Yet More Introspection (Sick of it yet?)
Well, I think I've figured a few things out. God knows if any of the conclusions I've come to are actually conclusions, I may wake up tomorrow and wonder what the hell I was thinking. But for the moment, I'm feeling more balanced and content with my thoughts than I have in quite a while. I hate making things so final, in a few days I'll probably read this and laugh, but for some reason, I feel like I want to write this down. Sometimes you just have to.
I love drama. I love theater. I also love art. I love art, music, writing and drama all in equal parts. I've always thought I had a one track mind, so focused in my one little area, but...I'm not. The more I look at myself, and the more I've thought about my life and my approach the world around me, all these years, I'm finally starting to realize that I am not purely interested in one area. Yes, I'm an actor, I'm a performer at heart, but I can also be a writer, or a singer, or an artist, or whatever I feel like being on any particular day.
I've been so stressed out trying to be purely a theater student. I've been wondering why I've been so unhappy in what should be the major I've always dreamed of, and now have finally realized it's because I've cut off everything else. I've been trying to just be an actor, when really, I'm a lot of things. I don't need that rigid and structured a program, I need something that will let me breath, something where I can pursue other art forms while simultaneously pursuing drama.
From the time I was a sophomore in high school, and I discovered there was a difference between a BA and a BFA, I was determined to get a BFA. For some reason, no matter how many times someone told me, I was sure that the only way I was ever going to prove myself as an actor and succeed was to get into the ridiculously structured BFA program, something that would basically eat my life for four years and leave me with nothing but drama to show for it. For some reason, I was under the impression that a BFA meant I was good and a BA meant that I wasn't. But now I've finally realized the difference. Neither program means anything, they're just meant for different people.
I want to be educated equally in drama, art, music, and writing. Call me insane, go ahead, I'll probably agree with you. I'm definitely going to regret writing this when I turn around and decide that I'm giving up on something here, even though deep down I know that I'm not, but here it is; I am going to be a BA. I think. I've been thinking about it for a long time, the idea has been spinning around in my head since at least Halloween, and I think I've finally made up my mind. I am going to be a BA in drama. I am going to be to be a BA in order to fit minors and classes in that I wouldn't be able to take otherwise. Sure, it'll be a bit weird to explain to people. College seems to be made of labels, particularly in the art department. You're either an actor, or a techy, or a musician, or an artist, or a writer, or a singer, or whatever. Very rarely are you more than one. I want to be more than one. I want to be anything I can be, and if I can be more than just an actor, than I'm going to try and do it.
This is really freeing, for some reason. I'm not sure how. I've always struggled with comparing myself to other people, maybe I've finally realized that I don't need to be other people to be happy. Maybe I've finally come to the realization that I'm not like everyone else, and that's a good thing. I don't need to be. I want to be well rounded, and I think with that in mind, I can get my act together and do it.
I think, for once in my life, I can do this.
I love drama. I love theater. I also love art. I love art, music, writing and drama all in equal parts. I've always thought I had a one track mind, so focused in my one little area, but...I'm not. The more I look at myself, and the more I've thought about my life and my approach the world around me, all these years, I'm finally starting to realize that I am not purely interested in one area. Yes, I'm an actor, I'm a performer at heart, but I can also be a writer, or a singer, or an artist, or whatever I feel like being on any particular day.
I've been so stressed out trying to be purely a theater student. I've been wondering why I've been so unhappy in what should be the major I've always dreamed of, and now have finally realized it's because I've cut off everything else. I've been trying to just be an actor, when really, I'm a lot of things. I don't need that rigid and structured a program, I need something that will let me breath, something where I can pursue other art forms while simultaneously pursuing drama.
From the time I was a sophomore in high school, and I discovered there was a difference between a BA and a BFA, I was determined to get a BFA. For some reason, no matter how many times someone told me, I was sure that the only way I was ever going to prove myself as an actor and succeed was to get into the ridiculously structured BFA program, something that would basically eat my life for four years and leave me with nothing but drama to show for it. For some reason, I was under the impression that a BFA meant I was good and a BA meant that I wasn't. But now I've finally realized the difference. Neither program means anything, they're just meant for different people.
I want to be educated equally in drama, art, music, and writing. Call me insane, go ahead, I'll probably agree with you. I'm definitely going to regret writing this when I turn around and decide that I'm giving up on something here, even though deep down I know that I'm not, but here it is; I am going to be a BA. I think. I've been thinking about it for a long time, the idea has been spinning around in my head since at least Halloween, and I think I've finally made up my mind. I am going to be a BA in drama. I am going to be to be a BA in order to fit minors and classes in that I wouldn't be able to take otherwise. Sure, it'll be a bit weird to explain to people. College seems to be made of labels, particularly in the art department. You're either an actor, or a techy, or a musician, or an artist, or a writer, or a singer, or whatever. Very rarely are you more than one. I want to be more than one. I want to be anything I can be, and if I can be more than just an actor, than I'm going to try and do it.
This is really freeing, for some reason. I'm not sure how. I've always struggled with comparing myself to other people, maybe I've finally realized that I don't need to be other people to be happy. Maybe I've finally come to the realization that I'm not like everyone else, and that's a good thing. I don't need to be. I want to be well rounded, and I think with that in mind, I can get my act together and do it.
I think, for once in my life, I can do this.