When is love worth fighting for?
I sit here and ask myself this question, which in a way is painful for me simply because I need to ask. I used to know. I used to have an immediate answer at the ready but now… now I sit here and second-guess and doubt and wonder…
And it bothers me; the amount I’ve changed in the last year. Some of the changes were most likely for the good but as cynical as I was before, I was still a closet optimist and now…
Right now I’m afraid that I’m probably making those of you reading this cock an eyebrow in confusion so I should probably push my white chocolate cocoa with its pink marshmallows to the side-so I can actually sit here comfortably and write at a somewhat normal speed; this two-finger hunt and peck method leaving a lot to be desired.
Desire. Good keyword to start out with. To desire is to have an inclination to strongly want things; to long for things. So many words are synonymous with desire-to want, to wish, to covet, to crave… all strong words and all expressing some form of desire.
Wanting denotes a feeling of lacking somehow like wanting to be married or wanting to have a baby while wishing implies a transient longing-like wanting world peace. To crave suggests that desire becomes a physical manifestation like my craving this morning for white chocolate cocoa while coveting is to feel the envious form of desire-to want what is not yours.
And every bit of that lies beneath the umbrella of desire and desire is one of the driving factors of love.
So when love becomes present and you’re filled with these intense feelings of wanting and longing-desire-is that when it’s worth fighting for? When desire is present?
There are different levels of desire-or rather, the umbrella terms of wanting and longing. My best friend, David Lee, I love him silly and I want his happiness simply because he deserves to be and out of the two of us, I’d rather wish for his happiness if I had to choose one or the other AND I love him so much that I’d do battle for him. He has a tendency to pick fickle women-the kind that comes with lots of underhanded deceit and pretty strings. They keep him towing the line to fulfill a need that only a doctor can do something about, so needless to say, they play their games and he gets hurt and I get wrathful and I’m proud to admit that at 5’3” I’ve made some of his exes cry horridly-and I never had to lay a finger on them. Not sure which was better for them because a smack in the face would have satisfied my craving for physical violence and would surely fade much more quickly than a verbal shredding even though infinitely more embarrassing-for me anyway since my mouth can more than hold its own in a battle of wits.
It’s not to say I’m a violent person or that I condone it. I’m just extremely protective of those that I love in all of love’s myriad forms and when someone causes tears in someone I love, then the desire to cause tears of the more painful variety in the slighter arises with a vengeance, which again, is yet another form of desire; the need for vindication or retribution.
What started this line of thinking was this morning, I had a conversation with a friend who is going through a difficult time right now. He’s been married for 10 years and though it’s not always been easy, they’ve plateaued into a good relationship. The problem is that they (he and his wife) have developed into two different people than who they were when they initially got together. A large portion of the characteristics that brought them together in the first place are still there-but other aspects have developed and at opposite ends of the polar scale. At the moment, a divorce is being sought out.
His problem is this: he still loves her and feels that he is not honouring the meaning of love or what love stands for which includes fighting for it. Isn’t that why we all fight anyway? We send our men and women to war to fight for our country-to protect our families because we love them and we love what our country stands for.
But in his case, he has fought for her. He’s tried compromise and then giving in and then counseling and none of it has worked. The differences are still there and looming larger than life and I told him that sometimes love means to fight in a different way. He did everything he could to save the relationship. She didn’t, so in turn he must turn that struggle within and fight his instincts and inclinations and let her go.
I once told my ex that I loved him, enough to fight for him. I told him that I would encourage him and support him all the way and if he needed to be weak sometimes, that I would take on his burdens to carry for him when he just needed a rest. I said that I would fight anyone and anything for him but that the one thing I couldn’t fight was him and that is how it works. You can do everything in your power to ensure that love endures, but if you both aren’t doing it then no amount of fighting will work.
Sometimes love means letting go so matter how tightly you want to hold on. It means you have to fight the initial reaction you have to call them whenever something wonderful or horrible happens. You have to fight the longing to see them or the need to touch them when you do see them. You have to fight yourself because ultimately love means being unselfish and wanting their happiness and if that means it’s not with you, then you have to fight the desires that brought you together in the first place. So even in letting go, in essence, you're still fighting, just in a different way.
So here I’ve sat here and talked about wanting and craving and desire and I’ve covered so many different forms-because I’m one of those people that take the scenic route to get to the point-and in doing so, I’ve answered my own question.
