New Slave Breakers fic, "Map of the Human Heart"

[thrihyrne]

I know, I just wrote something, and most of you on my immediate flist don't read Slave Breakers. Still, for my own archive, I'm putting it here as well as over at slavebreakers. Andrei came to me and said I had to write this.

Title: Map of the Human Heart
Rating: Adultish, but totally non-explicit
Pairing: Lee/Andrei, Mona
Summary: We know what happens at Holden's the day he and Lord Taganov lose the court case and their slaves are voluntarily freed. It's a much more subdued event at Andrei's. This is my take on how things happened at Andrei's that day.



Andrei took a long walk around the grounds of his estate, hardly noticing anything around him. He felt ridiculous in so many ways, literally Lord and Master - for another few hours, anyway - of his ancestral home. He was a bachelor, and the last of his family line. And soon he wouldn't be Master any more. Depending on what his slaves decided to do, he might become Lord of Loneliness. Returning from the small copse of woods to the manicured green expanse behind the house, he saw the thin metal arches still peppering the lawn, and despite himself, his eyes filled with tears. The croquet balls and mallets had been carefully put back in their holder by Lee, but the recent memory of the sheer joy Andrei had recently experienced in teaching Lee and Mona how to play the lawn game made him think his heart would break.

He was an emotional man; Andrei knew this about himself, and had only ever attempted to act differently back in his university days. Then he had tried and failed, for the most part, to be cavalier about his affairs, and not to fall for the intelligent, beautiful men in his classes. Sex was sex, he told himself repeatedly, and he was a student. There would be time to find a true lover later in life. But his heart seemed permanently affixed to his sleeve, and he'd finished his studies filled with knowledge of economics and ancient history and how wretched heartbreak felt. The sudden loss of both parents in a car accident utterly undid him for a time, but he'd eventually begun to establish a life for himself as a lone adult in a vast home.

And now… He forced himself to take a few cleansing breaths to steady himself before going inside. Holden would call him to let him know the inevitable outcome of the court case. Maybe he'd already called, and Mona would tell him the news. Oh God. It wasn't that he didn't want Mona and Lee to be free, that wasn't it at all. He went in through the conservatory door, planning to head straight for his small study. He wasn't much of a drinker, but in order to get through the next twenty-four hours, Andrei knew he needed to fortify himself. He made a stop by his bedroom suite to use the bathroom, giving himself a critical eye in the mirror above the sink. Hell. He looked like a kicked puppy. Schooling his features, he tidied his hair and went down the corridor to the study and was in the middle of pouring a large snifter of brandy when he heard movement in the doorway.

"Master?"

It was Mona. Andrei finished pouring and held the glass as he turned to look at her. Lee hung back behind her, seeming more diminished than Mona though he was a good foot taller than she was.

"Am I, still?" he asked sadly. "Has Holden called?"

"Not yet-"

Just as she began to reply, the phone rang.

"I'll get it, Master," Mona said hurriedly, dashing down the hallway to the enclave where the main house phone was located. "It's Mr. Larssen, Master," she called out.

Andrei gave a longing look at Lee, took a deep swallow of brandy, and then went to the phone. He gave Lee a kiss on the cheek as he passed by him. Lee's face was a study in grief and apprehension, but Andrei couldn't tend to him just that minute. Andrei took the receiver from Mona, who gave him a soft smile of such understanding that Andrei teared up again.

For God's sake, get a hold of yourself! he admonished himself, and cleared his throat before putting the receiver to his head.

"Holden?"

"Yes. Well, as expected, we lost. You're now the owner of two slaves you've agreed to free."

Andrei's heart thudded in his chest and blood roared in his ears. Of course he wanted his beloved slaves to have a life outside of servitude to him, but the thought of being alone again… He let out a long, shuddering sigh.

"Thank you for letting me know." He paused, hearing a cacophony of noises in the background on Holden's end. "How are you holding up?"

"Me? Oh, well." Holden's voice sounded weary. "I have three former slaves pawing at each other and clamoring to get drunk. They want me to join in. And you?"

Andrei discreetly wiped at his running nose.

"I don't know yet," he said hoarsely. "Trying to be stoic. And failing."

Holden made a sympathetic noise. "Let them care for you, Andrei. Neither Mona nor Lee wants you to be unhappy. You've treated them with nothing but care and affection."

"Yes," Andrei started to say, and realized much to his horror that he was soon going to burst into tears. His upbringing kicked in long enough for him to bid Holden a good evening, thanked him for the call, and put the receiver back down before a ragged sob escaped his lips. He clapped his hand over his mouth, appalled at his own behavior in front of Mona, but as always, she intuited precisely what to do. She led him back down the hallway to the study and guided him into a leather wingback chair.

