i'm giving up.
you used to say one day it wouldn't be a secret, and i believed it. we would get lost inside ourselves, play games with our minds and forget about the passing time. do you remember that game we played when we got drunk? trying to catch eachother falling down the stairs, but our jelly bones gave in. we were always giving in. you'd call me at 11 and we would talk for hours and you would say don't fall asleep but your voice was so soft and soothing at a time when all i needed was to be held. you were the only one who really cared. i can't explain the way your words made me feel but i know that i loved you. sleepwalking we'd skip rocks on the lake and drink my dad's beer though we hated the taste. and trouble was what we lived for, sneaking in and out of my door just to smoke a cig or get some coffee or talk about our dreams. you wanted to make games for a living. but now you're failing college and living at home, playing the things you wanted to create. you don't talk to me anymore and i guess i'm fine with that. yeah, i guess i'm fine with change and seasons and feeling alone. i've got my drugs to keep me together while you're thinking of coming around. just want you to know i won't be around much longer, i can't stand this place and the weather and everything that's not holding me together anymore. i miss the old days when you didn't phase me, we would flirt with eachother shamelessly. now you want to call and talk but i think i found someone else. you're pulling too hard.