The crossroads: A combination of ideas
Again, I feel as though I'm caught up in a crossroads situation with multiple paths to take. I finally made it to ASU and a new chapter in my life is beginning. I am; however, disappointed with the fact that I'm still single. Lately, I've tried to show interest in some potential girls but either I get back mixed reactions or no reactions from them at all. I don't know which way to go sometimes. I could find a relationship with one person but that would require me to move away from my friends and family in order to join my brother in Kansas. Another possibility here is looking grimmer by the passing days and I don't even know what to do anymore. She's seemingly avoided all of my invites to hang out but she assures me that our schedules are inconvenient. She claims she's nothing but a disappointment to me but I'm a man who has tons of patience. ASU hasn't really been a wonderful experience as many have portrayed it to be. I don't seem to have any luck when it comes to meeting people because the ones I've met never wanted to talk to me after the first week. Too busy occupied elsewhere? Doubtful but whatever. This semester is a real struggle on top of it all. Two long papers due next week and I'm trying to get them out of the way as soon as possible. Much to my dismay, the papers aren't coming together well at all and I can see that its going to be a long weekend for me. I don't feel like the same student I used to be back at MCC or even Dobson. I feel my academics has fallen off slightly and I don't have the 'edge' I used to. My guess is that I don't have enough time to do the things I enjoy doing the most. I miss working out five to six days a week and living a healthy lifestyle. I miss being able to have time to write my novel, draw the maps for it, and even type it. School and work have consumed me almost completely and the little time I have left I spend it sleeping or hanging out with Kyle. I'm saddened that I've kinda drifted away from alot of the people who mattered most in my life. Our schedules used to be so simple and easy to make plans together but now that we're grown adults and taking our first steps into the rest of our lives, we rarely get to see one another. Its a damn shame really. With the holidays approaching rapidly, I fear the worst when it comes to work. It's a dangerous time with the economy still in the shitter and me being one of a handful of people to run a grocery store for two hours late at night. I've often thought about stepping down and allowing myself to have a break between closing shifts and day shifts. Its even more of a struggle having them schedule me to close one night and open the store two days later. My sleep schedule is pretty much a clusterfuck. I can't go to bed early anymore and if I do, I'll wake up at midnight and be wide awake for another five hours. Everything just seems to be on shaky ground at the moment and there isn't really a place for me to turn to in order to find reassurance. Sure I have some people I can turn to and talk to, but I feel I'm lacking something more intimate with a special someone. I guess my endurance shall continue to be tested until I have a chance to slow down with school and take some personal time for myself.