Gut Feelings
I would have to say that summer is my favorite part of the year. I don't have to go to school, and I don't have a real job this summer, so I don't have to worry about being somewhere doing something that I don't really feel like doing all day, which therefore allows me to basically do whatever I want. Indeed summer is amazing, but over the past few days, and at the tail end of last summer, I keep getting this sinking feeling in my gut. What it is, I have no idea, but I know that I don't like it. At all.
Maybe it's because I'm starting college in the fall, and I'll officially be on my own without my family just a few minutes away to comfort me when the going gets tough, or maybe it's because I'll be leaving all of my friends, and I'm going have to start over everything that I've done within the past four years. Yes, that has to be part of it. I already miss many of my friends even though I haven't left them yet. (Well, except Laura because she's already out in North Dakota doing her thing and rockin' its ass!) Needless to say, thinking about the fact that I'll have no friends once I get to Missouri, and that I'll have to start making new friends all over again seems too surreal. I mean, it wasn't that I didn't find friends in high school rather promptly, and it wasn't like it was that hard to find my friends, but remembering that feeling of knowing absolutely no one the first several weeks of school is horrific to me.
And I know, I'm not the only person who is going off to college in fall. And I know, just about everyone of you who are reading this right now have already gone through this process. And I can completely and totally understand if you want to bash my brains in right now because I'm being such a wimp, but please understand that this is just how I feel, and this is just me putting down my feeling into writing.
I know that I'll be fine going off to college, and I know that I'll make plenty of new friends. Am I just afraid of what's going to happen, or that I won't make any new friends? I'm not sure to tell the truth. Whatever I'm afraid of doesn't really matter; the feeling is still there and it's still bothering me. I'm sure I'm jumping on my high horses, but alas, when aren't I on my high horses?
I just need to stop thinking.
Maybe it's because I'm starting college in the fall, and I'll officially be on my own without my family just a few minutes away to comfort me when the going gets tough, or maybe it's because I'll be leaving all of my friends, and I'm going have to start over everything that I've done within the past four years. Yes, that has to be part of it. I already miss many of my friends even though I haven't left them yet. (Well, except Laura because she's already out in North Dakota doing her thing and rockin' its ass!) Needless to say, thinking about the fact that I'll have no friends once I get to Missouri, and that I'll have to start making new friends all over again seems too surreal. I mean, it wasn't that I didn't find friends in high school rather promptly, and it wasn't like it was that hard to find my friends, but remembering that feeling of knowing absolutely no one the first several weeks of school is horrific to me.
And I know, I'm not the only person who is going off to college in fall. And I know, just about everyone of you who are reading this right now have already gone through this process. And I can completely and totally understand if you want to bash my brains in right now because I'm being such a wimp, but please understand that this is just how I feel, and this is just me putting down my feeling into writing.
I know that I'll be fine going off to college, and I know that I'll make plenty of new friends. Am I just afraid of what's going to happen, or that I won't make any new friends? I'm not sure to tell the truth. Whatever I'm afraid of doesn't really matter; the feeling is still there and it's still bothering me. I'm sure I'm jumping on my high horses, but alas, when aren't I on my high horses?
I just need to stop thinking.