectively dismissed.
When Mal tells them all to get going, Wash hangs back on the ramp for a moment to watch them. Yeah, everything is shiny and he's fine with the captain being none the wiser. This time when he turns, it's Simon he finds at his side, the man giving him a bemused look.
“You look pleased with yourself.”
“Hey, I think we did good today.”
Simon quirks an eyebrow. “You mean by letting hijackers on the ship?”
“Other than that.” They start heading up the ramp as Mal shouts through that he's closing up. Wash pauses a beat before saying, “You know you ought to think about letting Badger ask River out.”
Simon blinks at him. Not everyone gets these things at first glance.
This one was written for invisibleshrew. I am sorry that I'm so incredibly overdue on this.
The fic is a gen Wash caper thing. Complete with Badger and Fanty and Mingo as your bad guys who hijack the ship and try to steal the girl. Simon, River and Kaylee also have fun. Rated PG-ish and more humour-ish than anything.
Translation are in mouseover.
Tons of thanks to sarahetc for the fabulous beta and comments.
Hello
*
Persephone really is starting to be a second home. It's bright, friendly, the people at the market even recognize him by now and know his name. He kind of likes being one of the regulars. He likes that they know what he wants and they can't screw him over on the prices. If they have to make land port for a week then he can't really think of anywhere better to do it than here.
If Mal ever even lets them off the ship. Not while there's a job in the works, though. Never knew when they were gonna need a get away driver waiting in the front seat. Wash takes a bit of condolence in the fact that none of the others are allowed off ship, either. Mal doesn't want to be chasing down stray crew. They've all had a few too many experiences in things going wrong. Enough that Mal is starting to take notice and put a few precautions in place.
Mal and Zoe and Jayne are off on a job. The core team of thieves. Inara is off with a client. Wash saw her off the moment they hit atmo and she has no plans of coming back, no matter what sort of trouble Mal gets himself into. She finds herself starting to severely lack in funds and reliability with Mal's constant interruptions and getting himself in trouble. Book is revisiting the South Down Abby. Mal trusts him, apparently.
That leaves Wash in charge of the ship and the others. In charge is probably the loose term for it, though. He really doubts any of them would listen to him. He wonders if he should tell Simon to scrub down the floors just to see if the doctor would.
Sighing, he takes up the dinosaurs, but really, he's just staring out the windscreen. Wanting out, to wander along the streets he knows by now and maybe buy something pretty for Zoe with the money he's been saving up. Or something skimpy. Or slinky.
He travels down that line of thought, eyes slipping closed, wondering if he's going to end up down in their bunk again for the duration of the stay. Until there's giggling next to him and his eyes snap open.
He looks across from him, expecting to find her in the co-pilot's seat but she's not there. There's that giggle again and he looks down, finding River sitting with her legs crossed on the floor beside him. He smiles.
“Hey.”
“Hi.” She giggles at him again.
“What's funny?”
Again, she laughs. Wash feels obscurely like laughing along with her. “You.”
That makes him grin. “Right. It's not the shirt, is it? People say it's the shirt.”
Wash should have known that River on his bridge pretty soon meant Simon on his bridge. The doctor is there before River can answer, though Wash gets the feeling it would have been laughing at him again anyway, and it picks his spirits up to see her in such good ones. It's not something he seems to see often. On the crazy side or not, it's always good to hear someone laugh.
“River-”
“She's in a good mood today,” Wash interrupts before Simon can start hauling her off the bridge. The company is nice, stops his mind wandering and boredom setting in. He's gets surprisingly few visitors on the bridge throughout the day. He doesn't mind this break from monotony.
Simon sighs a little and, at Wash's gesture, sits in the co-pilot's seat, swiveling it to gaze down at his sister, fond smile in place. “She woke up like this. I'm not sure what triggered it.”
Wash shrugs. “People wake up in a good mood some days. Oughta take advantage of it, do something fun.”
“I hope you don't mean off ship fun.”
“On ship fun works, too. Gather round here and I'll tell you both a story.”
Simon gives him a bemused look but the doctor's smiling. And eager looking, he actually leans forward a bit. Wash grins. They should have Kaylee up here as well and he radios her over the comm to come and join them.
