(no subject)
Title: Once upon a time, by Gregory House
Genre: Established House/Cameron, Humour
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 1,077
Spoilers: Hell yes! Lots of them up to No Reason (Season 2, ep 24)
Summary: All dialogue between House, Cameron, and a child. Why? Cos' it amuses me.
Disclaimer: I own House. No wait. Force of habit. I don't own House. If I did, the man would never get a chance to appear on his own TV show.
I also realise that Cameron may be a tad bit OOC here, but hey, she's been with House long enough. Also, if I've made you amused just a bit, please leave a comment. It makes me oh-so-happy.
---------------------------------
“Once upon a time, there was a cranky old man - a good-looking but cranky old man.”
“There’s no pwince?”
“Okay fine. There was a cranky old man prince, who happened to be a doctor. Hmm, now would that be Doctor Prince or Prince Doctor? Curious… anyway, he was perfectly happy to be miserable and cranky until a young hot princess came along, and I mean HOT with the nicest a…”
“GREG!!!! What type of story are you telling him?!”
“A fairy tale. The standard, cranky old man prince doctor, and young hot princess doctor… with a nice… apple.”
“… don’t listen to him. Don’t turn out like him.”
“I wike the stowy! More, pwease?”
“See, Allison? How can you interrupt a poor kid’s story like that? Anyway, this hot young princess was really hot for the cranky old prince’s body, and who could blame her?”
“GREG.”
“It’s MY story.”
“Don’t listen to him. The princess went through a bout of temporary insanity and hmm, I don’t suppose you’ve learned those words yet. Okay, the princess was crazy and OW! Did you just pinch my a-… apple, GREG?!”
“Hush. It would be wrong to corrupt the children this way. Don’t pay attention to her bad manners, okay? I’ll just have to discipline her after. Now, where were we? The princess, who was clearly hot for doctor… the doctor was old and cranky, and didn’t want a princess. He was perfectly happy with his life. There were other hot chicks in the palace, and they didn’t make him feel like a dirty old man.”
“You are a dirty old man, Greg.”
“Stop interrupting! Children are sensitive at this age, and twenty years from now, when little Benny boy is seeing a shrink, he will say that it all stemmed from an overzealous nut, namely you, interrupting, a fantastic story about manhood and fairytales and such.”
“… his name isn’t Benny. It’s…”
“Whatever. Can I continue with the story? Whoever wants ME to continue with the story about the hot princess and the cranky old prince please raise your hand? Good boy. Here’s your cookie. So, the dirty old man put up a bit of a fight. He had a harem you see…”
“GREG!!!”
“You really are a spoilsport, Allison. Ruining poor old Timmy’s fun…”
“His name isn't Timmy!"
“Right. So fine, the cranky doctor had these two other guys that were working for him, besides the hot princess. One was a kangaroo, and the other was a n…”
“GREG!!!! DON’T YOU DARE…”
“A neat freak. Tsk tsk. You’re getting so upset for no reason, Allison. Doesn’t she look like she’s ready to explode? Tell her to calm down, kiddo.”
“Cawm down!”
“My story… stop looking at me like this, Allison. There is a child in the room. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to scandalize him this way. He’s far too young for the… okay fine. The story. So the kangaroo and the hot princess dated around for a bit…”
“There was no date!!!”
“Just mindless se-”
“THERE WAS NO SEX!!!!”
“Remember what I told you about liars, Bobby? Pants on fire and all… hmm, not sure about the fire part but those pants are making her look HOT. And forget that you heard her use a bad word okay?”
“Okay.”
“Reaching for those cookies again? Ah, you’re just as insatiable as Allison is. So the hot princess broke the kangaroo’s heart, and he wasn’t hopping around properly. Then, the cranky old prince had to have surgery.”
“... why?”
“Hmm, well a bad man came and shot him. Mean old man. Even meaner than the prince. So while he was sleeping, a really hot witch made him all better with medicine, except the cranky old prince wasn’t sure what to do anymore now that his leg wasn’t making him miserable. And the young hot princess came along, and took advantage of him while he was recovering in ICU.”
“I DID NOT!!!”
“Tell her, Kenny…”
“Wiar Wiar, pants on fire!”
“It was just a kiss. You were supposed to be asleep.”
“Oh oh oh, with all that ton…”
“Gregory House!!!”