When is love worth fighting for?
Whenever there is love there. It might not always work out, but it is worth the effort, especially when it does.
And it bothers me; the amount I’ve changed in the last year. Some of the changes were most likely for the good but as cynical as I was before, I was still a closet optimist and now…
Right now I’m afraid that I’m probably making those of you reading this cock an eyebrow in confusion so I should probably push my white chocolate cocoa with its pink marshmallows to the side-so I can actually sit here comfortably and write at a somewhat normal speed; this two-finger hunt and peck method leaving a lot to be desired.
Desire. Good keyword to start out with. To desire is to have an inclination to strongly want things; to long for things. So many words are synonymous with desire-to want, to wish, to covet, to crave… all strong words and all expressing some form of desire.
Wanting denotes a feeling of lacking somehow like wanting to be married or wanting to have a baby while wishing implies a transient longing-like wanting world peace. To crave suggests that desire becomes a physical manifestation like my craving this morning for white chocolate cocoa while coveting is to feel the envious form of desire-to want what is not yours.
And every bit of that lies beneath the umbrella of desire and desire is one of the driving factors of love.
So when love becomes present and you’re filled with these intense feelings of wanting and longing-desire-is that when it’s worth fighting for? When desire is present?
There are different levels of desire-or rather, the umbrella terms of wanting and longing. My best friend, David Lee, I love him silly and I want his happiness simply because he deserves to be and out of the two of us, I’d rather wish for his happiness if I had to choose one or the other AND I love him so much that I’d do battle for him. He has a tendency to pick fickle women-the kind that comes with lots of underhanded deceit and pretty strings. They keep him towing the line to fulfill a need that only a doctor can do something about, so needless to say, they play their games and he gets hurt and I get wrathful and I’m proud to admit that at 5’3” I’ve made some of his exes cry horridly-and I never had to lay a finger on them. Not sure which was better for them because a smack in the face would have satisfied my craving for physical violence and would surely fade much more quickly than a verbal shredding even though infinitely more embarrassing-for me anyway since my mouth can more than hold its own in a battle of wits.
It’s not to say I’m a violent person or that I condone it. I’m just extremely protective of those that I love in all of love’s myriad forms and when someone causes tears in someone I love, then the desire to cause tears of the more painful variety in the slighter arises with a vengeance, which again, is yet another form of desire; the need for vindication or retribution.
What started this line of thinking was this morning, I had a conversation with a friend who is going through a difficult time right now. He’s been married for 10 years and though it’s not always been easy, they’ve plateaued into a good relationship. The problem is that they (he and his wife) have developed into two different people than who they were when they initially got together. A large portion of the characteristics that brought them together in the first place are still there-but other aspects have developed and at opposite ends of the polar scale. At the moment, a divorce is being sought out.
His problem is this: he still loves her and feels that he is not honouring the meaning of love or what love stands for which includes fighting for it. Isn’t that why we all fight anyway? We send our men and women to war to fight for our country-to protect our families because we love them and we love what our country stands for.
But in his case, he has fought for her. He’s tried compromise and then giving in and then counseling and none of it has worked. The differences are still there and looming larger than life and I told him that sometimes love means to fight in a different way. He did everything he could to save the relationship. She didn’t, so in turn he must turn that struggle within and fight his instincts and inclinations and let her go.
I once told my ex that I loved him, enough to fight for him. I told him that I would encourage him and support him all the way and if he needed to be weak sometimes, that I would take on his burdens to carry for him when he just needed a rest. I said that I would fight anyone and anything for him but that the one thing I couldn’t fight was him and that is how it works. You can do everything in your power to ensure that love endures, but if you both aren’t doing it then no amount of fighting will work.
Sometimes love means letting go so matter how tightly you want to hold on. It means you have to fight the initial reaction you have to call them whenever something wonderful or horrible happens. You have to fight the longing to see them or the need to touch them when you do see them. You have to fight yourself because ultimately love means being unselfish and wanting their happiness and if that means it’s not with you, then you have to fight the desires that brought you together in the first place. So even in letting go, in essence, you're still fighting, just in a different way.
So here I’ve sat here and talked about wanting and craving and desire and I’ve covered so many different forms-because I’m one of those people that take the scenic route to get to the point-and in doing so, I’ve answered my own question.
When is love worth fighting for?
Whenever there is love there. It might not always work out, but it is worth the effort, especially when it does.