thoughts
I keep a personal journal for many reasons, but the one that seems most important today is 'to see where I have been'. Incorporated in that is beeing how I have grown (emotionally, spiritually, mentally, etc.) I was looking over entries from my freshman year at college and it just amazes me. I didn't think thatI had really changed that much - or grown. But writing now only is a record of words and facts, but also captures the meaning of things, the emotions of the author at the time. When you handwrite something, its almost as if the entry is alive. It has layers of story to tell.
I was so naive and gullible. Someone said he was a Christian I was behind him 100% - practically ready to risk my life to defend him (ok, maybe not that naive :-P). He even started out by saying 'lets play a game' - haha! I actually included that in my little 'ode to the wild beating of a young heart' . But I still wrote about how he seemed to be such a man to be respected, a 'true' man of God. Of course I didn't know that to him I was just a pawn in this game. He didn't really hurt me - it was an emotional attachment that I fabricated. But now I read...and as I read I marvel at absolute trust. Trust that he would be a good friend. It was childlike. And yet - that is how we are supposed to be with God. To have a childlike faith, right? To trust that He is good and holy and true, just because He says He is. So why did I find it so much easier to put my trust in a complete stranger that the true lover of my soul? Why do I still?
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"No woman ever loved a man as she has loved Admetos. You hear men and women swear they love somebody more than themselves. They are easy words. The act is hard. Proof of the oath is hard." - Euripedes, Alcestis
I was so naive and gullible. Someone said he was a Christian I was behind him 100% - practically ready to risk my life to defend him (ok, maybe not that naive :-P). He even started out by saying 'lets play a game' - haha! I actually included that in my little 'ode to the wild beating of a young heart' . But I still wrote about how he seemed to be such a man to be respected, a 'true' man of God. Of course I didn't know that to him I was just a pawn in this game. He didn't really hurt me - it was an emotional attachment that I fabricated. But now I read...and as I read I marvel at absolute trust. Trust that he would be a good friend. It was childlike. And yet - that is how we are supposed to be with God. To have a childlike faith, right? To trust that He is good and holy and true, just because He says He is. So why did I find it so much easier to put my trust in a complete stranger that the true lover of my soul? Why do I still?
......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
"No woman ever loved a man as she has loved Admetos. You hear men and women swear they love somebody more than themselves. They are easy words. The act is hard. Proof of the oath is hard." - Euripedes, Alcestis