Wash definitely loves having visitors.
*
He's never been one for visitors. Specially not the unexpected sort, that come in and interrupt business. Don't even bother to make appointments first and don't care if they're interrupting important meetings with prospective clients. Reflects badly on him.
Badger presses his hands flat over his desk and tries to hide his irritation. “Cousins. In a bit of a meeting right now. 'Case you hadn't noticed.”
They had and they exchange grins. Looks and money and standing, they got it all. While Badger gets this pissant little town with meager little pickings. Even worse, they know he's jealous of them and there's no one better than Fanty and Mingo for rubbing things in.
“Is that any way to greet relatives come to say hi?”
If only he could get the gunman disguised typist to shoot them but mum would have a few words to say about that. He sighs and waves a hand for them to sit.
“Keep your traps shut then.”
“We wouldn't dream of interrupting.” Fanty grins and they both sit, opposite sides of Badger's desk.
“More than we already have.” Mingo straightens out his jacket as he sits, brushes off a bit of dirt. Badger has to resist the urge to pull at his own tie, pathetic in comparison to the glamor that sits either side of him now.
Holding onto his composure by a thread, he turns back to the glower he's being faced with by his clients.
“Sorry about that 'gents. Lets get back to business, shall we?”
*
There's been far too many drinks around the table and just as many stories to go with them. It's good to have a night off and Badger's forgotten his irritation. Course the drinks have helped with that and Fanty and Mingo burst into laughter as Badger tells them about his latest exploit with Malcolm Reynolds. And the girl.
“Ah, the girl. Most beautiful thing I've ever seen.” Just the way she'd talked to him, he likes a woman with a bit of fight. He's trailed off into a wistful sigh and Fanty and Mingo are giving each other significant looks. They share the same matching grin when they look back to Badger but he's lost off in his own fantasies.
“Should have asked for a name, 'suppose.”
“It's not too late, cousin.” Fanty's hands clasp over his shoulders, having gotten up at some point that Badger can't quite remember. Had enough to drink, maybe, it's turning him into a sentimental dāi zi.
“Too late for what?” Badger only looks confused and gets twin looks of irritation.
“Look, you said 'Firefly', right?” Badger nods. Fanty goes on. “So we saw a Firefly docking about the same time we were. We could go, snatch your little birdie up, and be on our merry way.”
Badger snorts and figures he really is the brains of the family. “And their gun hands will just let us waltz on in, then, is that it?”
There's those matching grins again. “We'll just have to give them an excuse to leave. Just for long enough to give your girl a 'Hello'.”
*
Zoe and the others aren't due back for another few hours when the heavy knocking rings through the ship. Even if it is home sweet home Persephone, they can't leave the cargo bay sitting wide open anymore. Not with two fugitives on board.
Wash hefts himself up to his feet and heads on down to the bay. His first set of visitors left some time ago, even River trailing off after her brother. This new visitor, then, is perfectly timed to the boredom which had started to encroach on Wash once more.
“Identify yourself,” he calls out before actually looking through the small window into the airlock. “Badger.” He laughs. “I think I remember the last time we opened the door for you, you held us all hostage.”
“Don't tell me your captain's left you all alone again?”
They both have to raise their voices to be heard through the metal.
“With very specific order's to not open the door to any posers.” Wash crosses his arms.
“You never told us they hated you.”
Wash lifts his challenging glare from Badger to look over the man's shoulder, giving a hopefully imperceptible jump at the two men that he swears weren't there a second ago. Men that he's sure he recognizes as a couple of Mal's contacts, someone they've done business with a time or two. Someone Wash has always considered a little too shady but that Mal might get pissed about if Wash somehow ruined their good name with.
“Fanty. Mingo,” he greets. In the wrong order, apparently, because they trade looks and one of them, damned if Wash can tell the difference, rolls his eyes.
Badger gives all three of them incredulous looks. “You know him?” Fanty or Mingo or whoever, shrugs. Badger goes on looking put out. “Failed to mention that bit.”
“Great. So we're all uninformed. Lets keep it that way.” Wash turns from them to walk away.
“Hey! Now is that any way to treat business partners?” Badger is calling after him and Wash swears there's a bit of a slur to his voice.
