(no subject)
I'm in an extremely pessemistic mood. Sorry. :o(
So here's the point of the year where I get severly bored and annoyed. It's always either before finals or after. I really just want a vacation. hah! And we've barely started 2nd semester. February is coming and it will be the longest month of my life. Niceee.
I'm annoyed. I worked unbelievably hard 1st semester. Harder than I have ever worked in highschool. My grades were the highest they ever were. My GPA didn't go up one point. And my class rank is still the same percentage, there was a slight change. Honestly it just makes me want to give up. Why did I work so hard, stress so much, grow apart from people only to remain the exact same? My efforts lead me nowhere. And now I feel even more worried and stressed. I can't, can't get into the colleges I'm aiming for with a 3.2 gpa. And god my practice ACT was horrible...
I just feel like everything I've been wanting/dreaming about is truely a dream that's getting crushed. This is not a good realization. I'm so scared that I'm going to end up going to NIU, WIU, EIU or SIU. I want out of this state so bad. My parents can't even afford out of state...
And in all my classes it seems like all discussioned get leaned toward ACT and future and college and next year. And I just get sick thinking of it. I used to be excited. Now I just get nauseated. Good tradeoff right? haha
My parents lately. Hah. Why am I even writing this all. lmao. Are just annoying. I hate that my mom sees me as an outlett to vent all her anger towards my dad. It's rediculous, instead of telling him. She'll bitch to me how he is and blah blah blah. And my dad? He's still an asshole. I still hold a lot of resentment towards him. I really wish they had gotton divorced when all that stuff went down. I resent my mom for not doing it, for begging him to stay with her.
You ever get the feeling like you just don't belong? Definitely like that lately. I know I have amazing friends. But I feel like I'm missing something. If that makes sense. I can't even put my finger on it or truely try to describe it. I'm lonely I guess? Everyone has someone. I want someone. But I don't want to want it. I want it to come. If that makes sense...
So here's the point of the year where I get severly bored and annoyed. It's always either before finals or after. I really just want a vacation. hah! And we've barely started 2nd semester. February is coming and it will be the longest month of my life. Niceee.
I'm annoyed. I worked unbelievably hard 1st semester. Harder than I have ever worked in highschool. My grades were the highest they ever were. My GPA didn't go up one point. And my class rank is still the same percentage, there was a slight change. Honestly it just makes me want to give up. Why did I work so hard, stress so much, grow apart from people only to remain the exact same? My efforts lead me nowhere. And now I feel even more worried and stressed. I can't, can't get into the colleges I'm aiming for with a 3.2 gpa. And god my practice ACT was horrible...
I just feel like everything I've been wanting/dreaming about is truely a dream that's getting crushed. This is not a good realization. I'm so scared that I'm going to end up going to NIU, WIU, EIU or SIU. I want out of this state so bad. My parents can't even afford out of state...
And in all my classes it seems like all discussioned get leaned toward ACT and future and college and next year. And I just get sick thinking of it. I used to be excited. Now I just get nauseated. Good tradeoff right? haha
My parents lately. Hah. Why am I even writing this all. lmao. Are just annoying. I hate that my mom sees me as an outlett to vent all her anger towards my dad. It's rediculous, instead of telling him. She'll bitch to me how he is and blah blah blah. And my dad? He's still an asshole. I still hold a lot of resentment towards him. I really wish they had gotton divorced when all that stuff went down. I resent my mom for not doing it, for begging him to stay with her.
You ever get the feeling like you just don't belong? Definitely like that lately. I know I have amazing friends. But I feel like I'm missing something. If that makes sense. I can't even put my finger on it or truely try to describe it. I'm lonely I guess? Everyone has someone. I want someone. But I don't want to want it. I want it to come. If that makes sense...