Okay, not sure if I ever posted this fic up but man, I used to write decent snark. *wonders where it all went*
Yet another House fic dug from the dredges of my work laptop. It's SUPER short and not really finished either XD
It came as no surprise to Cameron, but plenty to everyone else. In House’s case, he’d wanted to sneak out earlier, and Cuddy had been more persistent than usual, insisting that he fulfill his monthly quota for clinic hours when he discovered something unusual.
His bike was not where it was supposed to be.
He supposed it was rather comical because there he stood, with his jaw hanging loose, and just staring there in shock.
“That’s a rare sight. You not talking,” Wilson commented dryly.
There was a brief grin on House’s face at the wince that the younger doctor made when his shins were whacked. “My bike is missing, and I bet I know who took it. Foreman’s going to be in trouble if he’s joyriding with his homies.”
While rubbing his leg, he glared at House. “I just saw Foreman on my way here. He said he was going to check on a patient.”
“You do remember that Foreman is the black one, right?”
“I know your underlings, House. Foreman didn’t steal your bike.”
“Well, why not? Isn’t it worth of stealing?”
Finally straightening himself up, Wilson shook his head. “Are you actually offended that Foreman didn’t steal your bike?”
“It’s a damn nice bike. Anyone would want it. All that power between your legs. Oooooh, now I get it. That wombat stole it.”
“Didn’t the … wombat sleep with Cameron?”
House’s lips twisted in disgust for one second. “And that’s a good way to prove one’s heterosexuality, sleeping with someone who’s high as a kite.”
The other man snorted. “You’re just jealous.”
“That Cameron got to sleep with that kangaroo? Uh, not quite.”
“You know what I mean, Greg.”
“Actually, I don’t. Please explain to me because I’m sooooo confused, and need enlightenment about relationships from someone who has divorced THREE times. Tell me, do you get frequent user cards from the lawyers now?”
Wilson grinned. “Relationship? With Cameron? Getting serious are we?”
“Shut up. I just went out with her a couple of times…”
There was a cough. “Try fifteen times.”
“Slept over a few times. A meal and sex costs less than getting a hooker you know.”
“When was the last time you made nice and had conversation, huh?” At House’s affronted look, Wilson grinned even wider. “Nurses talk you know, and you know who they talk to.”
“It’s not a relationship. We’re… friends.”
“Well, I’m your friend and I don’t get that type of privilege.”
House gasped mockingly. “Wilson, you feel that way about me? I never knew.” He batted his lashes.
“I am NOT gay.”
He tapped his chin. “It does explain why you keep trying so hard to score with women, and why you’re divorced so many times. And that hospital rumour that keeps going around…”
“I am NOT… wait, what hospital rumour?”
Whatever House had been about to say was interrupted by a familiar, noisy roar of an engine. “My snookums!” he cried.
Wilson was about to repeat his question when he saw a small figure riding the bike fluidly. Beside him, House seemed to have lost his tongue somewhere in his throat. Unable to help himself, he retorted, “Giving each other pet names already?”
“Cameron?!”
The bike came to a smooth halt before the engine was turned out. She dismounted with lithe grace, pulling the helmet off and both men watched as her hair tumbled down.
“Close your mouth, Greg. You’re going to catch flies that way,” Cameron said with a brilliant smile.
“A-Allison? My bike?”
“We’re having an illicit affair. We were going to run off into the sunset, but someone convinced me to come back. Besides, did you know that your bike isn’t even worth three grand in the market? Foreman told me that it was the best price he could get.”
Tucking the helmet under her arm, she shook a little bag at him. “Got some interesting stuff to process for the latest case by the way. Thanks for loaning me the bike.” Looking at Wilson, she added for his explanation, “My car is in the shop.”
House looked cross-eyed at this point. “When…”
She leaned over, grinning wickedly, and saying it loud enough so Wilson could hear it. “This morning, while I was doing that thing you liked…”
His eyes glazed over. The younger male looked over curiously.
“By the way, did you want to rent that U-Haul or did I for this weekend’s move?”
Wilson snorted. House still looked like he was stuck in some perverted dream.
“Oh-kay. Guess I will rent the U-Haul. Men.” She stared at Wilson expectantly.
“What?”
“You know what this means, right?”
“That you and House are in a relationship?”
She wagged a finger at him. “No more casting puppy dog eyes at him.”
“WHAT?!”
House snapped out of it long enough to snort. “Told you so.”
Note to self: Finish VAuMP. -.-