“You're Mal's business partner's, not mine. And Mal isn't here. I'll be sure to let him know you stopped by.”
“You wouldn't want us to tell Mal we were treated in such a fashion. Might be enough to lose us our...arrangement.” Fanty is grinning. Shadily.
“Definitely wouldn't want that.” So is Mingo. Unless that was the other way around.
Wash sighs and goes back to the door, studying the three through the window. “Captain will be back in a couple hours. Try then.”
“Come on, now, we're just here for a chat while we wait.”
What else can Wash do?
*
Simon and River are tucked safely out of the way before Wash ever opens the door to the trio on the other side. It was a rule easily agreed upon when Mal told Simon to get himself and River hidden at the first sign of company, whoever it was. Wash has no doubt that Simon has done exactly that from the first knock. It's one thing he thinks he doesn't need to worry about.
He calls out to Kaylee as he heads through to the galley. “Kaylee! Hey, we have guests.”
It takes a minute and Fanty and Mingo have already made themselves comfortable at the table, before Kaylee is poking her head in.
She's grinning as she asks, “Guests?”
“Hey, sweetheart,” Fanty greets.
Kaylee gives one of her free-spirited grins back, only to have it falter when she spots Badger, standing still, with his arms crossed. With the smile gone, she turns a wide-eyed look on Wash.
“What's going on?”
Badger shrugs and answers for Wash. Wash thinks Badger might have swayed to the side for a second. “We got bored.”
Wash's eyebrows raise, he's stepped closer to Badger and yeah, definite smell of Sake there. “And drunk. What happened to wanting to talk to Mal?”
“Man can't just stop by for a social call?”
“Not generally speaking, no.”
Something isn't right and Wash returns the glare that Badger is giving him. The man seems nervous, almost shifting his weight - though that could just be him swaying - and there! A quick glance away, to his side. Nervously.
“What exactly are you here for?”
Badger doesn't look too keen on answering. A look at the twins says Fanty is too busy eying up Kaylee who's still standing at the opposite side of the room. Wash finally settles his gaze on Mingo with his eyebrow raised.
“We're here to say hello. To a girl.”
Wash can feel his heart skip a beat. “Great. Kaylee's the only girl here. Unless you're talking about my wife, in which case, good luck.”
“A passenger,” Badger finally speaks up to clarify. “She was here last time.”
Wash stares at Badger. Who's looking uncomfortable and kind of sweaty. Could even be that Badger is starting to blush. “Weren't here to look for a date were you?” The pale blush flares up bright red. “You were? I...” A grin cracks out over Wash's face. “You came all the way over here...” He's going to fold over in laughter in another moment.
He doesn't realize the pissed off look that's crossing Badger's face until there's a hard fist smacking into his nose and then an even harder floor smacking him in the head.
*
“Just...relax.”
He thinks he's only caught the tail end of the sentence when he opens his eyes. It can't have been more than a second that he's been on the ground but somehow that's been more than enough time for Badger to switch spots with Simon.
Wash stares at the doctor for a long minute before slowly uncurling his fingers from around Simon's wrist. They've left white indents in Simon's skin.
“What's... Huh?” He blinks around him, past Simon to Kaylee, looking worried at his side. Further behind her is one of the twins. Standing on the opposite side of the galley, there's the other one, along with a still ticked looking Badger. Wash lets out a noise of indignation. “He hit me! What the hell is he still doing on the ship?”
Simon pushes a hand to Wash's chest when he tries to bolt upright too fast. “You let him in. For some reason that's entirely beyond me.” And honestly, it's beyond Wash, too. “You also hit your head pretty hard on the table, you might not want to move around too fast.”
Wash settles back on his elbows at Simon's stern chastisement, a warning that came too late as his head is already spinning from the sharp movement. “Think someone could explain? Without hitting me?”
Badger just looks stubborn but Simon raises to his feet by Wash's side, arms crossed over his chest. Wash thinks that this is Simon in full doctor mode. “I wouldn't mind hearing an explanation for this as well.”
Mingo is the one that answers, instead, from Badger's side. “There was a girl here. Cute little thing, or so I'm told. A passenger.”
