Never gonna get to sleep
Every time I want to go off to bed, I think of something else to write about...
But I was looking through my LJ of olde (with the 'e') and started getting a bit sad.
Posts about my sister's wedding last year.. about..well.. various stuff in the past. I dunno... you know, a while back (ref: http://www.livejournal.com/users/thray/9896.html) I wrote about my girlfriend at the time. I won't go into any more detail than I did then (especially since now I know she's listening in cuz I'm on her friends list O.o) but..
It annoys the hell out of me that I still miss her. I've even had a gf since her.. I just couldn't really get into it. Actually, she liked some other guy who was avoiding her so I was her escape, and she was my excuse to make people at school stop thinking I'm gay.
Anyway, yeah. Good times when I had posted last. Things are a bit more hectic now. I guess the previous was a segue into a brief rundown of events in my life. Here it comes, I can FEEL it:
- My cousin: I have a cousin who I've always looked up to. She used to be not very good at all with computers or anything, and about the time I was getting interested I noticed her getting interested. At first, I knew more than her (I felt 1337 indeed showing the n00b my NZ account without a banner). Since then, she's gotten very good. While I focused on programming and gaming.. she's been out there learning networking, and how stuff works. Probly couldn't program anything save with HTML... Well, she has been diagnosed with bone cancer. I am not quite sure how to react to that. I am sad, sure, but.. I don't know. It feels more like foreshadowing on my own life. I feel confident she'll get better, she just today went to Houston to get treatment.
- My family: We are pretty stable. My sister has gotten pregnant since her wedding around this time last year, and is scheduled to give birth to little Miss Elise Michelle Rochet sometime in late February of next year (actually a leap year baby). The rest of us are under a bit of a financial strain... hell, even I still have no job. But I hope that will work out. After all, we aren't exactly poor either... we just can only afford the bills we have. But keep in mind that those bills include my computer and cable internet and this house, and food so I'm fine.
- My friends: I am a bit more stable socially this year than last or the year before that. I have people I would consider friends, etc. I don't get along with everyone, but I don't seem to feel that anyone has a true problem with me or vice versa as of this moment. At least no one that I see at all. Online, my number of friends has grown a bit. Met a few people via running IRC.AlgolX.net (though I haven't really 'run' it. I use the term in a loose sense, like... its my JOB to run it, but I don't REALLY run it) etc. Ark left AlgolX for a while, still comes on sporadically. Bothers me a bit.. I used to consider him a best friend. I mean, I'm not saying I'll hate someone for leaving my channel but he's told me nothing as to why. It bothers me is all.
- My aspirations: As mentioned, I am starting a new Knowledge Base project. As well, I am working on IRC.AlgolX.Net. Also, of course, is school. At this rate, with my crappy 1.9 GPA, I'll end up in a community college trying to prove to them that I can reach my potential in the proper setting. As it is, the proper setting is not high school as I find it hard to care about anything going on there. Eh.
- My mood: I'm on drugs now, whoopee. Erm.. the prescribed kind. For.. OCD or someuch. Yeah, I'm obsessive compulsive but anyone who has known me for 10 minutes knows that. Anyway, as far as my actual mood.. I've been kind of depressed lately. For some reason, thinking about the past a lot again. Hate thinking about the past... it always seems so much better than the present. Among things I miss from the past are Ami and a few other friends. Bleh.
- My love life: As mentioned, I had a "gf" for a while but that didn't work out. Eh, right now I'm in limbo. I hate being single because I have so much other emotional garbage laying around my mind and body that the only way I can ever balance it out and become undepressed is to have someone to hold on to. Theres a girl I like, I suppose, though I doubt anything will ever happen as far as that is concerned cuz.. I dunno. May not even be a girl. If I tell her, she'll say something like "Oh, about that.. I'm actually a 56 year old man. Erm.. yeah." Besides, I'm not a big believer or fan of online relationships. Its like an offline one, only without the happy cuddling to make up for the fact that your gf is a complete psycho by male standards.