(no subject)
I reaaaaally hate people. every single one. every person is just all talk and fuck they all starve for attention. i just cant stand socializing its far too much work. i will always be a loner, i have not one friend that i can just be like woo lets hang out today. allan is my life pretty much and the only one i can be myself around. and lisa too. they may not be labeled "cool" but they are good to me. good people. good times.the only ones who i can talk to without getting scared. people really do intimidate me when they shouldnt. theres nothing special about them. i just feel like people are judging me all the time. like when i walk down the hallway in school i feel like everyone is laughing or talking about me. i am only posting this on livejournal because i dont feel like writing it down in my real notebook and i know a lot of people dont read my journal so it should not cause any conflicts. i hate when people just write stupid crap in this thing just to get the comments that turn into "LAME ASS" conversations. why not just talk to the fucking person on the phone...have a fucking fourway phonecall. all the little emo shits. Cause its the COOL thing to do right. i am sooo tired of people like that and i deal with them everyday. they just dont get out of my face. i also despise when people are all talk online chatting up a storm and then in real life they are mutes. lisa says i need to talk to someone and things might be better. i feel like therapists are shit too. i cant really trust anyone anymore. ps american idol is on the 17th and im pumped about it. there are only few things that make this girl happ happ happppy. tv shows fill the happy spot for me. its sad but true. being alone makes me happy. talking to myself in the dark makes me reaaaaally happy. i get to the point where i am sooo angry that it turns into blissss. its amaz. and then i start to laugh. i actually laugh at myself. i also find pleasure out of pacing back and forth in my room listening to the ipod. i feel like i talk in circles sometimes. i feel like i have told you everything there is to know about me. to be honest, there isnt much to know about me. theres nothing really exciting haha. i am a blah person and i wish i had more going for me. quitting school seems pretty good right now. school is stressful business. i just dont know if i can put up with it much longer. i have a guidance apt. with my dad tomorrow for colleges. i feel like i am also really behind on that shit. i still need one more letter of recommendation and my transcript and all that other crap you need to get into college these days. it sucksssss a bunch. i kinda wanna go to vermont but i dont know... anywhere is fine with me. just stick me in any old college and i'll be fine. i just wanna start fresh and meet new people, but most of all get the fuck out of this stupid town with stupid people. in the beginnning of the yr i thought westconn sounded good, but now i am thinking about it fuck that. why would i want to stay close to home, its not like theres anything that i like about home. i dont like my parents or the chaos they cause. westconn would be like high school as many have told me. a lottt of people go there from new milf and i just cant deal with that. hopefully tomorrow ill get things situated with that department. all i want in life is to be happy. i cant wait for that period in my life to arrive. is it here yet? well congrats on those who have read all of this nonsense venting crap. see ya next time. oh yeah i also like tis show called campus ladies. it reminds me of upright citizens brigade. that kind of thing also makes me happy. sorry that my thoughts are all out of order. i cant say what i wanna say fast enough, its just too scattered. blahbdfhflbre vdf who ok byeeee folks. <3 be good to yourself and others without being fake