(no subject)
okay so my life right now is just really effed up. i don't know what is wrong with me lately i've been just pissed at everyone and everything, then i get all depressed and shit, then i do stuff that hurts me and my friends...and i don't know...i just don't fucking know about anything anymore. i feel so lost and confussed. ugh.
what i did with coquina was insane, im not going to lie, i had a good time even though it made me feel depressed, but im such a dumbass, i probably should'nt have done that, for the sake of my friends, why didnt i listen to them? im so stupid. fuck. and i will never do it again for the sake of kara, because i can't lose her as a friend or melanie or jenna or anyone else that i love. ::sigh:: im such a dumbass.
i need to stop listening to dcfc...jesus.
haha so, today, kara asked me how to spell my mom's name, and i typed: "TRACIIIIIIIIIIIIIII" and i laughed for a good ten minutes then got uber sad. i need to see my old friends again before i die of withdrawl or something. i dont know.
hal is an asshole. i hate him. i hate my dad too. and my stepmom. i have such a fucked up family sometimes.
but other people have it worse. i know.
i haven't written 7/20/02 in a while. so ill end off with that....
7.19-20.02
zw tg es
much love boys.
This is the moment that you know
That you told you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
I spent two weeks in Silverlake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that i was telling
And all the playful misspellings
And every bite i gave you left a mark
Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did i that day
All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but
we can't talk about it now. No, we can't talk about it now."
So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me