free range kids

[threadwalker]

yoinked from fulguritus Thank you!

An LA TIMES article questioning the fact that the current parenting norm is not to let kids out of our sight- that people are outraged by a parent promoting a kid doing something independently

Comments

[threadwalker]

Of course, the devil is in the details...just how dangerous the neighborhood is and how old the child is. Yes.

Thing is, I think our idea bout how dangerous a neighborhood (or rather a series of public places) is is exaggerated. I recently heard someone attributing this to news drama- one kid or two in a year in the US has something crazy happen to them and it's all over the news, sometimes for years. It makes it feel like kids get kidnapped or killed right in the backyard all the time.

Sexual predation is a different thing though... but to be fair that's usually people known to the kid and family- often it is the family (or stepparents).

Of course what makes me sad about the heightened fear about sexual predators the kid/family may know is the fact that every teacher, friend, etc. is potentially suspect. It means that goofy playful people who like children or dedicated get looked at with suspicion in any case where they might be alone with a kid. Or things like teaching where it's nearly impossible to teach art history without showing nudes in some form- go ahead, try Classical Greek sculpture. Now you have to be careful that a parent or administrator isn't going to accuse you of sexual predation for showing "porn" if a kid sees a nude in an art history book or a museum.

I think it's all about checking in with the kid, making the kid aware of sexual predation and what it is so they can recognize it (or warning signs)and report it or act against it.

I'm of the view that you cannot always be there, you cannot always %100 trust every person or situation your kid will encounter. that means you're better off training the kid to be capable on their own (which is a good thing no matter what) and letting them exercise that training in real life. Then when you aren't there they have a clue how to respond.

[catachthonian]

Yeah, the horrible thing about sexual abuse is that it's both under-reported and over-reported. My mom has worked as a therapist with kids that were abused, and she's also worked with at least one child who was manipulated by a classmate and by incompetent (other) therapists to falsely accuse her father of sexually abusing her.

I always felt safe in San Francisco, but the city I live in now is famous for violent crime, and people who have been here longer than I have say it's a patchwork of safer and more dangerous areas, and sometimes just being a block or two over can make a big difference. So, I'm fairly cautious about where and when I walk, even as an adult and an experienced urbanite.

On the other hand, my parents will tell you that as a child I was probably more reluctant to risk my safety than they were!

Anyway, I agree that creative play and training in self-reliance are crucial for kids. It's rather obvious from this and many other journal posts of yours that you're going to be an awesome mom!

[threadwalker]

at least one child who was manipulated by a classmate and by incompetent (other) therapists to falsely accuse her father of sexually abusing her.

yeah- more creepy stuff. Or kids who realize that labeling someone is a source of power over their parents/teachers/whatever and will accuse people they are mad at. My dad had a teenage girl who had a crush on him do that when he kept avoiding her and telling her no.

Yes- better and worse neighborhoods, careful lines make it tricky- it's all situation by situation, kid by kid. It's just the general outrage when a parent gives their kid freedom/choice/responsibility without factoring those things in- always heading for the lowest common denominator (assume the least competent child possible, the most dangerous situation).