Simon raises an eyebrow but Wash doesn't miss the tensing of the muscles along Simon's forearms. “It's a shame passengers have a habit of getting off. Which is exactly what you should be doing now. I'm sorry you came all this way for nothing.” Wash loves how Simon's apology sounds a whole lot more like a 'fuck off'.
Badger almost looks so crestfallen that Wash feels a moments pity for him. It lasts about as long as it takes Wash to try and get to his feet, head spinning when he gains them.
“Time to push off, Weasel. We'll tell Mal you said hi.”
Whatever witty retort Badger might have been trying to stir up is lost when the object of his misdirected affections walks up behind him. Simon opens his mouth, ready to call to her before he thinks better of it and ends up taking only a half-step forward. Probably best not to shout out River's name.
She giggles by Badger's shoulder and he jumps, finally taking his glare from Simon and Wash to stare at her.
“Well this is new.” River smiles at him. “Delusions of love now, as well?” She clucks her tongue disapprovingly against the roof of her mouth, talking with that accent. Wash sort of can't help but be amused with the way she makes Badger go red in embarrassment.
Badger stammers over a reply but Fanty gets there first, talking to Simon and Wash but eyes fastened on River. “You lied to us. Why is that?”
His voice is calculating and has Wash's blood running cold. Simon's too, apparently, because the doctor is taking two strides forward to grab hold of River's arm and pull her away from Badger. “I told you to stay in your room,” he hisses to her but she isn't moved and pouts at him.
“You never let me out.”
“She doesn't look like anything worth hiding...” Fanty goes on, considering gaze on Simon and River now. River gives him a haughty look.
Wash can see the second it clicks over in Fanty's mind. There's a gun hidden just a pace away from him, over in the galley cupboard. He doesn't even get half the distance before Mingo shouts out.
“Stop!” And Wash looks and he stops because he hadn't been paying attention to Mingo and now Mingo has Kaylee by the throat, gun at her head. “Looks like we've stumbled onto more of a treasure than imagined.”
Badger trades his confused look around the room. “What the hell are you doin'?”
“We're takin' this pair.” Fanty gestures to Simon and River with the gun he's pulled before aiming it at Wash. “And this ship. Time to get flying, pilot.”
*
Fanty pulls Badger aside while Mingo safely stows the others. Simon and River get shoved into the spare shuttle, which is locked securely from the outside. Kaylee gets to stick around for hostage purposes. That pilot isn't going to pull any fast moves with her under threat.
Badger gets that explained to him but he still doesn't know what the hell is going on, other than they've hijacked Mal Reynolds ship and he can feel the turbulence shake it as they break through atmo.
“What the hell are you doing? I've got to do business with these people!”
Fanty just gives him that insufferable smirk and Badger hopes his idiotic cousin is the one he gets the chance to hit next. “Relax. Soon no one will be doing business with this lot and we'll all be rich. Even you. You get a cut if you help out. Should probably get one anyway, since it was you that led us here.” Fanty nudges at him good-naturedly but Badger steps away.
“I didn't lead you here to steal the gorramn ship.”
“No, of course not. You led us here to get the girl and that's exactly what we're doing.”
Badger runs his hands over his face in despair. He looks up when Fanty loops an arm around Badger's shoulders and draws him into the galley. There's a bottle of wine there and Fanty starts pouring him a glass with his free hand.
“Badger Badger Badger... Don't you know who we've got here? That's Simon and River Tam, stuck in that shuttle.”
Badger frowns, he's heard the names before, a month ago, a bulletin over the Cortex that he'd never paid much attention to. He wasn't in the business of bringing in Alliance fugitives. “The fugitives?” he asks just to make sure he's on the right track.
“You bet your arse, friend. And we're going to turn them in, along with this ship and the crew.”
Turn in River Tam to the Alliance. The reward money for her alone would be more than his business took in over the course of a year. Tack on her brother and then the crew that had been harboring her...
“I can't believe Mal was hiding fugitives. Man's more of a stupid git than I gave him credit for.”
He grins at Fanty.
This is better than wanting a girl he could never have a hope with. Right?
*
Mingo is sitting in the co-pilot's seat, entertaining himself by flipping his gun between his hands or around his finger. Wash has to admit that the guy has some pretty fancy moves. He still entertains visions of it going off target and whapping Mingo in the head.
