Women Men Despise; Men Women Despise
"Bad Girlfriends, Worse Wives"
~ Church Girls
What about the women? I'll name one kind: Church Girls. They live in this twisted world where they think they can treat you poorly, cheat, b**** and complain, but as long as they go to church it's OK for them to do this. It's more like the Devil is in their souls instead of God.
--Heero X001
~ The Constant Housewife
While I look for someone who realizes the importance of family and having a family together, I also hope to find someone who feels that all homey things are not her responsibility alone, because that will put a strain on the relationship down the road. [These women] are angry if you spend more then a couple of times a month by yourself or with friends. A relationship requires mutual benefits, [so] if you are given time with your friends or alone then she should [take] the same. This is even more important when you have kids together. In fact, if she is the primary childcare giver then she should be given more time away from the kids if she so chooses. [The ideal] woman is one who realizes that every minute of free time should not be spent together, but a good portion should.
There is a reason they call it a relationship! -EK
~ The Cheater
When my ex left me, it was in the morning, and she was packing her bag.
I asked, "Hey -- where are you going?"
[She said,] "I'm leaving."
[I said,] "I understand that part, where are you going?"
[She said,] "I'm leaving you."
Turns out she was leaving me for one of the groomsmen from our wedding. Now, I should have seen that one coming since she had left her ex (who was a very good friend of mine) for me (though I assumed that it was because he'd left the state for months without saying anything). Lesson learned -- once a cheater, always a cheater.
-Doup
~ The Toxic Date
I do believe that everyone has some faults and … no one is perfect. But if a person is toxic... and if he or she doesn't treat their partner, other people and themselves with respect, that's a good sign the relationship isn't on a healthy path. Male or female. It is always good to know the signs... -SweetNone
~ Too-Good-to-Be-True Girls
OK, so almost every guy is bad. But guys need to look out for the girls who can melt anyone with their smile. You have to prove your worth a million times over while the greaseball at the bar only has to buy her a few drinks and practice some "Pick-up Artist," "Glamour," "Desperate Housewives," and "SATC" lines to guide them.
-DrrllMs
~ The Loudmouth
The type I hate the most is the girl who does not know that normal people can speak in regular voices and everything does not have to be screamed. Men, obviously, tend to be more laid back than women. Women need to realize that constant lecturing and yelling is not a desirable trait.
--bshles22
~ The Manipulator
How many times have I heard a woman expecting a man to change, whether it is me or a friend of mine? No way. It won't happen and never should happen in any case. If you are a certain way when the two of you met, then that's the way it has to be all the time.
To expect one person to change for you is essentially cheating on your part … if you know the rules of the game going in, and you try to change the rules in the middle of the game, you are CHEATING! -Harmilmil
~ The Attention Seeker
I had one woman who came on to me once, and not only did it turn out that she was married, but she was also out for the attention. After I found out (about the married part) I stopped looking at her in that way, and she knew it. Still haven't heard the end of that. For some reason, I'm the bad guy.
--Erj210
~ The So-Called Feminist
My ex-girlfriend used to refuse to pay for anything, to the point where she wouldn't even bring her wallet along. One time we went to a place that didn't accept credit cards, and since I didn't have enough cash to cover both of us and she didn't have anything on her, we couldn't go. The one time she did treat me to a movie, it was used against me for the next month -- i.e., '"You buy dinner since I got the tickets; you get this movie since I got the last one," etc.
She also gave me a list of minimum things to get her for Valentine's Day (at least a dozen roses, at least a box of chocolates), which in addition to being expensive (especially since I was just a student), took the fun out of surprising her. She didn't get me anything in return, incidentally.