“Oh stop that. Don’t call me by my full name when you know full well it turns me on. Not in front of the k-i-d, okay? Tongans I was about to say…”
“That’s not even a word.”
“Sure, it is. Inhabitants of Tonga are known as Tongans. Please, Danny boy, do not use her manners as an example okay? So my story… with all the Tongans. The cranky old prince was surprised because she said she’d given up on him a while ago.”
“I did not say that.”
“Uh, yes you did. I was there. I should know this. And who said you were the princess anyway? So now, the cranky old prince didn’t have his leg as an excuse anymore, and the princess was OH SO HOT, what with wearing her low-cut tops…”
“I was not!”
“You have to forgive her. She’s just cranky because I wouldn’t meet her in exam room one earlier, for an examination. … if you know what I mean.”
“… GREG…”
“You make it so hard for an old man, Allison. All these constant demands on my body. ‘Oh please, Greg. PLEASE'.”
“GREG!!!”
“Just like that too. So may I finish my story please? The cranky old prince gave up. She was hot, and he supposed he kinda liked her too, especially when she was wearing hot red dresses. And so they lived happily ever after. The end.”
“… Greg, Jr.’s asleep.”
“I know! Amazing what a good story will do!”
“… Jr.’s NEVER asleep this quickly. … what did you put in those cookies?”
“If you’re suggesting I would put some sort of sleeping aid in there, you’re seriously mistaken. I could never harm a child.”
“… even if it was Wilson’s?”
“Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“… so about that happily ever after part…”
“… how about a so happy you could scream out loud instead? Kid’s out cold. Wilson and Cuddy aren’t due back for another 45 minutes or so.”
“Greg, Jr.’s sleeping in here!”
“Oh, fine. We’ll christen their kitchen counter instead. God only knows we’ve done it everywhere else.”
“… while you’re at it Greg…”
“Hmmm?”
“Think of what you’d like to christen OUR child. … Greg? Greg??”
---------------------------------
Note: I have NO idea what sleeping aids House could possibly use that wouldn't harm a child, but let's assume for the sake of my story that such a drug exists, and does NOT harm a child. :D Also, using the word "sex" in front a child is somewhat debatable, but adults DO slip up, and it's not the end of the world... and it IS Greg House babysitting XD
Genre: Established House/Cameron, Humour
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 1,077
Spoilers: Hell yes! Lots of them up to No Reason (Season 2, ep 24)
Summary: All dialogue between House, Cameron, and a child. Why? Cos' it amuses me.
Disclaimer: I own House. No wait. Force of habit. I don't own House. If I did, the man would never get a chance to appear on his own TV show.
I also realise that Cameron may be a tad bit OOC here, but hey, she's been with House long enough. Also, if I've made you amused just a bit, please leave a comment. It makes me oh-so-happy.
---------------------------------
“Once upon a time, there was a cranky old man - a good-looking but cranky old man.”
“There’s no pwince?”
“Okay fine. There was a cranky old man prince, who happened to be a doctor. Hmm, now would that be Doctor Prince or Prince Doctor? Curious… anyway, he was perfectly happy to be miserable and cranky until a young hot princess came along, and I mean HOT with the nicest a…”
“GREG!!!! What type of story are you telling him?!”
“A fairy tale. The standard, cranky old man prince doctor, and young hot princess doctor… with a nice… apple.”
“… don’t listen to him. Don’t turn out like him.”
“I wike the stowy! More, pwease?”
“See, Allison? How can you interrupt a poor kid’s story like that? Anyway, this hot young princess was really hot for the cranky old prince’s body, and who could blame her?”
“GREG.”
“It’s MY story.”
“Don’t listen to him. The princess went through a bout of temporary insanity and hmm, I don’t suppose you’ve learned those words yet. Okay, the princess was crazy and OW! Did you just pinch my a-… apple, GREG?!”
“Hush. It would be wrong to corrupt the children this way. Don’t pay attention to her bad manners, okay? I’ll just have to discipline her after. Now, where were we? The princess, who was clearly hot for doctor… the doctor was old and cranky, and didn’t want a princess. He was perfectly happy with his life. There were other hot chicks in the palace, and they didn’t make him feel like a dirty old man.”
“You are a dirty old man, Greg.”
“Stop interrupting! Children are sensitive at this age, and twenty years from now, when little Benny boy is seeing a shrink, he will say that it all stemmed from an overzealous nut, namely you, interrupting, a fantastic story about manhood and fairytales and such.”
