Coming Up
I woke this morning to the sound of my phone ringing, "shit is breaking down on a camel's back" followed by the sound of Abby knocking on my front door. "Do you want to go to lunch?" she asks me.
Sure... why not?
For the past hour I've been unloading all of my cares, fears, and worries onto my sister and Thomas. "What am I going to do about school?... This finacial aid shit is really getting to me." Let me explain further. .. At this point in time I'm not old enough to apply for financial aid without my parent's information. And I'm thinking, "how the hell am I supposed to work this out if both of my parents refuse to cooperate?" My father left when I was two months old. The only two times I've seen him, he was standing on the other side of a window, hand-cuffed, and talking to me over the phone. As far as my mother goes, she refuses to give me any information. SOOOO... . I'm up shit creek.
How the hell can I help myself if it's almost impossible to do so? At this rate, I'm going to have to walk my happy ass into the Financial Aid Office, give then the run down on my situation, and pray to God that they decide to help me. This just doesn't seem fair, but I know that life isn't fair.. believe me... I KNOW, so it looks like I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and run with it.
And if you're thinking that by writing this I want your pitty or sympathy, don't bother. I don't want your pitty, and I don't want your sympathy. I just want the opportunity to do something with my life.... with or without my parents' help.
our father who art in a penthouse
sits in his 37th floor suite
and swivels to gaze down
at the city he made me in
he allows me to stand and
solicit graffiti until
he needs the land i stand on
i in my darkened threshold
am pawing through my pockets
the receipts, the bus schedules
the matchbook phone numbers
the urgent napkin poems
all of which laundering has rendered
pulpy and strange
loose change and a key
ask me
go ahead, ask me if i care
i got the answer here
i wrote it down somewhere
i just gotta find it
i just gotta find it
somebody and their spray paint got too close
somebody came on too heavy
now look at me made ugly
by the drooling letters
i was better off alone
ain't that the way it is
they don't know the first thing
but you don't know that
until they take the first swing
my fingers are red and swollen from the cold
i'm getting bold in my old age
so go ahead, try the door
it doesn't matter anymore
i know the weakhearted are strongwilled
and we are being kept alive
until we're killed
he's up there the ice
is clinking in his glass
he sends me little pieces of paper
i don't ask
i just empty my pockets and wait
it's not fate
it's just circumstance
i don't fool myself with romance
i just live
phone number to phone number
dusting them against my thighs
in the warmth of my pockets
which whisper history incessantly
asking me
where were you
i lower my eyes
wishing i could cry more
and care less,
yes it's true,
i was trying to love someone again,
i was caught caring,
bearing weight
but i love this city, this state
this country is too large
and whoever's in charge up there
had better take the elevator down
and put more than change in our cup
or else we
are coming
up
Sure... why not?
For the past hour I've been unloading all of my cares, fears, and worries onto my sister and Thomas. "What am I going to do about school?... This finacial aid shit is really getting to me." Let me explain further. .. At this point in time I'm not old enough to apply for financial aid without my parent's information. And I'm thinking, "how the hell am I supposed to work this out if both of my parents refuse to cooperate?" My father left when I was two months old. The only two times I've seen him, he was standing on the other side of a window, hand-cuffed, and talking to me over the phone. As far as my mother goes, she refuses to give me any information. SOOOO... . I'm up shit creek.
How the hell can I help myself if it's almost impossible to do so? At this rate, I'm going to have to walk my happy ass into the Financial Aid Office, give then the run down on my situation, and pray to God that they decide to help me. This just doesn't seem fair, but I know that life isn't fair.. believe me... I KNOW, so it looks like I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and run with it.
And if you're thinking that by writing this I want your pitty or sympathy, don't bother. I don't want your pitty, and I don't want your sympathy. I just want the opportunity to do something with my life.... with or without my parents' help.
our father who art in a penthouse
sits in his 37th floor suite
and swivels to gaze down
at the city he made me in
he allows me to stand and
solicit graffiti until
he needs the land i stand on
i in my darkened threshold
am pawing through my pockets
the receipts, the bus schedules
the matchbook phone numbers
the urgent napkin poems
all of which laundering has rendered
pulpy and strange
loose change and a key
ask me
go ahead, ask me if i care
i got the answer here
i wrote it down somewhere
i just gotta find it
i just gotta find it
somebody and their spray paint got too close
somebody came on too heavy
now look at me made ugly
by the drooling letters
i was better off alone
ain't that the way it is
they don't know the first thing
but you don't know that
until they take the first swing
my fingers are red and swollen from the cold
i'm getting bold in my old age
so go ahead, try the door
it doesn't matter anymore
i know the weakhearted are strongwilled
and we are being kept alive
until we're killed
he's up there the ice
is clinking in his glass
he sends me little pieces of paper
i don't ask
i just empty my pockets and wait
it's not fate
it's just circumstance
i don't fool myself with romance
i just live
phone number to phone number
dusting them against my thighs
in the warmth of my pockets
which whisper history incessantly
asking me
where were you
i lower my eyes
wishing i could cry more
and care less,
yes it's true,
i was trying to love someone again,
i was caught caring,
bearing weight
but i love this city, this state
this country is too large
and whoever's in charge up there
had better take the elevator down
and put more than change in our cup
or else we
are coming
up