-RV
~ Talkers
Women have this innate ability to think of 5000 different things...all at once. Now that all by itself isn't a bad thing. But living with a girl/woman who thinks that a man should also be able to rapid fire the cranial neutrons at light speed and jump from conversation topic to conversation topic in a nano-second is, well, mind blowing. Guys just don't do that. See, we think or talk of just one subject or topic at a time. When we're done with that one topic, we put it away and go to the next one. Orderly, organized, logical, and processed. Then we marry, move in, or live with a creature of the opposite sex who believes that every subject in the world is totally within bounds to talk about...all within 15 seconds. [Plus,] when men want to be romantic, we don't want [this] going on...whatsoever! When we're being romantic, there is absolutely NO ability for a man to think of more than that one thing...even if we wanted to. We're just not programmed that way. If a woman wants to talk, she needs to get that out of the way early in the evening. Nothing can kill a nice romantic evening like talking about the neighbors, the kids, the office, money, politics, birds, the grass growing, her mother, her brother, her friends, the washing machine, the doorman, the car, the store clerk...blah, blah, blah…ARGH! Sometimes less is more.
-Rock
~ City Gals
Most city women are useless Barbies. Country or small town women are less likely to be pampered lazy idiots.
-Chaz
~ The Dishonest Diva
Two major complaints: 1. She's not as advertised. Someone who says she is one sort of person when she is not. Might as well be honest about oneself; the truth will soon come out. 2. She is afraid to say no. If she doesn't like something (Chinese food, old movies, etc.), it's better to say so than to complain about it after the fact.
-Eric
~ She's Too Busy Looking for Mr.
Perfect
So many women are looking for Mr. Perfect. Here is a story about looking for perfection. A woman was driving down the highway, and since she had been driving all day, she was hungry. She started to look for a restaurant to have dinner, but could not find a restaurant she liked. One was too big (slow service). One was too commercial (quality?). One was too out of the way. One had too many semi-trucks parked around it (country Western). One had an empty parking lot. She looked and looked until she was so hungry she decided to eat at the next restaurant she saw. She drove up, walked to the front door and saw the sign: CLOSED! The moral is that people looking for perfection seldom find it.
--STEALTH694
~ The Beauty Queen
Yup, it's true, and boys should be told this when they're still young, that good lookin' is only good fer lookin' or you will just get your heart smashed and pulled out your behind when you see her smoochin' on another guy behind your back. Pick an ordinary, no-frills type of gal who likes you for who you are and likes to be with you. Even then you better keep your eyes wide open. By the way gals, that old princess thing stinks.
-fkurtin
~ The Super-Insecure-Girl - who needs constant verbal affirmation and obsessively compares herself to others.
~ The All-Around-Mentally-Ill - who's on a dozen medications, the combination of which is doing little to diminish the emotional roller-coaster that is her existence.
~ The-Risk-Taker - impulsive and reckless, often smokers or addicts (but not always!), who takes dangerous risks without considering consequences.
“The Dirt Dozen Men”
~ The Corrector
He's always amending your opinions to fit his own -- insisting you like the same things he does, when he knows that isn't really the case, and he readily hints about his preferences until you catch on and comply. While you may think of him as particular or fussy, the truth is, he cannot tolerate views that differ from his. The onslaught of questions like, "Why don't you wear the red dress?" can be never-ending, but the corrector isn't really looking for answers so much as trying to herd you into submission.
~ The Charmer
A dictionary might describe a charmer as someone who has the power to please others through his personality. While these men may be adept at figuring out what you like, once the charmer attaches himself, flattery and humor can be used to manipulate. Sadly, when you try to tell others what you're experiencing, they often don't believe "such a great guy" could do such a bad thing. Once you catch on to his charming façade, it can be maddening to see him charm the pants off of others.
~ The "Nice Guy"
Genuinely good guys are kind, considerate, loyal, loving, playful, humorous, sweet individuals who truly like women and like anyone else can have bad days, grouchy moods and occasional tempers. The difference between real nice guys and destructive men who successfully play the nice guy is that for the latter, the negative characteristics are the norm. They can be impatient, bossy, judgmental and self-absorbed. Perhaps more important, there is an underlying agenda designed to keep a woman down.
