nothin better than a good cup o' joe in the mornin'
"self-perfection is masturbation,
now, self destruction.........."
fuck the world
heres the thing i understand the average apathy now
maybe its not ignorance maybe its natural instinct
cus giving a fuck sucks
giving a fuck just leads to disappointment, actualization of powerlessness
hope always becomes shattered before your very eyes
i dunno its just i'm trying harder now than ever and its the same shit
i don't belong, thats the only thing i can come up with this place isn't for me
maybe squating maybe train hopping and living outside of this fucked up world is where i belong
maybe meditation and soul seeking is what i need
but i know i don't need all of this shit
i might be losing my job for what? i dunno maybe my a.d.d. affects my work maybe i just can't pay attention well enough, i guess thresa told mikes sister that i might lose my job because i've been there for so long ( 2 months) and i don't know how to do things? yes i do... and i ask madd questions so i can do things better i dunno see? fuck it who cares its the most promising job i've ever had and i dunno why i might lose it but go figure it makes sense if you know me well its always like this in my world. seems the harder i try
the harder i fall
the more i enjoy something
the faster it gets ripped from my hands
i can't make plans cus i never know what state i'll be in in the comming week
and what do we care about this shit anyway
to make money just enohg so i might not get rid of it by the end of the week
at this point heroin seems like a decent way of life
i'm sick of feeling
sick of caring
sick of trying
just plain fuckin sick of it all
every girl i care about seems like a mirage
i think they're there but its just an illusion every one
why am i tortured like this why is it all so repetitive why can't i break this fuckin cycle
maybe i'm not maybe i'm crazy and there a great reason for all this
or maybe its just the way god likes to fuck with me
maybe its karma
maybe i focus on all the wrong shit, maybe we all focus on the wrong shit
maybe i need a doctor, maybe i am my dad, maybe this runs in the blood
i don't know but its not right and i'm fuckin done
i'm so tired
i'm a dissapiontment to my family, a burden to all i know, misunderstood by almost everybody, and then i try harder not to be but fuck its just gets me nowhere
nowhere exactly where i'm always at, i guess maybe i'm just bottling it up till i get to a point like this where i just crumble like blue cheese ( mmmmm yum)
maybe its not soo bad, but it sure feels so fuckin bad i dunno i guess i'm crazy and sound like a whinin bitch, but i swear this shit isn't normal, i dunno if i can really explain exactly how this shit feels
and if your reading this and think its just about a girl and so forth its not so don't assume i mean its part of my sorrow, of course i care you know its hurts but if one person could affect me this much i would be crazy its everything its life its the walls commin in i'm hurting of the heart but its all the other shit goin on and added to that some heart pains but blame doesn't rest there so don't think that especially if you're reading this and invloved
everything is beautiful
as long as i ain't there
i'm merely livin in my skin
depression is my only friend
and i dunno where i am headin
tryin to forget where i've been
and i'm so sick of lyin
god please show me that silver lightning
cus i've heard tale
and i'm not well
my heads full of hell
and this worlds a jail
and it don't matter and i don't care
i lift my pain into the air
cus everything is over there
and everything here's hard to bear
i've had it up to here with this place
you think you know my face?
in a state of suspended grace
gradually i erase
and find comfort in the sickest womb
i might be present
but not in the room
to who it may consume....
well they say that lifes a play
and that the worlds a stage
and for another part i pray
cus this show ends the same way everyday
and my heart carries the pain
of a brain i can't explain
am i insane
am i insane
and it don't matter and i don't care
i lift my pain into the air
cus everything is over there
and everything here's hard to bear
it doesn't really matter now does it?
- rehab "i don't care"
i'm just venting
now, self destruction.........."
fuck the world
heres the thing i understand the average apathy now
maybe its not ignorance maybe its natural instinct
cus giving a fuck sucks
giving a fuck just leads to disappointment, actualization of powerlessness
hope always becomes shattered before your very eyes
i dunno its just i'm trying harder now than ever and its the same shit
i don't belong, thats the only thing i can come up with this place isn't for me
maybe squating maybe train hopping and living outside of this fucked up world is where i belong
maybe meditation and soul seeking is what i need
but i know i don't need all of this shit
i might be losing my job for what? i dunno maybe my a.d.d. affects my work maybe i just can't pay attention well enough, i guess thresa told mikes sister that i might lose my job because i've been there for so long ( 2 months) and i don't know how to do things? yes i do... and i ask madd questions so i can do things better i dunno see? fuck it who cares its the most promising job i've ever had and i dunno why i might lose it but go figure it makes sense if you know me well its always like this in my world. seems the harder i try
the harder i fall
the more i enjoy something
the faster it gets ripped from my hands
i can't make plans cus i never know what state i'll be in in the comming week
and what do we care about this shit anyway
to make money just enohg so i might not get rid of it by the end of the week
at this point heroin seems like a decent way of life
i'm sick of feeling
sick of caring
sick of trying
just plain fuckin sick of it all
every girl i care about seems like a mirage
i think they're there but its just an illusion every one
why am i tortured like this why is it all so repetitive why can't i break this fuckin cycle
maybe i'm not maybe i'm crazy and there a great reason for all this
or maybe its just the way god likes to fuck with me
maybe its karma
maybe i focus on all the wrong shit, maybe we all focus on the wrong shit
maybe i need a doctor, maybe i am my dad, maybe this runs in the blood
i don't know but its not right and i'm fuckin done
i'm so tired
i'm a dissapiontment to my family, a burden to all i know, misunderstood by almost everybody, and then i try harder not to be but fuck its just gets me nowhere
nowhere exactly where i'm always at, i guess maybe i'm just bottling it up till i get to a point like this where i just crumble like blue cheese ( mmmmm yum)
maybe its not soo bad, but it sure feels so fuckin bad i dunno i guess i'm crazy and sound like a whinin bitch, but i swear this shit isn't normal, i dunno if i can really explain exactly how this shit feels
and if your reading this and think its just about a girl and so forth its not so don't assume i mean its part of my sorrow, of course i care you know its hurts but if one person could affect me this much i would be crazy its everything its life its the walls commin in i'm hurting of the heart but its all the other shit goin on and added to that some heart pains but blame doesn't rest there so don't think that especially if you're reading this and invloved
everything is beautiful
as long as i ain't there
i'm merely livin in my skin
depression is my only friend
and i dunno where i am headin
tryin to forget where i've been
and i'm so sick of lyin
god please show me that silver lightning
cus i've heard tale
and i'm not well
my heads full of hell
and this worlds a jail
and it don't matter and i don't care
i lift my pain into the air
cus everything is over there
and everything here's hard to bear
i've had it up to here with this place
you think you know my face?
in a state of suspended grace
gradually i erase
and find comfort in the sickest womb
i might be present
but not in the room
to who it may consume....
well they say that lifes a play
and that the worlds a stage
and for another part i pray
cus this show ends the same way everyday
and my heart carries the pain
of a brain i can't explain
am i insane
am i insane
and it don't matter and i don't care
i lift my pain into the air
cus everything is over there
and everything here's hard to bear
it doesn't really matter now does it?
- rehab "i don't care"
i'm just venting