“… his name isn’t Benny. It’s…”
“Whatever. Can I continue with the story? Whoever wants ME to continue with the story about the hot princess and the cranky old prince please raise your hand? Good boy. Here’s your cookie. So, the dirty old man put up a bit of a fight. He had a harem you see…”
“GREG!!!”
“You really are a spoilsport, Allison. Ruining poor old Timmy’s fun…”
“His name isn't Timmy!"
“Right. So fine, the cranky doctor had these two other guys that were working for him, besides the hot princess. One was a kangaroo, and the other was a n…”
“GREG!!!! DON’T YOU DARE…”
“A neat freak. Tsk tsk. You’re getting so upset for no reason, Allison. Doesn’t she look like she’s ready to explode? Tell her to calm down, kiddo.”
“Cawm down!”
“My story… stop looking at me like this, Allison. There is a child in the room. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to scandalize him this way. He’s far too young for the… okay fine. The story. So the kangaroo and the hot princess dated around for a bit…”
“There was no date!!!”
“Just mindless se-”
“THERE WAS NO SEX!!!!”
“Remember what I told you about liars, Bobby? Pants on fire and all… hmm, not sure about the fire part but those pants are making her look HOT. And forget that you heard her use a bad word okay?”
“Okay.”
“Reaching for those cookies again? Ah, you’re just as insatiable as Allison is. So the hot princess broke the kangaroo’s heart, and he wasn’t hopping around properly. Then, the cranky old prince had to have surgery.”
“... why?”
“Hmm, well a bad man came and shot him. Mean old man. Even meaner than the prince. So while he was sleeping, a really hot witch made him all better with medicine, except the cranky old prince wasn’t sure what to do anymore now that his leg wasn’t making him miserable. And the young hot princess came along, and took advantage of him while he was recovering in ICU.”
“I DID NOT!!!”
“Tell her, Kenny…”
“Wiar Wiar, pants on fire!”
“It was just a kiss. You were supposed to be asleep.”
“Oh oh oh, with all that ton…”
“Gregory House!!!”
“Oh stop that. Don’t call me by my full name when you know full well it turns me on. Not in front of the k-i-d, okay? Tongans I was about to say…”
“That’s not even a word.”
“Sure, it is. Inhabitants of Tonga are known as Tongans. Please, Danny boy, do not use her manners as an example okay? So my story… with all the Tongans. The cranky old prince was surprised because she said she’d given up on him a while ago.”
“I did not say that.”
“Uh, yes you did. I was there. I should know this. And who said you were the princess anyway? So now, the cranky old prince didn’t have his leg as an excuse anymore, and the princess was OH SO HOT, what with wearing her low-cut tops…”
“I was not!”
“You have to forgive her. She’s just cranky because I wouldn’t meet her in exam room one earlier, for an examination. … if you know what I mean.”
“… GREG…”
“You make it so hard for an old man, Allison. All these constant demands on my body. ‘Oh please, Greg. PLEASE'.”
“GREG!!!”
“Just like that too. So may I finish my story please? The cranky old prince gave up. She was hot, and he supposed he kinda liked her too, especially when she was wearing hot red dresses. And so they lived happily ever after. The end.”
“… Greg, Jr.’s asleep.”
“I know! Amazing what a good story will do!”
“… Jr.’s NEVER asleep this quickly. … what did you put in those cookies?”
“If you’re suggesting I would put some sort of sleeping aid in there, you’re seriously mistaken. I could never harm a child.”
“… even if it was Wilson’s?”
“Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“… so about that happily ever after part…”
“… how about a so happy you could scream out loud instead? Kid’s out cold. Wilson and Cuddy aren’t due back for another 45 minutes or so.”
“Greg, Jr.’s sleeping in here!”
“Oh, fine. We’ll christen their kitchen counter instead. God only knows we’ve done it everywhere else.”
“… while you’re at it Greg…”
“Hmmm?”
“Think of what you’d like to christen OUR child. … Greg? Greg??”
---------------------------------
Note: I have NO idea what sleeping aids House could possibly use that wouldn't harm a child, but let's assume for the sake of my story that such a drug exists, and does NOT harm a child. :D Also, using the word "sex" in front a child is somewhat debatable, but adults DO slip up, and it's not the end of the world... and it IS Greg House babysitting XD