~ The Pillar of the Community
Graduated with honors; loved by his management team; pitched in to help orchestrate the local holiday parade ... the profile is perfect. However, it's woefully incomplete. These seemingly credible men have money or prestige or power, or all three, which makes them look very good from the outside. This kind of guy often uses subtle forms of verbal abuse, mind games and emotional terrorism as tools of control that go completely unnoticed by others, who are too busy admiring his new car.
~ The Control Freak
Perhaps he calls your cell phone or e-mails you repeatedly, as if to prove his love and offer signs of affection. But the questions are always the same: "Where are you? Who's with you?" He presents his controlling behaviors as concerned overtures or love, but in reality, he's grooming you to respond to his beck and call whether it's through cyberspace, phone signals or face-to-face conversations. You might feel something's wrong, but you feel wanted, so it's often easier to just accept his controlling behavior.
~ The Abuser
This guy's basic world view is that men are superior to women. These types often have dangerous tempers, can easily form a fist if a woman will not bend to their will and are notorious for grabbing too hard, accosting with "love taps" to remind us who's stronger, pulling hair, throwing objects close to us, and so on. For the abuser, verbal, psychological and physical violence are simply a way of life.
~ The Passive-Aggressive
These men habitually send mixed messages in order to string you along. They contradict themselves in the same sentence, and characteristically have an indirect and inappropriate way of expressing hostility that's hidden under the guises of innocence, generosity or, more likely passivity. Like a perpetual teenager, these men need an adversary -- someone whose demands and expectations they can resist in order to work out their aggression and feel powerful in some small way. And that someone is usually YOU.
~ The Self-Righteous Progressive
These seemingly liberal-minded fellows tend to travel in academic, social-justice and political circles, but they are much better at talking about high principles than actually incorporating them into their lives. These progressive types have an uncanny ability to gloss over their own behavior as they focus on the wrongdoing of others who display the same psychological and emotional warfare. This type of man is alluring because it appears that he wants to make the world a better place. Yet, he doesn't want to afford you the same rights he fights for so vehemently on the political or social scene.
~ The New Age Man
The New Age Man has probably been in therapy to "work on himself," and he's attracted to a wide range of feel-good pseudo-religions. If he has problems with substance abuse, obsessive-compulsive behaviors, infidelity, anger management, controlling and manipulative behaviors, he manages to avoid dealing with them. Instead, he prays harder, meditates more frequently and indulges in yet another self-help book. Rather than taking a look at themselves, these men "correct" our views, invalidate our feelings and belittle us in condescending tones with their superior intellect and "spiritual knowledge."
~ The Narcissist
Inevitably, the narcissist always finds a way to bring the focus back to himself. Repeatedly trying to connect with narcissists is abusive to your essential self, because they're not interested in you, except for what you provide for them. Narcissists are known to judge others in their households for annoying behaviors that they themselves may have exhibited just a few minutes earlier. When they feel you are not providing them with your full attention, they respond with guilt-inducing tirades, put-downs and reasons to dramatically leave the house so they don't have to put up with your "foul" treatment.
~ The Predator
These types range from callow and calculating con men to full-blown sociopaths. No matter where a man falls on the spectrum -- and even though he may not blatantly exhibit the extreme behavior commonly thought to be the providence of the sociopath -- the core characteristics are the same: ruthless, coldhearted, deceptive, narcissistic and devoid of genuine empathy and compassion. Though the word "sociopath" conjures up images of ruthless criminal assailants, it's important to remember that an estimated one in 25 people is a sociopath, with no capacity to love or empathize.
~ The Addict
Addictions are generous diseases. They not only change the addict but also "infect" those close to him. The addict's unpredictability, his withdrawal from those close to him, his verbal battering and mercurial moods all create a tense environment with which those who remain nearby must contend. In these situations, you feel alone, and you usually are. After all, the man you've been living with, dating or married has his primary relationship with whatever his addiction is, not with you.
