(no subject)
i'm to the point where i just wish i could drop out of school, sell everything i own, and drive, as far as possible, away from here. does it ever get to where the world, and life today, just seems to go way too fast, and you don't really understand it anymore? i don't. i don't understand how to communicate with people anymore. i don't know how to make anything make sense. my biggest fear is losing control, in any way or situation, and right now, i don't feel like i have any control, over anything. certainly not my emotions, but not even my conversations, my relationships with people, and my feelings, towards anything.
i was trying to think of the last time that i actually made a friend, around here, that i spent more than a couple of times with before they moved on, and you know what? the last friend i actually made around here was over four years ago, and that was Jason. everyone else, besides married friends...they've gone as quickly as they came. so i'm coming to the conclusion that i just don't know how to make friends anymore. i'm trying, believe me, i'm trying, but i know there's something about me that just isn't coming off right. and i would give everything i have to be able to change that.
anyways. maybe i'll feel better tomorrow morning, so i can post about the huge, almost funny drama that's going on at work right now. better than any WB show you can think of. but that's for later. right now, i just have to figure out how to be less boring to the general public. because i really miss having normal friendships. if i've ever had one.
i was trying to think of the last time that i actually made a friend, around here, that i spent more than a couple of times with before they moved on, and you know what? the last friend i actually made around here was over four years ago, and that was Jason. everyone else, besides married friends...they've gone as quickly as they came. so i'm coming to the conclusion that i just don't know how to make friends anymore. i'm trying, believe me, i'm trying, but i know there's something about me that just isn't coming off right. and i would give everything i have to be able to change that.
anyways. maybe i'll feel better tomorrow morning, so i can post about the huge, almost funny drama that's going on at work right now. better than any WB show you can think of. but that's for later. right now, i just have to figure out how to be less boring to the general public. because i really miss having normal friendships. if i've ever had one.