I am truly sorry.
I'm going to let a lot of people down, and I'm sorry.
There's not much else to say...I'm just so, so sorry.
The problem with people setting expectations of me is that, in the grand scheme of things, I've never been able to promise I'd fulfill them. Everyone just expected me to. They didn't HOPE I would...they just, by some vivid stretch of the imagination, "knew" I would.
Everyone planned my life out for me before I could.
I always belonged somewhere. There was always something I should have been doing with my time that was better than where I was. Maybe they're right. Maybe I should be somewhere else.
But the fact remains, I am here. And who I am and what I'm going to become isn't going to be decided by everyone else's hopes and dreams for me.
I tried.
I gave it my damnedest.
Some things just aren't meant to be.
I've endured a lifetime's worth of people letting me down, so why is it that I feel letting anyone down is so wrong? I didn't ask for any of this.
It shouldn't matter if what I've done is good enough for anyone else because I know I did what I could.
I'm many things. I'm not stupid, but I'm no genius. I speak well, I write well, I'm funny, I'm witty. But for FUCKS SAKE I'M A GODDAMN HUMAN, TOO.
And I'm utterly fucking tired of everyone thinking I'm destined for so much more than I've ever let anyone on to think I deserve.
Of course I'm disappointed, too.
I'm more than that. I'm jaded, I'm disillusioned.
I don't have anymore fucking fight left in me and every last ounce of me is spent, physically and emotionally. My mental well-being has been tearing at the seams for YEARS because I've always worried about making everyone else happy.
So, this is me now.
I'm 21 with no means of making a stable future for myself. I have no sense of direction, no sense of pride in anything I've done or anything I'll become.
I'm never going to be anything more than what I am now and I don't expect anyone to accept that.
And chances are I'm going to die young and leave a calloused, cold corpse.
The sad part is...I don't really care if I live or die anymore. Angsty as that sounds...it's true. If someone were to put a gun to my head this instant I wouldn't even beg them not to pull the trigger.
My name will never be etched into the history books.
I never wanted it to be anyway.
I'm just sorry for everyone I've hurt.
I've made my bed.
I'll lie in it.
I'll die in it.
I'm sorry.
There's not much else to say...I'm just so, so sorry.
The problem with people setting expectations of me is that, in the grand scheme of things, I've never been able to promise I'd fulfill them. Everyone just expected me to. They didn't HOPE I would...they just, by some vivid stretch of the imagination, "knew" I would.
Everyone planned my life out for me before I could.
I always belonged somewhere. There was always something I should have been doing with my time that was better than where I was. Maybe they're right. Maybe I should be somewhere else.
But the fact remains, I am here. And who I am and what I'm going to become isn't going to be decided by everyone else's hopes and dreams for me.
I tried.
I gave it my damnedest.
Some things just aren't meant to be.
I've endured a lifetime's worth of people letting me down, so why is it that I feel letting anyone down is so wrong? I didn't ask for any of this.
It shouldn't matter if what I've done is good enough for anyone else because I know I did what I could.
I'm many things. I'm not stupid, but I'm no genius. I speak well, I write well, I'm funny, I'm witty. But for FUCKS SAKE I'M A GODDAMN HUMAN, TOO.
And I'm utterly fucking tired of everyone thinking I'm destined for so much more than I've ever let anyone on to think I deserve.
Of course I'm disappointed, too.
I'm more than that. I'm jaded, I'm disillusioned.
I don't have anymore fucking fight left in me and every last ounce of me is spent, physically and emotionally. My mental well-being has been tearing at the seams for YEARS because I've always worried about making everyone else happy.
So, this is me now.
I'm 21 with no means of making a stable future for myself. I have no sense of direction, no sense of pride in anything I've done or anything I'll become.
I'm never going to be anything more than what I am now and I don't expect anyone to accept that.
And chances are I'm going to die young and leave a calloused, cold corpse.
The sad part is...I don't really care if I live or die anymore. Angsty as that sounds...it's true. If someone were to put a gun to my head this instant I wouldn't even beg them not to pull the trigger.
My name will never be etched into the history books.
I never wanted it to be anyway.
I'm just sorry for everyone I've hurt.
I've made my bed.
I'll lie in it.
I'll die in it.
I'm sorry.