Lee hovered around the desk like a fitful moth, concern and panic washing over his face like water over delicate stones. Once Mona had given Andrei his snifter and he took another swallow, he tested his capacity for speech.

"Well, as we'd discussed, Mr. Larssen and I have lost the court case, and I'm willingly freeing both of you."

Mona nodded, a rueful smile on her lips. Lee just looked terrified, and Andrei wanted more than anything for a hole to open in the floor and swallow him up. He and Lee had been so enjoying each other. His beautiful slave - former slave - had come out of his shell and was growing in confidence by the day. Now his world had been shattered apart again, with new expectations and unknowns, and Andrei had been the one to foist it on Lee's bony shoulders. To his discredit, for a fleeting moment Andrei wished that Holden had been the one to declare the news, but Andrei was now Lee's rock of stability. Or he had been.

"Lee, honey," he said, his voice sounding like gravel in molasses, coarsened by the emotions surging in his chest. "Will you come here?"

Lee almost ran to the chair, collapsing to his knees at Andrei's feet, tears streaming down his face as he clung to Andrei's calf.

"Lee. You beautiful, delicate, resilient young man," Andrei soldiered on, comforted by Mona's hand on his shoulder, which he covered with his own. "I will no longer give you orders."

"You never ordered anything," Lee insisted through a syrupy cry. "You asked, master. Nobody has ever been as kind to me as you, not even Holden. Bran loves me, too, but he's another slave." He turned his face up, his dark eyes red rimmed and anguish stamped on the exquisite architecture of his face. "Master, I don't want to be free! I mean-" His anxious gaze flitted to Mona, and then back to Andrei. "I do, Master-"

"Andrei," he corrected softly. "I'm Andrei now."

"Andrei," Lee wailed, his face crumpling. "Mona has ideas about what she wants to do, and I want you. I belong to you."

"Oh Lee," Andrei murmured, feeling an actual twinge of physical pain as though his heart had truly broken. "You can belong with me. I would never, ever ask you to leave."

"Mas- Andrei?" Mona said in a low, confident voice. "Maybe you and I could talk for a little bit, and then you and Lee could do the same, in your room?"

Gratefully Andrei nodded, and with a shaking hand, took another drink of brandy.

"Lee, sweetheart, would you like to go to my room? And I can meet you there in just a little while."

Some of the anxiety seemed to lift from Lee at the suggestion. "Oh yes, master." He swallowed and wiped at his eyes. "Yes, Andrei."

Lee unfurled from the floor and without appearing to think first, cupped Andrei's jaw in his long fingers and kissed him firmly, possessively on the lips. Andrei moaned into the sudden contact, sucking on Lee's lower lip until just as suddenly, Lee back away, touching his lips with his fingers as though he just realized they were on his face.

"Lee," Andrei pleaded as his former slave turned and fled to the door. "I need you too, so much."

Lee paused against the doorjamb and then turned around, his whole body trembling like an aspen. "I'll be in your room," he said in a small voice, and then vanished down the hall.

Andrei sat in stunned silence, awareness creeping back into his consciousness with the subtlety of shadow. Mona's hand was still on his shoulder; she hadn't moved during Lee's desperate kiss and exit.

"Mona?"

Her hand squeezed gently and he felt off-balance, as though standing on sand as the waves came in, pulling the world out from under his feet.

"Andrei. May I sit on your lap?"

He hiccoughed and then choked, feeling like the wind had been knocked out of him. Seconds later the brandy had been substituted for water, which he drank greedily before wiping at his nose.

"Of course," Andrei croaked, drawing on his breeding, his reserves of inner strength - no matter how tenuous - and placed the empty glass on the floor. He looked at Mona, clad in her lilac tunic, her gaze fixed on his and heavy with concern.

"Thank you," she murmured and crawled into his lap, resting comfortably against his torso as he reflexively brought his arm around her.

"It's different, the reality of things, isn't it?" she continued as Andrei smelled the freesia in her hair from her shampoo. He was assaulted by memories of one of their first excursions together to the markets, her face lighting up at being allowed to pick whatever scent pleased her the most.

"Um. Yes. Rather," Andrei said, stumbling over each syllable. He clutched her to him, this young woman who had been not a lover, certainly, but a confidante and trusted companion for many years. "This is going to sound ridiculous," he went on, kissing the top of her head, but she made an affirming noise, so he spoke from the deepest truths of his being.

"When I bought you, I really thought it would be for life. That even though you wouldn't be a sex slave, not for me, that no matter what, we'd grow older together. You made yourself at home, right from the very start. You brought warmth to this huge place, and made it cheerful like it hadn't been since my mother was alive."

