(no subject)
Ugh. We're back to this fucked up 'one hour limit' on the computer.
Fucking fuck. I fucking hate it when she does this. It makes me want to slap the shit out of her. It makes me want to break something.
I want a fucking computer in my room. NOW.
I just realized I havn't cried in ages. Even when mom told me to, "shut the fucking hell up", I didn't cry. I just sort of stared at her and left. Mr. Perkins called me stupid. I tried to cry, to make him feel guilty, but it was like I was all out of tears.
I want to go and stand outside in the cold. I want to get sick, I want to make her baby me like she used to. I want to hear "I love you" without that bitter rasp to it. I want to be able to respond, "I love you, too, mommy" and mean it. Why do I hate her so much? It's not like she's abusing me...It's not like what I'm going through is any different than half the other kids in the world...
I guess it's just human nature to be selfish like that.
It's her fault; I don't know why I feel like I have to hurt myself to get back at her.
I guess it's just human nature to feel that way.
I feel kind of isolated, like nobody can really understand what's in my head. Sometimes it scares me, these things I think.
I guess it's just human nature to hurt that way.
Still, I can't help but feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. I feel like I'm overreacting and yet I feel like my response is perfect.
I guess it's just human nature to think that way.
I feel like everyone needs to stop smiling; they don't have to right to smile.
I guess it's just human nature to hate that way.
It's all in human nature.
I need to see a damn shrink.
Fucking fuck. I fucking hate it when she does this. It makes me want to slap the shit out of her. It makes me want to break something.
I want a fucking computer in my room. NOW.
I just realized I havn't cried in ages. Even when mom told me to, "shut the fucking hell up", I didn't cry. I just sort of stared at her and left. Mr. Perkins called me stupid. I tried to cry, to make him feel guilty, but it was like I was all out of tears.
I want to go and stand outside in the cold. I want to get sick, I want to make her baby me like she used to. I want to hear "I love you" without that bitter rasp to it. I want to be able to respond, "I love you, too, mommy" and mean it. Why do I hate her so much? It's not like she's abusing me...It's not like what I'm going through is any different than half the other kids in the world...
I guess it's just human nature to be selfish like that.
It's her fault; I don't know why I feel like I have to hurt myself to get back at her.
I guess it's just human nature to feel that way.
I feel kind of isolated, like nobody can really understand what's in my head. Sometimes it scares me, these things I think.
I guess it's just human nature to hurt that way.
Still, I can't help but feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. I feel like I'm overreacting and yet I feel like my response is perfect.
I guess it's just human nature to think that way.
I feel like everyone needs to stop smiling; they don't have to right to smile.
I guess it's just human nature to hate that way.
It's all in human nature.
I need to see a damn shrink.