Breaking apart
I just watched The Lake House.
Of course I'm by myself, laying there watching it in the dark and the whole time I'm feeling like I'm Kate. I identify with her so much. Then about halfway through I figured it out. I knew who the bus hit.
I figured it was a life lesson to be learned. He came along at a time when she needed to learn how to take chances...that is why she got back together with the previous guy right? I was so sure that is what it was about. About time and distance and how there was no way to close the gap. He taught her how to open up so she could when the next guy came along.
I didn't expect I was wrong about the lesson that was supposed to have been learned.
So I watched it and my vision is getting all fuzzy (much like it is now) and its because my eyes are burning...really...not because Im crying or anything. And when it was over, I knew what I had to do. I sat there for a bit in the dark after shutting the movie off and I felt it in my gut...I mean I knew it...and I came over here to my computer and was going to do what I knew I was supposed to.
Say goodbye.
That is what I'm supposed to do right? And it is the right thing to do because, hey, you ignored me all night so I figured I would get the hint and then watching this just cemented it for me. I'm supposed to let you go. It hurts but there is no more anxiety...no more of the anguish that would accompany such thoughts. It hurts and its solid and its real but its the right thing to do.
I was going to open AIM and leave you a message there. No long-winded speeches or tearful poetry or broken songs. No explanations; no reasons. Just simply 'goodbye' and that was all.
And I don't know how it came up. There were no pages open on my desktop. Nothing except for my away messages which was shrank down into the toolbar below and I sat down here determined to do the right thing by you for once and a page opens up and I sat here in shock literally robbed of breath.
Goodbye?
This is a sign for me. I don't really believe in them. I mean I do, but I don't. I'm not someone that thinks consciously everyday that every little thing happens for a reason. I do belive that everything is connected and the smallest of pebbles in one area can cause ripples that are ever expanding and widening into all areas.
But for me, that page opening however it opened on a desktop that was void of everything but an away message and with the content it contained...it was enough to steal my breath away.
And now I'm all broken up again inside. There was no more hope for me. My hope had finally died and I was calm and accepting of it. I was going to say goodbye.
And now I can't anymore.
Of course I'm by myself, laying there watching it in the dark and the whole time I'm feeling like I'm Kate. I identify with her so much. Then about halfway through I figured it out. I knew who the bus hit.
I figured it was a life lesson to be learned. He came along at a time when she needed to learn how to take chances...that is why she got back together with the previous guy right? I was so sure that is what it was about. About time and distance and how there was no way to close the gap. He taught her how to open up so she could when the next guy came along.
I didn't expect I was wrong about the lesson that was supposed to have been learned.
So I watched it and my vision is getting all fuzzy (much like it is now) and its because my eyes are burning...really...not because Im crying or anything. And when it was over, I knew what I had to do. I sat there for a bit in the dark after shutting the movie off and I felt it in my gut...I mean I knew it...and I came over here to my computer and was going to do what I knew I was supposed to.
Say goodbye.
That is what I'm supposed to do right? And it is the right thing to do because, hey, you ignored me all night so I figured I would get the hint and then watching this just cemented it for me. I'm supposed to let you go. It hurts but there is no more anxiety...no more of the anguish that would accompany such thoughts. It hurts and its solid and its real but its the right thing to do.
I was going to open AIM and leave you a message there. No long-winded speeches or tearful poetry or broken songs. No explanations; no reasons. Just simply 'goodbye' and that was all.
And I don't know how it came up. There were no pages open on my desktop. Nothing except for my away messages which was shrank down into the toolbar below and I sat down here determined to do the right thing by you for once and a page opens up and I sat here in shock literally robbed of breath.
Goodbye?
This is a sign for me. I don't really believe in them. I mean I do, but I don't. I'm not someone that thinks consciously everyday that every little thing happens for a reason. I do belive that everything is connected and the smallest of pebbles in one area can cause ripples that are ever expanding and widening into all areas.
But for me, that page opening however it opened on a desktop that was void of everything but an away message and with the content it contained...it was enough to steal my breath away.
And now I'm all broken up again inside. There was no more hope for me. My hope had finally died and I was calm and accepting of it. I was going to say goodbye.
And now I can't anymore.