Here goes..
This entry will be a long one.
No one in life is pefect.
Everyone makes mistakes.
And you are supposed to learn from those mistakes.
I dont know what God has in the cards for me,
but I know hes helping me change.
Helping me be a better person.
I know that Ive made so many mistakes in the past,
as have a lot of people.
But Ive never regretted any of them.
Except for the day that I met you.
You ruined my entire fucking life.
And if I could erase everything I would.
Ive never been able to say that I hate anyone,
Until I met you.
And I sincerely mean that.
Everything has been so hard this past week.
My life is spiriling downhill,
and pretty much I have no one to talk to.
Everyone hates me now,
And I understand where theyre coming from,
I just wish they gave me a chance to make it better.
It makes it even worse when you wont talk to me.
I dont deserve anything I know.
There are some people I need to adress.
Diane Miller.
I have never met one person who has meant more to me than you.
Since we were sophomores in High School I loved you.
And I dont care who knows this now.
You have been my best friend who has stuck by me through my flaws,
And I have always adored your heart for that.
I spent the entire time at the wedding praying to God.
He forgives me, now I need you to too.
It will take time, this is something I understand.
But you saying that my voice is annoying and that I make you angry,
Is something that I cant even live with.
I cant even live with myself for the mistakes that I have made.
But I am going to have to eventually.
I know that you still love me and you hate yourself for that,
but I wish that you didnt.
You care about me and thats more than I could ever ask.
But can you find it in your heart to allow me to change this.
Can you through the many many years of our friendship forgive me.
I will be a better Maggie and you will smile one day.
And you will step back and look up towards God and say thank you.
I know its 40 times harder for you.
But I want to try to help you, I HAVE to fix it.
And you say what if I dont want you to?
I hope that you do and that you see the ways I want to make it better.
I love you Diane and you will always be the only one I love.
If we have made it through the last 5 years I KNOW we can make it through this.
I know that we can.
And you are so scared but even YOU know that we can.
Jennifer Mata.
The only thing that I can do is stand here and ask you to open your arms.
I just want your forgiveness and your assural that everything will one day be okay.
You have been a drastic part of my life and I love you for being there for me.
So I am asking you now, through everything, Can you be there for me?
Can you let me show you the changes Im making as a person.
Can you let me TRY to make you happy and have a good time.
Can we not only rebuild our freindship but put more ground into it.
Words can never explain how I feel.
I have to live with this too.
Mata, I know its hard but I am on two knees,
asking you to one day look past this and see that Im a changed woman.
And that I can love and do love soo Diane much.
And that I need you in my life so bad that it hurts.
I know you cant believe me right off the bat,
I know it hurts. It hurts all of us.
But I am begging you to try to forgive me.
Just look deep, deep inside your heart and find that little spot that still loves me as a friend.
Please Mata. I need you in my life.
No one in life is pefect.
Everyone makes mistakes.
And you are supposed to learn from those mistakes.
I dont know what God has in the cards for me,
but I know hes helping me change.
Helping me be a better person.
I know that Ive made so many mistakes in the past,
as have a lot of people.
But Ive never regretted any of them.
Except for the day that I met you.
You ruined my entire fucking life.
And if I could erase everything I would.
Ive never been able to say that I hate anyone,
Until I met you.
And I sincerely mean that.
Everything has been so hard this past week.
My life is spiriling downhill,
and pretty much I have no one to talk to.
Everyone hates me now,
And I understand where theyre coming from,
I just wish they gave me a chance to make it better.
It makes it even worse when you wont talk to me.
I dont deserve anything I know.
There are some people I need to adress.
Diane Miller.
I have never met one person who has meant more to me than you.
Since we were sophomores in High School I loved you.
And I dont care who knows this now.
You have been my best friend who has stuck by me through my flaws,
And I have always adored your heart for that.
I spent the entire time at the wedding praying to God.
He forgives me, now I need you to too.
It will take time, this is something I understand.
But you saying that my voice is annoying and that I make you angry,
Is something that I cant even live with.
I cant even live with myself for the mistakes that I have made.
But I am going to have to eventually.
I know that you still love me and you hate yourself for that,
but I wish that you didnt.
You care about me and thats more than I could ever ask.
But can you find it in your heart to allow me to change this.
Can you through the many many years of our friendship forgive me.
I will be a better Maggie and you will smile one day.
And you will step back and look up towards God and say thank you.
I know its 40 times harder for you.
But I want to try to help you, I HAVE to fix it.
And you say what if I dont want you to?
I hope that you do and that you see the ways I want to make it better.
I love you Diane and you will always be the only one I love.
If we have made it through the last 5 years I KNOW we can make it through this.
I know that we can.
And you are so scared but even YOU know that we can.
Jennifer Mata.
The only thing that I can do is stand here and ask you to open your arms.
I just want your forgiveness and your assural that everything will one day be okay.
You have been a drastic part of my life and I love you for being there for me.
So I am asking you now, through everything, Can you be there for me?
Can you let me show you the changes Im making as a person.
Can you let me TRY to make you happy and have a good time.
Can we not only rebuild our freindship but put more ground into it.
Words can never explain how I feel.
I have to live with this too.
Mata, I know its hard but I am on two knees,
asking you to one day look past this and see that Im a changed woman.
And that I can love and do love soo Diane much.
And that I need you in my life so bad that it hurts.
I know you cant believe me right off the bat,
I know it hurts. It hurts all of us.
But I am begging you to try to forgive me.
Just look deep, deep inside your heart and find that little spot that still loves me as a friend.
Please Mata. I need you in my life.