we are all broken
well, since i'm back on this thing... this, shall be my first real post.
tonight has been a night filled with coincidence and irony,
the mystery so close but, as always, so far away. I touched it though. Like when one who catches a glimpse of the paradigm of life when on acid. I touched it.
After class tongiht I recieved two phone calls from two wonderful exgirlfriends. Friends still, close friends, but odd nonetheless.
The first one showed me a vision of helping. She showed me structure and the benifit of focused work of humble reward. She also showed me that many failed relationships, or attempts thereof, were not my doing or some failing of mine, but possibly the failing of others that had nothing direct to do with me persay.
Note: this is not to say many, many, many of my failed relationships did not have something directly to do with my, frankly, self-destructive tendencies that took very little consideration of my partner and an extreme intrest in my desires or whims.
The second one showed me a vision of helping. She showed me idealism and the benefit of adventurous work and glorious reward. She showed me that some failed relationships, or the attemps thereof, were of both of our failings: failings of timing, circumstance, and deep self issues of both individuals.
I love both of these women and I'd claim one more... truly and dutily.
And yet tonight I lament. I lament lost love doomed to failure. For the true happiness, the ideal we all seek. This ideal fuels our paths through our lives. It lies behind our every goal: social activism, working in health care, teaching in schools, our art, poetry, drug use, law breaking, law upholding, our stories themes (music, literature, movies, etc.), our histroy, philosophy, and anthropology. Many deny it, disregard it; however, it is there, dormint if pushed so, but nonetheless there. It lives in us. Makes us breathe life, causes all of our caring, concern, and desire. Love. Abstract though undeniable.Tangible yet intangible. Cancer and medicine.
As a good friend of mine says... We are all broken.
tonight has been a night filled with coincidence and irony,
the mystery so close but, as always, so far away. I touched it though. Like when one who catches a glimpse of the paradigm of life when on acid. I touched it.
After class tongiht I recieved two phone calls from two wonderful exgirlfriends. Friends still, close friends, but odd nonetheless.
The first one showed me a vision of helping. She showed me structure and the benifit of focused work of humble reward. She also showed me that many failed relationships, or attempts thereof, were not my doing or some failing of mine, but possibly the failing of others that had nothing direct to do with me persay.
Note: this is not to say many, many, many of my failed relationships did not have something directly to do with my, frankly, self-destructive tendencies that took very little consideration of my partner and an extreme intrest in my desires or whims.
The second one showed me a vision of helping. She showed me idealism and the benefit of adventurous work and glorious reward. She showed me that some failed relationships, or the attemps thereof, were of both of our failings: failings of timing, circumstance, and deep self issues of both individuals.
I love both of these women and I'd claim one more... truly and dutily.
And yet tonight I lament. I lament lost love doomed to failure. For the true happiness, the ideal we all seek. This ideal fuels our paths through our lives. It lies behind our every goal: social activism, working in health care, teaching in schools, our art, poetry, drug use, law breaking, law upholding, our stories themes (music, literature, movies, etc.), our histroy, philosophy, and anthropology. Many deny it, disregard it; however, it is there, dormint if pushed so, but nonetheless there. It lives in us. Makes us breathe life, causes all of our caring, concern, and desire. Love. Abstract though undeniable.Tangible yet intangible. Cancer and medicine.
As a good friend of mine says... We are all broken.