Andrei stopped, took a ragged breath, and steeled himself to hear her say what she planned to do, even though they had already discussed it. That had been before, when it hadn't felt so… real.

"University, is it?"

She nodded, her hair rubbing softly under his chin.

"I think I can get in. You know it's not because I want to leave you, right?"

Andrei forced himself to nod, and let his arm drape less closely around her.

"This is home for me." Her voice was a low whisper. "It always will be. You've given me the two most precious gifts I've ever had. A safe home with a master who never mistreated me, who respected me, even, and now you're letting me go. But I'll always come back to visit."

Her words seemed dreamlike. Andrei felt that he was watching himself from a distance, much as he had done during his parents' funeral. He'd been there, but not-there.

"I want you to succeed, honey," he heard himself say fervently. "Anything that you want from my library to get ready, it's yours. Anything I can do to help you be prepared."

"Oh, master," she sighed, sinking against him, draped comfortably on him like a much-beloved blanket. "I'm not going tomorrow. Or even next month."

"I know," he said, hating the tremor in his voice, but Andrei couldn't suddenly undo their relationship, the dynamic that had been an anchor for over six years. She knew him, and understood him intimately.

She was leaving him.

"Andrei?" she asked quietly, leaning back so she could look at him. "I love you. If it weren't for you, and Holden, I'd be dead for sure. But there's someone in your room who I think needs you more than I do right now. I can take care of myself. I think you need to take care of each other."

Mona's round face harbored melancholy joy, an expression Andrei was nearly certain he'd never seen before.

"When did you get to be so astute?" he asked rhetorically, running his thumb over her cheekbone.

"I always have been, and you know it. Go to him. Lee doesn't want to leave you, and he's probably sick with the thought that you'll change your mind and send him out into the world, for his own good or something ridiculous like that."

Mona leaned in and kissed him chastely on the lips, making a soft humming sound as she did.

"Dare I ask what's going on at Holden's?" she asked, humor in her voice.

"Orgies. Drunken orgies," Andrei said automatically, trying not to remember the sorrow undergirding Holden's words. "Would you like some brandy? You're free, now. You know better than I do what's in the liquor cabinets."

Mona shook her head. "No, but thank you. I'll make myself some tea and get back to that book you recommended. Go on. I love you, and Lee, both. You should be with each other right now."

She eased off his lap, discreetly putting both the empty brandy snifter and the water glass on a tray near the door before she left the room. Andrei sat for a moment, his fingers clawing against his scalp. Drunken orgies? He'd sounded so flippant. Holden had three slaves under his roof reveling in their freedom. Holden, however, was himself a freed slave, and had an inkling of the flavor of that unique taste, heady like champagne, no doubt. Andrei was a nobleman. He'd always been free. Free to be a doormat, free to be naïve, free to be alone, free to buy human beings who made his life complete…

Lee.

All of a sudden he wanted to storm his own bedroom and demand that Lee never leave him, ever. To demand that Lee pleasure him, suck him and fuck him as he'd been so well trained and push Andrei past every physical limit so that he ached the next day.

The delight of his body and heart was lying in his bed, probably watching the room as the colors softly shifted while the sun made its inexorable descent. Lee wasn't in Andrei's social strata. He was clever, but not Andrei's intellectual equal. He was a sex slave Andrei had purchased with a shaky hand, knowing full well that at some point he would willingly let the bewitching young man go free. He needed Lee in many ways that were very different from his lovers at university, and from Victor, who had decided that producing heirs was more important than Andrei's devotion. But he needed Lee nonetheless. If he didn't act soon, the sylph who almost never recognized the steel within himself might bolt out of mindless fear, and Andrei would never be able to forgive himself for any harm that could befall him.

Unsteadily Andrei rose to his feet, combing his fingers through his hair out of nervous habit. Two deep breaths later, he found his feet leading him to his own bedroom. At the doorway he paused, seeing Lee dutifully sitting on his bed, the bed where they had spent so much time fulfilling each other's desires. Lee sat with his back against the headboard, his knees held tightly against his chest by his long arms. He was the picture of discomfort, and Andrei berated himself for having waited to return to him- though he'd needed the time with Mona. She had belonged to him far longer, but because he shared his body with Lee, there was a different kind of conversation to be had.

"Master!" Lee said quickly, his face lighting up as Andrei entered the room.

Andrei had another lightning-fast vision of shedding his shirt and trousers, shoes and socks, and approaching his bed naked, burrowing against his former slave for comfort that was no longer his to demand. Not that he ever had; Lee had always given freely from the bottomless well he had in his skinny frame.

"Lee, honey," he said, his voice still harsh from the pent up emotions now battering to be released. "Lee, I love you."