Kaylee is standing awkwardly between them, arms wrapped around herself. Scared and pissed at the same time and Wash can relate. If they manage to get away from this, he almost pities the guys that dared to try and take Serenity from her. Almost.
“So, where we headed, boss?” Wash's tone drips with sarcasm but Mingo doesn't seem to notice or care.
“That's 'Captain' to you, pilot.” Mingo looks outside to the stars and Wash wonders what his odds would be if he tried to jump the man. “Plot a course for the nearest Alliance cruiser.”
“You're out of your rutting mind if you think I'm gonna-”
The unmistakable sound of a gun cocking silences Wash's outburst. Mingo is aiming it at Kaylee again. “I think you're going to do exactly what I tell you to. Or the little birdie here goes bye bye and you'll be next. Dong ma?”
Wash's glare has about as much effect as his sarcasm. “Sir, yes, sir.”
*
Even getting hijacked leads to them sitting around. Simon can feel the ship break atmo, sitting on the very edge of the metal bench at the back of the shuttle. His fingers curl around the edge and hang on until his knuckles are white. River is sitting next to him, humming and swinging her legs.
“River...” Simon starts and River gives him a dazzling grin.
“What is it, Simon?” She's still speaking in the accent.
The look Simon returns is baffled. They've just been hijacked and... He's never going to understand her. “We need to find a way out of here.” He wishes he could predict what she was going to do, wishes he'd locked the door. They're hijacked now and River is still grinning.
She waves off his worry and jumps nimbly to her feet. “Oh don't worry. I've already got it all sorted out.” She giggles, the accent getting thicker. “We're too clever for them, ain't we?”
Considering they just managed to snatch the snip and half the crew out from under the captain's nose, Simon isn't so sure about that.
He watches with increasing worry as River saunters her way into the cock pit. A glance at the shuttle door, locked from the outside, he knows, and he's following behind her.
*
Wash's hands have stayed tense on the stick, keeping them on course, no switching to auto-pilot as per Mingo's instructions. Kaylee has folded cross-legged onto the floor between the pilot's and co-pilot's chairs. Wash thinks she might be falling asleep, her head tipping forward. Mingo is already there, gun held loosely in his lap, head tilted back on the chair.
“...Kaylee,” Wash whispers, making Kaylee give a little start. He nods with his head towards Mingo. Their would be captor has fallen asleep and aren't they going to be embarrassed when they have to admit that, yes, this is the group of bad guys that caught them. It's almost enough to make Wash think twice about escaping.
He nods his head towards the slumped form of Mingo. “Can you get his gun?”
Kaylee looks from Wash to Mingo with wide eyes. She's biting at her lip but hesitantly moving forward, fingers stretching out and Wash holds his breath as they slide over the barrel of the gun and Mingo still doesn't wake. The slightest slide of a finger along the hilt though... Wash looks up to find Mingo looking back at him.
“I just dare you to keep going.”
*
There's not a lot doing on this ship. They're on course to making a lot of money, being filthy rich and then he'll see about what anyone has to say on 'delusions of standing'. He'll have standing. Buy his gorramn way to the top. With the money that pretty little thing is going to get him.
Gorgeous little thing, really.
He's rifling his way through the ship, in what looks to be the common room. A lot of junk, with a home like this it's a wonder that Reynolds didn't come crawling back to him more often. If Badger had really taken the time to see this place before, he might have been a bit more moved towards pity for the man and offered him something better. Probably not. Something about Reynolds always rubbed him the wrong way. Man like that just couldn't understand what his place was in this world.
She really is nice.
He's made his way into the cargo bay, onto the catwalks. There isn't much cargo here but there are a few crates that might be worth picking through. 'Course Reynolds had enough sense to hide anything really worth something. Hadn't done a good enough job of hiding the girl, unfortunately.
What harm can a little chat do? Before he'll never have the chance to see her again.
Badger wanders over to the second shuttle. She's already looking back at him through the small rectangular window in the door.
She gives him a haughty smile that can't help but go straight to his head. Her lips move, she's speaking but he can't hear her through the door. She presses her hand to the small window, staring at him intently with a look of either hope or irritation, he honestly can't tell. She's a mystery. Something he finds he desperately wants to suss out. She tilts her head like she understands and her smile grows softer. She beckons him with a finger.