Adapted excerpt from "He's Just NO Good for You"
From GPP Life, an imprint of The Globe Pequot Press
~ Church Girls
What about the women? I'll name one kind: Church Girls. They live in this twisted world where they think they can treat you poorly, cheat, b**** and complain, but as long as they go to church it's OK for them to do this. It's more like the Devil is in their souls instead of God.
--Heero X001
~ The Constant Housewife
While I look for someone who realizes the importance of family and having a family together, I also hope to find someone who feels that all homey things are not her responsibility alone, because that will put a strain on the relationship down the road. [These women] are angry if you spend more then a couple of times a month by yourself or with friends. A relationship requires mutual benefits, [so] if you are given time with your friends or alone then she should [take] the same. This is even more important when you have kids together. In fact, if she is the primary childcare giver then she should be given more time away from the kids if she so chooses. [The ideal] woman is one who realizes that every minute of free time should not be spent together, but a good portion should.
There is a reason they call it a relationship! -EK
~ The Cheater
When my ex left me, it was in the morning, and she was packing her bag.
I asked, "Hey -- where are you going?"
[She said,] "I'm leaving."
[I said,] "I understand that part, where are you going?"
[She said,] "I'm leaving you."
Turns out she was leaving me for one of the groomsmen from our wedding. Now, I should have seen that one coming since she had left her ex (who was a very good friend of mine) for me (though I assumed that it was because he'd left the state for months without saying anything). Lesson learned -- once a cheater, always a cheater.
-Doup
~ The Toxic Date
I do believe that everyone has some faults and … no one is perfect. But if a person is toxic... and if he or she doesn't treat their partner, other people and themselves with respect, that's a good sign the relationship isn't on a healthy path. Male or female. It is always good to know the signs... -SweetNone
~ Too-Good-to-Be-True Girls
OK, so almost every guy is bad. But guys need to look out for the girls who can melt anyone with their smile. You have to prove your worth a million times over while the greaseball at the bar only has to buy her a few drinks and practice some "Pick-up Artist," "Glamour," "Desperate Housewives," and "SATC" lines to guide them.
-DrrllMs
~ The Loudmouth
The type I hate the most is the girl who does not know that normal people can speak in regular voices and everything does not have to be screamed. Men, obviously, tend to be more laid back than women. Women need to realize that constant lecturing and yelling is not a desirable trait.
--bshles22
~ The Manipulator
How many times have I heard a woman expecting a man to change, whether it is me or a friend of mine? No way. It won't happen and never should happen in any case. If you are a certain way when the two of you met, then that's the way it has to be all the time.
To expect one person to change for you is essentially cheating on your part … if you know the rules of the game going in, and you try to change the rules in the middle of the game, you are CHEATING! -Harmilmil
~ The Attention Seeker
I had one woman who came on to me once, and not only did it turn out that she was married, but she was also out for the attention. After I found out (about the married part) I stopped looking at her in that way, and she knew it. Still haven't heard the end of that. For some reason, I'm the bad guy.
--Erj210
~ The So-Called Feminist
My ex-girlfriend used to refuse to pay for anything, to the point where she wouldn't even bring her wallet along. One time we went to a place that didn't accept credit cards, and since I didn't have enough cash to cover both of us and she didn't have anything on her, we couldn't go. The one time she did treat me to a movie, it was used against me for the next month -- i.e., '"You buy dinner since I got the tickets; you get this movie since I got the last one," etc.
She also gave me a list of minimum things to get her for Valentine's Day (at least a dozen roses, at least a box of chocolates), which in addition to being expensive (especially since I was just a student), took the fun out of surprising her. She didn't get me anything in return, incidentally.