It all came pouring out of him in a series of undignified, erratic sobs. Andrei held his face in his hands, aware only of the wracking pain he felt in his chest, and then of Lee's nimble fingers as he helped Andrei get rid of his clothes so that he was spooned at Lee's side wearing nothing but his underwear, clinging to his former slave like a drowning man to a raft.

"Master, master, shhhhh," Lee crooned, his fingers massaging at Andrei's scalp until he managed to get himself into a semblance of control.

"Not- master-" Andrei coughed. "Andrei. Sweetheart, I would ask you to fuck me from here to Sunday, but frankly, I feel like a wrung out dishrag. I can't demand anything, and wouldn't want to. But will you stay? For a while?"

Lee shifted so that Andrei could sprawl on him, covering him like ivy on a column. Lee made a contented sound, which made new tears spring to Andrei's eyes. He was long past any point of pride, and simply held on to Lee's lithe, welcoming body.

"Andrei," Lee said slowly as though Andrei's name was an exotic dish to be savored on his tongue. "Andrei. I want to be with you. I'm not like Mona, or Yves. I'm happy here with you. I love you, too," he whispered, leaning over to kiss Andrei on the crown of his head. "I'm glad I please you."

The proximity to Lee's body awakened Andrei's libido quite despite himself, but it was a dim thing, not at all urgent.

"Lee, you're free now. When you first arrived, you talked about me using you. And I wanted you to take me. But it's pleasure, sweetheart." Andrei lifted his head to look into Lee's attentive, dark eyes. "I've only ever taken pleasure in you. And hopefully you've had a modicum of pleasure with me." He blinked and smiled ruefully, then mentally kicked himself as he saw uncertainty on Lee's face.

"I don't know what you mean," Lee apologized, a flush rising delicately to his cheeks. "A what of pleasure?"

"Modicum. A small quantity."

Andrei burrowed his face against the bony shelf of Lee's collarbone. He took a few ragged breaths, some of his tension easing as he felt Lee's fingers draw patterns on his back.

"Mas- Andrei," Lee breathed.

"Yes."

"I'd like to spend the night here, with you," he said boldly, as though he'd not spent most nights there since he'd arrived.

But never as a free person, Andrei reminded himself, and he rose up just enough to kiss Lee deeply. He sent his tongue along the seam of Lee's lips and into his hot mouth as though it were the first time he'd ever done so.

"I would like that more than anything," Andrei confessed once he broke the kiss, scooting down and away so Lee could arrange them under the covers. It was early in the evening, and Andrei thought momentarily of dinner, but then there was Lee's warm, scarred, needy frame in his arms. The rest of the world- his household, his anxieties - they all stole away as he nuzzled against Lee's neck, drinking in the reprieve he'd been given.

"Thank you," he heard Lee say after a time.

"For what?"

Lee seemed lost in thought.

"For being you," he said at last. "I don't read well, I'm not as smart as Mona and Yves. I'm not as beautiful as Bran."

Andrei made a dismissive noise at that, but Lee continued on.

"But I make you happy."

Andrei groped around for Lee's hand so he could intertwine their fingers.

"Yes, honey. You make me so very happy."

There was a companionable silence as Andrei looked back on his life, at his university lovers, at Victor Tamirov, and purchasing the enchanting young man now lying at his side.

"I hope you'll stay. I'm probably more intellectual than Holden and Bran, but there's so much going on in that head of yours," Andrei said softly, his muscles finally beginning to relax. "I'm looking forward to watching you learn. Just seeing you feel safe, and enjoying yourself… I would be privileged if you thought I was attractive enough to want to continue living with me. You're so extraordinarily beautiful, on so many levels."

Lee squirmed. "I'm- I'm-" he fumbled. "If I'm going to stay, can I take my… can I take my pleasure with you? I'm not at all tired," he said, mirth at last returning to his eyes.

"Oh sweetheart, yes," Andrei purred, allowing himself to believe that Lee really wasn't going to abandon him, not any time soon. "Take all the pleasure you can. I'm yours for as long as you'll have me."

He abandoned himself to Lee's hungry kisses, letting coherent thought skip away. Lee was almost frantic in his actions, feral and enthusiastic and greedy. Just before he entered Andrei, Lee paused, and leaned down to kiss him tenderly on the lips.

"Andrei," he said. "Andrei, Andrei," he murmured as though his name were a prayer. He gave him a look of adoration that made Andrei's heart hammer against his chest. "My beautiful Andrei."

It was the first time Andrei had ever heard Lee use a possessive about him- the first time Lee could do so, without it being followed by 'master.'

"I like how that sounds," he rasped. "Now please fuck me."

A smile came to Lee's lips, lascivious and full of promise.

"As it please my Andrei."