Bah!
The huge bruise on my ass (which I got through a piece of sheer clumsiness that no one will believe was not induced by alcohol - I'm almost a freaking teetotaller, for God's sake! Can't a girl be clumsy on a Saturday night just as well as any other day of the week?) has almost completely faded away, and by now it looks something like that awful early nineties trend, you know, with pale lips outlined in a darker lip pencil. I was expecting all the colours of the rainbow, including green and yellow, and I am very disappointed - I didn't even get a proper shade of brown! Isn't there somewhere you can complain about bruises that look nothing like you hoped they would? I wanted something Boy George could have been proud of in the early eighties, not a bruise that would have been the height of fashion in the first season of Beverly Hills!
Bah, I say!
Bah, I say!