He's not sure how he got all wrapped around it.
He gets the heavy door unlatched and opened a crack before someone - can't be the girl - is shoving it open as hard as possible. A fist hits him square in the head and is it just him or does that echo through the entire cargo bay? He doesn't hit the floor because someone is catching him. The girl, he couldn't be more pleased with that and stares up at her. He doesn't put up any struggle as she drags him into the shuttle and her brother shoves the hatch closed after them.
Right. He'd forgotten the brother.
He comes around not to a pleasant face staring down at him, either in delight or scorn. Simon glares a little more as Badger's face falls, sneer forming but that hurts. He remembers someone hitting him in the head.
“Where's the girl?” Is the first thing out of his mouth.
Simon rolls his eyes. “You have no idea how disturbing that is.” The boy rolls his shoulders as he gets to his feet from his position crouching over Badger.
Badger might be insulted. If his standing wasn't so high. “Might not want to go speaking like that to your captor, lad.”
Light laughter reaches his ears and almost curls his toes, makes him shiver. He turns his head to find the girl is there, sitting in the cockpit of the shuttle, her hands working with talented grace over the controls. The look she gives him is a wicked grin.
“We're the masters of this shuttle.”
Simon chimes in, more cheerful than he should be for someone who's been kidnapped. “And you're going to help us.”
*
There really is going to be blood to pay when they get back to Mal. If they get back. Wash isn't that naïve. Optimistically hopeful, maybe. If he could just get a second to himself, just long enough to flip a few switches. But Mingo isn't taking his gaze away and Wash can't find his opportunity.
Even when there is a distraction, it inevitably distracts Wash as well. This time in the form of Badger, making his first appearance in awhile. Wash doesn't want to think on the grubby little man picking through their things. Seeing the man brings up the ache in his jaw and Wash raises a hand to rub at it while shooting daggers Badger's way. The innocent movement of his hand has Mingo looking to him. Guay.
“Find anything of interest?” Fanty asks, taking his eyes from Kaylee who looks relieved to have his attention off her.
“Not so much.” Badger eyes each of them in turn. “Thought I might relieve you here for a bit. Gorramn boring on this boat.”
Mingo stretches. “Never were the space faring type.”
Badger's eyes darken into a glare at the teasing note to Mingo's tone. At this, Mingo raises his hands, warding Badger's look off while he gets to his feet. He tosses the gun across the small space to Badger and Wash has to resist the urge to try and snatch the thing out of the air. He needs to remind himself that he's not, in fact, a ninja. He'd only end up tripping and then getting shot by Fanty.
Maybe not, though. Fanty is busy stepping forward to Kaylee, leaning over to speak to her. “Don't suppose a lady would want to come along?”
Wash bristles while Kaylee leans away from the man. Hell with not being a ninja, no one is going to get away with speaking to Kaylee like that. He's half-way to his feet before Badger beats him.
The little man rolls his eyes. “Give it a rest, Fanty. Can't you see you're scaring the poor girl? Can't blame her, looks like those now, can we?”
“How do you think I've felt having to sit here with them the last hour?” Wash shudders and enjoys the scowl that comes over Fanty and Mingo's faces.
“Leave it,” Mingo instructs. “Sick of sitting up here.”
Even with Fanty and Mingo off the bridge, the tension level doesn't dissipate. Badger fidgets and Wash wonders if now is the time to make his move. Whatever that move might be. There's still that gun at Badger's hip as the man starts pacing. Could he grab it? Wash could overpower Badger, surely. Could he flip those few switches before Badger shot him? He's pretty sure he doesn't want to find out. Which leaves lunging and knocking Badger out. Eye for an eye.
He catches Kaylee's gaze but she shakes her head when she must be able to see his intent in his eyes.
“Wasn't lookin' for trouble when I came here,” Badger interrupts their silent argument.
Wash looks around, incredulous. “You got a fine way of going about staying out of it.”
