24th Nigga Moment: Hoetacular
So I was sitting here right? And I was doing a little reflecting of back home-- yeah, don't act like you niggas ain't never did that before-- and I remember this one conversation in particular that me and my brother had. It was one about hoes. Now, I know a lot of us don't like to talk about hoes. It's a very sticky subject and most people like to avoid it altogether if they can. But hell, since it's "Hump Day" I figured "'Ey why not". Ain't like ya'll got anything better to do other than being stuck in this City for the rest of yo life anyway.
Okay, so pretty much this conversation was about this hoe our Granddad was dating. We knew she was a hoe, it was obvious she was a hoe, but Granddad didn't want to believe she was a hoe. And so, while they were out at a restaurant, we began to have a very sophisticated conversation on what a hoe was, what made a girl a hoe, and most importantly: if she isn't a hoe then why do I got to take her ass out to eat? Well, of course, I was naive and unrealistic back then. I didn't know what I know now, so I automatically assumed all women were hoes. But my recent research has concluded that actually only about 75% of women tops can actually be hoes. Now, I know to some of you this seems like a relatively small number, but trust me, it is indeed accurate. But what IS a hoe? How can you tell a hoe from a non-hoe? Can you catch hoe? Are there steps available to prevent yourself from becoming a hoe?
These are questions I'm sure all women have asked themselves at least one point in their lives, and that's why I'm making a multi-part series, detailing and explaining the inner workings of what a hoe is and what you can do to stop this from happening to you. Think of it sorta like one of those guides to becoming a better person. Or that "steps to pleasing your man" bullshit. 'Cause let's face it ain't no man gonna want to date yo ass if you a hoe. Unless it's a pimp.
Volume 1: Introduction: What is a Hoe?
A hoe, or "whore" for more of you literal niggas, is someone who fulfills the sexual desires of others for money, or something that is of equal value to them. So don't think just 'cause you from some alternate Candy Land universe, and you give neck for a few sugar gum gum drops instead of lolipop money that that means you ain't a hoe. 'Cause it's the same damn thing.
A hoe's usual activities involve running really fast in high heels, standing on street corners, and ducking under tables if they see someone in a purple suit. However, sometimes hoes are not always so easy to recognize. Sometimes they are able to blend into their environment and act as a regular person. I like to call these "undercover hoes". Women who know without a reasonable doubt that they're complete hoes, but try to deceive all those around them that they're, in fact, normal women. Usually these hoes have no less than at least twenty sexual partners at once at any given time, but claim all of them to be "friends" to their associates.
Another form of hoe is the dreaded "Golddigger". These hoes are actually more into money than they are actual intercourse, though they will have intercourse if necessary. Typically they don't go after anyone less than 30 years their senior minimum. This is because they are actually not looking for a relationship, but rather someone who will take her, Pookie, Nana, and all of her other appropriately named ghetto friends to the mall on shopping sprees. Usually she will kiss, hug, and engage in sex with her partner to keep up the illusion that they are actually in a relationship until the check her "boyfriend" put in for this months rent is cleared. The length of their fake nails frequently match the length of their incredibly long high heels.
And those are the main ones you need to know about: The regular hoe, Undercover Hoe, and Golddigger. Don't get me wrong there are many many types of hoes but most of them fall under one of these categories, or sometimes they mix match, taking traits from different types of hoes and creating an entirely new hoe out of it.
Now, I know talking about hoes seems like a rather vulgar topic, but did you know that one out of every four women are hoes and don't even realize it? Two of the four are actually hoes and only one isn't a hoe. That means that there are overwhelming odds that the best friend you're talking to right now could possibly be-- or has the potential to be-- a hoe and not even know it. Or maybe even YOU could be the hoe and are ignoring the various symptoms and tell tale signs of a hoe. Which is what I'm going to discuss in part 2.
[ooc: OH! Almost forgot to put an ooc note... I'm so sorry for this XD
Yes, it's going to be a multipart series, so you'll have to suffer through his rants a few more times, unfortunately. I was going to just do ONE entry? But he rants WAAAAY too much for that. It would be a mile long and take way too much time.]
Okay, so pretty much this conversation was about this hoe our Granddad was dating. We knew she was a hoe, it was obvious she was a hoe, but Granddad didn't want to believe she was a hoe. And so, while they were out at a restaurant, we began to have a very sophisticated conversation on what a hoe was, what made a girl a hoe, and most importantly: if she isn't a hoe then why do I got to take her ass out to eat? Well, of course, I was naive and unrealistic back then. I didn't know what I know now, so I automatically assumed all women were hoes. But my recent research has concluded that actually only about 75% of women tops can actually be hoes. Now, I know to some of you this seems like a relatively small number, but trust me, it is indeed accurate. But what IS a hoe? How can you tell a hoe from a non-hoe? Can you catch hoe? Are there steps available to prevent yourself from becoming a hoe?
These are questions I'm sure all women have asked themselves at least one point in their lives, and that's why I'm making a multi-part series, detailing and explaining the inner workings of what a hoe is and what you can do to stop this from happening to you. Think of it sorta like one of those guides to becoming a better person. Or that "steps to pleasing your man" bullshit. 'Cause let's face it ain't no man gonna want to date yo ass if you a hoe. Unless it's a pimp.
Volume 1: Introduction: What is a Hoe?
A hoe, or "whore" for more of you literal niggas, is someone who fulfills the sexual desires of others for money, or something that is of equal value to them. So don't think just 'cause you from some alternate Candy Land universe, and you give neck for a few sugar gum gum drops instead of lolipop money that that means you ain't a hoe. 'Cause it's the same damn thing.
A hoe's usual activities involve running really fast in high heels, standing on street corners, and ducking under tables if they see someone in a purple suit. However, sometimes hoes are not always so easy to recognize. Sometimes they are able to blend into their environment and act as a regular person. I like to call these "undercover hoes". Women who know without a reasonable doubt that they're complete hoes, but try to deceive all those around them that they're, in fact, normal women. Usually these hoes have no less than at least twenty sexual partners at once at any given time, but claim all of them to be "friends" to their associates.
Another form of hoe is the dreaded "Golddigger". These hoes are actually more into money than they are actual intercourse, though they will have intercourse if necessary. Typically they don't go after anyone less than 30 years their senior minimum. This is because they are actually not looking for a relationship, but rather someone who will take her, Pookie, Nana, and all of her other appropriately named ghetto friends to the mall on shopping sprees. Usually she will kiss, hug, and engage in sex with her partner to keep up the illusion that they are actually in a relationship until the check her "boyfriend" put in for this months rent is cleared. The length of their fake nails frequently match the length of their incredibly long high heels.
And those are the main ones you need to know about: The regular hoe, Undercover Hoe, and Golddigger. Don't get me wrong there are many many types of hoes but most of them fall under one of these categories, or sometimes they mix match, taking traits from different types of hoes and creating an entirely new hoe out of it.
Now, I know talking about hoes seems like a rather vulgar topic, but did you know that one out of every four women are hoes and don't even realize it? Two of the four are actually hoes and only one isn't a hoe. That means that there are overwhelming odds that the best friend you're talking to right now could possibly be-- or has the potential to be-- a hoe and not even know it. Or maybe even YOU could be the hoe and are ignoring the various symptoms and tell tale signs of a hoe. Which is what I'm going to discuss in part 2.
[ooc: OH! Almost forgot to put an ooc note... I'm so sorry for this XD
Yes, it's going to be a multipart series, so you'll have to suffer through his rants a few more times, unfortunately. I was going to just do ONE entry? But he rants WAAAAY too much for that. It would be a mile long and take way too much time.]