Following in Bigfoot’s Steps
****I am starting to world build for my Urban Fantasy writing and am going to base my books around a investigative reporter for a National Enquirer type newspaper. I wrote this for fun when I was bored.
National Exposure
Following in Bigfoot’s Steps
By: Aria Deacon
-
Today we sit down with Bigfoot: he shares his thoughts on a When Harry Met Sally reboot, transcendentalism, and his recipe for carrot cake.
-
-
I noticed the distinct lack of trees on the way here, just rotting stumps that had been pulled up. Does that bother you?
(He shrugs) Not really, I don’t own them. These trees are here because I bought them. If people really wanted to stop clear cutting worldwide, then they should put their money where their mouths are and literally take ownership. They don’t even hike in nature, they buy gym memberships and build golf courses. All they really care about is themselves. People will buy land on the moon and Mars, but not an acre of trees…
-
I’m really taken back by that. So, you don’t think people should appreciate nature- in the abstract?
Having fantasies are fine. I daydream about Ginger and Mary Ann all the time, but it doesn’t make them mine or mean I can tell their husbands how to treat them. Indians are the only one allowed to be outraged at the botanical genocide being committed out here.
-
Umm… Native Americans- what are your thoughts on them?
I try not to have any reservations. Seriously though, the National Parks should be turned over to them. I’m not saying they should be able to do anything they want with them, but they should get the tourist income and get first dibs on any jobs or work contracts there.
-
So, are you a huge transcendentalist?
Getting closer to God through nature? No. I’ll leave that to the poets, however I am a fan of their writing and appreciate their efforts. Nature doesn’t bring you closer to God, it just gives you fewer things to occupy your mind and sooner or later that turns to self reflection. For religious people that involves God.
-
So… Ginger or Mary Ann- if you had to pick…
Mary Ann. Donna over Jackie though. I’ll always take Bettys over Veronicas. My favorite actress is Meg Ryan. Word is they are rebooting When Harry Met Sally. My agent is already plugging me for the lead.
-
I heard that you gave up on acting after Harry and the Henderson's?
HA! Yeah, that was a circus. Far from John Lithgow’s finest work. He was such a Prima Donna. He kept trying to get in every shot even though I’m too big to photo-bomb. He is still reveling in his faux Footloose glory.
-
Feel like recounting your first film experience?
(Groans) Not really, but I will. So I’m out there taking a squat and I forgot toilet paper in camp, so I’m there doing ‘the crab walk’ when I hear this idiot snickering and filming me. That was way before video voyeurism laws. So one of the most famous videos of all time was the world first bathroom peep video. My lawyer is suing people for using my likeness and fighting for residuals. Maybe one day I'll see some coin for it.
-
Wow, okay. So, earlier- when you caught me trespassing, you threatened to eat me. I guess that had something to do with the animosity.
Yeah, sorry about that. It was just a threat though. Sasquatchs don’t eat people- those are Wendigos.
-
No relation?
Nah, they are white, twice my size, and have never been photographed. I bet you think they are shy or skilled at hiding. Once again- they are fifteen feet tall and eat people. They make a mean Reporter Stew.
-
Noted. Any recipes of your own to share?
Sure. I love to bake and I make an award winning Carrot Cake. It’s more like banana bread than cake. I’ll throw it up on Live Journal later.
-
You Blog?
Yeah. I gotta keep with the times and keep my name out there. It’s all about building your brand.
-
Speaking of size, is it true what they say about the size of a male’s feet?
Is it true what they say about the size of a woman’s mouth?
-
Touche.
--
--