I curse thee Miami Vice...
At a friend's birthday dinner several months ago I met a girl who casually mentioned she once let a guy watch her masturbate for pills.
What I chump, I thought. Referring to myself. I had to undergo a quadruple teeth extraction for mine.
But alas, my supply is dwindling down and although there have been many pill-worthy situations as of late, I'm saving them for situations involving blood loss (mostly mine).
Uncle Sam decided to kick some love my way back in April and I've decided to throw down for some new tattoos this summer.
D, an 81-year old guy I work with has the best tattoo ever.
It's an anchor with his initials and the initials "H.Something.Something" underneath (I've been sniffing paint fumes all day and can't remember). Let's pretend it's "H.M.R."
One day D wore a t-shirt to work and I noticed his anchor.
Me: That's a nice tattoo.
D: *Makes a hand gesture which makes it look like he swatting an enormous fly*
My boss: Ask D whose initials those are.
Me: Whose initials are those D?
D: Some guy I got drunk with fifty years ago.
Dude.
Now *that* is hot.
The most not-hot tattoo I've seen (not on a website) was last spring in Dolores Park.
The guy looked like a Miami Vice reject living on a diet of nothing but cocaine and sperm and was walking around in a white unbuttoned linen shirt and a spray-on tan with the words "Keeping It Real" tattooed in 72-point script on his CHEST. Um, sir what are you keeping real? The spray-on tan or the poly-nylon blend manpris?
A close second was a few months ago. I was in my neighborhood picking up some ribs and saw this guy with a large naked squatting girl tattooed on his stomach. The weird thing was, they shared the same belly button. There has to be some meta-physical, supernatural, zen-shit behind that one.
Brain...eating itself...
Of course my dilemma is that I can't get "Keeping It Real" in script on my chest now. I curse thee Miami Vice!
I'll have to make due with "Don't Give A Fuck" in Old English.*
*Not really, hopefully pics to follow in about 3-6 months.
What I chump, I thought. Referring to myself. I had to undergo a quadruple teeth extraction for mine.
But alas, my supply is dwindling down and although there have been many pill-worthy situations as of late, I'm saving them for situations involving blood loss (mostly mine).
Uncle Sam decided to kick some love my way back in April and I've decided to throw down for some new tattoos this summer.
D, an 81-year old guy I work with has the best tattoo ever.
It's an anchor with his initials and the initials "H.Something.Something" underneath (I've been sniffing paint fumes all day and can't remember). Let's pretend it's "H.M.R."
One day D wore a t-shirt to work and I noticed his anchor.
Me: That's a nice tattoo.
D: *Makes a hand gesture which makes it look like he swatting an enormous fly*
My boss: Ask D whose initials those are.
Me: Whose initials are those D?
D: Some guy I got drunk with fifty years ago.
Dude.
Now *that* is hot.
The most not-hot tattoo I've seen (not on a website) was last spring in Dolores Park.
The guy looked like a Miami Vice reject living on a diet of nothing but cocaine and sperm and was walking around in a white unbuttoned linen shirt and a spray-on tan with the words "Keeping It Real" tattooed in 72-point script on his CHEST. Um, sir what are you keeping real? The spray-on tan or the poly-nylon blend manpris?
A close second was a few months ago. I was in my neighborhood picking up some ribs and saw this guy with a large naked squatting girl tattooed on his stomach. The weird thing was, they shared the same belly button. There has to be some meta-physical, supernatural, zen-shit behind that one.
Brain...eating itself...
Of course my dilemma is that I can't get "Keeping It Real" in script on my chest now. I curse thee Miami Vice!
I'll have to make due with "Don't Give A Fuck" in Old English.*
*Not really, hopefully pics to follow in about 3-6 months.