well, I would update more often...
...but not much has really happened. I'm getting antsy about OU... if it works out then the next two years of my life are much easier. If it doesn't work out, then the next year of my life is in that scary in-the-air kinda place and there's nothing I'll be able to do about it until I get back from Italy. That would put a bit of a downer on my first time in Europe. Not to mention that I will have to start paying off the student loans. I really will try to just stay over there, but that's as up-in-the-air as anything else right now. In short:
The future freaks me out.
Meanwhile, my time in Lexington is getting short. I've already said goodbye to Matt (not the gay matt I hang out with but the Matt I used to live with that I never really see and who is moving out soon then spiriting away to Holland for the summer). That made me really sad. I didn't cry or anything but like... it just hurts a lot to have to think that he and I used to be close like Jimmy and I used to be but now it's like I never see him. We hurt each other a lot I know (all the bullshit with the House and all). I only ever feel like I never moved on from that whole experience when I see him and Jimmy. That hurts me a lot to say, but it's like I only ever think about what happened when I talk to them or see them. It's not their fault, it's like a trigger or something. It was an experience I never want to have again, but one that shaped who I am very profoundly. "Regrets are just the past haunting you in the present," ~paraphrased from Felini...
I'm going to miss everyone I've grown close too, even if I'm not that close with them anymore.
*sigh*... damn emotions
Oh, and here's Feist's song 1234. It really makes me feel better...
The future freaks me out.
Meanwhile, my time in Lexington is getting short. I've already said goodbye to Matt (not the gay matt I hang out with but the Matt I used to live with that I never really see and who is moving out soon then spiriting away to Holland for the summer). That made me really sad. I didn't cry or anything but like... it just hurts a lot to have to think that he and I used to be close like Jimmy and I used to be but now it's like I never see him. We hurt each other a lot I know (all the bullshit with the House and all). I only ever feel like I never moved on from that whole experience when I see him and Jimmy. That hurts me a lot to say, but it's like I only ever think about what happened when I talk to them or see them. It's not their fault, it's like a trigger or something. It was an experience I never want to have again, but one that shaped who I am very profoundly. "Regrets are just the past haunting you in the present," ~paraphrased from Felini...
I'm going to miss everyone I've grown close too, even if I'm not that close with them anymore.
*sigh*... damn emotions
Oh, and here's Feist's song 1234. It really makes me feel better...