-RV
~ Talkers
Women have this innate ability to think of 5000 different things...all at once. Now that all by itself isn't a bad thing. But living with a girl/woman who thinks that a man should also be able to rapid fire the cranial neutrons at light speed and jump from conversation topic to conversation topic in a nano-second is, well, mind blowing. Guys just don't do that. See, we think or talk of just one subject or topic at a time. When we're done with that one topic, we put it away and go to the next one. Orderly, organized, logical, and processed. Then we marry, move in, or live with a creature of the opposite sex who believes that every subject in the world is totally within bounds to talk about...all within 15 seconds. [Plus,] when men want to be romantic, we don't want [this] going on...whatsoever! When we're being romantic, there is absolutely NO ability for a man to think of more than that one thing...even if we wanted to. We're just not programmed that way. If a woman wants to talk, she needs to get that out of the way early in the evening. Nothing can kill a nice romantic evening like talking about the neighbors, the kids, the office, money, politics, birds, the grass growing, her mother, her brother, her friends, the washing machine, the doorman, the car, the store clerk...blah, blah, blah…ARGH! Sometimes less is more.
-Rock
~ City Gals
Most city women are useless Barbies. Country or small town women are less likely to be pampered lazy idiots.
-Chaz
~ The Dishonest Diva
Two major complaints: 1. She's not as advertised. Someone who says she is one sort of person when she is not. Might as well be honest about oneself; the truth will soon come out. 2. She is afraid to say no. If she doesn't like something (Chinese food, old movies, etc.), it's better to say so than to complain about it after the fact.
-Eric
~ She's Too Busy Looking for Mr.
Perfect
So many women are looking for Mr. Perfect. Here is a story about looking for perfection. A woman was driving down the highway, and since she had been driving all day, she was hungry. She started to look for a restaurant to have dinner, but could not find a restaurant she liked. One was too big (slow service). One was too commercial (quality?). One was too out of the way. One had too many semi-trucks parked around it (country Western). One had an empty parking lot. She looked and looked until she was so hungry she decided to eat at the next restaurant she saw. She drove up, walked to the front door and saw the sign: CLOSED! The moral is that people looking for perfection seldom find it.
--STEALTH694
~ The Beauty Queen
Yup, it's true, and boys should be told this when they're still young, that good lookin' is only good fer lookin' or you will just get your heart smashed and pulled out your behind when you see her smoochin' on another guy behind your back. Pick an ordinary, no-frills type of gal who likes you for who you are and likes to be with you. Even then you better keep your eyes wide open. By the way gals, that old princess thing stinks.
-fkurtin
~ The Super-Insecure-Girl - who needs constant verbal affirmation and obsessively compares herself to others.
~ The All-Around-Mentally-Ill - who's on a dozen medications, the combination of which is doing little to diminish the emotional roller-coaster that is her existence.
~ The-Risk-Taker - impulsive and reckless, often smokers or addicts (but not always!), who takes dangerous risks without considering consequences.
“The Dirt Dozen Men”
~ The Corrector
He's always amending your opinions to fit his own -- insisting you like the same things he does, when he knows that isn't really the case, and he readily hints about his preferences until you catch on and comply. While you may think of him as particular or fussy, the truth is, he cannot tolerate views that differ from his. The onslaught of questions like, "Why don't you wear the red dress?" can be never-ending, but the corrector isn't really looking for answers so much as trying to herd you into submission.
~ The Charmer
A dictionary might describe a charmer as someone who has the power to please others through his personality. While these men may be adept at figuring out what you like, once the charmer attaches himself, flattery and humor can be used to manipulate. Sadly, when you try to tell others what you're experiencing, they often don't believe "such a great guy" could do such a bad thing. Once you catch on to his charming façade, it can be maddening to see him charm the pants off of others.
~ The "Nice Guy"
Genuinely good guys are kind, considerate, loyal, loving, playful, humorous, sweet individuals who truly like women and like anyone else can have bad days, grouchy moods and occasional tempers. The difference between real nice guys and destructive men who successfully play the nice guy is that for the latter, the negative characteristics are the norm. They can be impatient, bossy, judgmental and self-absorbed. Perhaps more important, there is an underlying agenda designed to keep a woman down.
