butterfly wings
My mother's always been a very open person. Not just with me and my sister, but she'd tell the world her life story if they stuck around to hear it. I preface with that, because everybody makes judgments. People generally don't hold themselves to the same standards that they hold others to. That is also true with me. I hold myself to standards acquired through my lifetime that answer for me the question, "What is a good person?"
I tend to hold others to the standards that they hold others to.
That is to say, I typically get a good read on people, and I typically treat them according to their natures with the same respect they show me. If you don't get that about me, you have no idea who I am.
So I say these things with the understanding that they represent no breach of confidentiality.
So. Point. After they were married and before I was born, my mother cheated on my father. Also before I was born, she was in some Support-group Anonymous or had a therapist or something who told her to ask the people she'd wronged for forgiveness. She came clean to him. Obviously, they stayed together long enough for me and my sister to be born. They shared a house until I was 9 years old, and they never legally filed for divorce. So in their eyes, they remain married to this day.
As an adult, I found myself in a similar situation to my father. That is the reason I have an ex-wife. She wanted to make things work afterward. I was inconsolable. I told her that I knew myself well enough to know that a breach of trust had taken place, past which I was emotionally incapable of continuing our marriage. I knew that it would be a constant thorn in my side, and that I would throw it back in her face whenever it bubbled to the surface of my attention. That would not have been fair to either of us. So despite her efforts it ended, with no small bit of cruelty on my part, which I regret.
Now, if my father's mind worked like mine in this matter, I would never have been born. My sister would never have been born. The world would be in certain respects a very different place. The world would never have existed for me.
I can only imagine that, if I had had the forgiveness in my heart to salvage my first marriage, I'd probably have a couple of kids of my own right now. In fact, I'd probably be divorced anyways and paying child support for those kids, the same as my dad did for me and my sis. Come to think of it, many many things would have gone very, very differently for at least a few people I can think of.
Every one of us is a private universe that touches and is touched by every one surrounding. We are each a separate little world, constantly affected and affecting. And within the hearts of men exist those small but precious differences, upon which the fates of these worlds rest. My existence is proof of that.
.
The point to all of this? Maybe there are a few. But one of them is certainly this.
If you are truly that concerned with my opinions, then ask for them. I've found that most of the time people have been mad at me, it's been because they want my unconditional approval and aren't getting it, because they are failing to live up to the standards that they hold others to.
Also.
If someone is vaguely and publicly passive-aggressive to me, I consider it fair play to respond in kind. Because I try to take people from where they stand, showing them the same respect they show to me.
And I don't presume to demand that people I barely know accommodate my wishes by changing their behavior to suit my little feelings.
I tend to hold others to the standards that they hold others to.
That is to say, I typically get a good read on people, and I typically treat them according to their natures with the same respect they show me. If you don't get that about me, you have no idea who I am.
So I say these things with the understanding that they represent no breach of confidentiality.
So. Point. After they were married and before I was born, my mother cheated on my father. Also before I was born, she was in some Support-group Anonymous or had a therapist or something who told her to ask the people she'd wronged for forgiveness. She came clean to him. Obviously, they stayed together long enough for me and my sister to be born. They shared a house until I was 9 years old, and they never legally filed for divorce. So in their eyes, they remain married to this day.
As an adult, I found myself in a similar situation to my father. That is the reason I have an ex-wife. She wanted to make things work afterward. I was inconsolable. I told her that I knew myself well enough to know that a breach of trust had taken place, past which I was emotionally incapable of continuing our marriage. I knew that it would be a constant thorn in my side, and that I would throw it back in her face whenever it bubbled to the surface of my attention. That would not have been fair to either of us. So despite her efforts it ended, with no small bit of cruelty on my part, which I regret.
Now, if my father's mind worked like mine in this matter, I would never have been born. My sister would never have been born. The world would be in certain respects a very different place. The world would never have existed for me.
I can only imagine that, if I had had the forgiveness in my heart to salvage my first marriage, I'd probably have a couple of kids of my own right now. In fact, I'd probably be divorced anyways and paying child support for those kids, the same as my dad did for me and my sis. Come to think of it, many many things would have gone very, very differently for at least a few people I can think of.
Every one of us is a private universe that touches and is touched by every one surrounding. We are each a separate little world, constantly affected and affecting. And within the hearts of men exist those small but precious differences, upon which the fates of these worlds rest. My existence is proof of that.
.
The point to all of this? Maybe there are a few. But one of them is certainly this.
If you are truly that concerned with my opinions, then ask for them. I've found that most of the time people have been mad at me, it's been because they want my unconditional approval and aren't getting it, because they are failing to live up to the standards that they hold others to.
Also.
If someone is vaguely and publicly passive-aggressive to me, I consider it fair play to respond in kind. Because I try to take people from where they stand, showing them the same respect they show to me.
And I don't presume to demand that people I barely know accommodate my wishes by changing their behavior to suit my little feelings.