"Things I've learned" repost w/ additions
It's mostly the one I posted a while back... but I've continued to add to it. :)
Things I've Learned... and frequently need to be reminded of.
Your "enemy" is not your enemy, they are your uke, your sparring partner (Sensei Copping). They are there to show you your own weakness. Appreciate them for what they teach you. You can change yourself in how you deal with others, learn from your uke and grow. You cannot count on changing others.
You can be an artist, dedicated to you art, and still have love and good relationships. Likewise for dedication to one's career, whatever it may be.
You can be in a romantic relationship where neither person has to compromise who they are.
Even strangers care. Not all of them, but there are plenty who do.
If people don't like you for being the person that you feel good about being, they are not people that you need to care about the personal opinions of, and certainly not people you want as "friends". Never change for them. When you are the self that you are happy to be, the people you really want to know will be drawn to it. On the other hand if they reveal parts of you that you yourself don't like they are doing you a favor in showing you where you need to work on yourself.
In travel (hopefully) you look at places fresh, expecting to learn and see different things, and meet new and interesting people. When you do this, travel can make you expand and grow.
You can do this when you walk down your own street, and usually learn as much- it's just a shift in perspective, and a willingness to explore your own backyard.
People's emotional and physical pain are often twined around each other. Taking care of your body helps you take care of your soul, and vice versa. Exercising your body helps wake up your mind, dislodges pain, and helps you breathe more freely.
Sometimes the things one is most desperately clinging to are the things we most need to let go of. If an action is desperate, it may come out of fear, and fear is not what should be driving your life. If you can let it go and sit with it and understand it (be it a person, idea, job, whatever) and think past it being in your life, you can make a more genuine relationship with it, not based in fear.
If you find that fear (not common caution or self preservation) is a motivation for any action, stop in your tracks and examine it. Don't let it drive your actions- it doesn't help.
"Pain is your teacher" (Sensei Copping). It's your warning signal, it's there to stop you setting your hands on fire. Listen to it, learn from it, but don't fear it. You can always decide to use hot mitts rather than run from stoves.
"You don't fight fire with fire, you fight fire with water" (Sensei). Conflict breeds more conflict. There is usually a trick way that avoids conflict. It doesn't have to be utterly passive, but there are better ways to deal with conflict than to meet it in kind. Use your mind and every other ability you've got.
Look for a criminal in a person, you find it, look for the child their mother held, and you will find that. Everyone was someone's baby. There is value and potential in everyone. What you see and interact with encourages that part of them.
To be asked for help or comfort is a gift of trust.
To live a life where the big event of the day is the first flower of spring showing is a testimony to fully appreciating life, not living in a boring place.
When depressed, keep moving.
“Even monkeys sometimes fall out of trees”. Don’t beat yourself up for not getting everything right all of the time- even the things you’re used to being good at.
Boredom is a sign of lack of imagination or not paying attention to what is around you. An active mind never needs to be bored- the world has far too much of interest.
Never forget to value what you have in your life. If you can, go find a situation where you can be without a lot of what you have. See what you really value and appreciate. I learned just how much I valued good conversation with a sweet, intelligent friend on a lovely day through living through a winter without people. It blew my mind.
Most people never look up.
Smiling at people and treating them like human beings can make all the difference to them in the world. I didn't know how much until I worked in a bagel shop for a summer and was treated like a machine all day. The one customer who came in and smiled and said "good morning" kept me going. I can only imagine what it must be like to be a janitor for life.
When you feel a disproportionate dislike for a person (or sometimes even an idea), it is very often some unresolved issue you have with yourself that you see in them. Maybe they display a fault that you see in yourself and have not eradicated and you can't bear to see it- or maybe they display a trait you wish you had, but do not feel you do. When you feel a disproportionate dislike (especially for someone you hardly know), that person is your mirror. Let it teach you where to work on yourself rather than taking out your self-anger on them.
"Remember to breathe".
