Little bear that lost his way
A few days ago, I experienced my most recent emotional meltdown as the result of a three-month long grudge held against a friend who said something hurtful. Their one comment seemed to open some kind of cosmic floodgate of people acting in a disrespectful and dismissive manner against my deepest-held beliefs and life experiences.
I confess that the episode got to me, and I didn't handle it well. I felt that people were "hating" for all the wrong reasons, getting entirely wrong ideas about who I am, my experiences, and my positions. Nothing pissed me off more than being "dismissed". But as most learning experiences can be painful (like putting your hand on a stove to know how it burns), a very important lesson came from it.
I did my best to employ as many of the 7 Habits as I could, especially exercising empathy, changing my paradigm, listening, and reserving judgment in recognition that everyone fights their own battles. That worked to a point, but there was still something missing, so the anger built up.
As fate would have it, I stumbled upon my original copy of 7 Habits, buried in a drawer at the shop. I've been through it twice already, and brought it home for a third reading.
Turns out I had forgotten more than I had remembered. Some of the passages were highlighted upon my previous reading, but the really important ones weren't. I scanned the book looking for more lessons about inside-out, principle-centered living.
Within a few pages, the anger broke, and I developed another, entirely new paradigm. Suddenly, I understood where (most) of these people were coming from. I realized how any further discussion or conversation with them would be pointless and a waste of both our time. What I DID do was thank them for their participation, they gave me a lot to think about, and left it at that. I no longer needed their approval of my existence.
This is the kind of "mental judo" I've been waiting to take hold within me. Instead of every verbal "strike" scoring a hit on my psyche, I have all new tools to parry those strikes and mentally sidestep them. I finally understand on the deep emotional level the term "Haters gonna hate". I have finally built myself up "inside" to the point where I no longer have to react to outside forces. This frees me up to be more proactive (acting from the inside) instead of reactive (reacting to the outside), a habit I've made great strides with but still have a lot of work to do.
Now to work on building my integrity and accountability through fulfilling my commitments, namely finishing off these projects that people have waited so long for.
I confess that the episode got to me, and I didn't handle it well. I felt that people were "hating" for all the wrong reasons, getting entirely wrong ideas about who I am, my experiences, and my positions. Nothing pissed me off more than being "dismissed". But as most learning experiences can be painful (like putting your hand on a stove to know how it burns), a very important lesson came from it.
I did my best to employ as many of the 7 Habits as I could, especially exercising empathy, changing my paradigm, listening, and reserving judgment in recognition that everyone fights their own battles. That worked to a point, but there was still something missing, so the anger built up.
As fate would have it, I stumbled upon my original copy of 7 Habits, buried in a drawer at the shop. I've been through it twice already, and brought it home for a third reading.
Turns out I had forgotten more than I had remembered. Some of the passages were highlighted upon my previous reading, but the really important ones weren't. I scanned the book looking for more lessons about inside-out, principle-centered living.
Within a few pages, the anger broke, and I developed another, entirely new paradigm. Suddenly, I understood where (most) of these people were coming from. I realized how any further discussion or conversation with them would be pointless and a waste of both our time. What I DID do was thank them for their participation, they gave me a lot to think about, and left it at that. I no longer needed their approval of my existence.
This is the kind of "mental judo" I've been waiting to take hold within me. Instead of every verbal "strike" scoring a hit on my psyche, I have all new tools to parry those strikes and mentally sidestep them. I finally understand on the deep emotional level the term "Haters gonna hate". I have finally built myself up "inside" to the point where I no longer have to react to outside forces. This frees me up to be more proactive (acting from the inside) instead of reactive (reacting to the outside), a habit I've made great strides with but still have a lot of work to do.
Now to work on building my integrity and accountability through fulfilling my commitments, namely finishing off these projects that people have waited so long for.