sailor moon, xena, audrey hepburn, storm from the x-men, are we seeing a pattern?
in retrospect, this post turned into a long, boring treatise about gayness. and not the sexy, fun as seen on tv kind. oh, dear.
you know, and i was just saying this, while standing in line for cupcakes in new york a couple weekends ago: if, at any point, i have ever told you that i thought you were kind of gay, start making peace with your god, because it may take six fucking years, but i always get my (wo)man. so, you know, be on the look out for that, and be careful when throughadoor's gaydar loves you.
only somewhat tangentially related:
yesterday kirst and i were supposed to meet a friend of hers for lunch and a beer on our way to see a movie. "lunch and a beer" turned into "a shared order of yam frites, six beers, four and a half hours, two seat changes and no movie." never let it be said that i do not bring classy behavior with me everywhere i go! at one point toward the middle of the afternoon, the friend was spotted from the street by his first ex-boyfriend, who he had not seen in about nine years, i think. awkward conversation ensued, and when the ex-boyfriend left, the friend flipped out. this leads us to:
friend: i don't UNDERSTAND, why would he even want to TALK to me?
me: if i saw my first ex-girlfriend [1] on the street somewhere--
friend: you're GAY?
sigh. i don't know, man, i think i'm having some kind of gay growing pains thing in lieu of a quarter-life crisis, but sometimes i wish i could walk around with a sign or something. part of the problem is that i spend most of my time in an environment where there's a gay-until-proven-otherwise assumption, but it only applies to the boys, so i end up talking to the new girl in the finance department about which gyms we go to and i tell her that i go to the women's only gym across the street [2] and how i feel bad because i've heard several women say that they like going there because no one is checking them out, and i always think, "hahah, except for me, all your secret checking out are belong to me." and she said "i don't get it" and i said "because i'm ... a lesbian?" and she said "oh, uh, i had no idea!"
as much as we've already established that mindlessly boxing yourself into the butch lesbian stereotype makes me want to shoot myself, sometimes i think it would be nice to be a little more obvious. mostly i think about gayness as a thing that's going to occasionally make my life inconvenient, and i don't really think about it in a fundamental-indescribable-otherness-part-of-a-mystical-sisterhood kind of way. my ideal lesbian community would most closely resemble a homeowner's association, where we paid our dues, tried to make sure nobody got carjacked and the exec community negotiated us a group rate on civil rights getting our gutters cleaned. so it's depressing to think that, on top of every other god-damned thing, the great love of my life might be standing behind me in the grocery store but i'll never know because i don't look gay enough.
in conclusion: on sunday, circusgirl and i went to the starbucks by her house, and the very stereotypically dykey-looking barista said to me, "you have really gorgeous hair," and then she looked at circusgirl (my hair = sausage curls, circusgirl, on that particular day, moderate waves, which was the weird part, but i digress) and said, "oh, you two must be related!" and i wanted to say, "we're not related, but we're all, uh, family, if you know what i mean." but i didn't.
[1] the epk! and i was also just saying, when i was making plans to go to new york, eight years after the epk and i broke up our non-relationship relationship, i totally developed a huge crush on someone who looked so much exactly like her that i might even suspect that this person was the epk under an assumed name [3] and i totally didn't realize there was a resemblance at ALL until halfway through a story i was telling smelly, like, two weeks ago.
[2] i go to a women's only gym not because i hate/am intimidated by working out in front of men, but because i hate/am intimidated by working out in front of women who enjoy working out in front of men, women who wear matching sports bra and hotpants ensembles, and touch up their make-up before aerobics. a women's only gym mostly solves this problem.
[3] now that i'm thinking about it, having an ex from your past show up in your life with an assumed name to try and win you back, with you never realizing until the end that your high school crush and your new crush who kind of looks like someone you dated in high school are the SAME PERSON would be an awesome plot for a romcom. i'm thinking drew berrymore vehicle, yes?
you know, and i was just saying this, while standing in line for cupcakes in new york a couple weekends ago: if, at any point, i have ever told you that i thought you were kind of gay, start making peace with your god, because it may take six fucking years, but i always get my (wo)man. so, you know, be on the look out for that, and be careful when throughadoor's gaydar loves you.
only somewhat tangentially related:
yesterday kirst and i were supposed to meet a friend of hers for lunch and a beer on our way to see a movie. "lunch and a beer" turned into "a shared order of yam frites, six beers, four and a half hours, two seat changes and no movie." never let it be said that i do not bring classy behavior with me everywhere i go! at one point toward the middle of the afternoon, the friend was spotted from the street by his first ex-boyfriend, who he had not seen in about nine years, i think. awkward conversation ensued, and when the ex-boyfriend left, the friend flipped out. this leads us to:
friend: i don't UNDERSTAND, why would he even want to TALK to me?
me: if i saw my first ex-girlfriend [1] on the street somewhere--
friend: you're GAY?
sigh. i don't know, man, i think i'm having some kind of gay growing pains thing in lieu of a quarter-life crisis, but sometimes i wish i could walk around with a sign or something. part of the problem is that i spend most of my time in an environment where there's a gay-until-proven-otherwise assumption, but it only applies to the boys, so i end up talking to the new girl in the finance department about which gyms we go to and i tell her that i go to the women's only gym across the street [2] and how i feel bad because i've heard several women say that they like going there because no one is checking them out, and i always think, "hahah, except for me, all your secret checking out are belong to me." and she said "i don't get it" and i said "because i'm ... a lesbian?" and she said "oh, uh, i had no idea!"
as much as we've already established that mindlessly boxing yourself into the butch lesbian stereotype makes me want to shoot myself, sometimes i think it would be nice to be a little more obvious. mostly i think about gayness as a thing that's going to occasionally make my life inconvenient, and i don't really think about it in a fundamental-indescribable-otherness-part-of-a-mystical-sisterhood kind of way. my ideal lesbian community would most closely resemble a homeowner's association, where we paid our dues, tried to make sure nobody got carjacked and the exec community negotiated us a group rate on civil rights getting our gutters cleaned. so it's depressing to think that, on top of every other god-damned thing, the great love of my life might be standing behind me in the grocery store but i'll never know because i don't look gay enough.
in conclusion: on sunday, circusgirl and i went to the starbucks by her house, and the very stereotypically dykey-looking barista said to me, "you have really gorgeous hair," and then she looked at circusgirl (my hair = sausage curls, circusgirl, on that particular day, moderate waves, which was the weird part, but i digress) and said, "oh, you two must be related!" and i wanted to say, "we're not related, but we're all, uh, family, if you know what i mean." but i didn't.
[1] the epk! and i was also just saying, when i was making plans to go to new york, eight years after the epk and i broke up our non-relationship relationship, i totally developed a huge crush on someone who looked so much exactly like her that i might even suspect that this person was the epk under an assumed name [3] and i totally didn't realize there was a resemblance at ALL until halfway through a story i was telling smelly, like, two weeks ago.
[2] i go to a women's only gym not because i hate/am intimidated by working out in front of men, but because i hate/am intimidated by working out in front of women who enjoy working out in front of men, women who wear matching sports bra and hotpants ensembles, and touch up their make-up before aerobics. a women's only gym mostly solves this problem.
[3] now that i'm thinking about it, having an ex from your past show up in your life with an assumed name to try and win you back, with you never realizing until the end that your high school crush and your new crush who kind of looks like someone you dated in high school are the SAME PERSON would be an awesome plot for a romcom. i'm thinking drew berrymore vehicle, yes?