So much of what you experience comes from what part of the world in front of you choose to see (and it can be a choice). When you see the people around you as shallow, and dismiss them, your interactions with them (if any) will tend to be shallow. If you determine a place is boring, you will not seek to have fun there. When you look for the good bits, you can find them. When you look for opportunities, you are in a place to pounce on them.
On the flip side, be careful of desperation. If you are desperate to see something, you might make it up. Keep your feet.
There is nothing to stop you from playing like a child.
Old age does not have to mean inactivity. If you keep moving, and keep following a purpose, age goes lightly (witness, my grandfather- 89 and still downhill skiing and traveling the world pursuing his life work).
"Nice is different from good". Especially in relationships.
Do not hesitate to show appreciation. There's no reason not to, and it breeds.
Do not hesitate to do the things you dream of. The opportunity may not be there the next day.
If you don't see the way to get to your goals, build one.
Brains need exercise as much as your muscles do. Keeping in shape keeps you vital even as you get older.
If it still bothers you to think of something, don't bury it or deny it. That it still bothers you is a sign that there is something more to learn. Sometimes the things you bury are land-mines that need careful disassembly before some unwitting person steps on them.
When you open yourself honestly to someone while at the same time being solid and strong in yourself (not throwing your weight onto them) they will generally treat that with respect and often do the same (this has proven true for me even with people who were in the act of attacking me). If you do it in desperation, as an attack, or burden them it depends a lot more on the other person as to their reaction, and it’s less likely to be either healthy or positive.
Your attitude towards a task will transform it from work to play and vice versa. The things we do as "hobbies" and pay to do were once considered labor.
Reversing one’s opinions/actions from hostility towards kindness, understanding, mercy or compassion should never be embarrassing. If you made a mistake in the first place, all the better to fix it.
When you truly accept yourself it is amazing how accepting of other people one becomes.
Empty Your Cup (Zen Story). When you think you know about something, you leave no room to learn about it. There seems to be a lot of this behavior in academic circles, which is terribly ironic.
That you understood something in the past, that you could do something in the past is not the same as understanding or doing that now. It's amazing what we can forget, the skills we can lose, and the condition of body mind and humanity that can slide.
When something is important, maintain it. Do not expect it to simply be there as you last left it.
Things I've Learned... and frequently need to be reminded of.
Your "enemy" is not your enemy, they are your uke, your sparring partner (Sensei Copping). They are there to show you your own weakness. Appreciate them for what they teach you. You can change yourself in how you deal with others, learn from your uke and grow. You cannot count on changing others.
You can be an artist, dedicated to you art, and still have love and good relationships. Likewise for dedication to one's career, whatever it may be.
You can be in a romantic relationship where neither person has to compromise who they are.
Even strangers care. Not all of them, but there are plenty who do.
If people don't like you for being the person that you feel good about being, they are not people that you need to care about the personal opinions of, and certainly not people you want as "friends". Never change for them. When you are the self that you are happy to be, the people you really want to know will be drawn to it. On the other hand if they reveal parts of you that you yourself don't like they are doing you a favor in showing you where you need to work on yourself.
In travel (hopefully) you look at places fresh, expecting to learn and see different things, and meet new and interesting people. When you do this, travel can make you expand and grow.
You can do this when you walk down your own street, and usually learn as much- it's just a shift in perspective, and a willingness to explore your own backyard.
People's emotional and physical pain are often twined around each other. Taking care of your body helps you take care of your soul, and vice versa. Exercising your body helps wake up your mind, dislodges pain, and helps you breathe more freely.
Sometimes the things one is most desperately clinging to are the things we most need to let go of. If an action is desperate, it may come out of fear, and fear is not what should be driving your life. If you can let it go and sit with it and understand it (be it a person, idea, job, whatever) and think past it being in your life, you can make a more genuine relationship with it, not based in fear.
If you find that fear (not common caution or self preservation) is a motivation for any action, stop in your tracks and examine it. Don't let it drive your actions- it doesn't help.
"Pain is your teacher" (Sensei Copping). It's your warning signal, it's there to stop you setting your hands on fire. Listen to it, learn from it, but don't fear it. You can always decide to use hot mitts rather than run from stoves.