~ The Pillar of the Community
Graduated with honors; loved by his management team; pitched in to help orchestrate the local holiday parade ... the profile is perfect. However, it's woefully incomplete. These seemingly credible men have money or prestige or power, or all three, which makes them look very good from the outside. This kind of guy often uses subtle forms of verbal abuse, mind games and emotional terrorism as tools of control that go completely unnoticed by others, who are too busy admiring his new car.
~ The Control Freak
Perhaps he calls your cell phone or e-mails you repeatedly, as if to prove his love and offer signs of affection. But the questions are always the same: "Where are you? Who's with you?" He presents his controlling behaviors as concerned overtures or love, but in reality, he's grooming you to respond to his beck and call whether it's through cyberspace, phone signals or face-to-face conversations. You might feel something's wrong, but you feel wanted, so it's often easier to just accept his controlling behavior.
~ The Abuser
This guy's basic world view is that men are superior to women. These types often have dangerous tempers, can easily form a fist if a woman will not bend to their will and are notorious for grabbing too hard, accosting with "love taps" to remind us who's stronger, pulling hair, throwing objects close to us, and so on. For the abuser, verbal, psychological and physical violence are simply a way of life.
~ The Passive-Aggressive
These men habitually send mixed messages in order to string you along. They contradict themselves in the same sentence, and characteristically have an indirect and inappropriate way of expressing hostility that's hidden under the guises of innocence, generosity or, more likely passivity. Like a perpetual teenager, these men need an adversary -- someone whose demands and expectations they can resist in order to work out their aggression and feel powerful in some small way. And that someone is usually YOU.
~ The Self-Righteous Progressive
These seemingly liberal-minded fellows tend to travel in academic, social-justice and political circles, but they are much better at talking about high principles than actually incorporating them into their lives. These progressive types have an uncanny ability to gloss over their own behavior as they focus on the wrongdoing of others who display the same psychological and emotional warfare. This type of man is alluring because it appears that he wants to make the world a better place. Yet, he doesn't want to afford you the same rights he fights for so vehemently on the political or social scene.
~ The New Age Man
The New Age Man has probably been in therapy to "work on himself," and he's attracted to a wide range of feel-good pseudo-religions. If he has problems with substance abuse, obsessive-compulsive behaviors, infidelity, anger management, controlling and manipulative behaviors, he manages to avoid dealing with them. Instead, he prays harder, meditates more frequently and indulges in yet another self-help book. Rather than taking a look at themselves, these men "correct" our views, invalidate our feelings and belittle us in condescending tones with their superior intellect and "spiritual knowledge."
~ The Narcissist
Inevitably, the narcissist always finds a way to bring the focus back to himself. Repeatedly trying to connect with narcissists is abusive to your essential self, because they're not interested in you, except for what you provide for them. Narcissists are known to judge others in their households for annoying behaviors that they themselves may have exhibited just a few minutes earlier. When they feel you are not providing them with your full attention, they respond with guilt-inducing tirades, put-downs and reasons to dramatically leave the house so they don't have to put up with your "foul" treatment.
~ The Predator
These types range from callow and calculating con men to full-blown sociopaths. No matter where a man falls on the spectrum -- and even though he may not blatantly exhibit the extreme behavior commonly thought to be the providence of the sociopath -- the core characteristics are the same: ruthless, coldhearted, deceptive, narcissistic and devoid of genuine empathy and compassion. Though the word "sociopath" conjures up images of ruthless criminal assailants, it's important to remember that an estimated one in 25 people is a sociopath, with no capacity to love or empathize.
~ The Addict
Addictions are generous diseases. They not only change the addict but also "infect" those close to him. The addict's unpredictability, his withdrawal from those close to him, his verbal battering and mercurial moods all create a tense environment with which those who remain nearby must contend. In these situations, you feel alone, and you usually are. After all, the man you've been living with, dating or married has his primary relationship with whatever his addiction is, not with you.
Adapted excerpt from "He's Just NO Good for You"
From GPP Life, an imprint of The Globe Pequot Press