“'Eh! That wasn't me. Was all on those two. Just wanted to see the girl. Ain't met anyone like her before,” Badger admits. He's blushing again but this time he sounds lost to go with it and Wash doesn't have the heart to start teasing him again. Something about all this sounds awfully familiar and he thinks back on Zoe. That had been about as insane as Badger going after River.
“You keep up with this and Alliance will have her locked up so tight you'll never see her again.”
“I know. An' that's why I'm going to help you, instead. River an' her brother have a plan.”
Badger barely gets the words out before something catches Wash's eye out the windscreen. His jaw drops open.
“Tian xiao de... Can they do that?”
The shuttle was directly in front of them.
*
She's laughing. Almost hysterically. A grin on her face like Simon hasn't seen since they took that walk out in space. He'd thought his stomach might just drop out when she'd asked him to do it again. A lot like he's feeling now, gripping hard to the arms of the co-pilot's seat. Does she have to fly so close to Serenity?
River gives him a sideways look and he can almost hear the way she rolls her eyes at him. “Aren't you supposed to be doing something? The plan doesn't work without all the moving parts.” She sighs. “You have to let go of the chair to move. Dummy,” she mutters the last under her breath.
He closes his eyes and gathers his strength before reaching out to grab the comm. Which squawks to life under his palm and he almost has the...possibly third, heart attack of the day.
“Lao tian ye, what are you guys doing?”
They're close enough that if Simon squints a bit, he can make out Wash batting Badger away and possibly shouting at the man. Then the shuttle is dipping suddenly and making his stomach fly up into his throat.
He manages to grab the comm. “We're uh...” He trails off at the sound of another scuffle on the other end.
“Bloody hell, give me the ruttin' thing and listen.” Simon stays quiet as a deep sigh comes over the comm but Wash isn't arguing, not that Simon can hear. Badger is talking to Wash, Simon already knows why they're out here. What he wants to know is how they're out here and why his little sister knows how to pilot a shuttle.
“Ain't gotta worry about them out there, do we? They stay outta harms way, we get this sorted.”
“And if we don't?” Wash's disbelief is obvious.
“Then the shuttle will get us back to Persephone,” Simon answers for Badger.
“They'd be safe. Innit all that matters?” Simon might believe Badger more if he couldn't hear the grin to those words. The little man is trying to get Wash riled up. It works perfectly.
“Great plan. Yeah except for the part where we'd be dead.”
But that was just part of the plan.
”We don't deal with Fanty an' Mingo, anyone left on this ship'll be dead and tossed outside. Leave the rest of it to be sold off.”
He'd understood Badger's words fine but Simon could only come up with one answer. He wasn't sure if it was selfish or uncaring but... ”At least she'll be safe.”
There's silence and Simon wishes he could see into the cockpit again, be closer to see what Wash is really thinking when he finally says “Alright. Lets make sure we don't get killed then.”
“And when we're done,” Simon pipes in, “You're going to explain to me why my sister can fly the shuttle.”
A second later and Simon watches as Serenity goes dark.
*
“Kaylee.” Wash can't see her through the dark, only a few lights on the console still flash. “The gravity drive.” They have roughly three minutes before the emergency lighting is going to come on and bathe everything in a red glow if Kaylee doesn't get back to the engine room.
“On it.”
He reckons Kaylee has maybe a minute before Fanty and Mingo orient enough to get up from the cargo bay and cut her off. Kaylee's gone, bolting down the corridor, feet making a racket that really doesn't matter. Wash can hear Fanty and Mingo cursing from below and the clang of metal as one of them runs into something or drops something. Hopefully runs into something.
Wash turns his gaze to the outline of Badger. “You ever space walked before, Weasel?”
“How'd you like to get knocked to the floor again, pilot?” Badger is smug, Wash can picture the smile.
“That was a fluke!”
Wash is out of his seat just in time for Fanty and Mingo to make it to the bridge, guns drawn. The emergency lights go on for long enough that Wash thinks his blood freezes at the looks and gun barrels pointed his way. Badger has a gun turned on him as well. All for a good second that lasts too long before something back at the ship knocks, the lights go out and Wash finds his feet off the ground.
Badger is the only one that doesn't cry out in shock.
Wash has a minute after that to get his feet on the console and shove himself through the air, ignoring the feeling of his stomach rising along with the rest of him. He can push it back. Getting the guns off the bad guys is more important.