"You don't fight fire with fire, you fight fire with water" (Sensei). Conflict breeds more conflict. There is usually a trick way that avoids conflict. It doesn't have to be utterly passive, but there are better ways to deal with conflict than to meet it in kind. Use your mind and every other ability you've got.
Look for a criminal in a person, you find it, look for the child their mother held, and you will find that. Everyone was someone's baby. There is value and potential in everyone. What you see and interact with encourages that part of them.
To be asked for help or comfort is a gift of trust.
To live a life where the big event of the day is the first flower of spring showing is a testimony to fully appreciating life, not living in a boring place.
When depressed, keep moving.
“Even monkeys sometimes fall out of trees”. Don’t beat yourself up for not getting everything right all of the time- even the things you’re used to being good at.
Boredom is a sign of lack of imagination or not paying attention to what is around you. An active mind never needs to be bored- the world has far too much of interest.
Never forget to value what you have in your life. If you can, go find a situation where you can be without a lot of what you have. See what you really value and appreciate. I learned just how much I valued good conversation with a sweet, intelligent friend on a lovely day through living through a winter without people. It blew my mind.
Most people never look up.
Smiling at people and treating them like human beings can make all the difference to them in the world. I didn't know how much until I worked in a bagel shop for a summer and was treated like a machine all day. The one customer who came in and smiled and said "good morning" kept me going. I can only imagine what it must be like to be a janitor for life.
When you feel a disproportionate dislike for a person (or sometimes even an idea), it is very often some unresolved issue you have with yourself that you see in them. Maybe they display a fault that you see in yourself and have not eradicated and you can't bear to see it- or maybe they display a trait you wish you had, but do not feel you do. When you feel a disproportionate dislike (especially for someone you hardly know), that person is your mirror. Let it teach you where to work on yourself rather than taking out your self-anger on them.
"Remember to breathe".
So much of what you experience comes from what part of the world in front of you choose to see (and it can be a choice). When you see the people around you as shallow, and dismiss them, your interactions with them (if any) will tend to be shallow. If you determine a place is boring, you will not seek to have fun there. When you look for the good bits, you can find them. When you look for opportunities, you are in a place to pounce on them.
On the flip side, be careful of desperation. If you are desperate to see something, you might make it up. Keep your feet.
There is nothing to stop you from playing like a child.
Old age does not have to mean inactivity. If you keep moving, and keep following a purpose, age goes lightly (witness, my grandfather- 89 and still downhill skiing and traveling the world pursuing his life work).
"Nice is different from good". Especially in relationships.
Do not hesitate to show appreciation. There's no reason not to, and it breeds.
Do not hesitate to do the things you dream of. The opportunity may not be there the next day.
If you don't see the way to get to your goals, build one.
Brains need exercise as much as your muscles do. Keeping in shape keeps you vital even as you get older.
If it still bothers you to think of something, don't bury it or deny it. That it still bothers you is a sign that there is something more to learn. Sometimes the things you bury are land-mines that need careful disassembly before some unwitting person steps on them.
When you open yourself honestly to someone while at the same time being solid and strong in yourself (not throwing your weight onto them) they will generally treat that with respect and often do the same (this has proven true for me even with people who were in the act of attacking me). If you do it in desperation, as an attack, or burden them it depends a lot more on the other person as to their reaction, and it’s less likely to be either healthy or positive.
Your attitude towards a task will transform it from work to play and vice versa. The things we do as "hobbies" and pay to do were once considered labor.
Reversing one’s opinions/actions from hostility towards kindness, understanding, mercy or compassion should never be embarrassing. If you made a mistake in the first place, all the better to fix it.
When you truly accept yourself it is amazing how accepting of other people one becomes.
Empty Your Cup (Zen Story). When you think you know about something, you leave no room to learn about it. There seems to be a lot of this behavior in academic circles, which is terribly ironic.
That you understood something in the past, that you could do something in the past is not the same as understanding or doing that now. It's amazing what we can forget, the skills we can lose, and the condition of body mind and humanity that can slide.
When something is important, maintain it. Do not expect it to simply be there as you last left it.