More of the Great Wheel
Went to my cousin's husband's funeral today. Okay, techinically Mary isn't my direct cousin, but Grandma's cousin. For me, that means cousin.
It sometimes really fucks me up to know that I'm one of the very few on either side of my family who wasn't raised in a loving home. The first time I discovered this, was when I visited my father's side of the family for the first time in my life around age 22. They welcomed me with open arms for Thanksgiving week, and when extended members found out I was going to be there, they drove in from across the US. We were in D.C. and they came from Florida and Arizona and Boston.
Seriously, it fucked me up good, because in my 'nuclear' family I wasn't allowed to cry if something hurt physically or mentally, and I was literally never hugged as a kid (as far as I can remember or my mother tells it when asked. Also? No. She is utterly blasé when she responds, 'no, I don't think we ever hugged her'.)
Last time I saw Paul was 10 years ago. His health has been poor the last few years, but he died at a very nice 93 years of age with an accomplished life and legacy in both deed and family. Well done, Paul.
Repair of family divisions continues. Linda called me about this funeral yesterday. (Because again, we weren't told. Vaguely more understandable in this case as it was cousin by marriage. 65 years of marriage, but whatever.) Paul died on the 31st, and she kept being busy until she did call me, so she does get points for letting me know.
She didn't come (I'm pretty sure she needed to shop today, wtf Linda?), so I was the rep for our branch, and the nice thing was that everybody remembered me, and seemed legitimately glad to see me there.
It was a bit funny, because I am apparently known as 'the singer'. That side of the family is known for art (painting/drawing), but not one of them can sing. (I get it from my father's side.) At the internment, Joan (daughter) checked to make sure I was 'the singer' and then asked if I'd sing Amazing Grace for them.
I had some very nice conversations with several family members, and hopefully bridges are being built and rebuilt.
It sometimes really fucks me up to know that I'm one of the very few on either side of my family who wasn't raised in a loving home. The first time I discovered this, was when I visited my father's side of the family for the first time in my life around age 22. They welcomed me with open arms for Thanksgiving week, and when extended members found out I was going to be there, they drove in from across the US. We were in D.C. and they came from Florida and Arizona and Boston.
Seriously, it fucked me up good, because in my 'nuclear' family I wasn't allowed to cry if something hurt physically or mentally, and I was literally never hugged as a kid (as far as I can remember or my mother tells it when asked. Also? No. She is utterly blasé when she responds, 'no, I don't think we ever hugged her'.)
Last time I saw Paul was 10 years ago. His health has been poor the last few years, but he died at a very nice 93 years of age with an accomplished life and legacy in both deed and family. Well done, Paul.
Repair of family divisions continues. Linda called me about this funeral yesterday. (Because again, we weren't told. Vaguely more understandable in this case as it was cousin by marriage. 65 years of marriage, but whatever.) Paul died on the 31st, and she kept being busy until she did call me, so she does get points for letting me know.
She didn't come (I'm pretty sure she needed to shop today, wtf Linda?), so I was the rep for our branch, and the nice thing was that everybody remembered me, and seemed legitimately glad to see me there.
It was a bit funny, because I am apparently known as 'the singer'. That side of the family is known for art (painting/drawing), but not one of them can sing. (I get it from my father's side.) At the internment, Joan (daughter) checked to make sure I was 'the singer' and then asked if I'd sing Amazing Grace for them.
I had some very nice conversations with several family members, and hopefully bridges are being built and rebuilt.