And something he really doesn't need to worry about.
Neither Fanty or Mingo have ever dealt with zero gravity. It's bad enough that their minds don't know how to react to it, their bodies can't even begin. One shot is fired and Wash can feel it whip on past his head. He might have lost a few hairs but what's that? Ten minutes later and he's got the twins disarmed while Fanty turns in a slow circle and Mingo grips onto the lockers.
“Kaylee?”
“Already?” Her voice calls back in an echo along the ship, surprised and pleased.
“Yeah, they're not exactly...I dunno, the most talented of-”
“Hey!”
“-criminals. Got further than anyone else with the ship stealing, though.”
Wash's feet hit the ground as Kaylee turns over the gravity drive. She's over riding his own command from the bridge to turn all the lights back on as well. Wash turns Fanty and Mingo's guns on them when he can see again, grinning at the scowling looks he gets that haven't changed much since the lights went out. Maybe a little more petulant now. Wash likes that.
“Hey, Badger, you wanna grab some...” he turns to Badger and pauses, “...rope? Ai ya.”
Badger's collapsed over the console, hand pressing to the bullet hole over his shoulder.
*
He's doesn't know who the hell is making all that bloody racket. Chattering away right by his ear in the most grating of possible voices, one that sounds like it's echoing. Through the chill air and he shivers. A small hand presses over his chest and rubs. A lot clearer than he ought to be able to feel it.
His eyes snap open but the hand on his chest keeps him pressed down. He's shirtless and he hurts. A pain that has him moaning and closing his eyes.
There's a 'tutting' noise next to him. “No moving. Silly old man doesn't know when he's hurt.” She tuts again.
That's the voice that had been grating on him just a moment ago. He grimaces. “'Eh, love. Where's the accent gone?” Why that seems like the most important thing, he can't say.
“What, you mean this one?” There it is. Far more soothing and he nods. “You always did like lies,” she purrs.
“River!”
They both jump at the sharp voice. River turns to her brother with a falsely innocent smile and rises to her feet from the chair she's been sitting on by Badger's side. She goes to the arm Simon holds out for her and Badger watches with a painstakingly lifted head as he whispers. Something that makes her giggle and she's giving Badger a once over before leaving.
The doctor looks a lot less friendly when she's gone.
“What happened?”
“You got shot. By the same people you helped to steal this ship.”
“Poetic justice, innit?” Badger rolls his eyes.
“I was thinking something like that. But thank you,” the words look hard for Simon to say, “For helping.”
“Can't loose a good business contact.” Badger blows it off. Like they both don't know he was helping for the girl.
And that look she gave him? He thinks he might just have a chance now.
*
They land Serenity at the Eavesdown docks without another hitch. A call through to Badger's people have them coming and whisking the man off to the safety and care of his headquarters, or whatever Badger calls them. Fanty and Mingo are escorted off with some discreet gun prodding on Wash's part. Wash is off put by the fact that they don't seem bothered at all, trading smiles.
“We'll have to do this again some time.”
“All pretty nice for a hello.”
Wash cocks the gun he's holding. “Get the hell off my ship.”
They both raise disarming hands and back away into the crowd. They're just disappearing when Mal walks up, taking note of the gun Wash is holstering.
“There a problem here?”
Wash grins and shares a look with Kaylee who's come up by his side, looking smug and happy. “No, sir. Can't think of a thing.” The same time Kaylee says; “Alls shiny, Captain. We set to go?”
Before Mal can start drilling him - he's got that look in his eyes - Wash is trading hugs with Zoe and the captain is effectively dismissed.
When Mal tells them all to get going, Wash hangs back on the ramp for a moment to watch them. Yeah, everything is shiny and he's fine with the captain being none the wiser. This time when he turns, it's Simon he finds at his side, the man giving him a bemused look.
“You look pleased with yourself.”
“Hey, I think we did good today.”
Simon quirks an eyebrow. “You mean by letting hijackers on the ship?”
“Other than that.” They start heading up the ramp as Mal shouts through that he's closing up. Wash pauses a beat before saying, “You know you ought to think about letting Badger ask River out.”
Simon blinks at him. Not everyone gets these things at first glance.